All the normal disclaimers apply~~
Hey, thanks for all the support and encouragement to continue this!! I really appreciate it! You all are so great! Thanks again!!
Length of Time, Chapter 16
After what seemed like forever--- and like heaven--- Luke pulled back, and looked at Lorelai, who still had her eyes closed, her mouth open a little, her expression shocked. And Luke couldn't help noticing, he'd managed to completely make her speechless for probably the first time since he'd met her. He reminded himself of that one time he proposed marriage to her, which also shocked her and rendered her speechless, which was his point at the time. But now, looking at her expression, he wished he could just as easily make the awkwardness go away be merely saying "I was just trying to make you stop talking." But he somehow didn't think that in this case, it would work.
She finally opened her eyes and looked into his. He put a hand on his cheek, the awkwardness starting to make that feeling of excitement and thrill he'd just experienced start to turn to feelings of nausea. He sat down again in the chair, placed his elbows on the bed and looked up at her expectantly. He'd kissed her, so he expected her to at least say the first word. And she eventually did.
"Um."
That was all she was capable of.
"Yeah," he agreed.
"Wow."
"Yeah."
Lorelai rolled her eyes and smiled. A small smile started to form on his lips too. "What's so amusing?" he asked, trying to sound intimidating and Luke-like angry, but she knew better.
"I'm just wondering what you did," she said simply, starting to wrack her brain.
"I kissed you," he said, confused by the idea that that IS actually what he just did. Oh, what he'd always wanted to do, sure, but NOW actually DID.
"No, not that."
"I can't think of anything else that I just did. Just now."
Lorelai smiled. "One kiss from you, Luke, and all of a sudden, I have your gift for brevity. One word sentences. Me, Lorelai Gilmore. The girl with the gift of gab. It's all been stifled. It's gone. I'm YOU. Without the flannel and cap, and definitely with a more colorful wardrobe in general, except this hospital gown doesn't really count. All I know is, you have powers, strange man, and I demand to know what you've done to make me this way."
"I'm not sure who YOU'RE talking about, because the woman I'm looking at just talked for twenty seconds straight without taking a breath. I'd say the gift for gab is still intact."
Lorelai thought about that and let out a feigned sigh of relief. "Ah, well, thank god. You know, that was a close one. Next time, I may not get back this gift I've been given."
"Maybe next time I'll do it right, then."
"Next time? There's gonna be a next time?" she asked him innocently.
"YOU said 'next time' first, I'm just quoting you."
"Luke, you know me, I'm unreliable, I wouldn't quote me if I were you."
"So you..." he nervously tried to find the words to finish his thought. Or his question, rather. "Are you saying there won't be... there, uh, I...." He couldn't do it. The sentence just wasn't forming. But she was enjoying watching him work out what to say, obviously thinking that she didn't want to kiss him ever again.
"I'm not saying anything. You're confusing me, Luke. I'm just sitting here, trying to recover in peace and you just storm in, take me in a passionate embrace, and ravage me----"
"Lorelai, you made me tie my shoes together, kissed ME, and pretty much knocked me over after that because next thing I know, I'm on the floor, so don't talk about----"
"Luke, I'm kidding! Can't you take a joke?"
"Not about... Lorelai, just be serious."
He stood up again and paced the floor.
Lorelai looked up at him. "You kissed me. Just now. Well not now so much as a minute ago, but all the same, Luke, you kissed me. I just wanted to be serious for a moment and point that out."
"What's all this 'WE didn't kiss, I kissed you and then YOU kissed ME' stuff, Lorelai, because from where I'm sitting, I kissed you back out there in the hall, and then in here, you kissed me back, and so both times, WE kissed each other!"
"Standing."
"What?"
Sometimes she could just drive him nuts, he mused.
"Standing. You said 'from where I'm sitting', but you're actually standing right now.... Luke? That face you're making, I KNOW that face. Are you.... do you have appendicitis too? Works out, you're already in a hospital."
"I don't have appendicitis! I have Lorelai-induced nausea with a little touch of Lorelai-induced insanity! I think the best treatment would be---"
"Lorelai," she finished for him.
He turned suddenly and looked at her, bewildered, and saw that she was giving him a sweet smile that said she was feeling what he was feeling too. It wasn't just him.
"I'm sorry. I tend to talk a lot when I'm nervous," she explained.
"What's your excuse for the rest of the time?" he quipped.
"Ha," she said, dropping her mouth open in mock shock.
He went back and sat down. "What's happening here?" he finally asked.
"Well, in a drug-induced state of mind, I thought it would be a good idea to spin our relationship on its head, and then you fell over. And then, you came in here and you took a spin with our relationship and now it's... spinning."
"Caught that part. Are you forgetting that I was THERE, out there?" he pointed to the hall. "And also, I was HERE, before?" he added, pointing to where he was sitting. "You keep pointing out that we kissed, both out there and in here, explaining it to me like I wasn't there. Like I wasn't the other person in the two-person exchange both times."
"Two-person exchange? Luke, that is such an un-romantic way to ever describe a kiss! Even if it's a kiss with your mother, that definition is just cold and removed and----"
"---and please don't mention kissing my mother right now. We are talking about the type of kiss that I would rather not associate my mother with."
"Well still. Kissing a dog shouldn't be described so unemotionally, although that wouldn't be a two-person exchange so much as a man-canine---- "
"Lorelai!"
He hid his face in his hands momentarily and then looked back up at her, his eyes popping out with anxiety. It could be said that the man looked frazzled.
