Chapter 2: Goodburger
*The characters are now at the Goodburger set. Neville (Keville) is behind the counter. He's wearing Kel's usual outfit complete with that dorky hat and a dreadlock wig. Hermione (Mrs. Inarush, in a granny dress with a gray wig on) comes up to the counter to order some food.)
Keville: Welcome to-to Goodburger, home of the Goo-goo-d-
Mrs. Inarush: Hurry up boy I'm in a rush!
Keville: Burger- I can't take your order?
Mrs. Inarush: What do you mean you can't take my order? (looking annoyed)
Keville: Oops, I mean I can, sorry I forgot my line, this is my first day here.
Mrs. Inarush: That's evident. Just give me 2 non-greasy Goodburgers and a Prune juice flavored Goodshake to go, please and make it snappy, I'm late for Knitting Club!
Keville: Ok. *He goes to the burgers, which are dipped in a lot of grease and takes two out with his bare hands. He then proceeds to wipe them off on his shirt. Mrs. Inarush (Mrs. I for short) sees this.
Mrs. I: What d'you think you're doing? I'm not eating those burgers which you've just wiped on your lint filled shirt!
Keville: Well it's not any grosser than peeing your pants! You've forgotten to put on your apends, haven't you? (Hermione whispers to him "depends") I mean pedends.
Hermione: DEPENDS!
Keville: What she said. *Mrs. I's dress was wet because a little kid had spilled their drink on her and she didn't notice this because she was too busy yelling at Keville and knitting a bra at the same time*
Mrs. I: FORGET IT! I'm already LATE for my Knitting Club, and some IDIOT spilled their drink on my VERSACHI GRANNY DRESS! *She runs- er walks as fast as she can out of Goodburger. Just then, Alan Rickman walks in. Cheers can be heard from the audience. (Special guest!)*
Neville: Hey, you're not in your costume!
Alan R.: (whispers) That's because I'm supposed to be the special guest, dummy!
Keville: OH! Welcome to Goodburger home of the Goodbooger, I can make your order!
Alan R: (good enough) I'll have a greasy Goodburger and some Goodfries.
*Keville goes to the burgers once again. Then he forgets that Alan is the special guest! He takes a greasy burger, goes to the counter again, and throws it in Alan's hair!*
Alan R: (throwing the burger out of his hair): What was that for?!
Keville: Your hair's supposed to be greasy, sir! Wait, that's not nearly greasy enough. *He takes the whole Goodburger container and dumps it over Alan's head.* There you go, sir! Alan: You foolish child! Oh why did I ever become involved in those movies when I could have done Die Hard 3? (or 4, whichever wasn't already made) *He storms out of the Goodburger leaving grease everywhere. Mr. Filch angrily comes out with a mop and a bucket of water and starts to clean the mess up. Gilderoy Lockhart comes in wearing his purple dressing gown and fluffy white slippers.*
Keville: Welcome to Goodburger, home of the...Well you know! I've only said it a thousand times already! OOC:LOCKHART?!
Lockhart: Is that who I am? Oh yes, now I remember. Would you like my autograph, little boy?
Keville: Er- no that's alright. What did you want?
Lockhart: Well...I can't remember what they're called. They're sort of round and brown...
Keville: A Goodburger, maybe?
Lockhart: Maybe...Are they greasy?
Keville: Yes.
Lockhart: Cheesy?
Keville: Yes... (getting annoyed)
Lockhart: 2 all beef patties, lettuce, cheese, tomatoes, onions, pickles, special sauce on a sesame seed bun?
