Each of us wages a private battle each day between the grand fantasies we
have for ourselves and what actually happens. ~ Cathy Guisewite
Chapter 7
'My Lord,' Severus sprawled himself onto the cold stone floor, 'I am truly honoured to receive your attention.'
Voldemort chuckled indulgently, 'Modesty Severus? Come now, rise.'
'Thank you for your generosity my Lord,' Severus stood up and kept his head lowered in servitude.
As expected, he had been summoned to the caves where Voldemort was hiding for the past several months. The Death-Eaters never knew where they were exactly, being brought to his presence through the touch of their own Mark. The present caves were uncommonly large. Rows of flaming torches lined the sides and a bonfire was burning in the middle of the caves. The air was frosty, though Severus failed to deduce if it was the result of the natural climate or the work of Voldemort.
The caves were relatively empty. Voldemort seemed to revel in the spaciousness and gothic grandeur of them. Even his throne was modelled to suit the surroundings. Meanwhile, that blasted snake was still alive and apparently thriving. It was certainly fatter than he had last seen it.
He stood as aloof as possible when Nagini coiled itself around his ankles before sliding back to its master.
'Nagini's simply smelling you Severus.' There was a trace of amusement in Voldemort's voice.
Severus bowed.
Voldemort hissed at Nagini and it soon left them alone. 'Follow me Severus. There is something of particular interest I want to show you.'
Severus said cautiously, 'My Lord, the potions. . .'
'Hand them to Wormtail,' Voldemort waved a careless hand, 'I detest the sight of them.' He sighed, 'What is one to do? To be dependent on a few measly bottles of liquid. But all that may change. . .'
He turned into one of the tunnels and Severus followed him hurriedly.
The path was dark. Severus could barely see the outline of Voldemort. At last, he saw an ice blue light shining out of a corner. The hole they eventually reached was found to be lighted by a single source.
'My Lord, these books. . .' Severus breathed.
'They were in Bidmarck's possession,' Voldemort's back was facing him.
'Bidmarck?' Severus feigned ignorance.
Voldemort said sternly, 'He was a disappointment. Come here.'
Severus stood beside him and studied the books carefully.
There were four of them in total, each with a plain leather cover and an individual rune.
'Power, Love, Knowledge and Wealth.'
'The four things that humans most desire.' Voldemort ran his hand over them and they shimmered more brightly. Severus heard the Dark Lord hiss menacingly. Voldemort removed his hand. 'Touch them Severus. Tell me what you feel.'
Severus touched them with his fingertips and gasped at the electrifying sensations coursing through his body at the mere contact. He felt his heart gripped with loneliness, with a hindsight that told him of desolation in isolation that was swiftly replaced by the most sated feeling of comfort as an image of a delicate hand stretched out to reach him. It promised of a new place, of peace, of paradise, with swirling clouds in violet haze, flaming flowers that brightly blaze and morning fields of amber grain. . .
Severus took his hand away before his face betrayed any emotion.
'Tell me Severus,' the cold voice crushed the wisp of vision he yearned to keep.
He needed to tread his words carefully, 'I feel fear transformed to singular joy my Lord.'
'Weakness of the past and desire for the future.' Voldemort smirked in satisfaction, 'When Wormtail touched them, he squealed at the sight of James Potter trying to kill him when he was discovered to be my vassal, then he saw himself as one of the most powerful wizards who had the respect of everyone.'
Severus grimaced. Wormtail was such an apt name. He was the only man who made him cringe in distaste. He avoided seeing him as much as possible, so as not to recall his one mistake in misjudgment and maligning Black more than fifteen years ago. He also hated the servile attitude Wormtail had and that look of awe whenever Voldemort did something to inspire it. It reminded him that he had experienced the same feeling before by the Dark Lord, when he was still young, impressionable and foolish.
'What did you see precisely Severus?' Voldemort asked in a deceivingly gentle tone. That control of his emotions, to use whatever tool to strike at a person's weakest point. . . Severus had once succumbed to it, believing that only Voldemort had accepted him for who he was.
'I see control slipping away my Lord. then I saw all encompassing knowledge.' Severus lied. He could not expose himself any further to this wizard that was not a man.
'And do you think you can achieve that aim?'
'Only with your guidance and leadership Master.'
Voldemort laughed, tickled at Severus' flattery. Severus stopped himself from flinching. The laughter was the harshest and ugliest sound ever emitted.
'You have always craved knowledge Severus. You are one of my rare subordinates who do. You remind me of my younger days, when I scout the corners of the world in pursuit of the Dark Arts. But why do they call these skills dark? They are the most refined powers that one can use. No matter. We shall change the face of the earth.' He indicated the books, 'These will help us.'
'My Lord, I still do not understand. . .'
'Don't you Severus? These are the Books of Fate. There was no written language when they were created. So they were simply known as Knowledge. The very thing after your heart, isn't it?'
'They are very valuable possessions.'
'Yes, but they will be more so if we find out how to use them. See what happens when I open them.'
Voldemort chanted softly and the covers flung out. A crack like that of a thunder erupted and Severus was blinded momentarily by the light. There was a raw energy in these books and it shot out at him, challenging his own magical powers. Involuntarily, he lifted his arms to beat down the onslaught to no avail. When he recovered, he saw a kind of projection of blurred images hovering above the books. A voice, neither male nor female, filled the room and reverberated inside his ears.
'Power woven into book
That which thou behold.
Wither a single look,
Shouldest thou be bold:
Thy own powers be forfeit,
When we find thee unfit.
Power, Wealth, Knowledge, Love-
Be careful what thou desire.
Our wild magic from above
Can bring thee to the mire.
Doest thou not back away
Now thee knoweth thou cannot us sway?
Thy will to us bend,
Only we may destroy,
Hence upon this depend:
If thou wants to thwart our ploy,
Thou wilt fail, thou shalt perish,
The end of the future we finish.'
The light flashed again in spite and then dissolved to the initial state. The books remain opened.
Voldemort spoke, 'I have interpreted the message, through reading and analysing other books and accounts of the later generations. These do not belong to the Dark, as the officials will have anyone believe. They are of a plane higher than ours, rising above the petty disputes in this mortal world.' His eyes gleamed with greed, 'Imagine controlling this Wild Magic. That is the ultimate invincibility.'
Severus was wise enough to know no one could possibly withstand the vengeance and punishment of Wild Magic if anyone dared to grasp it in his hand. It was seldom heard of now, but the existence of Wild Magic was known to all who were magical.
'Your Grace, why were these books made, when they are not intended to serve anyone?'
