Spork's Film of The Century!
CHAPTER 2
[BEWARE! Dun dun duuunnnn]

Brought to you by: Sir Spork Productions©

Author: Sango

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, or anyone...Except Sir Spork, she is my original charactcer! XP

Rating: I guess PG, there's nothing inappropriate in here, yet....Language and Drug references will probably be in later chapters, So WARNING on that...

"Director": Sir Spork the Sporkiness©

Cast: InuYasha, Kagome, Miroku, Sango, Sesshoumaru and Kouga (And probably some guest stars in late chapters)

Note: Those of you who don't know what a SPORK is...Shame upon you....It's the offspring of a one-night stand between a Fork and Spoon....Kinda twisted, huh?

CHAPTER 2: What's AL-KA-HALL-IK?

~*~*~*~*~*~

A quick re-cap: Miroku, InuYasha, Sango and Kouga are dressed and ready to try out their acting skills. Spork is getting them situated, but Sango won't stop complaining about the fact Miroku's hand won't stop grabing her butt. Miroku justifies himself that it simply kept 'slipping.'

Sango: STOP THAT!

Sango slaps Miroku's hand off her rear.

Miroku: Ehh...heh heh

Spork: PLACES, PEOPLE! PLACES!!

InuYasha sits on a bar stool, Kouga stands behind the bar an stands up tall, Miroku and Sango are behind a closed door and Sango's angry growling and yelling can be heard from there. Spork tells Miroku to cut it out, though it doesn't help.

Spork: On your marks!

InuYasha: A race? What the..?

Spork: .....Shut-up....

Sango: GAH! STOP IT!!!!

Spork: MIROKU!

Miroku: Whaaaaat? *-Innocent voice*

Spork: Hand on the waist, not the butt!

Miroku lets out a complaining sigh and places his hand comfortably on Sango's waist.

Spork: Ready, set, g-

InuYasha: WHAT'RE YOU DOING?!

Spork: Whaaat?

Kagome sweatdrops and taps Spork's shoulder.

Spork: Yessum?

Kagome: Watch this....Lights!

The lights adjust to fit the scene.

Kagome: Cameras!

The cameras are moved by the camera crew so they have the best possible view on the scene.

Kagome: ACT-

Spork: I can do this part myself...*Sweatdrop* Thaaaank you *-Sarcastic*

Kagomes: WELCOME!

Spork: ACTION!

Spork looks to the set...She sweatdrops when she sees InuYasha twirling on his stool and yelling "Whhhhheeeeeeeeeeee!" and Kouga is sniffing and tasting several different wines. Sesshoumaru comes prancing from his trailer, where he had went and changed into the ballet outfit. He does a 'cute' little spin and Spork raises a disapproving eyebrow at him.

Sesshoumaru: What? I think I look pretty!

Spork blinks, and Sesshoumaru grins, he has a strange look on his face. Sesshoumaru begins prancing and doing some advanced ballet tactics across the stage, singing...

Sesshoumaru: I feel pretty! Oh, so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and gaaaay!

Sango's yelp is heard from behind the door, the two were still waiting for their cue and Miroku got bored. Sesshoumru is dragged off stage by Spork.

Spork: Go prance an' nance somewhere else, with lil' pink bunnies and fluffy..things..And..um, I'll call you when I need you!

Sesshoumaru: OKAY!

Sesshoumaru prances off toward an area of props with 'fluffy things'. Spork goes over to InuYasha and Kouga, who have yet to cease their acts of boredom.

Spork: Cut it out!

Kouga: *HIC* Why? *HIC!*

Spork: Kouga....You aren't DRUNK are you?!?

Kouga: Uhh....*HIC* How thould I know? *HIC*

Spork: Oh no....

Spork paces back and forth, thinking. Kouga is told by Spork to go sit down, and Kouga walks over to watch Sesshoumaru, the most interesting thing he could find. Spork is almost panicking when Kagome suggests to get a new bartender.

Spork: O_O; WHAT?! DO YOU WANNA BE THE DIRECTOR OR SOMETHING?! MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS, I'M TRYING TO THINK!

Kagome: Okay. Just trying to help...

Spork: I GOT IT! I'll call in a new person to take Kouga's place!