"Focusing, Luke. And I'm not sure. What's happening. With us."
Luke let out a sigh and relaxed a little. "Well that makes two of us."
And at Yale---
"So when are you going back to see your mom?"
"Tomorrow. She made me promise to wait out school and then go see her when the weekend came. I didn't like it, she plays a dirty game, but I do feel better knowing that Luke's keeping a close eye on her. An apparently very close eye. Although, with this new information, I'm thinking their eyes are probably shut most of the time. Or at least that one time."
Jess nodded. "Their eyes are most definitely shut. That's kind of funny that he's keeping a close eye on her with shut eyes."
"I can one-up you there. It's funny that they FINALLY opened their eyes to what was in front of them all along with their eyes CLOSED."
"You got me there," he agreed. After a brief pause, he added, "so what do you do when someone you don't like keeps bothering you? I mean usually I don't care, I'll just tell someone to bug off, and that doesn't bother me, but there's this girl and---" he stopped, looking at Rory. She was listening, looking him in the eye, but he couldn't read her expression. It seemed objective, but still. "Is this okay?"
"What?" she asked.
"Talking. About this kind of stuff. I don't wanna make things awkward. I mean, as it is, we're still in that fragile acquaintance stage."
She squinted her eyes at him in overly-emotional, sarcastic anger. "So you ARE gonna hold that over my head forever!"
"I am a man of my word."
She raised her eyebrows at that.
"Bad choice words," he simply said, not wanting the mood to shift and become awkward.
"Horrible choice words," she agreed, smiling to let him know that she wasn't gonna give him a hard time about it. "And this is fine. Tell me about this girl."
He took a bite of his sandwich and paused to think of exactly what to say. He swallowed and started in on an explanation.
"Well, she's a really nice girl. We just don't click. Or something. I don't know. I'm not exactly the romantic-type so I wouldn't know what it's technically called when two people don't..."
He paused, trying to think of the right words.
"Have chemistry," she finished.
"Chemistry," he said as a question put forth more like a statement.
"Yeah," Rory said, taking a bite of her sandwich. She chewed and swallowed, while thinking. "Okay, well, people can be great friends, and just not have chemistry. Like Mimi and Shawn on Days of Our Lives."
"Days of Our Lives?"
"One of my roommates watches it and I've picked up a few things. But don't tell my mom, she COULD disown me for it."
"Well, I think it should be a rule of thumb that when talking about two friends who'll never be more than just friends, a soap opera should not be the point in case."
"Very true. Good point. But do you get the point?"
Jess nodded and gave her a half-smile. "Yeah, Shawn and Mimi won't be getting it on any time soon."
"Try never. They're just not compatible romantically, but they're really good friends."
"Are you sure it's your roommate turning the TV onto that channel at one o'clock?" he asked in a teasing tone.
"Hey, I'm not the one who knows what time it's on," she shot back, playfully.
"It was just a guess."
"You guessed right. I think you might harbor secret soap opera fan tendencies."
"I guessed RIGHT? I guess you DO know what time it's on, then," he said.
He had here there and she just made a grudging face.
"So, okay, what exactly is this chemistry thing?" he asked, after a short, almost-awkward silence.
"Not sure. I'm actually probably not the best person to ask. I mean, I've just heard people talk about chemistry. But I'm no expert. Believe me," she answered.
"Hm," he mused.
"Okay, so more on Mystery Girl."
"Red hair. Nice. Pretty. Talks a lot about make-up."
"Ooh," Rory grimaced, in clear agreement that this was, and should be, a major turn-off.
"But she's smart and not like flighty and superficial or annoying."
Rory shifted a little uncomfortably. "So what's the problem, then?"
He smiled, but didn't look at her. "I guess the chemistry's just not there."
And back at the hospital----
After a few terribly awkward moments, with the tension so thick, it couldn't even be cut with a knife, but would definitely call for a high- powered tool instead, Lorelai finally broke the silence.
"I need a drink!"
"Well you can forget it. Alcohol's another thing on your list of things you have to stay away from. But that list is for YOU, not ME, and I think when I get out of here I may be doing a little drinking myself."
"But you---"
"----well not today."
Lorelai shook her head at him. Really, he wasn't handling this well, she thought. "Well anyway, I was talking about something I'm allowed, and something in this room."
He looked at the bedside table, and the as-of-yet untouched Fake Coffee. He reached for it and handed it to her.
She took a small sip.
"Luke-warm," she joked.
He just shot her a warning look. She took the hint, and was quiet long enough to drink some more.
After a short, comfortable silence, Lorelai decided to stop beating around the bush.
"Do you feel bad for me, Luke? Is that why... why before you... well why YOU kissed ME?"
"Didn't we already agree----"
"Fine, fine, why WE kissed EACH OTHER the second time, you know, the kiss that YOU initiated."
He bobbed his head in agreement of her new wording. Then he looked at her like she'd just spoken in extraterrestrial tongue.
"What are you talking about? Feel bad for you?"
"God, this is embarrassing. Just... Okay, I wanna talk about this with you, Luke, I mean, we SHOULD talk, right?"
"Right."
"But I can't have this particular embarrassing conversation with you looking at me. Turn around?"
"What!?"
"Turn around!"
"Are you serious?" he asked again, suddenly feeling the need to grab her shoulders and shake her. Although he knew if he grabbed her shoulders, with the state his mind was currently in, he'd just start kissing her again.