'They were once used by members chosen by the Wild Magic, and passed down the line to descendants and disciples. These men and women lived in seclusion. They do not mingle with the outside world. But they could not prevent the oncoming corruption in the world. Threatened, the numbers of these members dwindled, till they were no more. Wild Magic was simply laid to rest. These books and other relics are all that's left of that past. Safe, for no one has ever managed to use them. They destroy the lowly magic in the human frame, and thus the witch or wizard as well.'
'I see.'
'Now, they are in my hands. I need you to devise such a way that I may use them without harming my powers.'
'But My Lord, that's impossible!' It was the wrong thing to say, but Severus had to.
'You will find a way.' Voldemort suddenly stood tall in front of him. There was just an inch of space between them and Severus felt the snake-breath of his master chilling his face and blood beneath. 'To remind you of your place and what happens when you disobey my commands.' He stood back and drew out his wand.
Severus wandered idly if Jonathan and Poppy had been warned by Albus that they had to sacrifice their sleep. He closed his eyes and whimpered convincingly, 'Master. . .'
'Crucio.' The two syllables were uttered.
The pain hit him, and Severus screamed.
***
'You should have gone straight to the Hospital Wing!' Minerva twittered in her nervousness.
Severus groaned in reply.
'You can't expect him to talk Minerva.' Albus said tersely.
'Of all places! The greenhouse was the worst. . . No one goes there!'
'He can't navigate his way.'
They hurried him to Poppy. Albus immediately carried out the healing ritual.
'Foolish, Severus,' Albus finally let slip his anxiety after Severus was allowed to rest on the bed. 'Foolish.'
Severus did not hear him.
'He's asleep Headmaster. Nothing can disturb him.' Poppy said grimly. 'His recovery is gradually taking longer. His constitution is becoming weaker.'
'He will resent you saying that Madam Pomfrey.' Albus said matter-of- factly, 'He will insist on taking up his school duties as soon as he wakens.'
'You must persuade him to rest. He listens to you.' Minerva begged him.
'Ay, but he listens selectively. He will teach tomorrow.'
Albus hated himself for being particularly harsh, especially when this concerned Severus. He never seemed to find the right time to finally let the young wizard throw the shackles of his burden. They were in a war. No one, not the students should have an inkling of something amiss.
*I wish I could lay your arms down Severus. I wish I could slay your demons, but it is not for me to do it. It is for another. Why can you not have the peace you deserve?* Albus blamed the heavens. *See what this war is bringing. Misery and more misery. Why do you play us by the pawn? Can you not bring aid?*
The night was calm and quiet when Albus walked down to the Hospital Wing four hours later to check on Severus. When he stepped in, he found himself in an unforgettable wonder.
Adela was sitting beside Severus' bed. Of course, she was still recuperating in here. She held his hand, speaking softly as moans escaped Severus' lips. He was apparently having a nightmare, much to Albus' distress.
Then Severus opened his eyes and sat up. He looked about his surroundings wildly. Adela clasped his arm to bring him back. At her touch, he turned to her.
'Adela?' There was an unexpected vulnerability in Severus' voice.
She blinked.
'Did you call me?' She bit her lower lip and frowned. She probably supposed it was a stupid question.
'Where am I?'
'In the Hospital Wing.'
'Am I dead?' Severus shook both her and Albus, who continued watching from the doorway.
'No,' she said as mildly as possible, 'no.'
Even from afar, Albus saw Severus' eyes were exceptionally bright and filled with unspoken vulnerability. His throat constricted in pain.
Severus lifted his hand and his fingertips touched Adela's cheek. She did not flinch. She did not withdraw herself when he suddenly grasped her hand in desperation.
'Did I disturb you?' Severus asked raggedly.
Adela used her free hand to cover his, 'You did with your snoring.'
Her bland remark caused the knot of tension in him to uncoil. He huffed and summoned his strength, 'I must remedy that. Still, ten points off. . . well, at Professor McGonagall's expense for your cheek, shall we say?'
She grinned, the tightness in her own face lifted when she heard him return to his dry, caustic self. 'I suppose I can't ask what has brought you to sleep in the Hospital Wing?' she asked casually.
His surprise was genuine, 'Surely you'd know.'
'Madam Pomfrey locked me out of the room when they brought you in.'
'Ah,' was all he would say. Then, uncertain, 'You didn't see me. . .?'
She shook her head. 'It doesn't matter. You should get some sleep.'
He smiled wryly, 'This is wonderful. Now I have another nanny besides Madam Pomfrey to fuss over me.' Gingerly, he propped himself against the headrest. Adela wisely refrained from steadying him. Severus would wither under well-intentioned but needless protection.
'Haven't we done this before?' Severus asked grouchily.
'What, with me in the bed and you perching over me? You see, the roles are reversed this time.'
'It grows tedious.'
Adela agreed, 'Let's not make it a habit.'
Albus noticed their hands were still entwined. Severus noticed it as well and slowly separated them. Calmly, he bid her goodnight. Albus contemplated that Severus did not meet Adela's gaze.
She watched him slip into slumber once more. This time, she was satisfied with the ease in his posture. Gently, she covered him with blankets and went back to her bed.
Albus returned quietly to his rooms, very pleased with what he had seen. Seeing Fawkes, he said cheerily to his long-time companion, 'My friend, it appears some things have greater healing powers than your tears after all.'
He received a sour glance from the phoenix.
***
'And Potter has found sight of the Snitch! Now, Penatus is pursuing behind. Uh oh, Penatus's catching up!'
The audience roared in a mix of anger and excitement when the two Seekers swooped low over them.
'Now the devious Snitch is out of sight again! Meanwhile, Hufflepuff has scored another ten points, by Livis!' Colin Creevy, the new commentator after Jordan left, continued yelling. 'If this isn't the most exhilarating game so far, I don't know what is!'
It was the annual Quidditch taking place, and Severus tried his best to appear engaged. Frankly, he was bored. He only watched a game when it involved the Slytherins. Otherwise, he was quite tuned off. Besides, he knew the outcome of the game. 'And Gryffindor wins!' echoed in his head.
'Are you dozing off?' a soft voice reached his ears.
He spoke as though into the air, his eyes straight at the field. 'If you have watched Quidditch all your life, you will not find it special.'
He could not see her of course. She was under that flimsy Invisibility Cloak. The fact that there was a supposed empty space beside him did not bother anyone who saw it. It was well known that the Head of Slytherin liked to keep away from overly enthusiastic crowds who might wave their arms and wallop him. Why could she not use a more sophisticated method? Like an invisibility spell or something.
He could not tell how she was enjoying the game or where she was looking at. Somehow though, he felt that her gaze was presently upon him.
'The other professors seem to like it very much.'
Severus schooled his expression to one of nonchalance. 'It is a matter of taste then.'
