Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon him
and to let him know that you trust him. ~ Booker T. Washington
Chapter 8
'Severus, I was rather surprised to get your message.'
'As I was to receive yours, Lucius,' Severus drawled. 'Can it be that there is something the almighty head of the Malfoy family needs from a lowly professor?'
'Don't prickle. We've done each other a service on numerous occasions old friend,' Lucius placed heavy emphasis on the last two words, a direct reminder of their school days, a rightful claim to a close relationship. He was a year older than Severus, and considerably more confident than the scrawny boy was. It was he who had protected him from further abuse by the Slytherins, if not the Gryffindors. Severus knew that he had that much to thank for that, and reprimanded himself. What debt he owed Lucius was paid in his years as a Death-Eater.
Lucius led him to the drawing room and they were left alone after a House- Elf was summoned to provide them with Bordeaux and whisky.
Lucius helped himself to the more potent alcohol. It did not escape Severus' notice too, that the man's collar was rumpled, something that was not customary to Lucius' normal behaviour. 'Tell me what has happened that my friend has requested to visit me in my own home?'
'I should ask the same of you.' Severus said. 'You're not your tranquil self.'
'Ever the dry observer. Drink?'
'Yes. Let's shed the veil of pretense and have something even stronger. I'll have a brandy, I correct myself, several rounds of brandy. It appears we are going to have a long discussion.'
They settled in front of the fireplace. Lucius chuckled.
'Do you remember,' Lucius reminisced, 'how we crept out of the Slytherin quarters in the middle of the night and rampaged the grounds, and planned all sorts of mischief? All that control of our lives. The school was the world to conquer without fear or regret. Those were the days.'
Severus did remember. 'I didn't know you were capable of being maudlin.'
'Neither did I, but times change and we change with it.'
This was unlike Lucius. 'Are you someone who's attacked the real Lucius and drunk some Polyjuice potion? If so, you better do your homework properly next time. Monsieur Lucius Malfoy never allows anything, including time, to control him. It's the other way around.'
'Do stop vexing me Severus. I've just returned from the Dark Lord.' Lucius made a sound of disgust, 'Are we so crushed by his thumb that we cannot say his name without us reacting?'
Severus silently agreed. 'Well, it explains your present state.'
'You don't have to rub it in.' Lucius turned the glass in his hand before swallowing the brandy in one gulp. 'The matter then.' He placed the glass on the table, 'Did you see the books he took from Bidmarck?'
'So he showed them to you as well. He told me about the properties and why he could not use them. That was a week ago.'
'He brought a captured Mudblood and me to the area. He used the boy to open and read the books, for want of a better word. I'm told they contain no written language.'
'The results?' Severus prompted.
'Oh, death at the end of course. But before that,' he paused at the memory. Severus saw the contentment in his eyes as his expression softened, 'Ah before that. That was interesting. The aura exuding from the books attacked him. You could see the manipulation of the air. Swift and sharp as swords. It stabbed his body and came out again in numerous fine golden rays, slicing him from within. I almost believed they could cut through me too, but here I am. Anyway, it seems his magical powers were destroyed. He slipped into catatonia and died soon after. I could relive the moment again. It was beautiful.'
Severus ignored the remark. 'Did he ask you to solve the problem?'
'He certainly displayed a convincing scene to move me into trying.'
'Then our aims for meeting each other coincide.'
'I spent the day thinking. Post hoc, ergo propter hoc, isn't it? It's the destruction of his magical powers, and therefore the breakdown of the physical and mental self. Much as it is to my distaste, we can use a Muggle as the vessel. The probability of him not being killed is high.'
'I've come to that conclusion myself. Yet there is a chip in our diamond. The Dark Lord is not stupid. It's a simple solution that he can come up with himself. Why doesn't he do it?'
'How do I know? The Dark Lord's crazy to think of all variations. That paranoia of his.'
'Actually, it may be valid in this instance. I did some research, and your account did not contradict my suspicions. I found that in theory, when the aura enters a body, it not only absorbs the magical powers, it reacts with and transforms the body.'
'In what way?'
Severus frowned into his glass, 'This is unprecedented Lucius. For all our expertise, we wouldn't know. I may conjecture that there is a possibility that the aura will be imparted to the Muggle, bestowing on him or her what we wizards cannot have. Wild magic. Whether it will be temporary or permanent is open for speculation. Besides, the books are power, aren't they? The Muggle can break out of whatever influence he or she is kept under and harness the aura to the Dark Lord's detriment, and he will surely avoid it at all costs.'
'Very enlightening. He will not want someone more powerful than he is. We are back to where we started. Fuck it,' Lucius cursed in a rare moment of confession, 'I wish he was never born.'
'Our sentiments are the same.'
'If for different reasons. Faithful as I am, I hate to cringe and maintain a servile attitude. And you. . .' He threw a dubious look at Severus, which made him frown.
'What?'
'Don't think I don't know where your loyalties lie. Dumbledore'd never hire you if he didn't trust you. You've been teaching for what, fifteen years? It is not easy to hide a Dark Mark living constantly with them.'
'No, it isn't.' Severus was surprised that he was not feeling more than surprised. He had come asking for help, yet he found himself in a talk with Lucius, the first sincere one since. Lucius had graduated. It was far from friendly, but it was without falsehood. It belatedly occurred to him that if there were anyone who understood him among the Death-Eaters, it could only be Lucius, shrewd and worldly wise, though not in the Albus Dumbledore sense.
Curious then that he felt no inclination to kill Lucius on the spot. He should. Lucius could easily expose him.
'The Dark Lord is too blind and vain to suspect you seriously. Your secret's safe with me. It is in my interests. I need all the allies I can get, even if we work on comparably different terms.' This was also Lucius' first admission that for the present, his goal was the same as Severus'.
'What happens if the Dark Lord falls?' Severus threaded the thin line between confession and deception.
'I will not fall with him.'
'What then?'
'I will be as I was when he was first destroyed. In control of my own life.'
'Persecuting Muggleborns, campaigning for the purification of our world and unleashing the Dark Arts. Killing Potter. Very similar to the Dark Lord's own aspirations I might add.'
'Without the maniacal desire to rule the entire world. I know my place.'
'This humbleness from you?'
'Oh no,' Lucius gave an audible hoot. 'Humanity suits me. Death, what is death anyway? I don't wish for immortality. The pleasures of the flesh and the pain inflicted on our inferior counterparts are sufficient. It is a sight to behold when they convulse at your feet and scream sweeter than an angel's call. After all, do angels exist in the first place? Then will I see the future I work for, the day when the wizarding world shall rise in solidarity and pure splendour, showing our identity to every Muggle and holding our heads high and proud. Who is to say this ambition is not as noble as the one you are fighting for? Who's to say I am wrong and you are right? It is a matter of different opinion.'
How many times did Severus hear this, if not in rich detail? It disturbed him to hear this madman debate as if it were the most logical argument in the world. He gave a ghost of a smile, 'I almost began to think you human at the start.'
