FRIDAY Night
3 am.
I can't sleep.
So I'm standing at the window, looking out. Behind me on the floor Gil is sleeping like a baby. It's pitch-black outside and not a single light on anywhere.
I've never been in such a darkness.
I've never experienced such silence.
To me it's eerie.
The whole scenery is kind of unreal!
We arrived at Soda Springs right in time for a nice dinner with the guys who run this outpost. Nice people, actually, friends of Gil's.
This old resort can be accessed by a road with an unspeakable name: Zzyzx. S'pose the guy who named it wanted to make sure it would forever be the last entry in an alphabetical listing of road-names around the world. The resort looks like all guests have only recently been abducted by aliens – everything's still in place and neat. It's weird, somehow. Then I learn they now use the resort as dorms for students who come out here for their studies.
Studies of what?
We were assigned to a two-bed dorm with bunk-beds. Bunk-beds! Shit.
Luckily it needed not too much to convince Gil to put both mattresses on the floor, to make a more spacious playground without the prospect of constantly banging our heads. Being more specific: his.
We were making love.
Gil was topping me.
I'm OK with that. I know he needs time to trust completely. Being bottom has not that much to do with submission. Funny how most het guys see it that way: the bottom succumbs totally to the dominant top.
Way wrong.
Being bottom has to do with trust. Whoever had anal sex and was on the receiving side – man or woman, doesn't matter – knows that although it's a great experience and feels... fantastic, it can easily be turned into literally gut-wrenching pain when the top is careless or doesn't listen.
So the way we do it, it's me offering complete trust and Gil knows. But I'm setting the pace, I'm asking Gil to go faster, to pound me harder and he does it fucking good.
It will take another while until Gil is ready to trust me that much. Looks like that is going to be hard work, breaking up that year-old shell with all the crust on it. I'm sure it'll be worth it, because from time to time I get short glimpses of what I believe is Gil. The true self of him. I like what I see then.
Love it.
We did it face to face and I fought hard to keep my eyes open, to see his expression. Made it all so much more... intimate. I hope I will never forget that look on his face: pleasure washing over him like a tidal wave and it's us, me! who's doing that to him.
The memory of our recent love-making makes me shudder as I stand here at this window.
"Are you OK?" Gil's voice nearly makes me jump out of my skin.
"Yeah. I just can't sleep." I can hear the sheets move and then he's beside me, skin on skin.
"What's it?" I can hear the concern in his voice.
"Nothing. It's too damn quiet! My ears seem to scream for some noise."
Gil's chuckling, "That's what the outback is like. Besides: it's far from silent."
"Hrmph."
"Surely you've been camping before?"
"Not like this. We spent some nights out in the parks, yeah. But I never went out that far. I mean: what for? There's nothing here!"
"You never... get dressed!"
"What?" oh man! Another Gilford-weirdness coming up in the middle of the night.
"I said: get dressed." He's doing so already.
"Gil, it's the middle of the night, people might think we're crazy."
He shrugs with this typical I-don't-care face. Shaking my head I follow his orders, let him take me by the hand and lead me outside.
"Gil –"
"Shhht!" his head is slightly cocked and he watches me as if I was one of his bugs.
I keep my mouth shut.
I listen into the silence.
That complete, deadly silence...
Does not exist!
My eyes widen. As I allow my ears to get adjusted to the low level of noise I realize the myriads of sounds that make up that sound of silence out here. All kinds of animals, big and small contribute to it. The longer I stand and listen the more different sounds I can distinguish.
My eyes start to see. It is far from being pitch-black! The sky is completely clear, a half-moon rising, casting a silver light bright enough to let everything have a shadow. In the middle of the night there are shadows!
And the stars!
I can see myriads of them. I think I can see the milky-way. So many stars...
"Oh man!" I whisper, totally in awe.
With a low voice Gil shows me some of the start, names them and explains me how to navigate by them, that you could never go wrong by following them. We have walked a circle and are now nearing our room again.
"There's another star you haven't mentioned. One you can always count on, even on cloudy nights." I tell him.
"What would that be? Your camera's flashlight?" he mocks dryly.
"No. I mean Gilford Grissom." I whisper in his ear, leaving him speechless.