He heard her chuckle. Then, she was quiet.
Adela had recovered sufficiently during the weekend to receive Albus' permission to gain access in Hogwarts' grounds. She was cautious. But he knew the times when she sneaked into his classes to see their lessons, when she would leave a daisy or a buttercup or any flower on his table when no one was looking. She was an imp. Having memorised the various passwords, she went stealthily round the castle and peeked into every room, leaving traces only those who knew of her presence could spot. Albus was delighted when she left him a bottle of Muggle gingerbeer she concocted with the help of the House-Elves in the kitchens. According to Minerva, she even scampered to the edges of the school grounds to visit Hagrid's hut during a Magical Creatures lesson. It was peculiar that she left the place uninjured.
When he was convinced that the ongoing match was enrapturing her, he let himself frown. The incident at the Hospital Wing was never discussed between them and he dared not ask her whether he had imagined it. The night cloaking the scene, the half-remembered conversation and the need to prove to himself that she was really there had overcome him for a while as he had seized her hand to find it corporeal. That embarrassment he grimly planned to banish to the hazy depths of his memory. It made him. . . queasy with unanswered questions, questions he thought best buried. No good would come out of dwelling over them.
He heard her clap as Potter executed a tricky somersault with his Firebolt, drowned out by other applause of varying degrees. His Slytherins, who were sitting in a nearby booth, jeered.
'Show-off!' Draco sneered. Others followed.
Severus sighed. He felt a headache threatening to storm within. He had been through the House rivalry in his youth. Sometimes, he wished he did not have to deal with it anymore, only it was stubbornly latched onto his duties as a teacher in Hogwarts. He needed a distraction.
He saw Albus smiling mischievously at him. There was an almost diabolical twinkle in that man's eye, filling him with suspicion. Was Albus so omnipotent that he knew of his predicament?
He scowled at Albus, serving to irritate him when the Headmaster grinned ever more brightly. The man had the audacity to wink at him!
Severus gave up. He knew when he was defeated.
He concentrated on the game in misery, groaning when Potter stood on his broomstick, waving the Snitch excitedly in his hand.
'And Gryffindor wins!' Creevy's squeaky voice boomed.
***
Albus peered over the rim of his teacup. There were relatively few occasions when he had the leisure of having tea with his favourite people. This was not one of them.
'You do see, Cornelius, our hands are rather full at this moment. We appreciate your sincere wish to contribute to the. . . organisation.' Albus twirled the saucer around his nimble fingers, 'But we do not require further assistance.' His tone was polite, as always, but final.
Fudge was predictably quivering in his seat.
'First,' he tried to keep his voice even, 'You reject an inquisitor to the school. Umbridge was indispensable and now look what's happened to her! Still visiting St. Mungo's everyday for medication!'
'An unfortunate incident,' said Minerva without a trace of sincerity.
'So I send some of the most highly respected and valued members of the Ministry to aid you. Then, one by one, they leave feeling themselves disregarded. These are my subordinates Dumbledore. To shut them out in your proceedings is to insult me.'
Albus waved his hand good-naturedly, 'Come, don't let us argue over these trivial matters.'
'Trivial! I assure you, they are nothing but important. The Ministry has the right to know what you've been up to.'
'As your. . . subordinates have doubtlessly informed you, our school curriculum is the same as it's been for the past six centuries. Dear me, is it truly that long? Really Cornelius, we have done what we could to make our guests feel welcome, and we have given them whatever information needed as to what goes round in Hogwarts.' Albus gestured to the table where an exquisite set of tea-things was placed. 'More crumpets?'
'No, thank you!' Fudge's patience wore thin, 'Consider myself paying a service to you Dumbledore when I come here. I could have asked you to meet me at my own office. Hence, I will not leave until I get my answers. What is your army doing with You-Know-Who?'
'Oh, so that is what you wanted!' Albus exclaimed innocently, 'I was mistaken to think you had interests in the school's well-being.'
Fudge's face flushed.
'You may rest to know that our goals remain similar: to work against Voldemort.' Albus paused when the people in his office reacted as they were wont to do whenever Tom Riddle's acronym was mentioned, 'Hence, you do not have to worry about it.'
'This is outrageous. Have you not said we should work together?'
'I will work with you with pleasure Cornelius, if you will cooperate as well. As it is, you shall retain your own information and I see fit to keep mine.'
'The Ministry is the one at a disadvantage. All our information is public, published in papers like the Daily Prophet.'
'Is that so?' Albus rummaged through the papers of the past week, 'Oh dear, it appears they have left out the impressive news about the whereabouts of Bidmarck.'
At that, Fudge's eyes bulged, to Minerva's and Severus' visible satisfaction.
'How did. . .' he spurted angrily, 'How did you. . .'
Albus said, 'Suffice to say we know. It seems you are not ready to place unconditional trust in us yet. Very well, I respect your decision.'
Casting about for a red herring, Fudge pointed to the other two who were present. 'And what are they doing here? They are not necessary in this meeting of ours.' He especially viewed Severus with mingled loathing and disgust.
Albus replied sternly, 'They are here at my request Cornelius. They work for me, and have every reason to be here.'
Fudge sneered, spoiling the amicable façade he produced, 'And since they are here. . . I am told they were the ones who took the initiative to bring that Muggle to your premises.'
'That's correct.'
'Have you found out who she is? Have you Obliviated her and sent her back?'
'She has returned home.' It was true. Adela had left that morning to set her uncle's and aunt's minds at ease with her safety.
'Are you sure she won't remember anything?'
Albus cleverly skirted the issue, 'Have some faith in Professor Flitwick's skills Cornelius.'
Fudge brusquely stood up. Speaking haughtily, he said, 'Of course. I have absolute faith in you and your followers.' He nodded to Albus and barely acknowledged Minerva and Severus. 'Good day, Dumbledore.' He walked out of the room hurriedly.
When they heard the steps fading away, Minerva observed, 'He's worried. There're rumours that all the Dementors have deserted. That means more prisoners will escape.'
'We cannot help it. The Order is not large enough to secure Azkaban. Thank Merlin Voldemort does not have that kind of power and that the Death-Eaters are not numerous either.'
'After the widespread search of Dark Wizards, and knowledge that the Dark Lord has indeed been resurrected, it's more difficult to recruit them.' Severus said.
Albus shrugged, 'So much the better.' With Fudge gone, his moods lifted, 'Happily, as it is, Fudge did not touch any of our tea or crumpets. Tuck in, or I'll look ravenous. I'm afraid the tea's cold though.' Albus proceeded to do a warming spell.
Minerva took her cup, 'So what was it that you wanted to see us about, before Fudge's unceremonious arrival?'