"I'm very serious. And stop looking at me like you wanna shake me. I only just had surgery. Have a little compassion!"
"You...ugh..." he said, standing reluctantly and turning around. "Okay. Talk."
"You won't turn around?"
"I won't turn around," he said, in his most patient voice.
"Can you see my reflection in the----"
"Lorelai!"
"Focusing, Luke. Okay. Well.... Nurse Lady told me that when I was being prepped for surgery, I said something. And I know you know what I'm talking about because after I said it, word is she spread it like wildfire. Not so much wildfire, as she told YOU I said it. And that... Well, I don't know what that is. Humiliating to say the least, but----"
"Lorelai, it's not----" Luke started, gently.
"No, no, just... let me finish what I have to say. I'm just... Okay. Where to start. Well, let's start with yesterday, I guess."
She took a sip of the Fake Coffee for energy to go on and just say this.
"And most of this is stuff you know. So I'm just gonna---- okay. Well yesterday I came into the diner, you were busy, I wanted coffee, even though I had a stomach ache, I mean your coffee is THAT good, Luke that I couldn't help myself even though I was running late AND it was my opening AND I had a stomach---"
"Focus.."
"Right, focusing. So you were busy. And I couldn't find the to-go cups---- "
Luke stared at the wall ahead of him and noted the tightening in his stomach that the mention of yesterday gave him. It was a similar feeling of anxiety that he actually had yesterday when all was going so desperately wrong. But it wasn't AS bad a feeling today, as he obviously now knew the outcome. But still, listening to her talk about that day, that horrible day that would no doubt scare him for the rest of his life--- that fear and helplessness he'd felt---- his stomach contracted and his heart rate sped up a little. He didn't want to hear this, but he knew he had to.
"----and I saw them down there, so I bent down and was trying to open them when I overheard your conversation with Nicole. And what you, uh.. said about me. I remember I prayed that you wouldn't walk back there. I thought if you did, I'd die on the spot from humiliation, but you didn't.. and I left. I just remember driving after that, and thinking about you. About our friendship and what I thought it meant to you---"
Luke closed his eyes painfully, at that, all of a sudden glad he wasn't facing her. That she couldn't see the emotions playing out on his face.
"---and what it meant to me. And I thought about how much I loved.. uh, our friendship. And also, about how Nicole mentioned you two almost got married."
She paused and darted her eyes back and forth in remembrance. She was starting to feel a little uncomfortable now, even with Luke not facing her.
"And I remember it bothered me. That you almost got married. And why should that have bothered me? I couldn't figure it out, I mean, we're friends! You are one of my best friends, and if you found 'the one', I should be jumping up and down, taking notes so I can plan you the best wedding known to man, but here I was being selfishly and mysteriously, as far as I was concerned, upset about the whole thing. Then I thought about our friendship a little more before the attack came on and I passed out. So you were the last thing on my mind before I passed out, basically."
She took a breath, willing herself to continue. She noticed Luke tapping his pant leg nervously now, too. She thought this definitely seemed a bad sign. She started to think that maybe reminding him of how important Nicole was to him, that he almost married her, was not such a good idea. But even so----
"So the nurse tells me today, this morning actually, what I said before they took me into surgery. And I freaked out. And then she tells me that she had told YOU that, under the misguided impression that we were.. well, something. Married, together, something. I talked to Millie, that old lady who thinks my name is Sadie and your's is Lukenbil? I told her everything about US, and..." Lorelai swallowed. "She said to kiss you."
On the word 'kiss', her voice dropped to practically a whisper. She swallowed again, starting to feel her cheeks flush.
"And when I left her room, you were there. And.. and I wanted to do it. Which is pretty selfish of me, when you think about it, because it takes two to tango, so to say, and I just kind of solo-danced on over there and forced you to partake. And... I kissed you. And I loved it. And---"
He felt butterflies in his stomach just then, when she admitted to loving the kiss. He knew it was taking her a lot to say all this, and the whole thing was starting to give him that butterfly feeling in overdrive.
"And when I got back to my room, I started to panic and think about the whole thing. Yesterday, and then Nurse Lady, and then Millie, and then us. I realized that you might have felt bad. I mean, there's the fact that you knew I overheard what you said, and admittedly felt bad about it. Then there's the fact that the Nurse told you what I said, and you may have just felt bad about me overhearing PLUS having.. feelings... for you on top of that. Then there's the fact that on top of all THAT, I'd also just had surgery and am a little vulnerable. With everything combined you didn't want to hurt my feelings, so you just went along with it---"
At some point in her last rant, he'd turned to face her. He'd said he wouldn't, but he couldn't believe what he was hearing and he had to turn around.
"You're saying----" he started, not able to find the right way to express what he wanted to say.
"I'm saying that you may have felt bad for me, and so you kissed me BACK, out there," she said, pointing to the hallway again, now all too aware that her face was turning pink. "And then again in here, because again, you felt bad, and thought it might be what I wanted---"
"You're serious," he said incredulously, now putting a hand on his cheek again, looking at her in utter disbelief.
"Luke, I'm very serious. I just want you to be honest with me. I'd die if I ever knew you were just pitying me."
He was now sitting down again, facing her.
"Lorelai."
She had stopped talking, now clearly embarrassed, so much so that she wasn't even joking with him. She wouldn't look at him. She stared ahead, expressionless. He wasn't looking in her eyes, but he was pretty sure she was about to cry.