Kagome let out a "Dear God save us all" sigh, and reluctantly retreated to watch Sesshoumaru and make sure Kouga doesn't get his claws on anything dangerous. Spork snapped her fingers and a small cat-demon came scampering from no where. She had cat ears and a cat tail, she tugged her tail nervously, she had just been hired as Spork's assistant and didn't want to mess this up. She was maybe 6 years old, she had brown hair and brown eyes, she had loose jeans and a lime green shirt with a tiger on it. She smiled sweetly at Spork, waiting to be told what to do.

Spork: Meow, I need you to search for someone to take Kouga's place. Oh! and bring me some lemonade, you know how I like it, not too sour!

Meow: SURE THING!

Meow skipped off happily, but she had a strong urge to do this right, she had to make a good first impression. Kagome had wandered wearily back to Spork, a questioning look on her face.

Kagome: What's with the kid?

Spork: I hired her.

Kagome: HIRED HER?! She's just a kid!

Spork: Well, fine. I didn't "hire" her. I just bribed her...With candy...

Kagome began to tell Spork how wrong that was as Sango came running out from behind the door.

Sango: THAT'S IT! I CAN'T WORK WITH HIM! Well I could...IF HE'D KEEP THOSE DAMN HANDS TO HIMSELF! We've learned it since Kindergarten, "Keep your hands to yourself!" Why doesn't he get it?!

Sango was pacing and talking to herself, and she didn't realize Miroku had been standing there, a hurt look on his face. Ssango stopped and looked at him, she felt bad and opened her arms to hug him.

Sango: Sorry.

Miroku gladly accepts her hug and her apology, his hands slide lower down her back until she pulls away and starts pacing again. She picks a script off the ground and shoves it in Miroku's face.

Sango: Practice your lines!

Spork: Uh, YEAH! Practice your damn lines!

Meow returns and sees Spork telling Miroku what to do and decides to help.

Meow: Practice your damn lines, Miwoku!

Kagome: Spork! Don't let that little girl talk like that!

Spork: Fine, fine...Meow, watch your mouth. And gimme that lemonade!

Meow nods and hands Spork her lemonade. Miroku is glad they seemingly have forgotten him and makes his way back to his place on the set. Sango follows rather un-willingly, and she continues insisting he practice his script.

Meow: Spork, I thought that maybe Fluffy can take Kouga's place.

Spork: BRILLIANT!

Meow seems happy and goes and tells Seshoumaru to change into a tux and get ready to play Kouga's part. Sesshoumaru doesn't mind, as long as he can act he doesn't care. He quickly changes and comes back. Spork looks him up and down approvingly.

Spork: Spiffy tux.

Sesshoumaru: Thank you, Thank you!

Spork instructs Meow to get everyone ready to start filming again.

Meow: PLACES PEOPLE!

Everyone scurries to their spots and gets ready. Spork sips her lemonade cheerfully and tells Meow to get them started.

Meow: LIGHTS! CAMERAS! ACTION!

InuYasha hears his cue and looks to Sesshoumaru.

InuYasha: May I have a martini?

Sesshoumaru: Indeed you may.

Sesshoumaru turns around and starts to make a drink for InuYasha. The door swings open and Miroku comes in with his arm tightly around Sango's waist. He walks up to InuYasha.

Miroku: Yo, foo, move it. Me and my girl *Nods toward Sango* Stacey, need a place to sit.

InuYasha: Too bad, sit somewhere else.

Miroku: *Tries to remember his line* Well, uh...-

Meow: *Whispers* "Don't make me get violent!"

Miroku nods his thanks toward Meow.

Miroku: Don't make me get violent!

InuYasha: I'm NOT moving, you can't make me.

Miroku: That's what you think! *PUNCH!*

InuYasha's sunglasses go flying across the room.

InuYasha: OWWWWW!!!!!

Spork drops her lemonade and runs to Miroku.

Spork: CUT, CUT, CUT!! MIROKU!

Miroku: *Tilts head* What'd I do wrong? I thought that was rather good.

Spork: I forgot to say that it's supposed to be FAKE. You're supposed to pretend to hit him.

InuYasha hops around looking for an ice pack, sees Spork's discarded lemonade and sticks his cheek to the ground on the ice cubes. Spork tries explaining to Miroku about how they can't bruise InuYasha's face, he's needed in later scenes. Miroku finally catches on and for no reason his hand slides to Sango's rear.

Sango: PERVERRRRRRT!

She raises her hand to punch him across the room, but Spork stops and explains to her what she told Miroku.

Sesshoumaru is sitting staring blankly at everyone, sipping the martini he had earlier made for the scene. Spork freezes when she sees him.

