PART 3
"Hello. Sam Seaborn." Sam picked up the telephone receiver.
"He's come home."
"Mom?"
"Your Dad's come home."
"When?"
"He turned up on the doorstep last night."
"May I speak to him, please." There was a pause on the other end of the line.
"I'm sorry, honey. You're Dad feels very ashamed. He doesn't feel ready to talk to you yet."
"Oh." Sam took a deep breath. "Why is he home?"
"He says he missed me, he missed you. He says he needed to come home."
"How do you feel?"
"I'm happy. There are a million questions I want to know the answers to. I just don't want to push it. I am happy, though. I really think I am."
"That's good." Sam said unenthused.
"You're not happy, though, are you?"
"I don't know. I don't know if I can trust him. How can you trust him?"
"I have to. It's something that I have to do Sam. Do you understand?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"Wait until you love someone, I mean really love someone, not like Lisa, not at all like that, but you love someone with your whole heart; then you'll understand."
"Hmmmmm."
"Sam. I know what you're thinking right now, but don't let this stop you loving anyone, don't ever let it do that. Not everyone is the same as your father; you most certainly are not the same as your father. Don't let it put you off."
"I'm a big boy Mom."
"I know, and I know you. Just remember, Sam, don't let it scare you away from love; you'll make someone a wonderful husband. Then you'll know why I'm taking him back."
"Mom, I've got to go. I'm sorry. I'm needed for a thing."
"Oh."
"I'll call you soon, or something."
"Oh. O.K."
"Sorry."
"Bye Sam."
"Yeah." And Sam put the phone down on his mother.
"Sam?" Josh said as he entered his friend's office and looked around.
"Yeah?" A disembodied voice replied from behind a very large stack of files on the desk.
"I was calling for you a bit ago."
"Huh?" Josh moved around the desk so he could see his friend.
"Sam, didn't you hear me calling for you?"
"No. I was just on the phone. I had a call."
"O.K."
"I was talking to my Mom. She had some news."
X ~ X ~ X
"Excuse me, Congressman Reid. Could you please stop talking just for a minute?" Josh was panicking now. He went and stood over Sam who was sitting slumped in his chair; he had just passed out.
"What's wrong with him?" Congressman Reid asked impatiently.
"I don't know. Sam? Sam?" Josh just stood in front of Sam's chair; he didn't know what was wrong with his friend and he didn't know what to do.
"Step aside, Josh." Congressman Harding started to approach Sam.
"What are you going to do?" Harding pushed his way past Josh.
"Sam? Can you hear me?" He shook Sam gently by the shoulders. "Someone get me a glass of water."
"Do you really think that now's the best time to take a drink?"
"I'll get one." Congressman Foley volunteered. He walked to the pitcher of water on the small table at the far side of the room, picked up a glass and filled it, then proceeded to take it back to Harding, who had continued to talk to Sam while keeping a firm hand on his shoulder while the other one was on his knee.
"Thanks." Harding took the glass and gently wet Sam's lips.
"Why's he not doing anything? What's wrong with him?"
"Sam, can you hear me? Sam?" Sam began to stir. "Sam? Come on Sam."
"Come on buddy. Come on." Sam's eyelids fluttered a little.
"Sam, do you want to take a little water?" A slight nod of the head. "O.K. Here we go." Harding said as he lifted the glass toward Sam's lips, tipping it gingerly to simply moisten them. "O.K. Take it steady." Sam opened his eyes. "It's O.K. Sam. Take it easy there."
"Sam, what's wrong?" Josh asked. "Sam are you O.K.?"
"He just passed out, Josh, now I don't know about you but to me that is not a good indicator that he is O.K."
"Sam, are you sick?" Foley asked.
"Of course he's sick. Why else would he pass out?" Josh said. Sam was very pale and very shaky, even sitting down. "Do you want to go back to your office to wait for an ambulance, Sam?" Josh asked.
"Don't need one." He mumbled quietly.
"Yeah right." Said Josh.
"He might be better if he sits here a few minutes before he does anything."
"Sam?"
"Don't care."
"You might feel better if you put your head between your knees Sam." Sam responded with a nod and Harding helped him lean carefully forward and gently rubbed his back. Congressman Foley with his curly hair looked at Harding, askance.
"What?" He gave a dimpled grin looking a little abashed. "I always wanted to be a nurse or something as a kid."
During this performance, Reid had remained looking stoic in his seat and rather annoyed at the inconvenience of the whole affair.
"Can someone call 911 please?" Josh asked.
"I don't want to got to the hospital, Josh."
"You need to go, Sam, so they can find out why you passed out." Harding said. "You've got to find out what the matter is so that something can be done to make it better."