'Simply an excuse to find company to share this sumptuous spread and also to tell you Miss Stanton should be at her village now.'
Due to his watching for it, Albus spotted Severus fumble with his plate. The movement was infinitely minuscule, but it was sufficient to gladden him.
Minerva said blithely, 'Oh she will be back.'
Severus said simultaneously, 'You mean you weren't lying to Fudge about. . .' Then Minerva's words sank in. Albus watched, amused when Severus spun his head so fast that his neck cracked, 'She will be back?'
'Yes.' Minerva reached out for the porcelain teapot. 'We wish her to. Why, don't you?'
Severus was not a spy for nothing. He hid every emotion well. His tone was calculably careless. 'Well. There is no harm done but may I ask why you asked her to?'
'Every help is appreciated, including those from unlikely sources.'
'Do you at least suspect she may be the one in Trelawney's prophecy?'
'Perhaps.'
Severus nodded. 'It makes sense.'
Albus and Minerva exchanged looks of glee when Severus busied himself with tea.
'I should prepare for the next class. Thank you for tea Headmaster. Professor McGonagall.' Severus was always strangely formal when he was in Albus' office. It may be because of the entire group of past Headmasters present, even if in portraits. He swept out majestically.
Albus spread his palm out, 'There.'
'What?' Minerva pretended ignorance.
'Severus did not behave like a lost puppy.'
'He behaved abnormally. He barely contained his agitation when he heard she left, for his standards I mean. Then, bam! Don't laugh Albus. I learnt that adolescent word from Ginny Weaseley. It serves a purpose to emphasise my point. Anyway, bam! He was relieved when he learnt Adela's coming back.'
'He did not wring his hands and his face did not drain of blood.'
'An expression!'
'He did not look devastated and weep.'
'He was about to. I saved him in a rush.'
'He did not cry her name out.'
Minerva drew a bag of lemondrops out, 'Oh, all right you won the bet.'
Albus promptly sucked one in content, 'You females think in the most dramatic ways.'
***
Severus was getting more than a confusing sense of déjà vu tonight. 'Butterflies in his stomach,' his grandfather called it.
Speaking of butterflies. . .
He continued looking at her still outstretched hand, inviting him to join her at the lake.
'You're quiet,' he said to her.
They had been walking the grounds for a few hours now. He heard the bells ring eleven. The moonlit night added to the fantastical quality of the occasion.
He still did not know how to address her. 'Miss Stanton' felt too inappropriate, whereas 'Adela' felt too promiscuous. Hence, he simply kept to 'You'.
She smiled. She always smiled. 'It's lovely here,' she said, 'When I was in the city, you couldn't see the stars, for the streetlights were too bright.'
He smiled back, cursing himself within. He always lost his severity with her. 'Did you like the city?' There was a sardonic inflexion in his tone.
He knew she knew he was mocking, but she ignored it. 'I love the city, though it's vastly different from home.'
Severus cursed himself again. She had not forgotten how to deal with him, after all these years.
He watched morosely as she sat by the lake. It would be so much wiser, so much easier if he could just hand her to Minerva's care. The girl fascinated and infuriated him. He could do without these embellishments in his already colourful life, albeit most being shades of black.
The moonlight was really magical and strange tonight. It caused the forest and castle to fade into a blurry background and heightened the delicateness of the girl and outlined the thin cotton dress she was wearing.
'You will catch pneumonia,' he chided.
She looked at him, wide-eyed, 'I recall you telling me the first time we met that you didn't care if I entangled myself in the branches, so long as I wasn't in your path.'
She was teasing him! The insolent chit.
'I have to be answerable to Professor Dumbledore now.' Shrugging off his cloak, he placed it over her shoulders.
'That explains it. Thank you. It's colder here than in the village.' It was the only reference she made to him about her flitting out of Hogwarts that day. 'Do sit down. My neck will ache if I continue looking up at you like this.'
He tried to look as dignified as possible when he consented.
'The lake is calm tonight,' she commented.
'Has Miss Granger told you of our inhabitant in the lake?'
'That, and the merpeople. We Muggles got it wrong there.'
'I will choose to say some of the Muggles are more. flighty in their imagination.'
'But they will never think it real,' she pointed out sadly.
'Yes, the world of fact and fantasy must have a distinct line for your world, yet, they can be so caught up in it.'
'All that is rich, wonderful and magical; and of course, all that is murky, horrible and gruesome,' Adela continued the trend if thought.
'We play by the poles,' Severus smirked, 'Always seeking to explain our existence and the events that happen around us, to rationalise, to separate the supposed opposites to encompass everything in neat order, the yin and yang, black and white, good and evil.'
'Until we are born such that our ancestor's beliefs are instilled in us, closely tied to instinct, but not to truth,' she looked up at the skies.
'Have you ever wondered why, wondered why the night sky,
Is always so dark and sinister?
With a few clouds here and a few clouds there,
And the moon, with the light it administers.
Maybe it's the darkness in our souls that fills all hollows and holes,
Darker than the darkest empty space.
Or maybe it's just there to see, not to be pondered about by you and I,
So let it simply rest in peace.'
If he allowed himself to relax, he would have laughed. It was ridiculous that for someone who dreamt in the day, the girl possessed a sly insight to the human condition. Her clarity was a cleansing breeze blowing the spectres into nothingness and shrinking pettiness of disputes into the size it ought to be.
Something filled him, something so rarely experienced by himself it took a considerable amount of time to identify it. Elation. It settled him and washed over him warmly. The feeling he had missed ever since meeting her.
*She's my Esmeralda,* he finally accepted to himself. He plunged immediately into fury and bitterness, *What then? Am I her Frollo or Quasimodo?*
He could not forget what he did to the witches who fell victim to the Death- Eaters. He used any means to draw out information from them. Truth potions, but if they were lacking. . . He had committed the foulest of crimes to get what he had wanted. He hated it, hated himself for doing them even though he had not lost his calm. He knew he could do it again.
Now he feared his iron will unravelling in her presence.
He feared for her.
***
Author's Note:
"swirling clouds in violet haze, flaming flowers that brightly blaze, and morning fields of amber grain" are lyrics from Don McLean's song 'Vincent'.
'I wish I could lay your arms down. . . I wish I could slay your demons' are lyrics from the episode 'Once More With Feeling' in 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'.
Penatus is Latin for winged
'Have you ever wondered why, wondered why the night sky,
Is always so dark and sinister?
With a few clouds here and a few clouds there,
And the moon, with the light it administers.
Maybe it's the darkness in our souls that fills all hollows and holes,
Darker than the darkest empty space.
Or maybe it's just there to see, not to be pondered about by you and I,
So let it simply rest in peace.'