3 am.
I can't sleep.
So I'm standing at the window, looking out. Behind me on the floor Gil is sleeping like a baby. It's pitch-black outside and not a single light on anywhere.
I've never been in such a darkness.
I've never experienced such silence.
To me it's eerie.
The whole scenery is kind of unreal!
We arrived at Soda Springs right in time for a nice dinner with the guys who run this outpost. Nice people, actually, friends of Gil's.
This old resort can be accessed by a road with an unspeakable name: Zzyzx. S'pose the guy who named it wanted to make sure it would forever be the last entry in an alphabetical listing of road-names around the world. The resort looks like all guests have only recently been abducted by aliens – everything's still in place and neat. It's weird, somehow. Then I learn they now use the resort as dorms for students who come out here for their studies.
Studies of what?
We were assigned to a two-bed dorm with bunk-beds. Bunk-beds! Shit.
Luckily it needed not too much to convince Gil to put both mattresses on the floor, to make a more spacious playground without the prospect of constantly banging our heads. Being more specific: his.
We were making love.
Gil was topping me.
I'm OK with that. I know he needs time to trust completely. Being bottom has not that much to do with submission. Funny how most het guys see it that way: the bottom succumbs totally to the dominant top.
Way wrong.
Being bottom has to do with trust. Whoever had anal sex and was on the receiving side – man or woman, doesn't matter – knows that although it's a great experience and feels... fantastic, it can easily be turned into literally gut-wrenching pain when the top is careless or doesn't listen.
So the way we do it, it's me offering complete trust and Gil knows. But I'm setting the pace, I'm asking Gil to go faster, to pound me harder and he does it fucking good.
It will take another while until Gil is ready to trust me that much. Looks like that is going to be hard work, breaking up that year-old shell with all the crust on it. I'm sure it'll be worth it, because from time to time I get short glimpses of what I believe is Gil. The true self of him. I like what I see then.
Love it.
We did it face to face and I fought hard to keep my eyes open, to see his expression. Made it all so much more... intimate. I hope I will never forget that look on his face: pleasure washing over him like a tidal wave and it's us, me! who's doing that to him.
The memory of our recent love-making makes me shudder as I stand here at this window.
"Are you OK?" Gil's voice nearly makes me jump out of my skin.
"Yeah. I just can't sleep." I can hear the sheets move and then he's beside me, skin on skin.
"What's it?" I can hear the concern in his voice.
"Nothing. It's too damn quiet! My ears seem to scream for some noise."
Gil's chuckling, "That's what the outback is like. Besides: it's far from silent."
"Hrmph."
"Surely you've been camping before?"
"Not like this. We spent some nights out in the parks, yeah. But I never went out that far. I mean: what for? There's nothing here!"
"You never... get dressed!"
"What?" oh man! Another Gilford-weirdness coming up in the middle of the night.
"I said: get dressed." He's doing so already.
"Gil, it's the middle of the night, people might think we're crazy."
He shrugs with this typical I-don't-care face. Shaking my head I follow his orders, let him take me by the hand and lead me outside.
"Gil –"
"Shhht!" his head is slightly cocked and he watches me as if I was one of his bugs.
I keep my mouth shut.
I listen into the silence.
That complete, deadly silence...
Does not exist!
My eyes widen. As I allow my ears to get adjusted to the low level of noise I realize the myriads of sounds that make up that sound of silence out here. All kinds of animals, big and small contribute to it. The longer I stand and listen the more different sounds I can distinguish.
My eyes start to see. It is far from being pitch-black! The sky is completely clear, a half-moon rising, casting a silver light bright enough to let everything have a shadow. In the middle of the night there are shadows!
And the stars!
I can see myriads of them. I think I can see the milky-way. So many stars...
"Oh man!" I whisper, totally in awe.
With a low voice Gil shows me some of the start, names them and explains me how to navigate by them, that you could never go wrong by following them. We have walked a circle and are now nearing our room again.
"There's another star you haven't mentioned. One you can always count on, even on cloudy nights." I tell him.
"What would that be? Your camera's flashlight?" he mocks dryly.
"No. I mean Gilford Grissom." I whisper in his ear, leaving him speechless.