'Am I not? Or do you think you have a greater claim of being more human than I am?' Severus froze. Lucius smiled, almost compassionately, unmistakably intimately, 'Severus, Severus, how I miss you. In your heyday, you were almost on par with me in ruthlessness. We were the only ones who knew how these things should be done elegantly, not vulgarly. One cannot accuse me of not being a man of passions. I am faithful to the Dark Lord for the promise of more. experiences. However, you did your tasks with no sentiment. Even with the women naked and squirming beneath you. So detached, so unemotional. Severus. I wonder sometimes about that tedious conscience of yours that made you turn and work for them. I wouldn't have expected it. In fact, I am still incredulous. However, after the Dark Lord's resurrection, I have watched you and to my disheartenment, accepted your decision to be final and genuine. I applaud your bravery, even as I despair your foolishness. Because now, you stand on the brink of the abyss. Alone. Neither here nor there. Stranded between the two poles of this world. You threw away everything we gave you when you went to Dumbledore. Do you believe one can simply dabble in the Dark Arts and consort with true- hearted Death-Eaters and leave unscathed, without being tempted or allured by us? Do you believe you are capable of understanding what drives the good- hearted? Why those who are in the Light have not wavered as you have? You sink not into darkness so the Dark despises you. You hunger for the Light but it does not suit you. Poor Severus, too philosophical for our world and too cold for their world. Tell me, old friend, where do you belong?'
Severus stared. He wanted to strangle Lucius for his own callousness, wanted to deny every syllable Lucius uttered about the essence of his very character. He could not, for being as ever brutally honest with himself, he knew Lucius was right.
Lucius stirred languidly from his seat. 'Enough. We've taken much precious time. It is agreed. We help each other.'
'Until. . .'
'Until He is vanquished.' The capital letter H resonated in Lucius' smooth voice.
'Then we return to our position. You will do as you will and I. I will do what I deem necessary to stop you.' It hurt him to say it. Some obscure part of him still cried out childishly for this friendship.
Lucius gracefully extended a hand, confident that Severus would take it.
He did, but let go immediately.
'I will contact you when I've found something,' Severus said.
'May our partnership succeed. Just like old times, isn't it, with us playing games to delude the authority?'
Just like old times indeed. Only, with the palpable threat of death and not detention hovering over them always.
***
'I'm home aunt!' Adela hung her keys in the box beside the door and kissed Aunt Martha's cheek, 'Surprised I came back a day earlier than what I said?'
Her aunt smiled and smoothed her windblown hair.
It was the second weekend after her first entrance into the wizarding world. Adela wondered if it would be a trend of her coming home every weekend until the struggle for victory in the magical circles was over. All things considered, she hoped not. Even though it was terribly fascinating, the war was a rather drawn out affair that had begun taking its toil on the people involved.
Not that she could tell anyone about it. Uncle Samuel was satisfied when she had told them that the matter was closed despite being so insistent before. For him, Adela was sensible again. It saddened her. Now, all her family knew was that she was hired by a nearby village to teach in its school temporarily.
Aunt Martha spoke to her as she ushered her to the kitchen, 'There's a greater surprise for you.'
Adela walked in and was immediately pounced on.
'Bon soir, mon petite fille!' Lindsay announced.
'Lindsay!' Adela responded in kind as she returned the bear hug, 'Ouch, ribcage and spine!'
Lindsay grinned and her eyes danced with mischief, 'Isn't it a lark? We were heading back to England when Henry said, "Why not pop by Adela's what's-it's-name village as a final touring destination for the weekend?" So we came, and imagine our frustration when we heard you weren't home!'
It was when Adela steadied herself that she spotted Henry sitting at the table, looking smugly pleased with himself.
He waved a mug and a plate with crumbs of what appeared to be apple pie and said, 'Hello there Adela. Your aunt's a gracious hostess. She's even invited us to stay for the weekend whilst you're here.'
'Hello Henry. Did you two sit patiently for me?' Adela laughed, 'Did you wait long?'
'No, we went to explore the village. It's safe to say you have to be our guide. We'll have picnics and whatnots.'
'You've mapped out my plans for me.' Adela raised her eyebrows.
'Irrevocable plans.' Lindsay huffed, 'I must punish you for not telling me what you've been up to. Even your folks aren't entirely clear.'
'Erm. . .' Adela was saved by her aunt who came to say Uncle Samuel had returned from his rounds and dinner was ready. It gave her time to construct what she would say to them.
Dinner was a rowdy affair. Uncle Samuel and Henry hit off and being the only men, launched into a discussion ranging from beer to horses. Uncle Samuel was especially delighted to find out how knowledgeable and down-to- earth Henry was. He forgave Henry for being a city-boy and told him so. He went as far as to call Henry an honest salt of the earth, hence giving what to him was the best praise in the world. Henry laughed sportingly.
Meanwhile, Lindsay had settled to describe the tale about their adventures to Aunt Martha and Adela, which was punctuated with the word, 'cool!'.
'You enjoyed it very much,' Aunt Martha smiled at the girl's enthusiasm.
'How can you tell?'
'Although your tone was very subtle, we managed to pick it up,' said Adela dryly.
Lindsay gave a lopsided smile. She said sheepishly, 'Too eager, huh?'
'Yes, and you've distinctly picked up a few habits from there as well. Those slang and mannerisms and that accent need practice if you want to convince other people of your "Canadian" background.'
'It's called culture shock. Ah,' observed Lindsay resignedly, 'I'll revert to being a good old Brit soon enough.' Dinner finished with the five sipping honeyed wine and chatting genially. The two young women helped to clear up. 'You show her Adela. Lindsay didn't bother to clean the hotel room when we were travelling. Lazy, that girl. Oy, Lindsay dove, learn a few useful skills from the two lovely ladies in order to become a nice, supportive wife in the house. When we're married tomorrow. . .'
Adela nearly dropped her plate.
'Married? Tomorrow?'
'Yes. In case you've left home for so long, let me remind you that there is a very quaint church two streets down from here. Lindsay and I agreed that it was a worthy place to wed.'
Adela narrowed her eyes and said accusingly, 'You. Two. Are. Getting. Married.'
'Don't have to say it so many times Adela. We hear you.'
'You didn't tell me before in your mails.'
'It was on the spur of moment!' Henry protested. 'I looked at that church and thought, "Damn, that's a heavenly place for a heavenly occasion, so I proposed to,' he grabbed Lindsay and made her sit on his lap, 'this woman.'
'What about your families?'
'We'll have another official wedding with them and all the distant relatives. Don't worry, we've informed them. They're waiting for us back home with stern frowns and clucking tongues.' Lindsay supplied.
'Oh good.' Adela was calmer now. Shaking her head philosophically, she continued in humour, 'Ah, well, it's your business, what do I care? So long as you two are happy. Just don't go hippie and take off to goodness knows where.'
'Don't worry. We've planned about house, work, duties, blah blah.' Lindsay assured her.
'In under a day? I doubt it. But like I said, it's your business.'
'You'll get priggish if you keep talking like that.' Henry grinned.
That night found the three friends planning the program in the unused- turned-guest room until they were satisfied.
'At last!' Lindsay declared. 'We weren't too loud, were we Adela? Did we disturb your folks?'
'I daresay they can't hear us. Their room's at the other end of the house.'
'Great. So we can proceed with our interrogation. Update us with what you've been doing.' Henry chimed in.
Adela told them the condensed version of the essential truth, that she was helping in a boarding school. She scooted past the details and instead focussed more on the interesting inhabitants for whom she had changed some of the more unique names. Lindsay and Henry were entertained tremendously.
'I wish I could give those Watson twins a hand in their games. They're good fun.' Henry proclaimed.