The poem is by Charles Edward Jaggard.
Chapter 7
'My Lord,' Severus sprawled himself onto the cold stone floor, 'I am truly honoured to receive your attention.'
Voldemort chuckled indulgently, 'Modesty Severus? Come now, rise.'
'Thank you for your generosity my Lord,' Severus stood up and kept his head lowered in servitude.
As expected, he had been summoned to the caves where Voldemort was hiding for the past several months. The Death-Eaters never knew where they were exactly, being brought to his presence through the touch of their own Mark. The present caves were uncommonly large. Rows of flaming torches lined the sides and a bonfire was burning in the middle of the caves. The air was frosty, though Severus failed to deduce if it was the result of the natural climate or the work of Voldemort.
The caves were relatively empty. Voldemort seemed to revel in the spaciousness and gothic grandeur of them. Even his throne was modelled to suit the surroundings. Meanwhile, that blasted snake was still alive and apparently thriving. It was certainly fatter than he had last seen it.
He stood as aloof as possible when Nagini coiled itself around his ankles before sliding back to its master.
'Nagini's simply smelling you Severus.' There was a trace of amusement in Voldemort's voice.
Severus bowed.
Voldemort hissed at Nagini and it soon left them alone. 'Follow me Severus. There is something of particular interest I want to show you.'
Severus said cautiously, 'My Lord, the potions. . .'
'Hand them to Wormtail,' Voldemort waved a careless hand, 'I detest the sight of them.' He sighed, 'What is one to do? To be dependent on a few measly bottles of liquid. But all that may change. . .'
He turned into one of the tunnels and Severus followed him hurriedly.
The path was dark. Severus could barely see the outline of Voldemort. At last, he saw an ice blue light shining out of a corner. The hole they eventually reached was found to be lighted by a single source.
'My Lord, these books. . .' Severus breathed.
'They were in Bidmarck's possession,' Voldemort's back was facing him.
'Bidmarck?' Severus feigned ignorance.
Voldemort said sternly, 'He was a disappointment. Come here.'
Severus stood beside him and studied the books carefully.
There were four of them in total, each with a plain leather cover and an individual rune.
'Power, Love, Knowledge and Wealth.'
'The four things that humans most desire.' Voldemort ran his hand over them and they shimmered more brightly. Severus heard the Dark Lord hiss menacingly. Voldemort removed his hand. 'Touch them Severus. Tell me what you feel.'
Severus touched them with his fingertips and gasped at the electrifying sensations coursing through his body at the mere contact. He felt his heart gripped with loneliness, with a hindsight that told him of desolation in isolation that was swiftly replaced by the most sated feeling of comfort as an image of a delicate hand stretched out to reach him. It promised of a new place, of peace, of paradise, with swirling clouds in violet haze, flaming flowers that brightly blaze and morning fields of amber grain. . .
Severus took his hand away before his face betrayed any emotion.
'Tell me Severus,' the cold voice crushed the wisp of vision he yearned to keep.
He needed to tread his words carefully, 'I feel fear transformed to singular joy my Lord.'
'Weakness of the past and desire for the future.' Voldemort smirked in satisfaction, 'When Wormtail touched them, he squealed at the sight of James Potter trying to kill him when he was discovered to be my vassal, then he saw himself as one of the most powerful wizards who had the respect of everyone.'
Severus grimaced. Wormtail was such an apt name. He was the only man who made him cringe in distaste. He avoided seeing him as much as possible, so as not to recall his one mistake in misjudgment and maligning Black more than fifteen years ago. He also hated the servile attitude Wormtail had and that look of awe whenever Voldemort did something to inspire it. It reminded him that he had experienced the same feeling before by the Dark Lord, when he was still young, impressionable and foolish.
'What did you see precisely Severus?' Voldemort asked in a deceivingly gentle tone. That control of his emotions, to use whatever tool to strike at a person's weakest point. . . Severus had once succumbed to it, believing that only Voldemort had accepted him for who he was.
'I see control slipping away my Lord. then I saw all encompassing knowledge.' Severus lied. He could not expose himself any further to this wizard that was not a man.
'And do you think you can achieve that aim?'
'Only with your guidance and leadership Master.'
Voldemort laughed, tickled at Severus' flattery. Severus stopped himself from flinching. The laughter was the harshest and ugliest sound ever emitted.
'You have always craved knowledge Severus. You are one of my rare subordinates who do. You remind me of my younger days, when I scout the corners of the world in pursuit of the Dark Arts. But why do they call these skills dark? They are the most refined powers that one can use. No matter. We shall change the face of the earth.' He indicated the books, 'These will help us.'
'My Lord, I still do not understand. . .'
'Don't you Severus? These are the Books of Fate. There was no written language when they were created. So they were simply known as Knowledge. The very thing after your heart, isn't it?'
'They are very valuable possessions.'
'Yes, but they will be more so if we find out how to use them. See what happens when I open them.'
Voldemort chanted softly and the covers flung out. A crack like that of a thunder erupted and Severus was blinded momentarily by the light. There was a raw energy in these books and it shot out at him, challenging his own magical powers. Involuntarily, he lifted his arms to beat down the onslaught to no avail. When he recovered, he saw a kind of projection of blurred images hovering above the books. A voice, neither male nor female, filled the room and reverberated inside his ears.
'Power woven into book
That which thou behold.
Wither a single look,
Shouldest thou be bold:
Thy own powers be forfeit,
When we find thee unfit.
Power, Wealth, Knowledge, Love-
Be careful what thou desire.
Our wild magic from above
Can bring thee to the mire.
Doest thou not back away
Now thee knoweth thou cannot us sway?
Thy will to us bend,
Only we may destroy,
Hence upon this depend:
If thou wants to thwart our ploy,
Thou wilt fail, thou shalt perish,
The end of the future we finish.'
The light flashed again in spite and then dissolved to the initial state. The books remain opened.
Voldemort spoke, 'I have interpreted the message, through reading and analysing other books and accounts of the later generations. These do not belong to the Dark, as the officials will have anyone believe. They are of a plane higher than ours, rising above the petty disputes in this mortal world.' His eyes gleamed with greed, 'Imagine controlling this Wild Magic. That is the ultimate invincibility.'
Severus was wise enough to know no one could possibly withstand the vengeance and punishment of Wild Magic if anyone dared to grasp it in his hand. It was seldom heard of now, but the existence of Wild Magic was known to all who were magical.
'Your Grace, why were these books made, when they are not intended to serve anyone?'