"Unless you know what caused it!" Josh suddenly grasped the idea. "What was it Sam? You know something. You know why it happened." Sam attempted to sit up and glare at Josh but Congressman Harding held his head down.
"Stay still a while longer."
"Do you want anything?" Josh asked.
"No. Thank you." Sam replied quietly.
"Do you want to take a sip of water?"
"Thanks." Sam said. He took the glass in his hands but they were unsteady so Harding supported the glass. Sam took a couple of sips of the cool liquid. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." Harding turned to Josh. "Do you need a hand moving him? He should be better to take back to his office; somewhere he could lie down would be even better, does he have a couch in there?"
"No. We could take him to Toby Ziegler's office."
"Yeah?"
"Sure."
"O.K. Sam? We're gonna slowly stand you up and take you to Toby's office so you can lie down, O.K.?"
"Yeah." The Congressman and Josh helped Sam get slowly to his feet, then they threaded their arms around him and began to walk him back to the Communications Bullpen and Toby's office. His legs were incapable of very little movement of their own volition and the two men ended up half- supporting him and half-dragging him between them.
"Oh my God, Josh. What happened?" Donna asked as she saw Harding and her boss flanking Sam; Josh on the left and Congressman Harding on the right.
"Not now Donna."
They got Sam to the Communications Bullpen and took him past a lot of confused staff aides and then to the door of Toby's office, which was shut. Josh kicked it a couple of times and waited for it to be opened. His hands were full of Sam and he was unable to open the door; the arm of Josh's that was not around Sam's waist was holding onto his shoulder firmly, a mirror image of the man to Sam's right.
It was C.J. that opened the door and her mouth dropped open.
"What the hell happened?" She asked as she went to take over from Congressman Harding on Sam's right-hand side.
"You got him?"
"Yeah."
"Thanks for helping." Josh said as the Congressman walked away. He held up a hand.
"Hey, helped me realise a childhood dream." He smiled.
"Thank you anyway."
Between them, Josh and C.J. dragged Sam into the office, where Toby was hurriedly clearing the couch of the papers that he had been going through with C.J.
"Put him down here." Toby said as he helped them lay Sam down. He leaned right back on the couch and closed his eyes.
"I repeat." Said C.J. "What the hell happened?"
"We were in the middle of the meeting and he passed out."
"Dammit Sam! I told you to eat your lunch earlier."
"Sorry, Toby." Sam mumbled and apology.
"What? You know why this happened?" Josh said, pointing his finger accusingly at Toby.
"If you'd taken the time to do so much as look at him earlier, Josh, then you too would have known that something was clearly wrong! In turn then, you may also be able to deduce why what happened actually happened."
"What's wrong with him?"
"C.J. can you get him a cup of something very sweet. Put some sugar in some warm water or something."
"I have a sports drink in my office."
"Get it!" C.J. left Toby's office at a pace and ran to her own to get the sports drink.
"How are you doing, Sam?"
"I feel light-headed, I guess."
"Stay laying down."
"Yes Mom."
"I mean it, Sam."
"What's wrong with him, Toby? I think we should call 911."
"Calling 911 is unnecessary, Josh; he passed out because the only things he's had to eat between now and Friday are a banana, a candy bar C.J. cajoled from me when he nearly passed out on her earlier, a sandwich he picked through and that meal in the Mess that you interrupted earlier and he touched very little of. That's why I made him come to lunch with me earlier, so I could try and make sure he actually ate something, but he felt more loyalty to you and left his meal, add that to the fact that he hasn't slept for days!"
"He nearly passed out earlier? Why didn't you call for me?"
"You weren't here. You were late, you were with Amy."
"Oh my."
"Yeah."
"But why hasn't he eaten? Why hasn't he slept?"
"I won't tell you that."
"Toby!"
"You two guys do know that I'm still in the room, right?"
"Why Sam?" Josh whined. Sam tipped his head to face the back of the sofa.
"I got it." C.J. said as she catapulted herself into the room.
"Give it to him." C.J. obediently helped Sam sit up and gave him the drink. "Ginger!" Toby shouted. Bonnie entered the room.
"Ginger had to do a thing."
"Whatever. Bonnie, call Margaret and tell her we need to see Leo for a minute; preferably in here."
"Sure."
"Toby? What happened?" Josh whined.
"Josh, we're gonna tell Leo what happened, and then I think that you should take Sam home and put him to bed and while you're doing that you can talk to him. You need to talk to him, Josh, and not about you and Amy and what you did today and you and anything else you may think he needs to know." There was a sharp rap on the door to alert everyone of his presence, it was followed by Leo entering the room.
