Chapter 2
Rimmer began to panic. Suddenly he had a son. One day he was a hopeless smeghead with a career going no where and in-growing toenails, and now he was a father! How the smegging smeg could he be a father? He just wasn't the fatherly type at all! What the smeg was he supposed to do? Should he just send her the money? Call her? Go and see the child? Rimmer got out of bed, he was way to awake for bed.
Lister was fast asleep snoring like a foghorn.
Rimmer went through his uniform trousers to find the child support statement. It was a good thing he hadn't thrown it away. He turned on a reading light and went through it. He was right. It was from her. There was her name printed on it. Yvonne McGruder.
It wasn't like he didn't have the money, but he had to remember he was a selfish bastard! A dirt cheep selfish bastard! What if this was all a joke and she just wanted the money from him? There was an address printed on the notice. What would it hurt to call her? How did she even know he was the father? She hadn't remembered him at all after their brief sex. Months later he had introduced himself to her hoping maybe she would remember, but she hadn't. He was just another face in the crowd to her.
With Lister snoring away in the background he finally managed to began to search for a phone number. Finally he found one. To call or not to call? He could just send the money and avoid any human contact. Just a bill now and then wouldn't hurt anything much, would it? He had 24 thousand dollarpounds after all. It wouldn't kill him. Besides, it wasn't his fault anyway. She was the one who wanted to make love to him. sort of.
Rimmer sighed. What to do what to do. He picked up the phone and listened to the dial tone for a few moments. He dialed in the first couple digits, then the next. Only one to go. He shut his eyes, and finally pressed it and listened to it ring. He began to sweat. What could he say to her?
"Hello?" The voice sounded so familiar to him. Kind and welcoming.
He was silent.
"Hello?" She said again, much less kind and welcoming this time.
Rimmer gulped. Say something already, smeghead!
"Hello?" this time she sounded irritated.
"Hi." He mumbled.
"Who is this?" She asked.
He hesitated. "Its Arnold Rimmer."
Now she was the one to pause. He had called her. "Oh." She mumbled. She was kind of hoping she wouldn't have to talk to him. Just maybe receive a check from him in the mail and that would be the end of it.
"So. I hear you have a child." He said. Well no shit!
"Yeah. I assume you got the statement I sent you." It was sad. Back on Red Dwarf she was carefree. She had fun. She had friends. She had men after her. Now she had none of that.
"Yeah." He replied.
Enough of the awkward conversation, there had to be a reason why he called. What was he going to make her do, guess?
"He looks a lot like you, you know." She said.
Arnold was surprised. "You remember what I look like?" he asked her.
"Yeah, but it was hard at first." She said.
They both took a deep breath. There was a long silence.
"So. What's his name?" He asked.
"Matthew." She answered.
Another long silence.
"Arnold. I really need the money from you. I live all alone here in an apartment and I can barley afford rent or food or diapers. All I'll need is need is just about 500 Dollarpounds from you a month. That should do it."
Obviously she didn't want him to be a father. She would rather support him as a single mother then have him around.
Rimmer began to panic. Suddenly he had a son. One day he was a hopeless smeghead with a career going no where and in-growing toenails, and now he was a father! How the smegging smeg could he be a father? He just wasn't the fatherly type at all! What the smeg was he supposed to do? Should he just send her the money? Call her? Go and see the child? Rimmer got out of bed, he was way to awake for bed.
Lister was fast asleep snoring like a foghorn.
Rimmer went through his uniform trousers to find the child support statement. It was a good thing he hadn't thrown it away. He turned on a reading light and went through it. He was right. It was from her. There was her name printed on it. Yvonne McGruder.
It wasn't like he didn't have the money, but he had to remember he was a selfish bastard! A dirt cheep selfish bastard! What if this was all a joke and she just wanted the money from him? There was an address printed on the notice. What would it hurt to call her? How did she even know he was the father? She hadn't remembered him at all after their brief sex. Months later he had introduced himself to her hoping maybe she would remember, but she hadn't. He was just another face in the crowd to her.
With Lister snoring away in the background he finally managed to began to search for a phone number. Finally he found one. To call or not to call? He could just send the money and avoid any human contact. Just a bill now and then wouldn't hurt anything much, would it? He had 24 thousand dollarpounds after all. It wouldn't kill him. Besides, it wasn't his fault anyway. She was the one who wanted to make love to him. sort of.
Rimmer sighed. What to do what to do. He picked up the phone and listened to the dial tone for a few moments. He dialed in the first couple digits, then the next. Only one to go. He shut his eyes, and finally pressed it and listened to it ring. He began to sweat. What could he say to her?
"Hello?" The voice sounded so familiar to him. Kind and welcoming.
He was silent.
"Hello?" She said again, much less kind and welcoming this time.
Rimmer gulped. Say something already, smeghead!
"Hello?" this time she sounded irritated.
"Hi." He mumbled.
"Who is this?" She asked.
He hesitated. "Its Arnold Rimmer."
Now she was the one to pause. He had called her. "Oh." She mumbled. She was kind of hoping she wouldn't have to talk to him. Just maybe receive a check from him in the mail and that would be the end of it.
"So. I hear you have a child." He said. Well no shit!
"Yeah. I assume you got the statement I sent you." It was sad. Back on Red Dwarf she was carefree. She had fun. She had friends. She had men after her. Now she had none of that.
"Yeah." He replied.
Enough of the awkward conversation, there had to be a reason why he called. What was he going to make her do, guess?
"He looks a lot like you, you know." She said.
Arnold was surprised. "You remember what I look like?" he asked her.
"Yeah, but it was hard at first." She said.
They both took a deep breath. There was a long silence.
"So. What's his name?" He asked.
"Matthew." She answered.
Another long silence.
"Arnold. I really need the money from you. I live all alone here in an apartment and I can barley afford rent or food or diapers. All I'll need is need is just about 500 Dollarpounds from you a month. That should do it."
Obviously she didn't want him to be a father. She would rather support him as a single mother then have him around.