'I thought you'd approve.' Adela said. Although Fred and George Weaseley no longer studied in Hogwarts, they visited it regularly, now they were old enough in Mrs. Weaseley's eyes to help the Order. As a result of being in a position where working in a joke shop caused no one to treat them seriously, Fred and George were able to eavesdrop on several conversations among officials and students who came shopping. Besides, going back to Hogwarts gave them the chance to promote their latest products, doing it by stealth to avoid Mr. Filch and his cat.
'That Harry Potter seems like a really friendly boy. Too bad he's young.'
Henry elbowed Lindsay and rattled in a fake American twang, 'Regretting your impulse to marry me now, is it? Rushing off to see another? Are you pulling a Runaway Bride on me?'
Lindsay ignore his tirade, 'Have you any photos to show us?'
As a matter of fact Adela did, photographs courtesy of Harry's Muggle camera. She showed them the students, pointing out who each of them was.
Henry got his own back at Lindsay. He smirked, 'Miss Granger's certainly a prize catch.'
'I didn't know you were a pedophile,' Lindsay snorted. She handed the photos back to Adela. 'They're lovely. Let's see the staff.'
Adela missed the anticipation in Lindsay's expression as she took the pictures out and floundered over an explanation for the staff's unusual dressing. 'They're taken in Halloween.' *And taken without they being aware of it* Adela thought a little embarrassed. She remembered the apoplectic reaction from Professor Trelawney when she had caught Ron snapping a picture of her, hence interrupting all sorts of cosmos and mystics. Fortunately, Professor Dumbledore had interceded.
'Oh!' Lindsay cried, 'They've marvellous costumes Adela! Exquisite! They must be expensive, seeing how they must be tailor-made using the best materials.'
Henry was impressed. 'I like the old man's. The headmaster I suppose? He looks ancient. The other staff aren't on the right side of fifty either. I didn't know they allow people that old to work.'
'They like what they do.'
'Why do the men have such long beards?' Lindsay complained.
'Erm. . .'
'This one has more sense.' Lindsay pointed at one who stood from the sea of rich, bright colours as he was robed in black. No beard there. Who's he?'
'Professor Holmes.'
Lindsay scrutinised him critically. 'I thought so.'
'What?'
'You did say he's the youngest faculty member.' Lindsay went on to look at the rest of the photographs.
'Oh, right,' but Adela was puzzled at the secret satisfaction she saw in her friend's face.
After telling them more, they bid each other goodnight and she left them for her room.
***
Severus continued to stare at the letter in his hand. He used the other hand to check his jaw and confirmed that he was not gaping.
'Defence Against the Dark Arts? What happened to Professor er. . .' He could not recall the name.
'Ah, yes, poor man, he was attacked by a Boggart by surprise at the staff room. Sent in his resignation letter straightaway. I wonder if it's the same Boggart that Remus found three years ago,' Albus said.
Severus generously said nothing about it. That man must be an incompetent idiot to not be able to tackle a Boggart. Sitting in the staff room with the Headmaster, he mulled over this unexpected duty.
'Have you not advertised in the papers?'
'No one's replying to our notice, even with the unemployment rate increasing. You know, I think even someone as practical as Minerva is prepared to declare the position jinxed. I myself am hard put not to reject this superstition.'
'Ah. . . that explains my sudden acquiring of the post. You are all eager to get rid of me in a legitimate way.'
'You're not taking on the position permanently Severus. You're teaching till the end of the term before Christmas. It's my earnest hope that we have another professor by then. If not, I shall have to take drastic action. I may even teach it myself. You remain our Potions Master.'
'Oh.' Severus was a little crestfallen.
'Why do you want the DADA position so much?'
'You know.'
'I want to hear it from your lips.'
Severus prepared himself for a long chat. 'When you approached me after. . . the Dark Lord first disappeared, you gave me a choice in positions. I suggested the DADA. Do you remember what you told me? You said you didn't want me to teach it, for fear that I'd surrender to the seduction of the Dark Arts.'
'I didn't decorate it with such ornate words Severus.'
Severus shrugged, 'The gist. I told you I was strong enough, that I had not failed you ever since I turned, that it was unlikely I'd be molding impressionable minds to lure them into the trap I once fell into. I wanted the DADA precisely to show them the real world and not to be easily enticed by what the Dark offered. Nothing but lies. In retrospect, I was overly anxious to prove myself then. I was willing to look over my weaknesses. I had no experience with children and was not then able to show whether I could become a successful teacher in the first place. You did right.'
'You always remember the gloomy parts. What about mine telling you that I wanted you to stay from the Dark Arts because they have been a part of you for your whole life that you did not know what it was like without it? I wanted you to be free of it, of that detestable aspect that nearly destroyed you.'
'I kept silent at the time. I did weigh your words and my thoughts carefully Albus. I was ready to admit that I should at least try living without Dark Magic. Not that I had any fight in me to dispute with you much. I remember thinking I would have accepted Divination just because you said it was to be so.'
'Glad I gave you Potions instead?'
'Oh yes, very.'
'You are good at what you do. Your methods are unorthodox and somewhat frowned upon. . .'
'Somewhat?'
'At least you manage to impart the required skills and knowledge to them.'
'Longbottom was nearly my undoing in that untarnished record of a hundred percent passes every year for O.W.Ls.'
Albus smiled. 'Your record is a clean slate today.'
'What are you trying to tell me Albus?'
Albus hesitated. Severus could see he was framing words in his mind.
'When you returned from Mr. Malfoy, you hid something from me about the visit. Whatever he told you, understand he does not know you fully.'
'Yes?' Severus enquired softly. It was two days from the visit. With no social calls to attend to during the weekend (he did not accompany Adela too for she was at home), it gave him ample time to think of what Lucius had said.
He did not lie to Weaseley when he said he believed he was doing the right thing. In that respect he was the same as Dumbledore. What disturbed him was who he was, what his own inclinations were. He chose to do what was right, but given a free rein, would his inner nature do the same? He did believe in the work he did for the Dark Lord once too. So where did his true instinct lie? To protect, or to maim?
In that space that lingered, Severus found himself telling Albus everything.
The older wizard considered this, 'Mr. Malfoy was never your friend Severus. As to your worries, so far as I can see, I've told you my sentiments. This opportunity of giving you the DADA position comes timely indeed.'
Severus looked at him quizzically, before appreciating what he meant.
'Thank you Albus,' said he a little hoarsely. He conjured a glass of water to drink, and give him a moment's relief to contemplate his situation, this time calmly.
Was he also as cold as Lucius accused him of? Yes, and no. He had feelings, but did not regard the emotion as importantly as many did. More to the point, in times of crises, he had no tolerance for hysteria. He concentrated on what should be done and incisive reason had priority over any feeling coursing through him. He possessed an iron grip stronger than Albus in that way. Albus let his affection for Harry sway his decisions for not telling the boy the truth initially. He would sooner prepare the boy for the harsh reality, but then, he was not as fond of Harry as Albus. He thought of his initial shock at the discovery of Potter's childhood, the uncomfortable affinity he found between them. Perhaps it was arrogant on his part to think he knew better than Potter what reality was. At least he had never been in the eye of the all-too-fickle press during his youth. Yes, Potter had matured since his fifth year. He would handle his burden well.