"This had better be good." He caught a glimpse of Sam on the couch. "My God. You look like crap! What the hell happened?"
"He passed out in our meeting."
"He what?"
"He just slumped and his eyes closed. I didn't know what to do."
"I think Josh should take him home. He can't carry on with the meeting." Toby said.
"Reid's pissed and I think the other two guys are too stirred. It's in no one's interests to go ahead today."
"They O.K.?"
"Harding helped me bring him back. He was amazing. I just stood there not knowing what to do. He took over. He was good!"
"Thank God someone was."
"Amen to that, Toby."
"Fine Josh. Get him out of here."
"But."
"Sam!" Leo cut him off. "Toby, can you do without him tomorrow?"
"Yeah. Not that he would be much use to me like that."
"Yeah. Take tomorrow off."
"Josh, take him home, put him to bed and make sure he has something to eat. I don't just mean get it for him, I mean stand over him and force feed him if necessary." Toby ordered.
"What are you Toby, his mother?"
"Josh, just do it!"
"O.K."
"And talk to him."
"Yeah."
"I'll give you a hand getting him to your car."
"Thanks."
Toby and Josh dragged Sam up from the couch and C.J. headed out with them to open any doors they may encounter on the way.
X ~ X ~ X
"Eat the soup, Sam." Josh said, indicating to the tray with the bowl of chicken noodle soup that he had dumped on Sam's knee as he lay in bed propped up by a mountain of pillows.
"Josh, I really don't."
"Sam, eat the damn soup." Sam started to eat reluctantly. "Toby and C.J. are gonna come by later and see how you're doing."
"Yeah." "Sam, why did this happen?"
"Josh!"
"Sam, why did this happen?" Sam rested his spoon on his dish.
"I guess I haven't eaten too much lately."
"You don't say. Eat the soup." Sam picked up his spoon again. "Question is, though, why haven't you eaten too much lately?"
"Stuff."
"Sam!"
"My father left again."
"What?" Sam was about to put his spoon down again but he caught Josh's glare and carried on spooning the liquid.
"My Mom called me on Friday night to tell me that my father had gone again."
"Why didn't you call me?"
"I tried. You were kind of hard to reach all weekend."
"Yeah, I'm sorry."
"Don't apologise, Josh. The last thing I want from you right now is an apology."
"Why'd he leave?"
"To go back to her."
"The other woman?"
"Yeah."
"Why? Sorry, stupid question. That really sucks. Why'd he go back in the first place though; I mean surely he intended to stay with your Mom."
"It really doesn't sound very much like it."
"Why? How'd you know that?"
"Because he sorted out his affairs, removed some things he wanted form the house and when all that was done, he packed up and left once more."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Really?"
"Yes Josh." Sam defiantly put his spoon down.
"Really? Sam, finish the soup."
"Yes Josh." Sam sighed, answering both question and command in one go.
"He just went back to do that?"
"Yeah. Then I get a call from an old High School friend of mine; Andrew, anyway, he calls me up to tell me that he's sorry about what happened. He also tells me that he ran into him the other day and had the chance to say a few words. Andrew didn't know he'd gone in the first place, so just waylaid him in casual conversation and he told Dave what had happened. Well, Andy tells me he told him that he didn't know whether or not he was going to stay with my Mom at all."
"Looks like he'd already made his mind up about that, though."
"Yeah." Sam finally finished his soup and rested the spoon down in the dish.
"Do you want your tea passing?"
"Please." Josh picked up the mug that sat on the bedside table next to the lamp, the phone and the alarm clock and handed it to Sam. Sam accepted it gratefully and took a sip. "Ugh!" Sam's face took on a disgusted look.
"What?"
"You put sugar in it!"
"Of course I did. You need the energy, now drink it! Are you very upset that he's gone?"
"Do you know? I'm really not."
"Why have you not been eating or sleeping then?"
"My Mom's been really low. She's been very depressed."
"And you want to be with her?"
"No. That's the problem: I think she's mad at me."
"You feeling guilty?"
"Yeah."
"You can't blame yourself."
"I don't blame myself, Josh. Not in the way that you mean. I blame him. I blame her. That's why I feel guilty."
"You blame you're Mom?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"Because she took him back. I knew she shouldn't have. I knew I was right not to trust him again."
"Sam, you're Mom did the right thing to trust him, as difficult as that sounds. I know it may not seem like it to you."
"Would you take Amy back, after she dumped you?"
"I begged her to take me back. I would go back willingly to her. I wouldn't even need to think twice."
"Why?"
"I think that I love her."
"Really?" It was Sam's turn to be incredulous. "You love Amy Gardner?"