Keville: (thinking...I need a sale...he's insane. (Lockhart's counting how many fingers he has) He won't know it's not from that muggle restaurant McDonnies or whatever it's called.) Yes...tha- that's right. Hold on I'll go get the burger...*retreats to get yet another greasy patty. This time he actually succeeds in putting it in a bun.*
Lockhart: 10! TEN FINGERS! *Everyone stares at him like he's a madman. He then takes off his white fluffy slippers, flops down on the still greasy floor, and proceeds to count his toes.* ELEVEN...wait a minute...*recounts* No there's 10 too! HAH! 20 all together! Oh the wonderful joy of counting...*sighs*
*Keville returns with the burger and gives it to Lockhart, who takes a bite. To Keville's shock, he slams the burger back on the counter, scowling.*
Lockhart: Now I know a McChicken sandwich when I digest one...and that was not a McChicken sandwich at all!
Keville: But you asked for a Good-
Lockhart: Are you mocking me?
Keville: Huh? You asked for a-
Lockhart: I know I asked for a Mcfishwich but I want an Egg Mcbagel, NOW! So hurry up and get me one before I scare all the patients away....
Keville: We don't have those... breakfast hours are over any-
Lockhart: No they're not! It's only 5 p.m. of course breakfast has just started! Now get me a Pepperoni Mcbiscut and a hashmarroon.
Keville: What the heck? Are you ok Profess..
Lockhart: WHAT'S THIS ON MY FACE? *touching his nose* OH NO! It's not a wart is it?
Keville: Professor, that's just your nose!
Lockhart: Professor? My name is John Jacob Jingle Heimer Schmitt and don't you forget it silly girl.
Keville: SECURITY! *Lockhart starts doing the chicken dance on the spot while singing "Baba black lamb, have you any cotton?"*
Keville: Oh no, there is no security guards here! Stupid Goyle spent the last of the budget on Apple Pies from McDonalds! He didn't even give me one. *frowns* *Lockhart does the worm, the Macarena, the robot, and an Irish jig all while singing children songs he thinks he knows the words to.*
Lockhart: This old house elf, he had four, he went knick nak on my shoe with a nick nak chicken patty whack, give a dragon a bone, this old gnome came jogging home! Marty had a giant sheep, little lamb, ugly goat, Molly had a giant sheep it's wool was white as dirt! *Just then, three guards from the ward at St. Mungo's burst through the door.
Guard number 1: (Hermione, forgot to take off her gray wig) OH FOR HEAVENS SAKE! I THOUGHT HE'D DIED! (looks semi-relieved, mostly disappointed.)
Guard number 2: (Ron) Can I get a Quarter Pounder with cheese while we're here? *Looks at Hermione's wig, Hermione takes it off and throws it on the floor, red in the face. Lockhart picks up the wig and puts it on while doing the worm all around the restaurant.*
Guard number 3: (Harry) NO! WE'RE ON DUTY! Although I would fancy some Mcfries and a McShake...
Guard number 1: (Hermione) HELLO? Lockhart is doing the worm...wait the robot... wait a jig?! In the middle of a restaurant that isn't even McDonald's, and there's no such thing as a McShake or a Mcfry anyway!
Guard number 3: It's not my fault the Dursley's never took me there! They only ever wanted to go to Red Lobster, where I was subjected to eat the leftover tails...*sniffs*
Guard number 2: (Ron) Hey that looks like fun! *Imitates Lockhart doing the robot.* Muggles are very creative!
Hermione: (OOC) You only now noticed this...
Harry: Oh lighten up, Hermione! Look the crowd loves it! *He was quite right, everyone in the restaurant, including Draco and Voldemort....VOLDEMORT?! were gathered around Lockhart, Harry, Ron, and Hermione and cheering on Lockhart and Ron and requesting their favorite song and dance.*
Draco: Do that worm one again, Lockhart!
Voldemort: Sing that sheep song, I'm quite fond of it. *Looking at Harry menacingly.*
Harry: *clutching his scar* I'll just have to blend in! *Starts doing the Macarena.*
Hermione: Oh, why not! I can see this pilot's going down the drain anyway. *Does an Irish jig with Lockhart.*
Neville: WHY? WHY IS IT ALWAYS MY FIVE MINUTES OF FAME RUINED?????
What did you guys think of that one? I know it went seriously off topic... please review! Next one... Vital Info with Draco Malfoy.