"I.. when you kissed me out there, when WE kissed each other," he corrected himself, smiling, "that was... it was the best thing that ever happened to me."
She turned her head to look at him.
He gave her a small smile. "I was surprised, I mean I had no idea. Sure, the nurse told me what you said, but you were also unconscious, practically at the time, so I wasn't just gonna assume it was true. It really took me by surprise. I mean, as far as I was concerned, you just wanted to play a game in the hallway. It sounded Lorelai-like enough."
She smiled with him, at that, and turned again, getting embarrassed again.
"Help me up? I wanna take a walk," she said.
He stood up and walked over to the other side of the bed, and helped her up. Once he had her firmly standing on her two feet, he placed a supportive arm around her waist. "You okay?" he asked.
"Sure," she smiled. "Shall we skip?"
"Only because I think that you COULD be serious, I'm just gonna say 'no,' for your own safety," he answered as they started walking.
"Wimp," she said.
They opened the door and started into the hallway. "So, then, you're not just sitting here feeling sorry for me, or pitying me or anything?" Lorelai asked, trying to sound casual, but her nerves getting the better of her, as she still wasn't sure of his feelings... or her own, for that matter, as they'd been through a lot in the last two days.
"I promise," he answered.
She put her arm around his shoulder, to help herself walk more easily. He sensed that she was having trouble and tightened his hold on her waist with his hand.
"So, then, Luke, what ARE your feelings?"
"I, uh... I'm----"
"Luke, this is no time for your trademark-brevity. I just poured my soul out here."
"That's true," he agreed.
"Shall we play a game? Will that help you?"
"No more games," he said, as if he were frustrated, although, he was far from it.
"Last time you got a prize," she joked, while wincing. She was in pain.
He smiled. "That's true," he simply said. He sensed that she was hurting, and led her to the waiting area.
He set her down, gently, in a chair. He looked around, surprised that no one was in the room just now. He sat down next to her.
"You okay?" he asked.
"I'm fine, but my stomach's been better," she said, wincing again.
"Why don't I go get a wheelchair and we'll get you back. We shouldn't have left, probably."
"Oh, Luke, don't let Nurse Lady scare you. I like to keep her on her toes."
"And I'm sure you do."
He looked at her just then, sitting there in pain, having just had surgery, obviously hurting and still, she had worked up the energy to make the move he'd been too scared to make for years. And then poured her heart out to him, which took even more guts and energy. He looked down, and started to fuss with the material on the knee of his jeans.
"I've had.. feelings.. for you...for a long time. Years, I guess you could say. But you were my friend. My best friend, and I couldn't risk trying anything and losing that. I don't have all that many friends and I couldn't imagine NOT having your friendship. Not having you there, in my face, forcing me to caffeinate you---"
"If you like to caffeinate me, then why all the fuss?"
"It's what we do," he simply answered, like it was an obvious fact. She thought about it and mentally agreed. "My feelings came back to me in full yesterday. I mean, they're always there, but I manage to keep them beneath the surface. Then I say the worst, and most untrue thing about you, to someone who just wasn't worth it, either, and find out you heard. Then you're missing. Then you're in a hospital. And I saw you lying there, not knowing what was wrong with you. But you weren't conscious, weren't bothering me, weren't.. it's like you were THERE, but you weren't. And I couldn't breathe."
He stopped to take a deep breath before continuing. He wasn't looking at her, but knew she was looking at him now.
"Then I found out you were gonna be okay, and the relief nearly knocked me out. I mean, I've never felt relief like that. I've never felt fear like that or relief like that. It scared me. But.. I knew what it meant. It meant that no matter how you felt, I should be taking more risks. Actually, today I was gonna tell you how I felt, even before you kissed me-- -"
"God, get it right, Luke, I didn't kiss YOU, we kissed each other," she teased, using his own words against him, in an attempt to lighten the mood and calm him down, as he almost seemed to be shaking, as far as she could tell.
He looked at her and smiled. "When the nurse told me you said that... that you loved me..."
Now she broke their gaze and looked down, at that.
".. I wasn't sure if it was true, but.. I don't know, it gave me hope, I guess. Lorelai, I always knew that if I ever kissed you, it would be different from kissing anyone I've ever kissed before. And it was. It was different. It was amazing."
She looked up at him again, her embarrassment wearing off. "Then we're in agreement," she said.
"WE'RE in agreement?"
"Stranger things have happened, Luke. Take off your hat."
"What?"
"Your hat. Take it off."
"Why?"
She rolled her eyes. "Well, I want to run my fingers through your hair if we should happen to kiss again, hint hint, nudge nudge, wink wink, and I can't lift my left arm these days."
He gave her a small smile and obliged, feeling a familiar feeling stir in his stomach, at the excitement of definitely kissing her again, whenever it might be. He looked down, and played with his hat, which was now in his lap.
"You know," he started quietly. "Me too," he finished, barely audibly.
"What?"
"Me too," he said, louder. "What you said to the nurse."
"Luke, you don't have to----"
He looked up at her, and locked his eyes with hers.
"Can't you tell?" he asked.
Then he started to lean in. She leaned in too, until the only part of them that was touching was their lips. It was soft and sweet, and she lifted her right hand to his hair, putting her fingers, as desired, through the strands. Her fingers in his hair, and then resting on his cheek, intensified that already pretty intense feeling in his stomach. He pulled back and looked at her with an amused expression.
"What?" she asked.
"Just as I suspected."
"What!" she demanded.