'They were once used by members chosen by the Wild Magic, and passed down the line to descendants and disciples. These men and women lived in seclusion. They do not mingle with the outside world. But they could not prevent the oncoming corruption in the world. Threatened, the numbers of these members dwindled, till they were no more. Wild Magic was simply laid to rest. These books and other relics are all that's left of that past. Safe, for no one has ever managed to use them. They destroy the lowly magic in the human frame, and thus the witch or wizard as well.'
'I see.'
'Now, they are in my hands. I need you to devise such a way that I may use them without harming my powers.'
'But My Lord, that's impossible!' It was the wrong thing to say, but Severus had to.
'You will find a way.' Voldemort suddenly stood tall in front of him. There was just an inch of space between them and Severus felt the snake-breath of his master chilling his face and blood beneath. 'To remind you of your place and what happens when you disobey my commands.' He stood back and drew out his wand.
Severus wandered idly if Jonathan and Poppy had been warned by Albus that they had to sacrifice their sleep. He closed his eyes and whimpered convincingly, 'Master. . .'
'Crucio.' The two syllables were uttered.
The pain hit him, and Severus screamed.
***
'You should have gone straight to the Hospital Wing!' Minerva twittered in her nervousness.
Severus groaned in reply.
'You can't expect him to talk Minerva.' Albus said tersely.
'Of all places! The greenhouse was the worst. . . No one goes there!'
'He can't navigate his way.'
They hurried him to Poppy. Albus immediately carried out the healing ritual.
'Foolish, Severus,' Albus finally let slip his anxiety after Severus was allowed to rest on the bed. 'Foolish.'
Severus did not hear him.
'He's asleep Headmaster. Nothing can disturb him.' Poppy said grimly. 'His recovery is gradually taking longer. His constitution is becoming weaker.'
'He will resent you saying that Madam Pomfrey.' Albus said matter-of- factly, 'He will insist on taking up his school duties as soon as he wakens.'
'You must persuade him to rest. He listens to you.' Minerva begged him.
'Ay, but he listens selectively. He will teach tomorrow.'
Albus hated himself for being particularly harsh, especially when this concerned Severus. He never seemed to find the right time to finally let the young wizard throw the shackles of his burden. They were in a war. No one, not the students should have an inkling of something amiss.
*I wish I could lay your arms down Severus. I wish I could slay your demons, but it is not for me to do it. It is for another. Why can you not have the peace you deserve?* Albus blamed the heavens. *See what this war is bringing. Misery and more misery. Why do you play us by the pawn? Can you not bring aid?*
The night was calm and quiet when Albus walked down to the Hospital Wing four hours later to check on Severus. When he stepped in, he found himself in an unforgettable wonder.
Adela was sitting beside Severus' bed. Of course, she was still recuperating in here. She held his hand, speaking softly as moans escaped Severus' lips. He was apparently having a nightmare, much to Albus' distress.
Then Severus opened his eyes and sat up. He looked about his surroundings wildly. Adela clasped his arm to bring him back. At her touch, he turned to her.
'Adela?' There was an unexpected vulnerability in Severus' voice.
She blinked.
'Did you call me?' She bit her lower lip and frowned. She probably supposed it was a stupid question.
'Where am I?'
'In the Hospital Wing.'
'Am I dead?' Severus shook both her and Albus, who continued watching from the doorway.
'No,' she said as mildly as possible, 'no.'
Even from afar, Albus saw Severus' eyes were exceptionally bright and filled with unspoken vulnerability. His throat constricted in pain.
Severus lifted his hand and his fingertips touched Adela's cheek. She did not flinch. She did not withdraw herself when he suddenly grasped her hand in desperation.
'Did I disturb you?' Severus asked raggedly.
Adela used her free hand to cover his, 'You did with your snoring.'
Her bland remark caused the knot of tension in him to uncoil. He huffed and summoned his strength, 'I must remedy that. Still, ten points off. . . well, at Professor McGonagall's expense for your cheek, shall we say?'
She grinned, the tightness in her own face lifted when she heard him return to his dry, caustic self. 'I suppose I can't ask what has brought you to sleep in the Hospital Wing?' she asked casually.
His surprise was genuine, 'Surely you'd know.'
'Madam Pomfrey locked me out of the room when they brought you in.'
'Ah,' was all he would say. Then, uncertain, 'You didn't see me. . .?'
She shook her head. 'It doesn't matter. You should get some sleep.'
He smiled wryly, 'This is wonderful. Now I have another nanny besides Madam Pomfrey to fuss over me.' Gingerly, he propped himself against the headrest. Adela wisely refrained from steadying him. Severus would wither under well-intentioned but needless protection.
'Haven't we done this before?' Severus asked grouchily.
'What, with me in the bed and you perching over me? You see, the roles are reversed this time.'
'It grows tedious.'
Adela agreed, 'Let's not make it a habit.'
Albus noticed their hands were still entwined. Severus noticed it as well and slowly separated them. Calmly, he bid her goodnight. Albus contemplated that Severus did not meet Adela's gaze.
She watched him slip into slumber once more. This time, she was satisfied with the ease in his posture. Gently, she covered him with blankets and went back to her bed.
Albus returned quietly to his rooms, very pleased with what he had seen. Seeing Fawkes, he said cheerily to his long-time companion, 'My friend, it appears some things have greater healing powers than your tears after all.'
He received a sour glance from the phoenix.
***
'And Potter has found sight of the Snitch! Now, Penatus is pursuing behind. Uh oh, Penatus's catching up!'
The audience roared in a mix of anger and excitement when the two Seekers swooped low over them.
'Now the devious Snitch is out of sight again! Meanwhile, Hufflepuff has scored another ten points, by Livis!' Colin Creevy, the new commentator after Jordan left, continued yelling. 'If this isn't the most exhilarating game so far, I don't know what is!'
It was the annual Quidditch taking place, and Severus tried his best to appear engaged. Frankly, he was bored. He only watched a game when it involved the Slytherins. Otherwise, he was quite tuned off. Besides, he knew the outcome of the game. 'And Gryffindor wins!' echoed in his head.
'Are you dozing off?' a soft voice reached his ears.
He spoke as though into the air, his eyes straight at the field. 'If you have watched Quidditch all your life, you will not find it special.'
He could not see her of course. She was under that flimsy Invisibility Cloak. The fact that there was a supposed empty space beside him did not bother anyone who saw it. It was well known that the Head of Slytherin liked to keep away from overly enthusiastic crowds who might wave their arms and wallop him. Why could she not use a more sophisticated method? Like an invisibility spell or something.
He could not tell how she was enjoying the game or where she was looking at. Somehow though, he felt that her gaze was presently upon him.
'The other professors seem to like it very much.'
Severus schooled his expression to one of nonchalance. 'It is a matter of taste then.'
He heard her chuckle. Then, she was quiet.