*The characters are now at the Goodburger set. Neville (Keville) is behind the counter. He's wearing Kel's usual outfit complete with that dorky hat and a dreadlock wig. Hermione (Mrs. Inarush, in a granny dress with a gray wig on) comes up to the counter to order some food.)
Keville: Welcome to-to Goodburger, home of the Goo-goo-d-
Mrs. Inarush: Hurry up boy I'm in a rush!
Keville: Burger- I can't take your order?
Mrs. Inarush: What do you mean you can't take my order? (looking annoyed)
Keville: Oops, I mean I can, sorry I forgot my line, this is my first day here.
Mrs. Inarush: That's evident. Just give me 2 non-greasy Goodburgers and a Prune juice flavored Goodshake to go, please and make it snappy, I'm late for Knitting Club!
Keville: Ok. *He goes to the burgers, which are dipped in a lot of grease and takes two out with his bare hands. He then proceeds to wipe them off on his shirt. Mrs. Inarush (Mrs. I for short) sees this.
Mrs. I: What d'you think you're doing? I'm not eating those burgers which you've just wiped on your lint filled shirt!
Keville: Well it's not any grosser than peeing your pants! You've forgotten to put on your apends, haven't you? (Hermione whispers to him "depends") I mean pedends.
Hermione: DEPENDS!
Keville: What she said. *Mrs. I's dress was wet because a little kid had spilled their drink on her and she didn't notice this because she was too busy yelling at Keville and knitting a bra at the same time*
Mrs. I: FORGET IT! I'm already LATE for my Knitting Club, and some IDIOT spilled their drink on my VERSACHI GRANNY DRESS! *She runs- er walks as fast as she can out of Goodburger. Just then, Alan Rickman walks in. Cheers can be heard from the audience. (Special guest!)*
Neville: Hey, you're not in your costume!
Alan R.: (whispers) That's because I'm supposed to be the special guest, dummy!
Keville: OH! Welcome to Goodburger home of the Goodbooger, I can make your order!
Alan R: (good enough) I'll have a greasy Goodburger and some Goodfries.
*Keville goes to the burgers once again. Then he forgets that Alan is the special guest! He takes a greasy burger, goes to the counter again, and throws it in Alan's hair!*
Alan R: (throwing the burger out of his hair): What was that for?!
Keville: Your hair's supposed to be greasy, sir! Wait, that's not nearly greasy enough. *He takes the whole Goodburger container and dumps it over Alan's head.* There you go, sir! Alan: You foolish child! Oh why did I ever become involved in those movies when I could have done Die Hard 3? (or 4, whichever wasn't already made) *He storms out of the Goodburger leaving grease everywhere. Mr. Filch angrily comes out with a mop and a bucket of water and starts to clean the mess up. Gilderoy Lockhart comes in wearing his purple dressing gown and fluffy white slippers.*
Keville: Welcome to Goodburger, home of the...Well you know! I've only said it a thousand times already! OOC:LOCKHART?!
Lockhart: Is that who I am? Oh yes, now I remember. Would you like my autograph, little boy?
Keville: Er- no that's alright. What did you want?
Lockhart: Well...I can't remember what they're called. They're sort of round and brown...
Keville: A Goodburger, maybe?
Lockhart: Maybe...Are they greasy?
Keville: Yes.
Lockhart: Cheesy?
Keville: Yes... (getting annoyed)
Lockhart: 2 all beef patties, lettuce, cheese, tomatoes, onions, pickles, special sauce on a sesame seed bun?