Spork: Is that...a martini? O_O?

Sesshoumaru: *Looks at the martini* Yes. Why?

Spork starts walking toward him.

Spork: How... do you know how to make those? You never told me you knew how to be a bartender!

Sesshoumaru: Yeah, I was a bartender for a year back in my younger years.... it's pitiful really...

Spork: PITIFUL?! Hardly! It's a miracle!

Spork grabs the martini and sips it, a grin forms on her face as she sets it down.

Spork: It's PERFECT! Make more. Now. Please. I love martinis! MARTINIS FOR ALL!

Kagome: I don't drink.

Meow tugs on the nearest person--Miroku--'s sleeve.

Miroku: Hm?

Meow: What's a... "Martini"?

Miroku: We-llll...It's an alchoholic drink, it's rather good.

Meow: Alchomahulik?

Miroku laughs and shakes his head.

Miroku: AL-KA-HALL-IK.

Meow: AL-KA-HALL-IK?

Miroku: Good job!

By this time Sango has snuck away from Miroku and gotten herself a martini. The rest of the group--besides Kouga, Kagome, and Miroku-- are all now enjoying Sesshoumaru's fine art of Martini-Making. Miroku looks interestingly at Meow.

Miroku: *To himself* Cute kid... I wonder... Hey, Meow.

Meow: Mm?

Miroku pulls her to him and whispers in her ear. She nods and walks to Sango, tugs innocently on her skirt and Sango looks down at her.

Sango: Yesss? *Sips her drink*

Meow: Miwoku was wonderin' if you would go out wif him? *Big adorable eyes*

Sango looks up and glares at Miroku, she pulls Meow over and whispers in her ear. Meow skips over to Miroku.

Meow: Sango said.. *Bites her tongue trying to remember* She saaaaid, if you bother her anymore she would make sure that you are never able to have babies.

Miroku flinches and laughs nervously. Meow tilts her head.

Meow: What's she mean by that, Miwoku?

Miroku: We-lll, what she meant was- OW!

Miroku was smacked by Kagome who had been listening. Meow giggles and skips over to Kouga. Meow tugs on Kouga's tail.

Meow: FLUFFY!

Kouga: *HIC* OoOoWwWw...

Meow: *Giggle* Funny sounds! *Tug, tug*

Kouga: ArRrR...PaAainNnn...*HIC*

Meow giggles and continues torturing poor Kouga. Miroku has gotten a martini and is now enjoying a good laugh with the rest of the crew about...

Sesshoumaru: So, I walked in on InuYasha sleeping with a fluffy pink bunny stuffed toy!

The crew break into fits of laughter and InuYasha turns bright red and runs off. Kagome follows him to comfort him. Spork sighs and doesn't regret getting no where on her movie... They have more time later.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Author Note: The scene will start in the next chapter! I hope you liked it!

Send in reviews, suggestions and questions! I'll have the cast answer any fan mail! And if you want your character to be a guest star, you can either: 1. Send in a picture(Be sure to include name, attitude, age, gender and other info) or 2. Fill this out and email it to me-

Name-

Gender- M or F

Looks- eyes, hair, skin color, race, clothing, anything else you think important

Attitude-

Age- If you don't have a specific age then an age group [child, teen, adult,elder, etc.]

Anything else you might want to add-

(THE MORE DETAIL THE BETTER! If you dont have a good description I will reply to you and request that you fix it!)

EXAMPLE!!!!!!!!!

Name-Sir Spork

Gender- F

Looks- Purple eyes. Orange hair that appears never brushed. Light brown(tan) skin color. Squirrel Demon. She WEARS: A black shirt with the word SPORK on it, a spork necklace, blue jeans, a black spiked belt with a Spork belt buckle, and little brown boots.

Attitude- Hyper, bouncy, crazy, carefree, but she can become easily annoyed, has a short temper around guys especially.

Age- Around 18 [Teen]

Extra- She loves sporks, and she likes eating, and climbing trees (she IS a squirrel after all)

NOTE: I will not put anything in the fic if your character is "dating" one of the cast members, it obstructs the storyline. Plus, you can send in as many as TWO characters, I MAY make exceptions. And if you so choose to send in more than one character you MUST fill out the form for both characters. My email is vampsango@aol.com Place "FANFIC" in the subject line. Thank you! *HUG*

~*Sir Spork Productions©*~