Harry Potter theories for Dummies
Chapter 4: Ron, Harry, and miscellaneous theories.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling, Warner Brothers, Scholastic Books, etc. Some of the theories I use in this story are made up by me and most are from HP websites. The theories are totally comedic/parody and written as if predictions for upcoming HP books. There are OotP spoilers.
PLEASE NOTE: This is the last chapter of this fic. If you want the complete list of theories, I'll try to email them to you if I have time. The theories in this chapter may be a little unorganized, so bear with me.
*Ron is fearful because Hermione is going to read the theories about him. Slowly, he hands her the book, and she turns to the Ron theories, a small grin on her face*
Hermione: Where are they? *looking through book as Ron becomes hopeful*... here they are! *Ron groans.*
Ron: Ok, get it over with.
Hermione: You had your turn Ron, now it's my turn.
1. Ron turns Pigwidgeon yellow.
Ron: I don't get it.
Hermione: Well, you tried to turn Scabbers yellow in our first year and it didn't work, remember?
Ron: Oh. *turns red*
2. Harry dies, so they change the title of Book 6 to Ron Weasley and his Best Friend Draco Malfoy.
Harry: That's not a very good one.
Hermione: I know, sorry Harry.
Ron: HEY! *Hermione laughs.*
Hermione: You know we're just joking around, Ron.
Ron: I know that.
Hermione: Ok then, here's the next one.
3. Ron dyes his hair black.
Ron: I wonder how I would look with black hair...
4. Ron isn't sarcastic.
Ron: I'm NOT SARCASTIC!
Harry: Um, yes you are...
Hermione: A little...
*Ron crosses his arms.* 5. Ginny kidnaps Harry and they go to Las Vegas, and Ron thinks that it was Hermione, so in a jealous fit he accidentally cuts off Harry's ear. *At this point. Ron blushes madly, and Hermione thinks it best to switch to a different theory.*
Hermione: Um, why don't you read the Harry theories, Ron?
Ron: Ok. *looks at Harry, who sighs and nods.*
1. Harry doesn't ask: but WHY Mr- Arch-nemisis-baddy-man? in the climax chapter.
Harry: But WHY wouldn't I do that?
2. Harry kisses Myrtle.
Everyone: YUCK!
3. Peeves kills Harry in a passionate fit of jealousy.
Ron: Um, next...
4. Harry falls into the lake and a giant squid eats him.
Harry: Why does everyone want me to die? *looks hurt*
Hermione: Well, of course they don't really want you dead. *Harry looks relieved* 5. Harry buys Arthur Weasley a Mercedes Benz to make up for his wrecked Ford Anglia. Harry: I'm not THAT rich. 6. Harry reveals he has red eyes inherited from Voldemort and tells everyone to save up some money so he can buy the same green contact lenses he has lost.
Harry: Hey!
7. Harry doesn't go to Hogwarts because he has much more fun staying with the Dursleys.
8. Harry admires Snape.
Harry: hahahahaha, yeah right!
9. Harry's scar heals completely and he isn't recognized anymore.
Harry: Hopefully, it will heal. 10. Harry finds out he is Voldemort's 1/2 brother in-law 8 times removed. Ron: Here's just some miscellaneous theories. 1. Voldemort gets asked to be on E! True Hollywood Story. Hermione: *before Ron even asks* A muggle show. 2. Percy changes his name to P. Weezy and becomes a more popular white rapper that Eminem. Ron: HAHA!!!!!!!!!! 3. The whole school takes a class trip to the mall. Dumbledore buys out all the lemon drops in the candy store. Muggles see the hats and robes and think it's a new trend George: Robes are a trend! What, are they living in the stone ages? 4. There is a "Real World Hogsmeade" for any recent Hogwarts graduates. Percy, deciding he needs a break, joins it. He is shocked to find the house he will be staying in is the Shrieking Shack. 5. Dudley tries to use floo powder and ends up stuck in the fireplace. Harry: I wish! 6. Harry goes on Oprah. Harry: I thought you were done with torturing me? 7. This conversation happens: Voldemort: Are you ready to die, Harry? Harry: It's been a hard day's night.
