When you gonna make up your mind?
When you gonna love you as much as
I do?
**************************
There was a black dress hanging against the locker. Shoes strewn over the couch
in the lounge.
Balloons and flowers. People were laughing, smiling, wherever he turned.
"Abby?"
She seemed off balanced now."Hey, Luka".
"What..?"
"Med school graduation."
"Oh".
"Yeah..." Abby offered akwardly."Glad it's finally over."
Luka smiled."Congratulations, Dr.Lockhart". He turned his back to walk away, taking
a deep breath, and letting it go once he'd made his way outside.
"Yeah..." She bit her bottom lip,"Thanks, Luka".
***********************************
I run off where the drifts get deeper
Sleeping Beauty trips me with a frown
I hear a voice
You must learn to stand up for yourself
Cause I won't always be around.
***************** *****************
Neela yanked at her hair."You have to sit still if you want me to do this."
Abby chuckled."I need a cigarette, and now I'm thankful I never had a sister..."
"ABBY"
She laughed, hands now in her lap. The lounge was brighter now. They'd added lights
so she could change. She kept getting presents. Old med students telling her they
remebered first being placed her, and how she now is the hospital.
Abby dropped her head.
"Abby!!!"
She snapped her head up to see Neela scolding in the mirror, holding barettes and
bobby pins in her mouth.
One hand went up to the new coif, a smile spread across her face , aiming at Neela.
"Oh,can it." Neela muttered, smirking.
************************************
Hair is gray
and the fires are burning
So many dreams on the shelf
************************************
The thing that surprised her, he was there, resting his weight against
the wall, his hand on his hip. She could picture it, him lightly brushing
away his lab coat. Abby took a deep breath. "This is what I've become...geesh".
Sam laughed."Neela did a good job".
From the admit desk Neela groaned, looked up, and looked away.
"You look nice, Abby" Malik offered, shrugging as he went down the hall.
People were starting to clear. She looked up, after studying the haphazard
layer of blush colored nailpolish on her fingers, the bracelets that didn't
belong to her."My mom...can't make it"
Luka raised an eyebrow.
"Eric...is in Minnestoa."
"I'm sorry, Abby".
She nodded slowly."It's a bit much, all of this, isn't it?"
A slow smile crept over his lips."It's different".
This time she walked away. This time Abby turned the corner and hid herself
back in the lounge. Anything was better than being there right next to him.
An escape.
***************************
When you gonna make your mind?
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I'll always want you
near....
****************************
The sky had turned gray. She looked, eyes in disbelief."Who has outside graduations
in Chicago?"
The woman next to her started to laugh. Snow had caught in their hair, rested on the
tip of Abby's nose.
"Fuck" Abby muttered, rubbing her arms.
The few people that littered the folding chairs outside already seemed ansy to leave.
She hands shook. Abby watched her breath fog in front of her, and started to itch for
a cigarette.
"Do you...?"
The woman next to her seemed to have taken Abby's earlier cue, and wrapped a man nearby in
a conversation about juvienelle pneumonia treatment. Everything started to feel a little alien.
Abby swallowed hard.
"Dear God, if you're out there..."
************************
Flowers competing for the sun
Years go by
and I'm here, still waiting
with a ring, where some snowman was.
************************
The scarf fell across his neck loosely, like a last minute reminder that he just might
be cold out there, in snow. His jacket rested over his arm, and his shirt was buttoned
crazily, like he had done it in the dark.
But from behind the stage, where Abby and a few other women could peek, they could
see his eyes. Stark, dark, intense against the snow.
"Wow..." one woman muttered.
"I want his number" the other one replied.
Abby bit her lip again, suddenly feeling more nervous than she had ever felt at that
time.
Dark hair into his face, his back resting against a tree, a little off direction from
the chairs.
"Line up, graduates!"
She was the last one to move, watching him.
****************************
When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do?
When you gonna make up your mind?
Cause things are going to change so fast..
****************************
"Lobyd, Alicia... Locke, Kevin..."
Deep slow breaths. She knew them. They were the ones she coached the women in
during their labors when she worked as an OB nurse. It was simillar to the breathing
you coached children with, when it was time for ivs.
One hand resting against her chest, she could feel her heart flip flop.
"Lockhart, Abigail..."
First instinct was to run. Or throw up. Someone gave her shoulder a little push,
and she was up over the stairs, walking out in the small group of people too small
to be called a sea.
Dipolma in hand, she looked up, looking for his face.
Luka was grinning, grinning wide. His face shone with the only thing she could imagine
was pride. And tears started to slip down her cheeks. Down the stairs, to grab her coat,
meet him...
She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, fingers holding onto her roll of paper
cautiously.
****************************
Things are gonna change so fast....
****************************
"Luka! Luka!" the heavy wool coat flew behind her, a heavy gray wing.
"Luka!" her shoes sunk into the snow. Abby looked around, heart racing deep
in her throat.
She could see the big footsteps leading off of the snow..and disappearing,
like maybe he really wasn't there. Like she had imagined him there, happy
for her.
Abby's arms sunk to her side, and shook her head. A few people called her name,
giving her enough time to shake this.
She looked over her shoulder one more time, before going to join those who
called.
From the car in the parking lot, Luka watched. He watched quietly, tongue feeling
like lead in his mouth. She had smiled. She had completed her goal.
He started his car, and pulled out of the parking lot slowly.
Heading back to County.
***********************
You said I wanted you to be
proud of me
I always wanted that...myself
When you gonna love you as much as
I do?