"Yeah, well, maybe not. But if I really loved her I would go back to her without hesitation."
"Really?"
"Yeah." Josh took a breath. "What your Dad did was wrong, Sam, and I can't believe that anyone would be spiteful enough to do that. I know that you care about your Mom, but you can't blame her; you need to take a step back, get things in some sort of perspective. I think that you should call your Mom. I think that you should talk to her and then I think you should get some sleep before Toby and C.J. come. I don't know what else to tell you."
"That's all you need to say." Sam handed Josh the empty mug. "Could you please pass me the phone?" Josh did. "Thanks."
"I'll just be outside reading briefing memos. Leo gave me a stack, I think it was by way of punishment."
"O.K." Josh picked up the tray with the empty bowl and mug on and quietly exited the room, leaving Sam to make his phone call, then lie down and get some shut-eye.
X ~ X ~ X
"How long's he been out?"
"Since about 4 o'clock." It was now 9.00.
"Has he been alright?"
"Yeah. He ate the chicken noodle soup I got for him and he drank the tea, which had like a pound of sugar in. Man, did he gripe about that!"
"I think we should get him up and feed him up some more." Said Toby holding up the bag of take out in his hand.
"What you got?"
"Chinese."
"Man, it smells good. Let's get Sam up."
"I'll go get him." C.J. volunteered. The other two nodded as C.J. went off to Sam's bedroom. She opened the door softly and crept inside. Sam looked very young and very innocent as he lay there, peaceful in his slumber. She laid a hand on his shoulder and shook him gently.
"Huh?" Sam said groggily.
"Sam, do you want to get up for some food. Toby and I bought take out."
"What kind?"
"Chinese."
"I'll be out in a minute, just got to grab my robe."
"O.K. Spanky, we'll get it ready. You come out when you're done."
"Thanks Ceej." C.J. left Sam to it.
"He'll be out in a minute."
"O.K. Did you talk to him Josh?"
"Yeah. I, I, I felt like an ass by the time I was done."
"Took you all that time?" C.J. glared at Toby's quip.
"We talked some things through. I think we're better now."
"Hi guys." Sam shuffled out of his bedroom. "You didn't need to check up on me, you know!" Sam sat himself down in his big armchair. He was still very tired but he felt a little better.
"We didn't know if we could trust the idiot." C.J. said.
"Hey!" Josh exclaimed.
"You ready for some food, Sam?" Asked Toby.
"You bet. I feel like I could eat a horse."
"You won't though, right?"
"No Josh, I will not!"
"How'd the call to your Mom go?" Josh asked as he pulled some plates out the cupboard and took them through to Sam's sitting room, where he placed them on the coffee table.
"It was painful for us both, I think. But we talked out the things we needed to, and I think I feel better now. I understand why she did it; took him back, I mean. She took him leaving again badly but that was still better than me, though that really isn't difficult, but she is still very low. She loved him so completely that she took him back and trusted him again, even after what he did to her, how much he hurt her. I should have realised how great and strong that makes her, not as I assumed; that she was weak and stupid."
There was a silence for a moment that made them all feel a little uncomfortable. C.J. was the one who broke it.
"Can I put the stereo on, Sam?"
"Sure. I think there's a CD still in, though I'm not sure what."
"Don't worry Sam, I'm sure whatever it is, it'll be fine!"
And it was:
Album Title: Ragtime - Disc 2
Artist: Original Broadway Cast
Track No.: 13 - Back To Before
There was a time our happiness seemed never ending.
I was so sure that where we were headed was right.
Life was a road so certain and straight and unbending;
Our little road with never a crossroad in sight.
Back in the days when we spoke in civilized voices,
Women in white and sturdy young men at the oar.
Back in the days when I let you make all my choices.
We can never go back to before.
There was a time my feet were so solidly planted,
You'd sail away while I turned my back to the sea.
I was content, a princes asleep and enchanted.
If I had dreams, then I let you dream them for me.
Back in the days when everything seemed so much clearer.
Women in white who knew what their lives held in store.
Where are they now, those women who stared in the mirror?
We can never go back to before.
There are people out there unafraid of revealing
That they might have a feeling,
Or they might have been wrong.
There are people out there unafraid to feel sorrow,
Unafraid of tomorrow,
Unafraid to be weak.
Unafraid to be strong!
There was a time when you were the person in motion.
I was your wife. It never occurred to want more.
You were my sky, my moon and my stars and my ocean.
We can never go back to before.
We can never go back to before.
'Back To Before' from 'Ragtime' Original Broadway Cast Recording. Lyrics: Lynn Ahrens, Music: Stephen Flaherty, Book: Terrence McNally
"Hello. Sam Seaborn." Sam picked up the telephone receiver.