"Coffee breath."
Hey, thanks for all the support and encouragement to continue this!! I really appreciate it! You all are so great! Thanks again!!
Length of Time, Chapter 16
After what seemed like forever--- and like heaven--- Luke pulled back, and looked at Lorelai, who still had her eyes closed, her mouth open a little, her expression shocked. And Luke couldn't help noticing, he'd managed to completely make her speechless for probably the first time since he'd met her. He reminded himself of that one time he proposed marriage to her, which also shocked her and rendered her speechless, which was his point at the time. But now, looking at her expression, he wished he could just as easily make the awkwardness go away be merely saying "I was just trying to make you stop talking." But he somehow didn't think that in this case, it would work.
She finally opened her eyes and looked into his. He put a hand on his cheek, the awkwardness starting to make that feeling of excitement and thrill he'd just experienced start to turn to feelings of nausea. He sat down again in the chair, placed his elbows on the bed and looked up at her expectantly. He'd kissed her, so he expected her to at least say the first word. And she eventually did.
"Um."
That was all she was capable of.
"Yeah," he agreed.
"Wow."
"Yeah."
Lorelai rolled her eyes and smiled. A small smile started to form on his lips too. "What's so amusing?" he asked, trying to sound intimidating and Luke-like angry, but she knew better.
"I'm just wondering what you did," she said simply, starting to wrack her brain.
"I kissed you," he said, confused by the idea that that IS actually what he just did. Oh, what he'd always wanted to do, sure, but NOW actually DID.
"No, not that."
"I can't think of anything else that I just did. Just now."
Lorelai smiled. "One kiss from you, Luke, and all of a sudden, I have your gift for brevity. One word sentences. Me, Lorelai Gilmore. The girl with the gift of gab. It's all been stifled. It's gone. I'm YOU. Without the flannel and cap, and definitely with a more colorful wardrobe in general, except this hospital gown doesn't really count. All I know is, you have powers, strange man, and I demand to know what you've done to make me this way."
"I'm not sure who YOU'RE talking about, because the woman I'm looking at just talked for twenty seconds straight without taking a breath. I'd say the gift for gab is still intact."
Lorelai thought about that and let out a feigned sigh of relief. "Ah, well, thank god. You know, that was a close one. Next time, I may not get back this gift I've been given."
"Maybe next time I'll do it right, then."
"Next time? There's gonna be a next time?" she asked him innocently.
"YOU said 'next time' first, I'm just quoting you."
"Luke, you know me, I'm unreliable, I wouldn't quote me if I were you."
"So you..." he nervously tried to find the words to finish his thought. Or his question, rather. "Are you saying there won't be... there, uh, I...." He couldn't do it. The sentence just wasn't forming. But she was enjoying watching him work out what to say, obviously thinking that she didn't want to kiss him ever again.
"I'm not saying anything. You're confusing me, Luke. I'm just sitting here, trying to recover in peace and you just storm in, take me in a passionate embrace, and ravage me----"
"Lorelai, you made me tie my shoes together, kissed ME, and pretty much knocked me over after that because next thing I know, I'm on the floor, so don't talk about----"
"Luke, I'm kidding! Can't you take a joke?"
"Not about... Lorelai, just be serious."
He stood up again and paced the floor.
Lorelai looked up at him. "You kissed me. Just now. Well not now so much as a minute ago, but all the same, Luke, you kissed me. I just wanted to be serious for a moment and point that out."
"What's all this 'WE didn't kiss, I kissed you and then YOU kissed ME' stuff, Lorelai, because from where I'm sitting, I kissed you back out there in the hall, and then in here, you kissed me back, and so both times, WE kissed each other!"
"Standing."
"What?"
Sometimes she could just drive him nuts, he mused.
"Standing. You said 'from where I'm sitting', but you're actually standing right now.... Luke? That face you're making, I KNOW that face. Are you.... do you have appendicitis too? Works out, you're already in a hospital."
"I don't have appendicitis! I have Lorelai-induced nausea with a little touch of Lorelai-induced insanity! I think the best treatment would be---"
"Lorelai," she finished for him.
He turned suddenly and looked at her, bewildered, and saw that she was giving him a sweet smile that said she was feeling what he was feeling too. It wasn't just him.
"I'm sorry. I tend to talk a lot when I'm nervous," she explained.
"What's your excuse for the rest of the time?" he quipped.
"Ha," she said, dropping her mouth open in mock shock.
He went back and sat down. "What's happening here?" he finally asked.
"Well, in a drug-induced state of mind, I thought it would be a good idea to spin our relationship on its head, and then you fell over. And then, you came in here and you took a spin with our relationship and now it's... spinning."
"Caught that part. Are you forgetting that I was THERE, out there?" he pointed to the hall. "And also, I was HERE, before?" he added, pointing to where he was sitting. "You keep pointing out that we kissed, both out there and in here, explaining it to me like I wasn't there. Like I wasn't the other person in the two-person exchange both times."
"Two-person exchange? Luke, that is such an un-romantic way to ever describe a kiss! Even if it's a kiss with your mother, that definition is just cold and removed and----"
"---and please don't mention kissing my mother right now. We are talking about the type of kiss that I would rather not associate my mother with."
"Well still. Kissing a dog shouldn't be described so unemotionally, although that wouldn't be a two-person exchange so much as a man-canine---- "
"Lorelai!"
He hid his face in his hands momentarily and then looked back up at her, his eyes popping out with anxiety. It could be said that the man looked frazzled.