**************************
There was a black dress hanging against the locker. Shoes strewn over the couch
in the lounge.
Balloons and flowers. People were laughing, smiling, wherever he turned.
"Abby?"
She seemed off balanced now."Hey, Luka".
"What..?"
"Med school graduation."
"Oh".
"Yeah..." Abby offered akwardly."Glad it's finally over."
Luka smiled."Congratulations, Dr.Lockhart". He turned his back to walk away, taking
a deep breath, and letting it go once he'd made his way outside.
"Yeah..." She bit her bottom lip,"Thanks, Luka".
***********************************
I run off where the drifts get deeper
Sleeping Beauty trips me with a frown
I hear a voice
You must learn to stand up for yourself
Cause I won't always be around.
***************** *****************
Neela yanked at her hair."You have to sit still if you want me to do this."
Abby chuckled."I need a cigarette, and now I'm thankful I never had a sister..."
"ABBY"
She laughed, hands now in her lap. The lounge was brighter now. They'd added lights
so she could change. She kept getting presents. Old med students telling her they
remebered first being placed her, and how she now is the hospital.
Abby dropped her head.
"Abby!!!"
She snapped her head up to see Neela scolding in the mirror, holding barettes and
bobby pins in her mouth.
One hand went up to the new coif, a smile spread across her face , aiming at Neela.
"Oh,can it." Neela muttered, smirking.
************************************
Hair is gray
and the fires are burning
So many dreams on the shelf
************************************
The thing that surprised her, he was there, resting his weight against
the wall, his hand on his hip. She could picture it, him lightly brushing
away his lab coat. Abby took a deep breath. "This is what I've become...geesh".
Sam laughed."Neela did a good job".
From the admit desk Neela groaned, looked up, and looked away.
"You look nice, Abby" Malik offered, shrugging as he went down the hall.
People were starting to clear. She looked up, after studying the haphazard
layer of blush colored nailpolish on her fingers, the bracelets that didn't
belong to her."My mom...can't make it"
Luka raised an eyebrow.
"Eric...is in Minnestoa."
"I'm sorry, Abby".
She nodded slowly."It's a bit much, all of this, isn't it?"
A slow smile crept over his lips."It's different".
This time she walked away. This time Abby turned the corner and hid herself
back in the lounge. Anything was better than being there right next to him.
An escape.
***************************
When you gonna make your mind?
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I'll always want you
near....
****************************
The sky had turned gray. She looked, eyes in disbelief."Who has outside graduations
in Chicago?"
The woman next to her started to laugh. Snow had caught in their hair, rested on the
tip of Abby's nose.
"Fuck" Abby muttered, rubbing her arms.
The few people that littered the folding chairs outside already seemed ansy to leave.
She hands shook. Abby watched her breath fog in front of her, and started to itch for
a cigarette.
"Do you...?"
The woman next to her seemed to have taken Abby's earlier cue, and wrapped a man nearby in
a conversation about juvienelle pneumonia treatment. Everything started to feel a little alien.
Abby swallowed hard.
"Dear God, if you're out there..."
************************
Flowers competing for the sun
Years go by
and I'm here, still waiting
with a ring, where some snowman was.
************************
The scarf fell across his neck loosely, like a last minute reminder that he just might
be cold out there, in snow. His jacket rested over his arm, and his shirt was buttoned
crazily, like he had done it in the dark.
But from behind the stage, where Abby and a few other women could peek, they could
see his eyes. Stark, dark, intense against the snow.
"Wow..." one woman muttered.
"I want his number" the other one replied.
Abby bit her lip again, suddenly feeling more nervous than she had ever felt at that
time.
Dark hair into his face, his back resting against a tree, a little off direction from
the chairs.
"Line up, graduates!"
She was the last one to move, watching him.
****************************
When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do?
When you gonna make up your mind?
Cause things are going to change so fast..
****************************
"Lobyd, Alicia... Locke, Kevin..."
Deep slow breaths. She knew them. They were the ones she coached the women in
during their labors when she worked as an OB nurse. It was simillar to the breathing
you coached children with, when it was time for ivs.
One hand resting against her chest, she could feel her heart flip flop.
"Lockhart, Abigail..."
First instinct was to run. Or throw up. Someone gave her shoulder a little push,
and she was up over the stairs, walking out in the small group of people too small
to be called a sea.
Dipolma in hand, she looked up, looking for his face.
Luka was grinning, grinning wide. His face shone with the only thing she could imagine
was pride. And tears started to slip down her cheeks. Down the stairs, to grab her coat,
meet him...
She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, fingers holding onto her roll of paper
cautiously.
****************************
Things are gonna change so fast....
****************************
"Luka! Luka!" the heavy wool coat flew behind her, a heavy gray wing.
"Luka!" her shoes sunk into the snow. Abby looked around, heart racing deep
in her throat.
She could see the big footsteps leading off of the snow..and disappearing,
like maybe he really wasn't there. Like she had imagined him there, happy
for her.
Abby's arms sunk to her side, and shook her head. A few people called her name,
giving her enough time to shake this.
She looked over her shoulder one more time, before going to join those who
called.
From the car in the parking lot, Luka watched. He watched quietly, tongue feeling
like lead in his mouth. She had smiled. She had completed her goal.
He started his car, and pulled out of the parking lot slowly.
Heading back to County.
***********************
You said I wanted you to be
proud of me
I always wanted that...myself