"He's come home."
"Mom?"
"Your Dad's come home."
"When?"
"He turned up on the doorstep last night."
"May I speak to him, please." There was a pause on the other end of the line.
"I'm sorry, honey. You're Dad feels very ashamed. He doesn't feel ready to talk to you yet."
"Oh." Sam took a deep breath. "Why is he home?"
"He says he missed me, he missed you. He says he needed to come home."
"How do you feel?"
"I'm happy. There are a million questions I want to know the answers to. I just don't want to push it. I am happy, though. I really think I am."
"That's good." Sam said unenthused.
"You're not happy, though, are you?"
"I don't know. I don't know if I can trust him. How can you trust him?"
"I have to. It's something that I have to do Sam. Do you understand?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"Wait until you love someone, I mean really love someone, not like Lisa, not at all like that, but you love someone with your whole heart; then you'll understand."
"Hmmmmm."
"Sam. I know what you're thinking right now, but don't let this stop you loving anyone, don't ever let it do that. Not everyone is the same as your father; you most certainly are not the same as your father. Don't let it put you off."
"I'm a big boy Mom."
"I know, and I know you. Just remember, Sam, don't let it scare you away from love; you'll make someone a wonderful husband. Then you'll know why I'm taking him back."
"Mom, I've got to go. I'm sorry. I'm needed for a thing."
"Oh."
"I'll call you soon, or something."
"Oh. O.K."
"Sorry."
"Bye Sam."
"Yeah." And Sam put the phone down on his mother.
"Sam?" Josh said as he entered his friend's office and looked around.
"Yeah?" A disembodied voice replied from behind a very large stack of files on the desk.
"I was calling for you a bit ago."
"Huh?" Josh moved around the desk so he could see his friend.
"Sam, didn't you hear me calling for you?"
"No. I was just on the phone. I had a call."
"O.K."
"I was talking to my Mom. She had some news."
X ~ X ~ X
"Excuse me, Congressman Reid. Could you please stop talking just for a minute?" Josh was panicking now. He went and stood over Sam who was sitting slumped in his chair; he had just passed out.
"What's wrong with him?" Congressman Reid asked impatiently.
"I don't know. Sam? Sam?" Josh just stood in front of Sam's chair; he didn't know what was wrong with his friend and he didn't know what to do.
"Step aside, Josh." Congressman Harding started to approach Sam.
"What are you going to do?" Harding pushed his way past Josh.
"Sam? Can you hear me?" He shook Sam gently by the shoulders. "Someone get me a glass of water."
"Do you really think that now's the best time to take a drink?"
"I'll get one." Congressman Foley volunteered. He walked to the pitcher of water on the small table at the far side of the room, picked up a glass and filled it, then proceeded to take it back to Harding, who had continued to talk to Sam while keeping a firm hand on his shoulder while the other one was on his knee.
"Thanks." Harding took the glass and gently wet Sam's lips.
"Why's he not doing anything? What's wrong with him?"
"Sam, can you hear me? Sam?" Sam began to stir. "Sam? Come on Sam."
"Come on buddy. Come on." Sam's eyelids fluttered a little.
"Sam, do you want to take a little water?" A slight nod of the head. "O.K. Here we go." Harding said as he lifted the glass toward Sam's lips, tipping it gingerly to simply moisten them. "O.K. Take it steady." Sam opened his eyes. "It's O.K. Sam. Take it easy there."
"Sam, what's wrong?" Josh asked. "Sam are you O.K.?"
"He just passed out, Josh, now I don't know about you but to me that is not a good indicator that he is O.K."
"Sam, are you sick?" Foley asked.
"Of course he's sick. Why else would he pass out?" Josh said. Sam was very pale and very shaky, even sitting down. "Do you want to go back to your office to wait for an ambulance, Sam?" Josh asked.
"Don't need one." He mumbled quietly.
"Yeah right." Said Josh.
"He might be better if he sits here a few minutes before he does anything."
"Sam?"
"Don't care."
"You might feel better if you put your head between your knees Sam." Sam responded with a nod and Harding helped him lean carefully forward and gently rubbed his back. Congressman Foley with his curly hair looked at Harding, askance.
"What?" He gave a dimpled grin looking a little abashed. "I always wanted to be a nurse or something as a kid."
During this performance, Reid had remained looking stoic in his seat and rather annoyed at the inconvenience of the whole affair.
"Can someone call 911 please?" Josh asked.
"I don't want to got to the hospital, Josh."
"You need to go, Sam, so they can find out why you passed out." Harding said. "You've got to find out what the matter is so that something can be done to make it better."
