Author's note: sorry this took so long, but when life is stressing, my muse turns her back on me. Anyway, don't worry, I am determined to finish this.
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"You're tensing up again... relax, Warrick... " Gil's voice is a caress.
Yet I can't help.
It's a thrill.
I finally got that promised spider –thingy. Right now the fat black beast is walking across my chest, exploring my skin. My love was right: it's about the most gentle touch possible. I have my eyes closed yet I know Gil sits besides me on the bed, dressed in black boxers and a charcoal-gray silk bathrobe that suits him very well.
Tap-tap-tapperatap the spider's feet walk around some more steps and finally I manage to relax into the experience.
"Good..." Gil whispers.
This is kind of a weird therapy, but it works. I'm feeling good, utterly relaxed, the pull is gone completely. Vanished. It's amazing because usually after such a heavy fallback it takes days to fully recover.
The doorbell rings suddenly and we all freeze for a second. Spiders have very sensitive vibration-sensors and the large insect (yeah, I know Gild would correct me right now because insects have only 6 legs and spiders – arachnidae – are a separate species) is irritated by my tensing-up.
With a low curse Gil collects the beast back into its terrarium before he walks to the door, closing his bathrobe properly. I watch him step aside to let somebody enter after exchanging a few words. I'm pulling up the blanket so I'm covered up to my chest.
It's Nick! He's a real friend. I know he came to see how I'm doing and I'm grateful for that. It doesn't last too long for I see the bewilderment on his face. The criminalist in him takes in the scene – scattered clothing all over the place, Gil in his bathrobe and me in bed. Getting caught in the act couldn't have been more clear!
"I – uh – I wanted to make sure you're all-right. You looked terrible, you know?" Nick shuffles his feet.
"Thanks, buddy. I'll be all-right. Already doing much better."
"Good. I wanted to make sure you're not missing anything but it looks like... errm, well, you're being cared for..." he wants to leave. Oh, lord! I can see Nick wants to run. It's a big, cold lump in my stomach that grows with every second of Nick's embarrassed presence. I don't think I can stand it much longer.
He's my best buddy!
Yet, the way he tries not to look at me, at the room, at Gil is killing me.
"Yes I am in good hands here." I say with all the love in my voice. I'm not going to pretend. Not here, not now, not with Gil leaning in the doorway! I'm throwing Nick a line, "Anyway, thanks for caring, Nick."
"Don't mention. So... we'll see Thursday?" Nick can hardly wait to leave.
"Right."
"See ya." Nick all but runs from the room.
I'm slacking, eyes falling shut. This wasn't exactly the way I had pictured my coming-out in the office! "Oh man!" I groan.
"He'll get over it." Gil says.
"Yeah. Only... man did you see the look in his eyes? Like he discovered I was a pedo or some other sicko!" well, in Nick's eyes I probably AM some sicko. I'm fucking another guy. Riding the Hershey-highway. Having some guy up my ass. Shit! Fucking shit!
"Damn!" I hammer my fist into the mattress.
"Hey, don't sweat it, Rick." Gil is by my side, wraps himself around me and holds me until we both calm down enough to find some sleep.
"Nick? It's Warrick." I had sneaked out of the bed and walked into the bathroom with the cordless. I just had to call Nick.
"Oh... hi."
"Listen, buddy: Gil and me –"
"Hey, it's not my business what you guys do when you're off. Really, I don't mind!" Nick hurries to say. It's too quick, I know he's lyin'.
"Nick, just one thing: don't tell the others, OK? I mean, you wouldn't want to see Gil fired, would you?"
"No! No..."
"Good. Things are already complicated enough the way they are. Just wanted to make sure, ya know?"
"I'm fine. Don't worry." Nick assure me, or he assures himself. Or both. Rather...
"Cool. See ya Thursday, right?"
"Yeah. Bye, War." Click. Line goes dead.
This is bad.
Oh shit, this is fucking bad.
And stupid me had always thought Cath would be a hard nut to crack in this story!
I'm fucking my boss.
My gay boss.
And my best buddy and co-worker is grossed-out.
Only a question of days until they all know and the real trouble starts.