What of Adela then? Surely he could and would kill her if it meant saving the world. Or would he? Forcing himself to think, he realised he was not as sure now as he seemed to be before. He had not yet encountered an incident like this. It was only when something happened did a person know whether he was a hero or a coward, a ruthless soul or a selfish beast. If fate forced him to sacrifice Adela, he realised that unlike the previous bloods staining his hands, he could not go on living with hers on his. He would leave the world in misery and guilt while everyone celebrated. He would join her in death, if not in life. Since his acknowledged feelings for her, he had decided not to tell her about it. A treacherous idea wove in his mind. What if he took that step?
Again he confided in Albus.
Albus smiled, 'I was worried you'd not see what your own feelings were.'
'Afraid my heart was frozen so long it wouldn't melt?' Severus asked self- mockingly.
'Minerva thinks it thawed wonderfully fast.'
Severus choked on his own saliva, which was no mean feat. He was used to having Albus know him inside out, but the Headmistress?
'She knows?'
'Women are very perceptive to this sort of thing, so she tells me.'
'Is it obvious?' Severus panicked.
'For someone who's known you practically all your life.'
'Albus, this is no laughing matter.' Severus glared at the man opposite him, wiping away tears of merriment.
'No,' Albus sobered, 'It is serious. Adela won't know your feelings lest you tell her. She's too blithely unaware about these subtle currents.'
'My dear sir! You can't ask me to tell her. You're joking!' Seveus amended, 'This is not the time.'
'When will it be?'
Probably infinity. 'I hardly know her. She knows little of me.'
'That's cheerful.' Albus huffed. 'I won't ask you to tell her. I ask you to try to take a leap of faith. You've been locked inside yourself too long. You need to step out to make it work. For your sake and hers. You need to see that Mr. Malfoy is wrong in his assessment of you. By Merlin, you possess a heart Severus. Your very actions speak for themselves. Do you think I am clueless of your affection for me, conceited as it sounds, for the staff and your fierce protective streak towards the children? It is what makes you as much as your mind, that which you value. You've spent your years fighting to rise above the ordinary restrictions of being human, to stop yourself from interaction that may bring joy, but pain as well. You've done more than I have ever accomplished. But the more one struggles against the drag of humanity, the harder it is to return. And one always goes back in this life. You are cold only because you think you must retain your collected intellectual attitude. You flirt with the Light, standing at the side fearing to come closer. Embrace it Severus. It won't consume but free you. It sears, but also strengthens you. I've told Harry that he can defeat Voldemort with the power that Tom Riddle does not have. Love. It is difficult to be human. Sometimes, you're so weary you wish it leaves you in hollow peace. But you are not doing this on your own, not back when your family, your peers, your tutors and I have failed you. You'll have me at the very least supporting, and if you allow, guiding you.'
These last words were almost a plea. Severus was distressed.
For a flitting moment, he thought of laughing, loud and hard.
Yet, this was what was happening. He averted his eyes to the fire, flickering mercilessly, burning everything it touched until what was left were traces of ashes. . .
'I'm not ready for it Albus. If I'm aright, she isn't either. This connection between us is still fragile.'
'It is not for me to pressurise you. Give each other time. It will be worthwhile.'
Severus rolled his eyes as a form of rebellion.
Typical of Albus to give the impression he knew everything.
***
'Don't chase after the butterflies!' Lindsay shouted after Henry.
Who did not heed her and disappeared into the woods.
The excursion on the hills was positive thus far. Adela had never picnicked with any friends here before.
Lindsay piled her plate with apple strudel. 'Umm, this serves my purpose. I've been meaning to talk to you.'
Adela raised her head to face Lindsay's rare serious visage.
'That school, I checked it out. It doesn't exist in that village.'
Adela was stunned, 'How. . . Why did you check it out?'
'I was worried because you were plainly fibbing on the spot regarding the school.'
Adela spied Henry moving among the trees, 'Does Henry know?'
'Yes. Maybe that's why he's creating this opening for us. Are you in trouble?
'No, yes, no. Oh, you won't believe what I know.'
'Try me. And if I think you're insane, wipe the memory of what you said out of my head.'
Adela's face paled. 'Don't say that. The violation of the mind is nothing to play at,' she whispered angrily.
Lindsay was understandably shocked at her reaction. She spoke gently, 'Tell me Adela.'
Adela desperately wanted to.
'This isn't easy. Let's start with what's equally tough but less damaging. Have you met Professor Holmes before?' Adela gave a start before realising who Lindsay meant. 'Yes.' She revealed how she and Severus had met.
Lindsay nodded, 'Tall, dark, brooding and mysterious. Do these words sound familiar together?'
Adela kept quiet.
'Oh, come on! There's something between you two. From what you told me, he's not an accessible man, mean tongue, nasty past that I have a gut feeling he has, but he gets on fine with you. Look, I may be jumping the gun about him, you should introduce us, but it's obvious that you have a thing for him.'
It took a while for Adela to dissect the American lingo. Her face flushed.
'Unlike what you think, I've been aware of my feelings ever since I saw him again. Sometimes I wish I didn't. We're from different worlds.'
'What, is his family royal?' Lindsay asked sarcastically. 'Or is he worried about the age thing?'
'No, just different worlds. We can't. . .'
'My God, is he from the underworld? Did you get messed in some criminal organisation? He wants you out right? The rest are forcing you in.'
'Lindsay, please. I may have lied about who these people are and about the school, but do you think I'd paint criminals in a benevolent manner?'
Lindsay could not hide her relief, 'That's one horrible theory down the drain. So what is it?'
'It's not my secret. A whole lot of people will get implicated. You and Henry will be too.'
Lindsay frankly stared. Adela looked straight back into her eyes. Finally, Lindsay gave in.
'All right. Are you in danger?'
'Possibly.'
'Do you need our help?'
'No.'
'If you do, you will tell me, won't you?'
'Yes.' Adela said gratefully. Lindsay trusted her enough to not dig the secret out of her.
'I still don't like this you know. But to take a leaf out of your page, it's your business. Just be careful.'
'Thanks.' Adela felt that she owed an explanation. 'Lindsay, you've got to understand. My uncle didn't believe me when the evidence was in his face. This thing, it needs considerable time to absorb. It's not that I don't want to. . .'
'Shush. You're ahead of yourself. It's fine.'
'It's good that I didn't lose you there.'
'Hey!' Lindsay said, 'Do you think I'm so petty and unreasonable?'
Adela smiled in bafflement, 'Marriage has a queer effect on you. It's made you all solemnly wise.'
Lindsay looked even more offended, 'Worse and worse.'
'It's not a bad thing. I like it.'
'We can't have that. You're supposed to be the mature one, and me, I'm the airhead.'
'You were never that Lindsay.'
'Gratified. Airhead is always linked to bitch.'
Adela sprawled herself onto the grass and Lindsay followed suit. They lay side by side for a drowsily long time. Winter was fast approaching. The trees were bare and the birds were missing. Even the clouds glided across the skies lazily. It would be a long time before they met on the hills once more.
Adela murmured happily, 'It's good that you know. Pretending in front of everyone has been tiring.'
Lindsay muttered back, 'Remember your promise.'
***
Author's note:
Bon soir, mon petite fille: Good evening, my little girl.
Holmes and Watson, put together, are in effect Sherlock Holmes and John Watson, the Great Detective and his Boswell, creations of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. I always thought Holmes and Snape have much in common. But I guess the twins and Snape won't like being lumped together if they know about the name connection.
Post hoc, ergo propter hoc: Latin for 'after it, therefore because of it'.