And I've been workin' like a dog.
It's been a hard day's night.
I should be sleepin' like a log.
But when I get home to you,
I find the things that you do,
Will make me feel alright. Voldemort: ........ Harry: ENOUGH ALREADY!! 8. Crookshanks meets Mrs. Norris and they have kittens. Hermione: That would be horrible! The kittens would be evil like Filch! 9. Harry and all the other Quidditch players dress up in kilts on spirit day and dance to the "Y.M.C.A." right before a Quidditch match. Ron: Ug. 10. Mr. Dursley shaves his mustache; Dudley grows one. 11. Sir Cadogan and the Fat Lady get married. Hermione: They would make a cute couple! *everyone looks at her* 12. Madam Pince throws out all the books in the library -even in the restricted section, and installs a computer lab. Fascinated with such advanced muggle technology, Aurthur Weasley comes to the library everyday and hogs the computers until he is finally banned from the school. Ron: That's making fun of my dad. Hmph! Fred: They're just jokes, Ron. And he does love muggle stuff. 13. Vernon begins to favor Harry over Dudley. Harry: No more me theories! 14. It is discovered that George is really Fred; Fred had just been using a time turner to make it look like he had a twin. His biggest prank ever! *Everyone looks at the tiwns instegatedly* Twins: *looking aprehesive* It's not true!
15. Voldemort has a TV SHOW "Good Morning Hogwarts" How about an opening Luau? Voldie and the Death Eaters dance the Hula for all of Hogwarts. Harry: No!!!!!!!!!!! 16. All of the dementors desert Azkaban and decide to sun bath on the quidditch pitch...in little skimpy orange bikinis. Ron: Um, next! 17. Sirius goes into therapy because even when he's not a dog, he just can't stop smelling people's butts. Hermione: Ok, I've heard enough. *Everyone else agrees.* Fred: Wait, is it a go or a no, Harry? Harry: Well... OK, you can publish it. *Fred and George jump for joy.*
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling, Warner Brothers, Scholastic Books, etc. Some of the theories I use in this story are made up by me and most are from HP websites. The theories are totally comedic/parody and written as if predictions for upcoming HP books. There are OotP spoilers.
PLEASE NOTE: This is the last chapter of this fic. If you want the complete list of theories, I'll try to email them to you if I have time. The theories in this chapter may be a little unorganized, so bear with me.
*Ron is fearful because Hermione is going to read the theories about him. Slowly, he hands her the book, and she turns to the Ron theories, a small grin on her face*
Hermione: Where are they? *looking through book as Ron becomes hopeful*... here they are! *Ron groans.*
Ron: Ok, get it over with.
Hermione: You had your turn Ron, now it's my turn.
1. Ron turns Pigwidgeon yellow.
Ron: I don't get it.
Hermione: Well, you tried to turn Scabbers yellow in our first year and it didn't work, remember?
Ron: Oh. *turns red*
2. Harry dies, so they change the title of Book 6 to Ron Weasley and his Best Friend Draco Malfoy.
Harry: That's not a very good one.
Hermione: I know, sorry Harry.
Ron: HEY! *Hermione laughs.*
Hermione: You know we're just joking around, Ron.
Ron: I know that.
Hermione: Ok then, here's the next one.
3. Ron dyes his hair black.
Ron: I wonder how I would look with black hair...
4. Ron isn't sarcastic.
Ron: I'm NOT SARCASTIC!
Harry: Um, yes you are...
Hermione: A little...
*Ron crosses his arms.* 5. Ginny kidnaps Harry and they go to Las Vegas, and Ron thinks that it was Hermione, so in a jealous fit he accidentally cuts off Harry's ear. *At this point. Ron blushes madly, and Hermione thinks it best to switch to a different theory.*
Hermione: Um, why don't you read the Harry theories, Ron?