"Unless you know what caused it!" Josh suddenly grasped the idea. "What was it Sam? You know something. You know why it happened." Sam attempted to sit up and glare at Josh but Congressman Harding held his head down.
"Stay still a while longer."
"Do you want anything?" Josh asked.
"No. Thank you." Sam replied quietly.
"Do you want to take a sip of water?"
"Thanks." Sam said. He took the glass in his hands but they were unsteady so Harding supported the glass. Sam took a couple of sips of the cool liquid. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." Harding turned to Josh. "Do you need a hand moving him? He should be better to take back to his office; somewhere he could lie down would be even better, does he have a couch in there?"
"No. We could take him to Toby Ziegler's office."
"Yeah?"
"Sure."
"O.K. Sam? We're gonna slowly stand you up and take you to Toby's office so you can lie down, O.K.?"
"Yeah." The Congressman and Josh helped Sam get slowly to his feet, then they threaded their arms around him and began to walk him back to the Communications Bullpen and Toby's office. His legs were incapable of very little movement of their own volition and the two men ended up half- supporting him and half-dragging him between them.
"Oh my God, Josh. What happened?" Donna asked as she saw Harding and her boss flanking Sam; Josh on the left and Congressman Harding on the right.
"Not now Donna."
They got Sam to the Communications Bullpen and took him past a lot of confused staff aides and then to the door of Toby's office, which was shut. Josh kicked it a couple of times and waited for it to be opened. His hands were full of Sam and he was unable to open the door; the arm of Josh's that was not around Sam's waist was holding onto his shoulder firmly, a mirror image of the man to Sam's right.
It was C.J. that opened the door and her mouth dropped open.
"What the hell happened?" She asked as she went to take over from Congressman Harding on Sam's right-hand side.
"You got him?"
"Yeah."
"Thanks for helping." Josh said as the Congressman walked away. He held up a hand.
"Hey, helped me realise a childhood dream." He smiled.
"Thank you anyway."
Between them, Josh and C.J. dragged Sam into the office, where Toby was hurriedly clearing the couch of the papers that he had been going through with C.J.
"Put him down here." Toby said as he helped them lay Sam down. He leaned right back on the couch and closed his eyes.
"I repeat." Said C.J. "What the hell happened?"
"We were in the middle of the meeting and he passed out."
"Dammit Sam! I told you to eat your lunch earlier."
"Sorry, Toby." Sam mumbled and apology.
"What? You know why this happened?" Josh said, pointing his finger accusingly at Toby.
"If you'd taken the time to do so much as look at him earlier, Josh, then you too would have known that something was clearly wrong! In turn then, you may also be able to deduce why what happened actually happened."
"What's wrong with him?"
"C.J. can you get him a cup of something very sweet. Put some sugar in some warm water or something."
"I have a sports drink in my office."
"Get it!" C.J. left Toby's office at a pace and ran to her own to get the sports drink.
"How are you doing, Sam?"
"I feel light-headed, I guess."
"Stay laying down."
"Yes Mom."
"I mean it, Sam."
"What's wrong with him, Toby? I think we should call 911."
"Calling 911 is unnecessary, Josh; he passed out because the only things he's had to eat between now and Friday are a banana, a candy bar C.J. cajoled from me when he nearly passed out on her earlier, a sandwich he picked through and that meal in the Mess that you interrupted earlier and he touched very little of. That's why I made him come to lunch with me earlier, so I could try and make sure he actually ate something, but he felt more loyalty to you and left his meal, add that to the fact that he hasn't slept for days!"
"He nearly passed out earlier? Why didn't you call for me?"
"You weren't here. You were late, you were with Amy."
"Oh my."
"Yeah."
"But why hasn't he eaten? Why hasn't he slept?"
"I won't tell you that."
"Toby!"
"You two guys do know that I'm still in the room, right?"
"Why Sam?" Josh whined. Sam tipped his head to face the back of the sofa.
"I got it." C.J. said as she catapulted herself into the room.
"Give it to him." C.J. obediently helped Sam sit up and gave him the drink. "Ginger!" Toby shouted. Bonnie entered the room.
"Ginger had to do a thing."
"Whatever. Bonnie, call Margaret and tell her we need to see Leo for a minute; preferably in here."
"Sure."
"Toby? What happened?" Josh whined.
"Josh, we're gonna tell Leo what happened, and then I think that you should take Sam home and put him to bed and while you're doing that you can talk to him. You need to talk to him, Josh, and not about you and Amy and what you did today and you and anything else you may think he needs to know." There was a sharp rap on the door to alert everyone of his presence, it was followed by Leo entering the room.