Chapter 8
'Severus, I was rather surprised to get your message.'
'As I was to receive yours, Lucius,' Severus drawled. 'Can it be that there is something the almighty head of the Malfoy family needs from a lowly professor?'
'Don't prickle. We've done each other a service on numerous occasions old friend,' Lucius placed heavy emphasis on the last two words, a direct reminder of their school days, a rightful claim to a close relationship. He was a year older than Severus, and considerably more confident than the scrawny boy was. It was he who had protected him from further abuse by the Slytherins, if not the Gryffindors. Severus knew that he had that much to thank for that, and reprimanded himself. What debt he owed Lucius was paid in his years as a Death-Eater.
Lucius led him to the drawing room and they were left alone after a House- Elf was summoned to provide them with Bordeaux and whisky.
Lucius helped himself to the more potent alcohol. It did not escape Severus' notice too, that the man's collar was rumpled, something that was not customary to Lucius' normal behaviour. 'Tell me what has happened that my friend has requested to visit me in my own home?'
'I should ask the same of you.' Severus said. 'You're not your tranquil self.'
'Ever the dry observer. Drink?'
'Yes. Let's shed the veil of pretense and have something even stronger. I'll have a brandy, I correct myself, several rounds of brandy. It appears we are going to have a long discussion.'
They settled in front of the fireplace. Lucius chuckled.
'Do you remember,' Lucius reminisced, 'how we crept out of the Slytherin quarters in the middle of the night and rampaged the grounds, and planned all sorts of mischief? All that control of our lives. The school was the world to conquer without fear or regret. Those were the days.'
Severus did remember. 'I didn't know you were capable of being maudlin.'
'Neither did I, but times change and we change with it.'
This was unlike Lucius. 'Are you someone who's attacked the real Lucius and drunk some Polyjuice potion? If so, you better do your homework properly next time. Monsieur Lucius Malfoy never allows anything, including time, to control him. It's the other way around.'
'Do stop vexing me Severus. I've just returned from the Dark Lord.' Lucius made a sound of disgust, 'Are we so crushed by his thumb that we cannot say his name without us reacting?'
Severus silently agreed. 'Well, it explains your present state.'
'You don't have to rub it in.' Lucius turned the glass in his hand before swallowing the brandy in one gulp. 'The matter then.' He placed the glass on the table, 'Did you see the books he took from Bidmarck?'
'So he showed them to you as well. He told me about the properties and why he could not use them. That was a week ago.'
'He brought a captured Mudblood and me to the area. He used the boy to open and read the books, for want of a better word. I'm told they contain no written language.'
'The results?' Severus prompted.
'Oh, death at the end of course. But before that,' he paused at the memory. Severus saw the contentment in his eyes as his expression softened, 'Ah before that. That was interesting. The aura exuding from the books attacked him. You could see the manipulation of the air. Swift and sharp as swords. It stabbed his body and came out again in numerous fine golden rays, slicing him from within. I almost believed they could cut through me too, but here I am. Anyway, it seems his magical powers were destroyed. He slipped into catatonia and died soon after. I could relive the moment again. It was beautiful.'
Severus ignored the remark. 'Did he ask you to solve the problem?'
'He certainly displayed a convincing scene to move me into trying.'
'Then our aims for meeting each other coincide.'
'I spent the day thinking. Post hoc, ergo propter hoc, isn't it? It's the destruction of his magical powers, and therefore the breakdown of the physical and mental self. Much as it is to my distaste, we can use a Muggle as the vessel. The probability of him not being killed is high.'
'I've come to that conclusion myself. Yet there is a chip in our diamond. The Dark Lord is not stupid. It's a simple solution that he can come up with himself. Why doesn't he do it?'
'How do I know? The Dark Lord's crazy to think of all variations. That paranoia of his.'
'Actually, it may be valid in this instance. I did some research, and your account did not contradict my suspicions. I found that in theory, when the aura enters a body, it not only absorbs the magical powers, it reacts with and transforms the body.'
'In what way?'
Severus frowned into his glass, 'This is unprecedented Lucius. For all our expertise, we wouldn't know. I may conjecture that there is a possibility that the aura will be imparted to the Muggle, bestowing on him or her what we wizards cannot have. Wild magic. Whether it will be temporary or permanent is open for speculation. Besides, the books are power, aren't they? The Muggle can break out of whatever influence he or she is kept under and harness the aura to the Dark Lord's detriment, and he will surely avoid it at all costs.'
'Very enlightening. He will not want someone more powerful than he is. We are back to where we started. Fuck it,' Lucius cursed in a rare moment of confession, 'I wish he was never born.'
'Our sentiments are the same.'
'If for different reasons. Faithful as I am, I hate to cringe and maintain a servile attitude. And you. . .' He threw a dubious look at Severus, which made him frown.
'What?'
'Don't think I don't know where your loyalties lie. Dumbledore'd never hire you if he didn't trust you. You've been teaching for what, fifteen years? It is not easy to hide a Dark Mark living constantly with them.'
'No, it isn't.' Severus was surprised that he was not feeling more than surprised. He had come asking for help, yet he found himself in a talk with Lucius, the first sincere one since. Lucius had graduated. It was far from friendly, but it was without falsehood. It belatedly occurred to him that if there were anyone who understood him among the Death-Eaters, it could only be Lucius, shrewd and worldly wise, though not in the Albus Dumbledore sense.
Curious then that he felt no inclination to kill Lucius on the spot. He should. Lucius could easily expose him.
'The Dark Lord is too blind and vain to suspect you seriously. Your secret's safe with me. It is in my interests. I need all the allies I can get, even if we work on comparably different terms.' This was also Lucius' first admission that for the present, his goal was the same as Severus'.
'What happens if the Dark Lord falls?' Severus threaded the thin line between confession and deception.
'I will not fall with him.'
'What then?'
'I will be as I was when he was first destroyed. In control of my own life.'
'Persecuting Muggleborns, campaigning for the purification of our world and unleashing the Dark Arts. Killing Potter. Very similar to the Dark Lord's own aspirations I might add.'
'Without the maniacal desire to rule the entire world. I know my place.'
'This humbleness from you?'
'Oh no,' Lucius gave an audible hoot. 'Humanity suits me. Death, what is death anyway? I don't wish for immortality. The pleasures of the flesh and the pain inflicted on our inferior counterparts are sufficient. It is a sight to behold when they convulse at your feet and scream sweeter than an angel's call. After all, do angels exist in the first place? Then will I see the future I work for, the day when the wizarding world shall rise in solidarity and pure splendour, showing our identity to every Muggle and holding our heads high and proud. Who is to say this ambition is not as noble as the one you are fighting for? Who's to say I am wrong and you are right? It is a matter of different opinion.'
How many times did Severus hear this, if not in rich detail? It disturbed him to hear this madman debate as if it were the most logical argument in the world. He gave a ghost of a smile, 'I almost began to think you human at the start.'