Ron: Ok. *looks at Harry, who sighs and nods.*
1. Harry doesn't ask: but WHY Mr- Arch-nemisis-baddy-man? in the climax chapter.
Harry: But WHY wouldn't I do that?
2. Harry kisses Myrtle.
Everyone: YUCK!
3. Peeves kills Harry in a passionate fit of jealousy.
Ron: Um, next...
4. Harry falls into the lake and a giant squid eats him.
Harry: Why does everyone want me to die? *looks hurt*
Hermione: Well, of course they don't really want you dead. *Harry looks relieved* 5. Harry buys Arthur Weasley a Mercedes Benz to make up for his wrecked Ford Anglia. Harry: I'm not THAT rich. 6. Harry reveals he has red eyes inherited from Voldemort and tells everyone to save up some money so he can buy the same green contact lenses he has lost.
Harry: Hey!
7. Harry doesn't go to Hogwarts because he has much more fun staying with the Dursleys.
8. Harry admires Snape.
Harry: hahahahaha, yeah right!
9. Harry's scar heals completely and he isn't recognized anymore.
Harry: Hopefully, it will heal. 10. Harry finds out he is Voldemort's 1/2 brother in-law 8 times removed. Ron: Here's just some miscellaneous theories. 1. Voldemort gets asked to be on E! True Hollywood Story. Hermione: *before Ron even asks* A muggle show. 2. Percy changes his name to P. Weezy and becomes a more popular white rapper that Eminem. Ron: HAHA!!!!!!!!!! 3. The whole school takes a class trip to the mall. Dumbledore buys out all the lemon drops in the candy store. Muggles see the hats and robes and think it's a new trend George: Robes are a trend! What, are they living in the stone ages? 4. There is a "Real World Hogsmeade" for any recent Hogwarts graduates. Percy, deciding he needs a break, joins it. He is shocked to find the house he will be staying in is the Shrieking Shack. 5. Dudley tries to use floo powder and ends up stuck in the fireplace. Harry: I wish! 6. Harry goes on Oprah. Harry: I thought you were done with torturing me? 7. This conversation happens: Voldemort: Are you ready to die, Harry? Harry: It's been a hard day's night.
And I've been workin' like a dog.
It's been a hard day's night.
I should be sleepin' like a log.
But when I get home to you,
I find the things that you do,
Will make me feel alright. Voldemort: ........ Harry: ENOUGH ALREADY!! 8. Crookshanks meets Mrs. Norris and they have kittens. Hermione: That would be horrible! The kittens would be evil like Filch! 9. Harry and all the other Quidditch players dress up in kilts on spirit day and dance to the "Y.M.C.A." right before a Quidditch match. Ron: Ug. 10. Mr. Dursley shaves his mustache; Dudley grows one. 11. Sir Cadogan and the Fat Lady get married. Hermione: They would make a cute couple! *everyone looks at her* 12. Madam Pince throws out all the books in the library -even in the restricted section, and installs a computer lab. Fascinated with such advanced muggle technology, Aurthur Weasley comes to the library everyday and hogs the computers until he is finally banned from the school. Ron: That's making fun of my dad. Hmph! Fred: They're just jokes, Ron. And he does love muggle stuff. 13. Vernon begins to favor Harry over Dudley. Harry: No more me theories! 14. It is discovered that George is really Fred; Fred had just been using a time turner to make it look like he had a twin. His biggest prank ever! *Everyone looks at the tiwns instegatedly* Twins: *looking aprehesive* It's not true!
15. Voldemort has a TV SHOW "Good Morning Hogwarts" How about an opening Luau? Voldie and the Death Eaters dance the Hula for all of Hogwarts. Harry: No!!!!!!!!!!! 16. All of the dementors desert Azkaban and decide to sun bath on the quidditch pitch...in little skimpy orange bikinis. Ron: Um, next! 17. Sirius goes into therapy because even when he's not a dog, he just can't stop smelling people's butts. Hermione: Ok, I've heard enough. *Everyone else agrees.* Fred: Wait, is it a go or a no, Harry? Harry: Well... OK, you can publish it. *Fred and George jump for joy.*