"This had better be good." He caught a glimpse of Sam on the couch. "My God. You look like crap! What the hell happened?"
"He passed out in our meeting."
"He what?"
"He just slumped and his eyes closed. I didn't know what to do."
"I think Josh should take him home. He can't carry on with the meeting." Toby said.
"Reid's pissed and I think the other two guys are too stirred. It's in no one's interests to go ahead today."
"They O.K.?"
"Harding helped me bring him back. He was amazing. I just stood there not knowing what to do. He took over. He was good!"
"Thank God someone was."
"Amen to that, Toby."
"Fine Josh. Get him out of here."
"But."
"Sam!" Leo cut him off. "Toby, can you do without him tomorrow?"
"Yeah. Not that he would be much use to me like that."
"Yeah. Take tomorrow off."
"Josh, take him home, put him to bed and make sure he has something to eat. I don't just mean get it for him, I mean stand over him and force feed him if necessary." Toby ordered.
"What are you Toby, his mother?"
"Josh, just do it!"
"O.K."
"And talk to him."
"Yeah."
"I'll give you a hand getting him to your car."
"Thanks."
Toby and Josh dragged Sam up from the couch and C.J. headed out with them to open any doors they may encounter on the way.
X ~ X ~ X
"Eat the soup, Sam." Josh said, indicating to the tray with the bowl of chicken noodle soup that he had dumped on Sam's knee as he lay in bed propped up by a mountain of pillows.
"Josh, I really don't."
"Sam, eat the damn soup." Sam started to eat reluctantly. "Toby and C.J. are gonna come by later and see how you're doing."
"Yeah." "Sam, why did this happen?"
"Josh!"
"Sam, why did this happen?" Sam rested his spoon on his dish.
"I guess I haven't eaten too much lately."
"You don't say. Eat the soup." Sam picked up his spoon again. "Question is, though, why haven't you eaten too much lately?"
"Stuff."
"Sam!"
"My father left again."
"What?" Sam was about to put his spoon down again but he caught Josh's glare and carried on spooning the liquid.
"My Mom called me on Friday night to tell me that my father had gone again."
"Why didn't you call me?"
"I tried. You were kind of hard to reach all weekend."
"Yeah, I'm sorry."
"Don't apologise, Josh. The last thing I want from you right now is an apology."
"Why'd he leave?"
"To go back to her."
"The other woman?"
"Yeah."
"Why? Sorry, stupid question. That really sucks. Why'd he go back in the first place though; I mean surely he intended to stay with your Mom."
"It really doesn't sound very much like it."
"Why? How'd you know that?"
"Because he sorted out his affairs, removed some things he wanted form the house and when all that was done, he packed up and left once more."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Really?"
"Yes Josh." Sam defiantly put his spoon down.
"Really? Sam, finish the soup."
"Yes Josh." Sam sighed, answering both question and command in one go.
"He just went back to do that?"
"Yeah. Then I get a call from an old High School friend of mine; Andrew, anyway, he calls me up to tell me that he's sorry about what happened. He also tells me that he ran into him the other day and had the chance to say a few words. Andrew didn't know he'd gone in the first place, so just waylaid him in casual conversation and he told Dave what had happened. Well, Andy tells me he told him that he didn't know whether or not he was going to stay with my Mom at all."
"Looks like he'd already made his mind up about that, though."
"Yeah." Sam finally finished his soup and rested the spoon down in the dish.
"Do you want your tea passing?"
"Please." Josh picked up the mug that sat on the bedside table next to the lamp, the phone and the alarm clock and handed it to Sam. Sam accepted it gratefully and took a sip. "Ugh!" Sam's face took on a disgusted look.
"What?"
"You put sugar in it!"
"Of course I did. You need the energy, now drink it! Are you very upset that he's gone?"
"Do you know? I'm really not."
"Why have you not been eating or sleeping then?"
"My Mom's been really low. She's been very depressed."
"And you want to be with her?"
"No. That's the problem: I think she's mad at me."
"You feeling guilty?"
"Yeah."
"You can't blame yourself."
"I don't blame myself, Josh. Not in the way that you mean. I blame him. I blame her. That's why I feel guilty."
"You blame you're Mom?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"Because she took him back. I knew she shouldn't have. I knew I was right not to trust him again."
"Sam, you're Mom did the right thing to trust him, as difficult as that sounds. I know it may not seem like it to you."
"Would you take Amy back, after she dumped you?"
"I begged her to take me back. I would go back willingly to her. I wouldn't even need to think twice."
"Why?"
"I think that I love her."
"Really?" It was Sam's turn to be incredulous. "You love Amy Gardner?"
