Thanks for all the great reviews so far! I'm continuing the newspaper format, as you'll see below... Stay tuned for stuff from Carrot et al. directly related to the public service message. For now I wanted to write a bit about one of the Patrician's foreign diplomatic visits.
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Patrician visits Klatchian sites, virgins
"They don't make'm like that back home," He says
AL KHALI-In a diplomatic visit to mark the anniversary of Ankh-Morpork's "victory" over the Klatchian forces in the matter of the island of Leshp, Lord Vetinari toured the country's greatest sites, including Al Khali's ancient aqueducts and Prince Cadram's personal harem of nubile young virgins.
"They don't make'm like that back home," said a fascinated Patrician as two desert flowers in transparent gowns fed him from a bowl of grapes soaked in honeyed yoghurt. "Instead of aqueducts, Ankh-Morpork has always relied on aquifers and the river to fulfil its water and sewage needs. Perhaps it's time to learn from our Klatchian neighbors and construct an aqueduct system to solve our problem of water and waste management."
Prince Cadram himself escorted the Patrician through his Al Khali palace and the famed east wing, the pleasure dome usually reserved only for the prince and his eunuchs. The bewitching virgins in white silk and gold bangles lounging or bathing in rooms scented with sandlewood and opium made a deep impression on the Patrician.
"This is obviously a land with much to offer Ankh-Morpork," he said as a virgin with eyes like polished ebony massaged scented oil into his muscles. "There is no doubt that we will....ahh... strengthen our trading ties...a little lower, my dear...with Klatch, especially in the realm of...ooh, that's the spot...luxury goods such as silk, jewelry and incense."
The Patrician also declared his enchantment with the 800-year-old fortress known as the "Ribbit." Once used as a military post in defence of the Al Khali harbor, the Ribbit now shelters a school for 200 of the city's orphan virgins between the ages of 14 and 17.
"Such a sense of social responsibility is admirable," said Lord Vetinari. "Vulnerable young women who would otherwise be on the streets have an opportunity to learn skills that will serve them later in life."
An orphan named Alana, 16, demonstrated the fruits of her education. The Patrician and his entourage were captivated as she gracefully contorted her feet behind her head while eating an ice cream cone.
"That is just the kind of talent that has made Klatch a great nation," said the Patrician.
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Patrician visits Klatchian sites, virgins
"They don't make'm like that back home," He says
AL KHALI-In a diplomatic visit to mark the anniversary of Ankh-Morpork's "victory" over the Klatchian forces in the matter of the island of Leshp, Lord Vetinari toured the country's greatest sites, including Al Khali's ancient aqueducts and Prince Cadram's personal harem of nubile young virgins.
"They don't make'm like that back home," said a fascinated Patrician as two desert flowers in transparent gowns fed him from a bowl of grapes soaked in honeyed yoghurt. "Instead of aqueducts, Ankh-Morpork has always relied on aquifers and the river to fulfil its water and sewage needs. Perhaps it's time to learn from our Klatchian neighbors and construct an aqueduct system to solve our problem of water and waste management."
Prince Cadram himself escorted the Patrician through his Al Khali palace and the famed east wing, the pleasure dome usually reserved only for the prince and his eunuchs. The bewitching virgins in white silk and gold bangles lounging or bathing in rooms scented with sandlewood and opium made a deep impression on the Patrician.
"This is obviously a land with much to offer Ankh-Morpork," he said as a virgin with eyes like polished ebony massaged scented oil into his muscles. "There is no doubt that we will....ahh... strengthen our trading ties...a little lower, my dear...with Klatch, especially in the realm of...ooh, that's the spot...luxury goods such as silk, jewelry and incense."
The Patrician also declared his enchantment with the 800-year-old fortress known as the "Ribbit." Once used as a military post in defence of the Al Khali harbor, the Ribbit now shelters a school for 200 of the city's orphan virgins between the ages of 14 and 17.
"Such a sense of social responsibility is admirable," said Lord Vetinari. "Vulnerable young women who would otherwise be on the streets have an opportunity to learn skills that will serve them later in life."
An orphan named Alana, 16, demonstrated the fruits of her education. The Patrician and his entourage were captivated as she gracefully contorted her feet behind her head while eating an ice cream cone.
"That is just the kind of talent that has made Klatch a great nation," said the Patrician.