'Am I not? Or do you think you have a greater claim of being more human than I am?' Severus froze. Lucius smiled, almost compassionately, unmistakably intimately, 'Severus, Severus, how I miss you. In your heyday, you were almost on par with me in ruthlessness. We were the only ones who knew how these things should be done elegantly, not vulgarly. One cannot accuse me of not being a man of passions. I am faithful to the Dark Lord for the promise of more. experiences. However, you did your tasks with no sentiment. Even with the women naked and squirming beneath you. So detached, so unemotional. Severus. I wonder sometimes about that tedious conscience of yours that made you turn and work for them. I wouldn't have expected it. In fact, I am still incredulous. However, after the Dark Lord's resurrection, I have watched you and to my disheartenment, accepted your decision to be final and genuine. I applaud your bravery, even as I despair your foolishness. Because now, you stand on the brink of the abyss. Alone. Neither here nor there. Stranded between the two poles of this world. You threw away everything we gave you when you went to Dumbledore. Do you believe one can simply dabble in the Dark Arts and consort with true- hearted Death-Eaters and leave unscathed, without being tempted or allured by us? Do you believe you are capable of understanding what drives the good- hearted? Why those who are in the Light have not wavered as you have? You sink not into darkness so the Dark despises you. You hunger for the Light but it does not suit you. Poor Severus, too philosophical for our world and too cold for their world. Tell me, old friend, where do you belong?'
Severus stared. He wanted to strangle Lucius for his own callousness, wanted to deny every syllable Lucius uttered about the essence of his very character. He could not, for being as ever brutally honest with himself, he knew Lucius was right.
Lucius stirred languidly from his seat. 'Enough. We've taken much precious time. It is agreed. We help each other.'
'Until. . .'
'Until He is vanquished.' The capital letter H resonated in Lucius' smooth voice.
'Then we return to our position. You will do as you will and I. I will do what I deem necessary to stop you.' It hurt him to say it. Some obscure part of him still cried out childishly for this friendship.
Lucius gracefully extended a hand, confident that Severus would take it.
He did, but let go immediately.
'I will contact you when I've found something,' Severus said.
'May our partnership succeed. Just like old times, isn't it, with us playing games to delude the authority?'
Just like old times indeed. Only, with the palpable threat of death and not detention hovering over them always.
***
'I'm home aunt!' Adela hung her keys in the box beside the door and kissed Aunt Martha's cheek, 'Surprised I came back a day earlier than what I said?'
Her aunt smiled and smoothed her windblown hair.
It was the second weekend after her first entrance into the wizarding world. Adela wondered if it would be a trend of her coming home every weekend until the struggle for victory in the magical circles was over. All things considered, she hoped not. Even though it was terribly fascinating, the war was a rather drawn out affair that had begun taking its toil on the people involved.
Not that she could tell anyone about it. Uncle Samuel was satisfied when she had told them that the matter was closed despite being so insistent before. For him, Adela was sensible again. It saddened her. Now, all her family knew was that she was hired by a nearby village to teach in its school temporarily.
Aunt Martha spoke to her as she ushered her to the kitchen, 'There's a greater surprise for you.'
Adela walked in and was immediately pounced on.
'Bon soir, mon petite fille!' Lindsay announced.
'Lindsay!' Adela responded in kind as she returned the bear hug, 'Ouch, ribcage and spine!'
Lindsay grinned and her eyes danced with mischief, 'Isn't it a lark? We were heading back to England when Henry said, "Why not pop by Adela's what's-it's-name village as a final touring destination for the weekend?" So we came, and imagine our frustration when we heard you weren't home!'
It was when Adela steadied herself that she spotted Henry sitting at the table, looking smugly pleased with himself.
He waved a mug and a plate with crumbs of what appeared to be apple pie and said, 'Hello there Adela. Your aunt's a gracious hostess. She's even invited us to stay for the weekend whilst you're here.'
'Hello Henry. Did you two sit patiently for me?' Adela laughed, 'Did you wait long?'
'No, we went to explore the village. It's safe to say you have to be our guide. We'll have picnics and whatnots.'
'You've mapped out my plans for me.' Adela raised her eyebrows.
'Irrevocable plans.' Lindsay huffed, 'I must punish you for not telling me what you've been up to. Even your folks aren't entirely clear.'
'Erm. . .' Adela was saved by her aunt who came to say Uncle Samuel had returned from his rounds and dinner was ready. It gave her time to construct what she would say to them.
Dinner was a rowdy affair. Uncle Samuel and Henry hit off and being the only men, launched into a discussion ranging from beer to horses. Uncle Samuel was especially delighted to find out how knowledgeable and down-to- earth Henry was. He forgave Henry for being a city-boy and told him so. He went as far as to call Henry an honest salt of the earth, hence giving what to him was the best praise in the world. Henry laughed sportingly.
Meanwhile, Lindsay had settled to describe the tale about their adventures to Aunt Martha and Adela, which was punctuated with the word, 'cool!'.
'You enjoyed it very much,' Aunt Martha smiled at the girl's enthusiasm.
'How can you tell?'
'Although your tone was very subtle, we managed to pick it up,' said Adela dryly.
Lindsay gave a lopsided smile. She said sheepishly, 'Too eager, huh?'
'Yes, and you've distinctly picked up a few habits from there as well. Those slang and mannerisms and that accent need practice if you want to convince other people of your "Canadian" background.'
'It's called culture shock. Ah,' observed Lindsay resignedly, 'I'll revert to being a good old Brit soon enough.' Dinner finished with the five sipping honeyed wine and chatting genially. The two young women helped to clear up. 'You show her Adela. Lindsay didn't bother to clean the hotel room when we were travelling. Lazy, that girl. Oy, Lindsay dove, learn a few useful skills from the two lovely ladies in order to become a nice, supportive wife in the house. When we're married tomorrow. . .'
Adela nearly dropped her plate.
'Married? Tomorrow?'
'Yes. In case you've left home for so long, let me remind you that there is a very quaint church two streets down from here. Lindsay and I agreed that it was a worthy place to wed.'
Adela narrowed her eyes and said accusingly, 'You. Two. Are. Getting. Married.'
'Don't have to say it so many times Adela. We hear you.'
'You didn't tell me before in your mails.'
'It was on the spur of moment!' Henry protested. 'I looked at that church and thought, "Damn, that's a heavenly place for a heavenly occasion, so I proposed to,' he grabbed Lindsay and made her sit on his lap, 'this woman.'
'What about your families?'
'We'll have another official wedding with them and all the distant relatives. Don't worry, we've informed them. They're waiting for us back home with stern frowns and clucking tongues.' Lindsay supplied.
'Oh good.' Adela was calmer now. Shaking her head philosophically, she continued in humour, 'Ah, well, it's your business, what do I care? So long as you two are happy. Just don't go hippie and take off to goodness knows where.'
'Don't worry. We've planned about house, work, duties, blah blah.' Lindsay assured her.
'In under a day? I doubt it. But like I said, it's your business.'
'You'll get priggish if you keep talking like that.' Henry grinned.
That night found the three friends planning the program in the unused- turned-guest room until they were satisfied.
'At last!' Lindsay declared. 'We weren't too loud, were we Adela? Did we disturb your folks?'
'I daresay they can't hear us. Their room's at the other end of the house.'
'Great. So we can proceed with our interrogation. Update us with what you've been doing.' Henry chimed in.
Adela told them the condensed version of the essential truth, that she was helping in a boarding school. She scooted past the details and instead focussed more on the interesting inhabitants for whom she had changed some of the more unique names. Lindsay and Henry were entertained tremendously.
'I wish I could give those Watson twins a hand in their games. They're good fun.' Henry proclaimed.