"Focusing, Luke. And I'm not sure. What's happening. With us."
Luke let out a sigh and relaxed a little. "Well that makes two of us."
And at Yale---
"So when are you going back to see your mom?"
"Tomorrow. She made me promise to wait out school and then go see her when the weekend came. I didn't like it, she plays a dirty game, but I do feel better knowing that Luke's keeping a close eye on her. An apparently very close eye. Although, with this new information, I'm thinking their eyes are probably shut most of the time. Or at least that one time."
Jess nodded. "Their eyes are most definitely shut. That's kind of funny that he's keeping a close eye on her with shut eyes."
"I can one-up you there. It's funny that they FINALLY opened their eyes to what was in front of them all along with their eyes CLOSED."
"You got me there," he agreed. After a brief pause, he added, "so what do you do when someone you don't like keeps bothering you? I mean usually I don't care, I'll just tell someone to bug off, and that doesn't bother me, but there's this girl and---" he stopped, looking at Rory. She was listening, looking him in the eye, but he couldn't read her expression. It seemed objective, but still. "Is this okay?"
"What?" she asked.
"Talking. About this kind of stuff. I don't wanna make things awkward. I mean, as it is, we're still in that fragile acquaintance stage."
She squinted her eyes at him in overly-emotional, sarcastic anger. "So you ARE gonna hold that over my head forever!"
"I am a man of my word."
She raised her eyebrows at that.
"Bad choice words," he simply said, not wanting the mood to shift and become awkward.
"Horrible choice words," she agreed, smiling to let him know that she wasn't gonna give him a hard time about it. "And this is fine. Tell me about this girl."
He took a bite of his sandwich and paused to think of exactly what to say. He swallowed and started in on an explanation.
"Well, she's a really nice girl. We just don't click. Or something. I don't know. I'm not exactly the romantic-type so I wouldn't know what it's technically called when two people don't..."
He paused, trying to think of the right words.
"Have chemistry," she finished.
"Chemistry," he said as a question put forth more like a statement.
"Yeah," Rory said, taking a bite of her sandwich. She chewed and swallowed, while thinking. "Okay, well, people can be great friends, and just not have chemistry. Like Mimi and Shawn on Days of Our Lives."
"Days of Our Lives?"
"One of my roommates watches it and I've picked up a few things. But don't tell my mom, she COULD disown me for it."
"Well, I think it should be a rule of thumb that when talking about two friends who'll never be more than just friends, a soap opera should not be the point in case."
"Very true. Good point. But do you get the point?"
Jess nodded and gave her a half-smile. "Yeah, Shawn and Mimi won't be getting it on any time soon."
"Try never. They're just not compatible romantically, but they're really good friends."
"Are you sure it's your roommate turning the TV onto that channel at one o'clock?" he asked in a teasing tone.
"Hey, I'm not the one who knows what time it's on," she shot back, playfully.
"It was just a guess."
"You guessed right. I think you might harbor secret soap opera fan tendencies."
"I guessed RIGHT? I guess you DO know what time it's on, then," he said.
He had here there and she just made a grudging face.
"So, okay, what exactly is this chemistry thing?" he asked, after a short, almost-awkward silence.
"Not sure. I'm actually probably not the best person to ask. I mean, I've just heard people talk about chemistry. But I'm no expert. Believe me," she answered.
"Hm," he mused.
"Okay, so more on Mystery Girl."
"Red hair. Nice. Pretty. Talks a lot about make-up."
"Ooh," Rory grimaced, in clear agreement that this was, and should be, a major turn-off.
"But she's smart and not like flighty and superficial or annoying."
Rory shifted a little uncomfortably. "So what's the problem, then?"
He smiled, but didn't look at her. "I guess the chemistry's just not there."
And back at the hospital----
After a few terribly awkward moments, with the tension so thick, it couldn't even be cut with a knife, but would definitely call for a high- powered tool instead, Lorelai finally broke the silence.
"I need a drink!"
"Well you can forget it. Alcohol's another thing on your list of things you have to stay away from. But that list is for YOU, not ME, and I think when I get out of here I may be doing a little drinking myself."
"But you---"
"----well not today."
Lorelai shook her head at him. Really, he wasn't handling this well, she thought. "Well anyway, I was talking about something I'm allowed, and something in this room."
He looked at the bedside table, and the as-of-yet untouched Fake Coffee. He reached for it and handed it to her.
She took a small sip.
"Luke-warm," she joked.
He just shot her a warning look. She took the hint, and was quiet long enough to drink some more.
After a short, comfortable silence, Lorelai decided to stop beating around the bush.
"Do you feel bad for me, Luke? Is that why... why before you... well why YOU kissed ME?"
"Didn't we already agree----"
"Fine, fine, why WE kissed EACH OTHER the second time, you know, the kiss that YOU initiated."
He bobbed his head in agreement of her new wording. Then he looked at her like she'd just spoken in extraterrestrial tongue.
"What are you talking about? Feel bad for you?"
"God, this is embarrassing. Just... Okay, I wanna talk about this with you, Luke, I mean, we SHOULD talk, right?"
"Right."
"But I can't have this particular embarrassing conversation with you looking at me. Turn around?"
"What!?"
"Turn around!"
"Are you serious?" he asked again, suddenly feeling the need to grab her shoulders and shake her. Although he knew if he grabbed her shoulders, with the state his mind was currently in, he'd just start kissing her again.