Adela had recovered sufficiently during the weekend to receive Albus' permission to gain access in Hogwarts' grounds. She was cautious. But he knew the times when she sneaked into his classes to see their lessons, when she would leave a daisy or a buttercup or any flower on his table when no one was looking. She was an imp. Having memorised the various passwords, she went stealthily round the castle and peeked into every room, leaving traces only those who knew of her presence could spot. Albus was delighted when she left him a bottle of Muggle gingerbeer she concocted with the help of the House-Elves in the kitchens. According to Minerva, she even scampered to the edges of the school grounds to visit Hagrid's hut during a Magical Creatures lesson. It was peculiar that she left the place uninjured.
When he was convinced that the ongoing match was enrapturing her, he let himself frown. The incident at the Hospital Wing was never discussed between them and he dared not ask her whether he had imagined it. The night cloaking the scene, the half-remembered conversation and the need to prove to himself that she was really there had overcome him for a while as he had seized her hand to find it corporeal. That embarrassment he grimly planned to banish to the hazy depths of his memory. It made him. . . queasy with unanswered questions, questions he thought best buried. No good would come out of dwelling over them.
He heard her clap as Potter executed a tricky somersault with his Firebolt, drowned out by other applause of varying degrees. His Slytherins, who were sitting in a nearby booth, jeered.
'Show-off!' Draco sneered. Others followed.
Severus sighed. He felt a headache threatening to storm within. He had been through the House rivalry in his youth. Sometimes, he wished he did not have to deal with it anymore, only it was stubbornly latched onto his duties as a teacher in Hogwarts. He needed a distraction.
He saw Albus smiling mischievously at him. There was an almost diabolical twinkle in that man's eye, filling him with suspicion. Was Albus so omnipotent that he knew of his predicament?
He scowled at Albus, serving to irritate him when the Headmaster grinned ever more brightly. The man had the audacity to wink at him!
Severus gave up. He knew when he was defeated.
He concentrated on the game in misery, groaning when Potter stood on his broomstick, waving the Snitch excitedly in his hand.
'And Gryffindor wins!' Creevy's squeaky voice boomed.
***
Albus peered over the rim of his teacup. There were relatively few occasions when he had the leisure of having tea with his favourite people. This was not one of them.
'You do see, Cornelius, our hands are rather full at this moment. We appreciate your sincere wish to contribute to the. . . organisation.' Albus twirled the saucer around his nimble fingers, 'But we do not require further assistance.' His tone was polite, as always, but final.
Fudge was predictably quivering in his seat.
'First,' he tried to keep his voice even, 'You reject an inquisitor to the school. Umbridge was indispensable and now look what's happened to her! Still visiting St. Mungo's everyday for medication!'
'An unfortunate incident,' said Minerva without a trace of sincerity.
'So I send some of the most highly respected and valued members of the Ministry to aid you. Then, one by one, they leave feeling themselves disregarded. These are my subordinates Dumbledore. To shut them out in your proceedings is to insult me.'
Albus waved his hand good-naturedly, 'Come, don't let us argue over these trivial matters.'
'Trivial! I assure you, they are nothing but important. The Ministry has the right to know what you've been up to.'
'As your. . . subordinates have doubtlessly informed you, our school curriculum is the same as it's been for the past six centuries. Dear me, is it truly that long? Really Cornelius, we have done what we could to make our guests feel welcome, and we have given them whatever information needed as to what goes round in Hogwarts.' Albus gestured to the table where an exquisite set of tea-things was placed. 'More crumpets?'
'No, thank you!' Fudge's patience wore thin, 'Consider myself paying a service to you Dumbledore when I come here. I could have asked you to meet me at my own office. Hence, I will not leave until I get my answers. What is your army doing with You-Know-Who?'
'Oh, so that is what you wanted!' Albus exclaimed innocently, 'I was mistaken to think you had interests in the school's well-being.'
Fudge's face flushed.
'You may rest to know that our goals remain similar: to work against Voldemort.' Albus paused when the people in his office reacted as they were wont to do whenever Tom Riddle's acronym was mentioned, 'Hence, you do not have to worry about it.'
'This is outrageous. Have you not said we should work together?'
'I will work with you with pleasure Cornelius, if you will cooperate as well. As it is, you shall retain your own information and I see fit to keep mine.'
'The Ministry is the one at a disadvantage. All our information is public, published in papers like the Daily Prophet.'
'Is that so?' Albus rummaged through the papers of the past week, 'Oh dear, it appears they have left out the impressive news about the whereabouts of Bidmarck.'
At that, Fudge's eyes bulged, to Minerva's and Severus' visible satisfaction.
'How did. . .' he spurted angrily, 'How did you. . .'
Albus said, 'Suffice to say we know. It seems you are not ready to place unconditional trust in us yet. Very well, I respect your decision.'
Casting about for a red herring, Fudge pointed to the other two who were present. 'And what are they doing here? They are not necessary in this meeting of ours.' He especially viewed Severus with mingled loathing and disgust.
Albus replied sternly, 'They are here at my request Cornelius. They work for me, and have every reason to be here.'
Fudge sneered, spoiling the amicable façade he produced, 'And since they are here. . . I am told they were the ones who took the initiative to bring that Muggle to your premises.'
'That's correct.'
'Have you found out who she is? Have you Obliviated her and sent her back?'
'She has returned home.' It was true. Adela had left that morning to set her uncle's and aunt's minds at ease with her safety.
'Are you sure she won't remember anything?'
Albus cleverly skirted the issue, 'Have some faith in Professor Flitwick's skills Cornelius.'
Fudge brusquely stood up. Speaking haughtily, he said, 'Of course. I have absolute faith in you and your followers.' He nodded to Albus and barely acknowledged Minerva and Severus. 'Good day, Dumbledore.' He walked out of the room hurriedly.
When they heard the steps fading away, Minerva observed, 'He's worried. There're rumours that all the Dementors have deserted. That means more prisoners will escape.'
'We cannot help it. The Order is not large enough to secure Azkaban. Thank Merlin Voldemort does not have that kind of power and that the Death-Eaters are not numerous either.'
'After the widespread search of Dark Wizards, and knowledge that the Dark Lord has indeed been resurrected, it's more difficult to recruit them.' Severus said.
Albus shrugged, 'So much the better.' With Fudge gone, his moods lifted, 'Happily, as it is, Fudge did not touch any of our tea or crumpets. Tuck in, or I'll look ravenous. I'm afraid the tea's cold though.' Albus proceeded to do a warming spell.
Minerva took her cup, 'So what was it that you wanted to see us about, before Fudge's unceremonious arrival?'
'Simply an excuse to find company to share this sumptuous spread and also to tell you Miss Stanton should be at her village now.'