'I thought you'd approve.' Adela said. Although Fred and George Weaseley no longer studied in Hogwarts, they visited it regularly, now they were old enough in Mrs. Weaseley's eyes to help the Order. As a result of being in a position where working in a joke shop caused no one to treat them seriously, Fred and George were able to eavesdrop on several conversations among officials and students who came shopping. Besides, going back to Hogwarts gave them the chance to promote their latest products, doing it by stealth to avoid Mr. Filch and his cat.
'That Harry Potter seems like a really friendly boy. Too bad he's young.'
Henry elbowed Lindsay and rattled in a fake American twang, 'Regretting your impulse to marry me now, is it? Rushing off to see another? Are you pulling a Runaway Bride on me?'
Lindsay ignore his tirade, 'Have you any photos to show us?'
As a matter of fact Adela did, photographs courtesy of Harry's Muggle camera. She showed them the students, pointing out who each of them was.
Henry got his own back at Lindsay. He smirked, 'Miss Granger's certainly a prize catch.'
'I didn't know you were a pedophile,' Lindsay snorted. She handed the photos back to Adela. 'They're lovely. Let's see the staff.'
Adela missed the anticipation in Lindsay's expression as she took the pictures out and floundered over an explanation for the staff's unusual dressing. 'They're taken in Halloween.' *And taken without they being aware of it* Adela thought a little embarrassed. She remembered the apoplectic reaction from Professor Trelawney when she had caught Ron snapping a picture of her, hence interrupting all sorts of cosmos and mystics. Fortunately, Professor Dumbledore had interceded.
'Oh!' Lindsay cried, 'They've marvellous costumes Adela! Exquisite! They must be expensive, seeing how they must be tailor-made using the best materials.'
Henry was impressed. 'I like the old man's. The headmaster I suppose? He looks ancient. The other staff aren't on the right side of fifty either. I didn't know they allow people that old to work.'
'They like what they do.'
'Why do the men have such long beards?' Lindsay complained.
'Erm. . .'
'This one has more sense.' Lindsay pointed at one who stood from the sea of rich, bright colours as he was robed in black. No beard there. Who's he?'
'Professor Holmes.'
Lindsay scrutinised him critically. 'I thought so.'
'What?'
'You did say he's the youngest faculty member.' Lindsay went on to look at the rest of the photographs.
'Oh, right,' but Adela was puzzled at the secret satisfaction she saw in her friend's face.
After telling them more, they bid each other goodnight and she left them for her room.
***
Severus continued to stare at the letter in his hand. He used the other hand to check his jaw and confirmed that he was not gaping.
'Defence Against the Dark Arts? What happened to Professor er. . .' He could not recall the name.
'Ah, yes, poor man, he was attacked by a Boggart by surprise at the staff room. Sent in his resignation letter straightaway. I wonder if it's the same Boggart that Remus found three years ago,' Albus said.
Severus generously said nothing about it. That man must be an incompetent idiot to not be able to tackle a Boggart. Sitting in the staff room with the Headmaster, he mulled over this unexpected duty.
'Have you not advertised in the papers?'
'No one's replying to our notice, even with the unemployment rate increasing. You know, I think even someone as practical as Minerva is prepared to declare the position jinxed. I myself am hard put not to reject this superstition.'
'Ah. . . that explains my sudden acquiring of the post. You are all eager to get rid of me in a legitimate way.'
'You're not taking on the position permanently Severus. You're teaching till the end of the term before Christmas. It's my earnest hope that we have another professor by then. If not, I shall have to take drastic action. I may even teach it myself. You remain our Potions Master.'
'Oh.' Severus was a little crestfallen.
'Why do you want the DADA position so much?'
'You know.'
'I want to hear it from your lips.'
Severus prepared himself for a long chat. 'When you approached me after. . . the Dark Lord first disappeared, you gave me a choice in positions. I suggested the DADA. Do you remember what you told me? You said you didn't want me to teach it, for fear that I'd surrender to the seduction of the Dark Arts.'
'I didn't decorate it with such ornate words Severus.'
Severus shrugged, 'The gist. I told you I was strong enough, that I had not failed you ever since I turned, that it was unlikely I'd be molding impressionable minds to lure them into the trap I once fell into. I wanted the DADA precisely to show them the real world and not to be easily enticed by what the Dark offered. Nothing but lies. In retrospect, I was overly anxious to prove myself then. I was willing to look over my weaknesses. I had no experience with children and was not then able to show whether I could become a successful teacher in the first place. You did right.'
'You always remember the gloomy parts. What about mine telling you that I wanted you to stay from the Dark Arts because they have been a part of you for your whole life that you did not know what it was like without it? I wanted you to be free of it, of that detestable aspect that nearly destroyed you.'
'I kept silent at the time. I did weigh your words and my thoughts carefully Albus. I was ready to admit that I should at least try living without Dark Magic. Not that I had any fight in me to dispute with you much. I remember thinking I would have accepted Divination just because you said it was to be so.'
'Glad I gave you Potions instead?'
'Oh yes, very.'
'You are good at what you do. Your methods are unorthodox and somewhat frowned upon. . .'
'Somewhat?'
'At least you manage to impart the required skills and knowledge to them.'
'Longbottom was nearly my undoing in that untarnished record of a hundred percent passes every year for O.W.Ls.'
Albus smiled. 'Your record is a clean slate today.'
'What are you trying to tell me Albus?'
Albus hesitated. Severus could see he was framing words in his mind.
'When you returned from Mr. Malfoy, you hid something from me about the visit. Whatever he told you, understand he does not know you fully.'
'Yes?' Severus enquired softly. It was two days from the visit. With no social calls to attend to during the weekend (he did not accompany Adela too for she was at home), it gave him ample time to think of what Lucius had said.
He did not lie to Weaseley when he said he believed he was doing the right thing. In that respect he was the same as Dumbledore. What disturbed him was who he was, what his own inclinations were. He chose to do what was right, but given a free rein, would his inner nature do the same? He did believe in the work he did for the Dark Lord once too. So where did his true instinct lie? To protect, or to maim?
In that space that lingered, Severus found himself telling Albus everything.
The older wizard considered this, 'Mr. Malfoy was never your friend Severus. As to your worries, so far as I can see, I've told you my sentiments. This opportunity of giving you the DADA position comes timely indeed.'
Severus looked at him quizzically, before appreciating what he meant.
'Thank you Albus,' said he a little hoarsely. He conjured a glass of water to drink, and give him a moment's relief to contemplate his situation, this time calmly.
Was he also as cold as Lucius accused him of? Yes, and no. He had feelings, but did not regard the emotion as importantly as many did. More to the point, in times of crises, he had no tolerance for hysteria. He concentrated on what should be done and incisive reason had priority over any feeling coursing through him. He possessed an iron grip stronger than Albus in that way. Albus let his affection for Harry sway his decisions for not telling the boy the truth initially. He would sooner prepare the boy for the harsh reality, but then, he was not as fond of Harry as Albus. He thought of his initial shock at the discovery of Potter's childhood, the uncomfortable affinity he found between them. Perhaps it was arrogant on his part to think he knew better than Potter what reality was. At least he had never been in the eye of the all-too-fickle press during his youth. Yes, Potter had matured since his fifth year. He would handle his burden well.