"I'm very serious. And stop looking at me like you wanna shake me. I only just had surgery. Have a little compassion!"
"You...ugh..." he said, standing reluctantly and turning around. "Okay. Talk."
"You won't turn around?"
"I won't turn around," he said, in his most patient voice.
"Can you see my reflection in the----"
"Lorelai!"
"Focusing, Luke. Okay. Well.... Nurse Lady told me that when I was being prepped for surgery, I said something. And I know you know what I'm talking about because after I said it, word is she spread it like wildfire. Not so much wildfire, as she told YOU I said it. And that... Well, I don't know what that is. Humiliating to say the least, but----"
"Lorelai, it's not----" Luke started, gently.
"No, no, just... let me finish what I have to say. I'm just... Okay. Where to start. Well, let's start with yesterday, I guess."
She took a sip of the Fake Coffee for energy to go on and just say this.
"And most of this is stuff you know. So I'm just gonna---- okay. Well yesterday I came into the diner, you were busy, I wanted coffee, even though I had a stomach ache, I mean your coffee is THAT good, Luke that I couldn't help myself even though I was running late AND it was my opening AND I had a stomach---"
"Focus.."
"Right, focusing. So you were busy. And I couldn't find the to-go cups---- "
Luke stared at the wall ahead of him and noted the tightening in his stomach that the mention of yesterday gave him. It was a similar feeling of anxiety that he actually had yesterday when all was going so desperately wrong. But it wasn't AS bad a feeling today, as he obviously now knew the outcome. But still, listening to her talk about that day, that horrible day that would no doubt scare him for the rest of his life--- that fear and helplessness he'd felt---- his stomach contracted and his heart rate sped up a little. He didn't want to hear this, but he knew he had to.
"----and I saw them down there, so I bent down and was trying to open them when I overheard your conversation with Nicole. And what you, uh.. said about me. I remember I prayed that you wouldn't walk back there. I thought if you did, I'd die on the spot from humiliation, but you didn't.. and I left. I just remember driving after that, and thinking about you. About our friendship and what I thought it meant to you---"
Luke closed his eyes painfully, at that, all of a sudden glad he wasn't facing her. That she couldn't see the emotions playing out on his face.
"---and what it meant to me. And I thought about how much I loved.. uh, our friendship. And also, about how Nicole mentioned you two almost got married."
She paused and darted her eyes back and forth in remembrance. She was starting to feel a little uncomfortable now, even with Luke not facing her.
"And I remember it bothered me. That you almost got married. And why should that have bothered me? I couldn't figure it out, I mean, we're friends! You are one of my best friends, and if you found 'the one', I should be jumping up and down, taking notes so I can plan you the best wedding known to man, but here I was being selfishly and mysteriously, as far as I was concerned, upset about the whole thing. Then I thought about our friendship a little more before the attack came on and I passed out. So you were the last thing on my mind before I passed out, basically."
She took a breath, willing herself to continue. She noticed Luke tapping his pant leg nervously now, too. She thought this definitely seemed a bad sign. She started to think that maybe reminding him of how important Nicole was to him, that he almost married her, was not such a good idea. But even so----
"So the nurse tells me today, this morning actually, what I said before they took me into surgery. And I freaked out. And then she tells me that she had told YOU that, under the misguided impression that we were.. well, something. Married, together, something. I talked to Millie, that old lady who thinks my name is Sadie and your's is Lukenbil? I told her everything about US, and..." Lorelai swallowed. "She said to kiss you."
On the word 'kiss', her voice dropped to practically a whisper. She swallowed again, starting to feel her cheeks flush.
"And when I left her room, you were there. And.. and I wanted to do it. Which is pretty selfish of me, when you think about it, because it takes two to tango, so to say, and I just kind of solo-danced on over there and forced you to partake. And... I kissed you. And I loved it. And---"
He felt butterflies in his stomach just then, when she admitted to loving the kiss. He knew it was taking her a lot to say all this, and the whole thing was starting to give him that butterfly feeling in overdrive.
"And when I got back to my room, I started to panic and think about the whole thing. Yesterday, and then Nurse Lady, and then Millie, and then us. I realized that you might have felt bad. I mean, there's the fact that you knew I overheard what you said, and admittedly felt bad about it. Then there's the fact that the Nurse told you what I said, and you may have just felt bad about me overhearing PLUS having.. feelings... for you on top of that. Then there's the fact that on top of all THAT, I'd also just had surgery and am a little vulnerable. With everything combined you didn't want to hurt my feelings, so you just went along with it---"
At some point in her last rant, he'd turned to face her. He'd said he wouldn't, but he couldn't believe what he was hearing and he had to turn around.
"You're saying----" he started, not able to find the right way to express what he wanted to say.
"I'm saying that you may have felt bad for me, and so you kissed me BACK, out there," she said, pointing to the hallway again, now all too aware that her face was turning pink. "And then again in here, because again, you felt bad, and thought it might be what I wanted---"
"You're serious," he said incredulously, now putting a hand on his cheek again, looking at her in utter disbelief.
"Luke, I'm very serious. I just want you to be honest with me. I'd die if I ever knew you were just pitying me."
He was now sitting down again, facing her.
"Lorelai."
She had stopped talking, now clearly embarrassed, so much so that she wasn't even joking with him. She wouldn't look at him. She stared ahead, expressionless. He wasn't looking in her eyes, but he was pretty sure she was about to cry.