"Yeah, well, maybe not. But if I really loved her I would go back to her without hesitation."
"Really?"
"Yeah." Josh took a breath. "What your Dad did was wrong, Sam, and I can't believe that anyone would be spiteful enough to do that. I know that you care about your Mom, but you can't blame her; you need to take a step back, get things in some sort of perspective. I think that you should call your Mom. I think that you should talk to her and then I think you should get some sleep before Toby and C.J. come. I don't know what else to tell you."
"That's all you need to say." Sam handed Josh the empty mug. "Could you please pass me the phone?" Josh did. "Thanks."
"I'll just be outside reading briefing memos. Leo gave me a stack, I think it was by way of punishment."
"O.K." Josh picked up the tray with the empty bowl and mug on and quietly exited the room, leaving Sam to make his phone call, then lie down and get some shut-eye.
X ~ X ~ X
"How long's he been out?"
"Since about 4 o'clock." It was now 9.00.
"Has he been alright?"
"Yeah. He ate the chicken noodle soup I got for him and he drank the tea, which had like a pound of sugar in. Man, did he gripe about that!"
"I think we should get him up and feed him up some more." Said Toby holding up the bag of take out in his hand.
"What you got?"
"Chinese."
"Man, it smells good. Let's get Sam up."
"I'll go get him." C.J. volunteered. The other two nodded as C.J. went off to Sam's bedroom. She opened the door softly and crept inside. Sam looked very young and very innocent as he lay there, peaceful in his slumber. She laid a hand on his shoulder and shook him gently.
"Huh?" Sam said groggily.
"Sam, do you want to get up for some food. Toby and I bought take out."
"What kind?"
"Chinese."
"I'll be out in a minute, just got to grab my robe."
"O.K. Spanky, we'll get it ready. You come out when you're done."
"Thanks Ceej." C.J. left Sam to it.
"He'll be out in a minute."
"O.K. Did you talk to him Josh?"
"Yeah. I, I, I felt like an ass by the time I was done."
"Took you all that time?" C.J. glared at Toby's quip.
"We talked some things through. I think we're better now."
"Hi guys." Sam shuffled out of his bedroom. "You didn't need to check up on me, you know!" Sam sat himself down in his big armchair. He was still very tired but he felt a little better.
"We didn't know if we could trust the idiot." C.J. said.
"Hey!" Josh exclaimed.
"You ready for some food, Sam?" Asked Toby.
"You bet. I feel like I could eat a horse."
"You won't though, right?"
"No Josh, I will not!"
"How'd the call to your Mom go?" Josh asked as he pulled some plates out the cupboard and took them through to Sam's sitting room, where he placed them on the coffee table.
"It was painful for us both, I think. But we talked out the things we needed to, and I think I feel better now. I understand why she did it; took him back, I mean. She took him leaving again badly but that was still better than me, though that really isn't difficult, but she is still very low. She loved him so completely that she took him back and trusted him again, even after what he did to her, how much he hurt her. I should have realised how great and strong that makes her, not as I assumed; that she was weak and stupid."
There was a silence for a moment that made them all feel a little uncomfortable. C.J. was the one who broke it.
"Can I put the stereo on, Sam?"
"Sure. I think there's a CD still in, though I'm not sure what."
"Don't worry Sam, I'm sure whatever it is, it'll be fine!"
And it was:
Album Title: Ragtime - Disc 2
Artist: Original Broadway Cast
Track No.: 13 - Back To Before
There was a time our happiness seemed never ending.
I was so sure that where we were headed was right.
Life was a road so certain and straight and unbending;
Our little road with never a crossroad in sight.
Back in the days when we spoke in civilized voices,
Women in white and sturdy young men at the oar.
Back in the days when I let you make all my choices.
We can never go back to before.
There was a time my feet were so solidly planted,
You'd sail away while I turned my back to the sea.
I was content, a princes asleep and enchanted.
If I had dreams, then I let you dream them for me.
Back in the days when everything seemed so much clearer.
Women in white who knew what their lives held in store.
Where are they now, those women who stared in the mirror?
We can never go back to before.
There are people out there unafraid of revealing
That they might have a feeling,
Or they might have been wrong.
There are people out there unafraid to feel sorrow,
Unafraid of tomorrow,
Unafraid to be weak.
Unafraid to be strong!
There was a time when you were the person in motion.
I was your wife. It never occurred to want more.
You were my sky, my moon and my stars and my ocean.
We can never go back to before.
We can never go back to before.
'Back To Before' from 'Ragtime' Original Broadway Cast Recording. Lyrics: Lynn Ahrens, Music: Stephen Flaherty, Book: Terrence McNally