What of Adela then? Surely he could and would kill her if it meant saving the world. Or would he? Forcing himself to think, he realised he was not as sure now as he seemed to be before. He had not yet encountered an incident like this. It was only when something happened did a person know whether he was a hero or a coward, a ruthless soul or a selfish beast. If fate forced him to sacrifice Adela, he realised that unlike the previous bloods staining his hands, he could not go on living with hers on his. He would leave the world in misery and guilt while everyone celebrated. He would join her in death, if not in life. Since his acknowledged feelings for her, he had decided not to tell her about it. A treacherous idea wove in his mind. What if he took that step?
Again he confided in Albus.
Albus smiled, 'I was worried you'd not see what your own feelings were.'
'Afraid my heart was frozen so long it wouldn't melt?' Severus asked self- mockingly.
'Minerva thinks it thawed wonderfully fast.'
Severus choked on his own saliva, which was no mean feat. He was used to having Albus know him inside out, but the Headmistress?
'She knows?'
'Women are very perceptive to this sort of thing, so she tells me.'
'Is it obvious?' Severus panicked.
'For someone who's known you practically all your life.'
'Albus, this is no laughing matter.' Severus glared at the man opposite him, wiping away tears of merriment.
'No,' Albus sobered, 'It is serious. Adela won't know your feelings lest you tell her. She's too blithely unaware about these subtle currents.'
'My dear sir! You can't ask me to tell her. You're joking!' Seveus amended, 'This is not the time.'
'When will it be?'
Probably infinity. 'I hardly know her. She knows little of me.'
'That's cheerful.' Albus huffed. 'I won't ask you to tell her. I ask you to try to take a leap of faith. You've been locked inside yourself too long. You need to step out to make it work. For your sake and hers. You need to see that Mr. Malfoy is wrong in his assessment of you. By Merlin, you possess a heart Severus. Your very actions speak for themselves. Do you think I am clueless of your affection for me, conceited as it sounds, for the staff and your fierce protective streak towards the children? It is what makes you as much as your mind, that which you value. You've spent your years fighting to rise above the ordinary restrictions of being human, to stop yourself from interaction that may bring joy, but pain as well. You've done more than I have ever accomplished. But the more one struggles against the drag of humanity, the harder it is to return. And one always goes back in this life. You are cold only because you think you must retain your collected intellectual attitude. You flirt with the Light, standing at the side fearing to come closer. Embrace it Severus. It won't consume but free you. It sears, but also strengthens you. I've told Harry that he can defeat Voldemort with the power that Tom Riddle does not have. Love. It is difficult to be human. Sometimes, you're so weary you wish it leaves you in hollow peace. But you are not doing this on your own, not back when your family, your peers, your tutors and I have failed you. You'll have me at the very least supporting, and if you allow, guiding you.'
These last words were almost a plea. Severus was distressed.
For a flitting moment, he thought of laughing, loud and hard.
Yet, this was what was happening. He averted his eyes to the fire, flickering mercilessly, burning everything it touched until what was left were traces of ashes. . .
'I'm not ready for it Albus. If I'm aright, she isn't either. This connection between us is still fragile.'
'It is not for me to pressurise you. Give each other time. It will be worthwhile.'
Severus rolled his eyes as a form of rebellion.
Typical of Albus to give the impression he knew everything.
***
'Don't chase after the butterflies!' Lindsay shouted after Henry.
Who did not heed her and disappeared into the woods.
The excursion on the hills was positive thus far. Adela had never picnicked with any friends here before.
Lindsay piled her plate with apple strudel. 'Umm, this serves my purpose. I've been meaning to talk to you.'
Adela raised her head to face Lindsay's rare serious visage.
'That school, I checked it out. It doesn't exist in that village.'
Adela was stunned, 'How. . . Why did you check it out?'
'I was worried because you were plainly fibbing on the spot regarding the school.'
Adela spied Henry moving among the trees, 'Does Henry know?'
'Yes. Maybe that's why he's creating this opening for us. Are you in trouble?
'No, yes, no. Oh, you won't believe what I know.'
'Try me. And if I think you're insane, wipe the memory of what you said out of my head.'
Adela's face paled. 'Don't say that. The violation of the mind is nothing to play at,' she whispered angrily.
Lindsay was understandably shocked at her reaction. She spoke gently, 'Tell me Adela.'
Adela desperately wanted to.
'This isn't easy. Let's start with what's equally tough but less damaging. Have you met Professor Holmes before?' Adela gave a start before realising who Lindsay meant. 'Yes.' She revealed how she and Severus had met.
Lindsay nodded, 'Tall, dark, brooding and mysterious. Do these words sound familiar together?'
Adela kept quiet.
'Oh, come on! There's something between you two. From what you told me, he's not an accessible man, mean tongue, nasty past that I have a gut feeling he has, but he gets on fine with you. Look, I may be jumping the gun about him, you should introduce us, but it's obvious that you have a thing for him.'
It took a while for Adela to dissect the American lingo. Her face flushed.
'Unlike what you think, I've been aware of my feelings ever since I saw him again. Sometimes I wish I didn't. We're from different worlds.'
'What, is his family royal?' Lindsay asked sarcastically. 'Or is he worried about the age thing?'
'No, just different worlds. We can't. . .'
'My God, is he from the underworld? Did you get messed in some criminal organisation? He wants you out right? The rest are forcing you in.'
'Lindsay, please. I may have lied about who these people are and about the school, but do you think I'd paint criminals in a benevolent manner?'
Lindsay could not hide her relief, 'That's one horrible theory down the drain. So what is it?'
'It's not my secret. A whole lot of people will get implicated. You and Henry will be too.'
Lindsay frankly stared. Adela looked straight back into her eyes. Finally, Lindsay gave in.
'All right. Are you in danger?'
'Possibly.'
'Do you need our help?'
'No.'
'If you do, you will tell me, won't you?'
'Yes.' Adela said gratefully. Lindsay trusted her enough to not dig the secret out of her.
'I still don't like this you know. But to take a leaf out of your page, it's your business. Just be careful.'
'Thanks.' Adela felt that she owed an explanation. 'Lindsay, you've got to understand. My uncle didn't believe me when the evidence was in his face. This thing, it needs considerable time to absorb. It's not that I don't want to. . .'
'Shush. You're ahead of yourself. It's fine.'
'It's good that I didn't lose you there.'
'Hey!' Lindsay said, 'Do you think I'm so petty and unreasonable?'
Adela smiled in bafflement, 'Marriage has a queer effect on you. It's made you all solemnly wise.'
Lindsay looked even more offended, 'Worse and worse.'
'It's not a bad thing. I like it.'
'We can't have that. You're supposed to be the mature one, and me, I'm the airhead.'
'You were never that Lindsay.'
'Gratified. Airhead is always linked to bitch.'
Adela sprawled herself onto the grass and Lindsay followed suit. They lay side by side for a drowsily long time. Winter was fast approaching. The trees were bare and the birds were missing. Even the clouds glided across the skies lazily. It would be a long time before they met on the hills once more.
Adela murmured happily, 'It's good that you know. Pretending in front of everyone has been tiring.'
Lindsay muttered back, 'Remember your promise.'
***
Author's note:
Bon soir, mon petite fille: Good evening, my little girl.
Holmes and Watson, put together, are in effect Sherlock Holmes and John Watson, the Great Detective and his Boswell, creations of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. I always thought Holmes and Snape have much in common. But I guess the twins and Snape won't like being lumped together if they know about the name connection.
Post hoc, ergo propter hoc: Latin for 'after it, therefore because of it'.