See Chapter One for Header
*~*
Well while I'm getting rid of Hobbits, I may as well add Merry and Pippin to the group. Big reason number one; they annoy me to no end. I mean already this week they have broken into my study and found the fireworks Gandalf left here last year. The stupid little gits set them off and damn near burned the place to the ground. Not to mention they broke my favorite bong in the process. Just last week one of the little shits hit me in the head with a rock while skipping stones.
We really can't afford to feed them either. I mean they're worse then Frodo and Sam. And don't get me started on the fact that they have managed to eat every last mushroom from the gardens. Not even my private garden was spared from their ravenousness mushroom appetites.
My private stash of soap is missing and I have a pretty good idea of where it went. I've been getting complaints all week about the hot water shortage we've been experiencing since they arrived.
They just can't seem to stay out of trouble. Last week my wardens reported that they were teasing The Nazgûl from our side of the river. Every time you turn around you're tripping over their huge feet. It's enough to drive an Elf over to Sauron's side if only to exterminate the little fuckers.
It's bad enough that there is an APB out on them for stealing vegetables from Farmer Maggot's place. I really don't need half of the Shire over here looking for them. I mean hanging out with Hobbits is Gandalf's shtick anyways. Of course the only reason he does is so he can get Hobbit weed at discount prices. Besides who knows maybe one day one of them will prove to be useful.
Now about my Dwarf problem.
TBC
*~*
Well while I'm getting rid of Hobbits, I may as well add Merry and Pippin to the group. Big reason number one; they annoy me to no end. I mean already this week they have broken into my study and found the fireworks Gandalf left here last year. The stupid little gits set them off and damn near burned the place to the ground. Not to mention they broke my favorite bong in the process. Just last week one of the little shits hit me in the head with a rock while skipping stones.
We really can't afford to feed them either. I mean they're worse then Frodo and Sam. And don't get me started on the fact that they have managed to eat every last mushroom from the gardens. Not even my private garden was spared from their ravenousness mushroom appetites.
My private stash of soap is missing and I have a pretty good idea of where it went. I've been getting complaints all week about the hot water shortage we've been experiencing since they arrived.
They just can't seem to stay out of trouble. Last week my wardens reported that they were teasing The Nazgûl from our side of the river. Every time you turn around you're tripping over their huge feet. It's enough to drive an Elf over to Sauron's side if only to exterminate the little fuckers.
It's bad enough that there is an APB out on them for stealing vegetables from Farmer Maggot's place. I really don't need half of the Shire over here looking for them. I mean hanging out with Hobbits is Gandalf's shtick anyways. Of course the only reason he does is so he can get Hobbit weed at discount prices. Besides who knows maybe one day one of them will prove to be useful.
Now about my Dwarf problem.
TBC