And as the World Fell Apart...

Bateman's notes: About a year ago, I remember reading a Harry Potter tale on this site by the highly respected author, Princess Lauren Scavenger. No, not 'Encounter in the Library', but a little piece who's title I forget, but who's storyline I wouldn't. A mildly slashy affair, it put across the idea that Tyler Durden, from the book 'Fight Club', was a real person and a pupil at Hogwarts. The story lasted two chapters before it was lost forever in Scaveneger's Hard Drive™. Now, I've done a few crossovers before, but Scavenger's tale encouraged me to write a Harry Potter. So, two years on, here it is. I won't say who it's a crossover with until the end.  Enjoy!

Dedicated to Scavenger.

Common room

I had trapped the spider under a glass tumbler. It had been crawling along the polished oak table of our common room and one by one the girls began to scream. Feeling somewhat violated by the noise, I made my way to table and imprisoned it in the aforementioned glass.

"Don't kill it!" Kelly, a little hard body with red hair, cried, "Don't be cruel."

"But you were just screaming for it to go away..." Price started

"Now, Price," I interrupted "If Kelly here doesn't want me to kill this creature then I won't."

Price snorted. Despite being one of my closest friends, he could be quite an asshole when he wanted. I threw a smile at Kelly and a glance at her chest. She had begun to blossom when she was ten and now, many a Slytherin had tried to find out what hid beneath the sixteen year old's robes. Kelly smiled back at me and pushed a stray autumn coloured lock of hair behind her left ear. I tore a page out of a nearby sketchpad and slipped it under the rim of the glass.

"Now, all I have to do is carry this little combo over to the window and let the little guy crawl out." I beamed,

"Oh, you are precious." Price mocked,

"Leave him alone!" Kelly said, "I happen to think he is precious."

She stood near and placed a kiss upon my cheek. Her bosom pressed against my arm. Whether this was unintentional or not, I made a mental note to ask her to Hogsmeade later this week. Kelly smiled again and then, she and her breasts left the common room. I was about to pick the glass up and take the spider to the window when the ego landed. Draco Malfoy and his two bodyguards walked in. Once he had entered the room, a piss stream of what he called friends gathered around him. He sat himself down on the red cushioned couch and began to talk about the events of last year. There wasn't a pupil at Hogwarts who wasn't aware of how You-Know-Who had risen again, but Malfoy liked to regale the story to his heathens with the emphasis being on how the world had now changed for the better.

"Now that You-Know-Who is back, Fumblebore will have to sit up and take notice." he sneered giving a wink to Pansy, "Maybe he'll actually go about tightening the restrictions on the intake for this establishment. The less mudbloods the better. After all, dear old Albus wouldn't want to face the wrath of the Deatheaters."

I took my hand from the glass and walked over to merry mob.

"You sound like you know from experience, Malfoy." I said, rubbing the back of my neck with a well-manicured hand,

Malfoy looked up in my direction and sneered. It was common knowledge that Malfoy hated Harry Potter. I think in his eyes, I came a close second. Ah well.

"What's it to you?"

"I'm just saying that if you go around talking about the Deatheaters, sooner or later someone is going to start asking questions. Also, not everyone in this room wants to hear about your penchant for the more evil aspects of wizarding life."

The look I got off Malfoy was like that a dog gives when it's been shown a card trick.

"Why not concentrate all your efforts into something else." I continued, "There's so many things you could achieve. There are so many pressing problems to hand. We need to concentrate on using our magic to end world hunger and find a cure for the muggles AIDS epidemic. We should also be trying to make sure that education at Hogwarts is affordable for all people. We need to provide food and shelter for the homeless on Nocturn Alley. We have to encourage a return to traditional moral values and curb graphic sex and violence in the press, music and books. Most importantly we have to promote general social concern and less materialism in young people. All your talk about You-Know-Who isn't going to achieve that Malfoy. If you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the problem."

"Listen to him." the grease spot known as Pansy said, "He sounds like one of them from Gryffindor."

"Quite right, Pansy." Malfoy smiled, "Look why don't you just piss off. For someone who's supposed to be older then me, you really are a tremendous bore. I believe Potter is looking for another bed partner. Why don't you and Weasley go gang bang him now?"

I didn't speak. I didn't move. I just stared at Malfoy as if I were trying to burn a hole in his head. Very quickly, Malfoy began to feel uncomfortable and stood up.

"Come on, you lot. We're not going to get any peace here while this mudblood lover is around. Let's go down the great hall."

And with that they left. Price looked at me and I shrugged.

"Must have been something I said." I laughed,

"Must have." Price said, "Look, I'm off to the library. Catch you later?"

"It's a date."

Once Price had left and I was sure no one was looking, I let the spider out of the glass. However, before it even had chance to move, I crushed it beneath my thumb.

My name is Patrick Bateman. I am eighteen years old. I have killed at least three people.

Copyrights belong to JK Rowling and Brett Easton Ellis.

PS There will be more. You don't think I'm gonna write about Patrick Bateman and not mess the place up. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!