And all this only because I'm such a dumb fuck who can't control his addiction!
All because of me.
-------------------
"You're tensing up again... relax, Warrick... " Gil's voice is a caress.
Yet I can't help.
It's a thrill.
I finally got that promised spider –thingy. Right now the fat black beast is walking across my chest, exploring my skin. My love was right: it's about the most gentle touch possible. I have my eyes closed yet I know Gil sits besides me on the bed, dressed in black boxers and a charcoal-gray silk bathrobe that suits him very well.
Tap-tap-tapperatap the spider's feet walk around some more steps and finally I manage to relax into the experience.
"Good..." Gil whispers.
This is kind of a weird therapy, but it works. I'm feeling good, utterly relaxed, the pull is gone completely. Vanished. It's amazing because usually after such a heavy fallback it takes days to fully recover.
The doorbell rings suddenly and we all freeze for a second. Spiders have very sensitive vibration-sensors and the large insect (yeah, I know Gild would correct me right now because insects have only 6 legs and spiders – arachnidae – are a separate species) is irritated by my tensing-up.
With a low curse Gil collects the beast back into its terrarium before he walks to the door, closing his bathrobe properly. I watch him step aside to let somebody enter after exchanging a few words. I'm pulling up the blanket so I'm covered up to my chest.
It's Nick! He's a real friend. I know he came to see how I'm doing and I'm grateful for that. It doesn't last too long for I see the bewilderment on his face. The criminalist in him takes in the scene – scattered clothing all over the place, Gil in his bathrobe and me in bed. Getting caught in the act couldn't have been more clear!
"I – uh – I wanted to make sure you're all-right. You looked terrible, you know?" Nick shuffles his feet.
"Thanks, buddy. I'll be all-right. Already doing much better."
"Good. I wanted to make sure you're not missing anything but it looks like... errm, well, you're being cared for..." he wants to leave. Oh, lord! I can see Nick wants to run. It's a big, cold lump in my stomach that grows with every second of Nick's embarrassed presence. I don't think I can stand it much longer.
He's my best buddy!
Yet, the way he tries not to look at me, at the room, at Gil is killing me.
"Yes I am in good hands here." I say with all the love in my voice. I'm not going to pretend. Not here, not now, not with Gil leaning in the doorway! I'm throwing Nick a line, "Anyway, thanks for caring, Nick."
"Don't mention. So... we'll see Thursday?" Nick can hardly wait to leave.
"Right."
"See ya." Nick all but runs from the room.
I'm slacking, eyes falling shut. This wasn't exactly the way I had pictured my coming-out in the office! "Oh man!" I groan.
"He'll get over it." Gil says.
"Yeah. Only... man did you see the look in his eyes? Like he discovered I was a pedo or some other sicko!" well, in Nick's eyes I probably AM some sicko. I'm fucking another guy. Riding the Hershey-highway. Having some guy up my ass. Shit! Fucking shit!
"Damn!" I hammer my fist into the mattress.
"Hey, don't sweat it, Rick." Gil is by my side, wraps himself around me and holds me until we both calm down enough to find some sleep.
"Nick? It's Warrick." I had sneaked out of the bed and walked into the bathroom with the cordless. I just had to call Nick.
"Oh... hi."
"Listen, buddy: Gil and me –"
"Hey, it's not my business what you guys do when you're off. Really, I don't mind!" Nick hurries to say. It's too quick, I know he's lyin'.
"Nick, just one thing: don't tell the others, OK? I mean, you wouldn't want to see Gil fired, would you?"
"No! No..."
"Good. Things are already complicated enough the way they are. Just wanted to make sure, ya know?"
"I'm fine. Don't worry." Nick assure me, or he assures himself. Or both. Rather...
"Cool. See ya Thursday, right?"
"Yeah. Bye, War." Click. Line goes dead.
This is bad.
Oh shit, this is fucking bad.
And stupid me had always thought Cath would be a hard nut to crack in this story!
I'm fucking my boss.
My gay boss.
And my best buddy and co-worker is grossed-out.
Only a question of days until they all know and the real trouble starts.
And all this only because I'm such a dumb fuck who can't control his addiction!
All because of me.