Due to his watching for it, Albus spotted Severus fumble with his plate. The movement was infinitely minuscule, but it was sufficient to gladden him.
Minerva said blithely, 'Oh she will be back.'
Severus said simultaneously, 'You mean you weren't lying to Fudge about. . .' Then Minerva's words sank in. Albus watched, amused when Severus spun his head so fast that his neck cracked, 'She will be back?'
'Yes.' Minerva reached out for the porcelain teapot. 'We wish her to. Why, don't you?'
Severus was not a spy for nothing. He hid every emotion well. His tone was calculably careless. 'Well. There is no harm done but may I ask why you asked her to?'
'Every help is appreciated, including those from unlikely sources.'
'Do you at least suspect she may be the one in Trelawney's prophecy?'
'Perhaps.'
Severus nodded. 'It makes sense.'
Albus and Minerva exchanged looks of glee when Severus busied himself with tea.
'I should prepare for the next class. Thank you for tea Headmaster. Professor McGonagall.' Severus was always strangely formal when he was in Albus' office. It may be because of the entire group of past Headmasters present, even if in portraits. He swept out majestically.
Albus spread his palm out, 'There.'
'What?' Minerva pretended ignorance.
'Severus did not behave like a lost puppy.'
'He behaved abnormally. He barely contained his agitation when he heard she left, for his standards I mean. Then, bam! Don't laugh Albus. I learnt that adolescent word from Ginny Weaseley. It serves a purpose to emphasise my point. Anyway, bam! He was relieved when he learnt Adela's coming back.'
'He did not wring his hands and his face did not drain of blood.'
'An expression!'
'He did not look devastated and weep.'
'He was about to. I saved him in a rush.'
'He did not cry her name out.'
Minerva drew a bag of lemondrops out, 'Oh, all right you won the bet.'
Albus promptly sucked one in content, 'You females think in the most dramatic ways.'
***
Severus was getting more than a confusing sense of déjà vu tonight. 'Butterflies in his stomach,' his grandfather called it.
Speaking of butterflies. . .
He continued looking at her still outstretched hand, inviting him to join her at the lake.
'You're quiet,' he said to her.
They had been walking the grounds for a few hours now. He heard the bells ring eleven. The moonlit night added to the fantastical quality of the occasion.
He still did not know how to address her. 'Miss Stanton' felt too inappropriate, whereas 'Adela' felt too promiscuous. Hence, he simply kept to 'You'.
She smiled. She always smiled. 'It's lovely here,' she said, 'When I was in the city, you couldn't see the stars, for the streetlights were too bright.'
He smiled back, cursing himself within. He always lost his severity with her. 'Did you like the city?' There was a sardonic inflexion in his tone.
He knew she knew he was mocking, but she ignored it. 'I love the city, though it's vastly different from home.'
Severus cursed himself again. She had not forgotten how to deal with him, after all these years.
He watched morosely as she sat by the lake. It would be so much wiser, so much easier if he could just hand her to Minerva's care. The girl fascinated and infuriated him. He could do without these embellishments in his already colourful life, albeit most being shades of black.
The moonlight was really magical and strange tonight. It caused the forest and castle to fade into a blurry background and heightened the delicateness of the girl and outlined the thin cotton dress she was wearing.
'You will catch pneumonia,' he chided.
She looked at him, wide-eyed, 'I recall you telling me the first time we met that you didn't care if I entangled myself in the branches, so long as I wasn't in your path.'
She was teasing him! The insolent chit.
'I have to be answerable to Professor Dumbledore now.' Shrugging off his cloak, he placed it over her shoulders.
'That explains it. Thank you. It's colder here than in the village.' It was the only reference she made to him about her flitting out of Hogwarts that day. 'Do sit down. My neck will ache if I continue looking up at you like this.'
He tried to look as dignified as possible when he consented.
'The lake is calm tonight,' she commented.
'Has Miss Granger told you of our inhabitant in the lake?'
'That, and the merpeople. We Muggles got it wrong there.'
'I will choose to say some of the Muggles are more. flighty in their imagination.'
'But they will never think it real,' she pointed out sadly.
'Yes, the world of fact and fantasy must have a distinct line for your world, yet, they can be so caught up in it.'
'All that is rich, wonderful and magical; and of course, all that is murky, horrible and gruesome,' Adela continued the trend if thought.
'We play by the poles,' Severus smirked, 'Always seeking to explain our existence and the events that happen around us, to rationalise, to separate the supposed opposites to encompass everything in neat order, the yin and yang, black and white, good and evil.'
'Until we are born such that our ancestor's beliefs are instilled in us, closely tied to instinct, but not to truth,' she looked up at the skies.
'Have you ever wondered why, wondered why the night sky,
Is always so dark and sinister?
With a few clouds here and a few clouds there,
And the moon, with the light it administers.
Maybe it's the darkness in our souls that fills all hollows and holes,
Darker than the darkest empty space.
Or maybe it's just there to see, not to be pondered about by you and I,
So let it simply rest in peace.'
If he allowed himself to relax, he would have laughed. It was ridiculous that for someone who dreamt in the day, the girl possessed a sly insight to the human condition. Her clarity was a cleansing breeze blowing the spectres into nothingness and shrinking pettiness of disputes into the size it ought to be.
Something filled him, something so rarely experienced by himself it took a considerable amount of time to identify it. Elation. It settled him and washed over him warmly. The feeling he had missed ever since meeting her.
*She's my Esmeralda,* he finally accepted to himself. He plunged immediately into fury and bitterness, *What then? Am I her Frollo or Quasimodo?*
He could not forget what he did to the witches who fell victim to the Death- Eaters. He used any means to draw out information from them. Truth potions, but if they were lacking. . . He had committed the foulest of crimes to get what he had wanted. He hated it, hated himself for doing them even though he had not lost his calm. He knew he could do it again.
Now he feared his iron will unravelling in her presence.
He feared for her.
***
Author's Note:
"swirling clouds in violet haze, flaming flowers that brightly blaze, and morning fields of amber grain" are lyrics from Don McLean's song 'Vincent'.
'I wish I could lay your arms down. . . I wish I could slay your demons' are lyrics from the episode 'Once More With Feeling' in 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'.
Penatus is Latin for winged
'Have you ever wondered why, wondered why the night sky,
Is always so dark and sinister?
With a few clouds here and a few clouds there,
And the moon, with the light it administers.
Maybe it's the darkness in our souls that fills all hollows and holes,
Darker than the darkest empty space.
Or maybe it's just there to see, not to be pondered about by you and I,
So let it simply rest in peace.'
The poem is by Charles Edward Jaggard.