"I.. when you kissed me out there, when WE kissed each other," he corrected himself, smiling, "that was... it was the best thing that ever happened to me."
She turned her head to look at him.
He gave her a small smile. "I was surprised, I mean I had no idea. Sure, the nurse told me what you said, but you were also unconscious, practically at the time, so I wasn't just gonna assume it was true. It really took me by surprise. I mean, as far as I was concerned, you just wanted to play a game in the hallway. It sounded Lorelai-like enough."
She smiled with him, at that, and turned again, getting embarrassed again.
"Help me up? I wanna take a walk," she said.
He stood up and walked over to the other side of the bed, and helped her up. Once he had her firmly standing on her two feet, he placed a supportive arm around her waist. "You okay?" he asked.
"Sure," she smiled. "Shall we skip?"
"Only because I think that you COULD be serious, I'm just gonna say 'no,' for your own safety," he answered as they started walking.
"Wimp," she said.
They opened the door and started into the hallway. "So, then, you're not just sitting here feeling sorry for me, or pitying me or anything?" Lorelai asked, trying to sound casual, but her nerves getting the better of her, as she still wasn't sure of his feelings... or her own, for that matter, as they'd been through a lot in the last two days.
"I promise," he answered.
She put her arm around his shoulder, to help herself walk more easily. He sensed that she was having trouble and tightened his hold on her waist with his hand.
"So, then, Luke, what ARE your feelings?"
"I, uh... I'm----"
"Luke, this is no time for your trademark-brevity. I just poured my soul out here."
"That's true," he agreed.
"Shall we play a game? Will that help you?"
"No more games," he said, as if he were frustrated, although, he was far from it.
"Last time you got a prize," she joked, while wincing. She was in pain.
He smiled. "That's true," he simply said. He sensed that she was hurting, and led her to the waiting area.
He set her down, gently, in a chair. He looked around, surprised that no one was in the room just now. He sat down next to her.
"You okay?" he asked.
"I'm fine, but my stomach's been better," she said, wincing again.
"Why don't I go get a wheelchair and we'll get you back. We shouldn't have left, probably."
"Oh, Luke, don't let Nurse Lady scare you. I like to keep her on her toes."
"And I'm sure you do."
He looked at her just then, sitting there in pain, having just had surgery, obviously hurting and still, she had worked up the energy to make the move he'd been too scared to make for years. And then poured her heart out to him, which took even more guts and energy. He looked down, and started to fuss with the material on the knee of his jeans.
"I've had.. feelings.. for you...for a long time. Years, I guess you could say. But you were my friend. My best friend, and I couldn't risk trying anything and losing that. I don't have all that many friends and I couldn't imagine NOT having your friendship. Not having you there, in my face, forcing me to caffeinate you---"
"If you like to caffeinate me, then why all the fuss?"
"It's what we do," he simply answered, like it was an obvious fact. She thought about it and mentally agreed. "My feelings came back to me in full yesterday. I mean, they're always there, but I manage to keep them beneath the surface. Then I say the worst, and most untrue thing about you, to someone who just wasn't worth it, either, and find out you heard. Then you're missing. Then you're in a hospital. And I saw you lying there, not knowing what was wrong with you. But you weren't conscious, weren't bothering me, weren't.. it's like you were THERE, but you weren't. And I couldn't breathe."
He stopped to take a deep breath before continuing. He wasn't looking at her, but knew she was looking at him now.
"Then I found out you were gonna be okay, and the relief nearly knocked me out. I mean, I've never felt relief like that. I've never felt fear like that or relief like that. It scared me. But.. I knew what it meant. It meant that no matter how you felt, I should be taking more risks. Actually, today I was gonna tell you how I felt, even before you kissed me-- -"
"God, get it right, Luke, I didn't kiss YOU, we kissed each other," she teased, using his own words against him, in an attempt to lighten the mood and calm him down, as he almost seemed to be shaking, as far as she could tell.
He looked at her and smiled. "When the nurse told me you said that... that you loved me..."
Now she broke their gaze and looked down, at that.
".. I wasn't sure if it was true, but.. I don't know, it gave me hope, I guess. Lorelai, I always knew that if I ever kissed you, it would be different from kissing anyone I've ever kissed before. And it was. It was different. It was amazing."
She looked up at him again, her embarrassment wearing off. "Then we're in agreement," she said.
"WE'RE in agreement?"
"Stranger things have happened, Luke. Take off your hat."
"What?"
"Your hat. Take it off."
"Why?"
She rolled her eyes. "Well, I want to run my fingers through your hair if we should happen to kiss again, hint hint, nudge nudge, wink wink, and I can't lift my left arm these days."
He gave her a small smile and obliged, feeling a familiar feeling stir in his stomach, at the excitement of definitely kissing her again, whenever it might be. He looked down, and played with his hat, which was now in his lap.
"You know," he started quietly. "Me too," he finished, barely audibly.
"What?"
"Me too," he said, louder. "What you said to the nurse."
"Luke, you don't have to----"
He looked up at her, and locked his eyes with hers.
"Can't you tell?" he asked.
Then he started to lean in. She leaned in too, until the only part of them that was touching was their lips. It was soft and sweet, and she lifted her right hand to his hair, putting her fingers, as desired, through the strands. Her fingers in his hair, and then resting on his cheek, intensified that already pretty intense feeling in his stomach. He pulled back and looked at her with an amused expression.
"What?" she asked.
"Just as I suspected."
"What!" she demanded.
"Coffee breath."