Keville: (thinking...I need a sale...he's insane. (Lockhart's counting how many fingers he has) He won't know it's not from that muggle restaurant McDonnies or whatever it's called.) Yes...tha- that's right. Hold on I'll go get the burger...*retreats to get yet another greasy patty. This time he actually succeeds in putting it in a bun.*
Lockhart: 10! TEN FINGERS! *Everyone stares at him like he's a madman. He then takes off his white fluffy slippers, flops down on the still greasy floor, and proceeds to count his toes.* ELEVEN...wait a minute...*recounts* No there's 10 too! HAH! 20 all together! Oh the wonderful joy of counting...*sighs*
*Keville returns with the burger and gives it to Lockhart, who takes a bite. To Keville's shock, he slams the burger back on the counter, scowling.*
Lockhart: Now I know a McChicken sandwich when I digest one...and that was not a McChicken sandwich at all!
Keville: But you asked for a Good-
Lockhart: Are you mocking me?
Keville: Huh? You asked for a-
Lockhart: I know I asked for a Mcfishwich but I want an Egg Mcbagel, NOW! So hurry up and get me one before I scare all the patients away....
Keville: We don't have those... breakfast hours are over any-
Lockhart: No they're not! It's only 5 p.m. of course breakfast has just started! Now get me a Pepperoni Mcbiscut and a hashmarroon.
Keville: What the heck? Are you ok Profess..
Lockhart: WHAT'S THIS ON MY FACE? *touching his nose* OH NO! It's not a wart is it?
Keville: Professor, that's just your nose!
Lockhart: Professor? My name is John Jacob Jingle Heimer Schmitt and don't you forget it silly girl.
Keville: SECURITY! *Lockhart starts doing the chicken dance on the spot while singing "Baba black lamb, have you any cotton?"*
Keville: Oh no, there is no security guards here! Stupid Goyle spent the last of the budget on Apple Pies from McDonalds! He didn't even give me one. *frowns* *Lockhart does the worm, the Macarena, the robot, and an Irish jig all while singing children songs he thinks he knows the words to.*
Lockhart: This old house elf, he had four, he went knick nak on my shoe with a nick nak chicken patty whack, give a dragon a bone, this old gnome came jogging home! Marty had a giant sheep, little lamb, ugly goat, Molly had a giant sheep it's wool was white as dirt! *Just then, three guards from the ward at St. Mungo's burst through the door.
Guard number 1: (Hermione, forgot to take off her gray wig) OH FOR HEAVENS SAKE! I THOUGHT HE'D DIED! (looks semi-relieved, mostly disappointed.)
Guard number 2: (Ron) Can I get a Quarter Pounder with cheese while we're here? *Looks at Hermione's wig, Hermione takes it off and throws it on the floor, red in the face. Lockhart picks up the wig and puts it on while doing the worm all around the restaurant.*
Guard number 3: (Harry) NO! WE'RE ON DUTY! Although I would fancy some Mcfries and a McShake...
Guard number 1: (Hermione) HELLO? Lockhart is doing the worm...wait the robot... wait a jig?! In the middle of a restaurant that isn't even McDonald's, and there's no such thing as a McShake or a Mcfry anyway!
Guard number 3: It's not my fault the Dursley's never took me there! They only ever wanted to go to Red Lobster, where I was subjected to eat the leftover tails...*sniffs*
Guard number 2: (Ron) Hey that looks like fun! *Imitates Lockhart doing the robot.* Muggles are very creative!
Hermione: (OOC) You only now noticed this...
Harry: Oh lighten up, Hermione! Look the crowd loves it! *He was quite right, everyone in the restaurant, including Draco and Voldemort....VOLDEMORT?! were gathered around Lockhart, Harry, Ron, and Hermione and cheering on Lockhart and Ron and requesting their favorite song and dance.*
Draco: Do that worm one again, Lockhart!
Voldemort: Sing that sheep song, I'm quite fond of it. *Looking at Harry menacingly.*
Harry: *clutching his scar* I'll just have to blend in! *Starts doing the Macarena.*
Hermione: Oh, why not! I can see this pilot's going down the drain anyway. *Does an Irish jig with Lockhart.*
Neville: WHY? WHY IS IT ALWAYS MY FIVE MINUTES OF FAME RUINED?????
What did you guys think of that one? I know it went seriously off topic... please review! Next one... Vital Info with Draco Malfoy.