Dismal Angel 2010 - Episode 3
Chapter 6: Distancing
Rogue ran her gloved finger absently over the rim of her wine glass, as she glanced through the large pane glass window staring out into the dark streets of Bayville, people passed by holding hands, arms around each other, and she found herself remembering once having a similar relationship with Remy LeBeau. She scowled at herself and forced herself to push the thoughts of this out of her head, she quickly picked up her glass and downed the contents – a very delicious white wine – and swallowed loudly.
"Are you…alright?" Bobby raised an eyebrow as he watched her swill the alcohol, he reached for the bottle of wine to pour her another glass.
Rogue accepted more wine gratefully, "I'm fine. Why, what makes you think I'm not?" she asked worriedly, and she lowered her head looking at him from beyond her long black lashes.
Bobby gave a little laugh, "man, you are up tight," he took a sip of his own wine, but made a face, "y'know, I gotta admit, wine just isn't my thing…I wonder if they have any decent beer in this place."
"Wine is an acquired taste," Rogue responded, she sipped her wine and glanced around the restaurant distantly, "and for your information Robert Drake, I am not up tight," she said feebly, and winced realising how pathetic she probably sounded.
"You're still letting the Cajun get to you, I can't believe it…" Bobby shook his head in disbelief, "Seven years and you're still not over him."
"I am over him, completely," Rogue assured, she put on a smile.
To Bobby, her smile seemed more nervous and fake than her natural smile, and he made a face, "You're not fooling anyone, y'know…" he reached over and grabbed her hand, "I know you still have some sort of strange fascination with the guy – even after all he put you through – but still…you need to learn to distance yourself from him totally…"
"You're beginning to sound like a self-help book, Bobby," Rogue grinned a little, she pulled her hand from out under his, and she then gave a slight shrug, "how can I distance myself from the man if he's one of us, Bobby…how can I distance myself when I might be on the same team as him?"
"I don't think Xavier would put him on the same team as you, Rogue," Bobby admitted, he waved down a waitress, "hey, can I get like, a beer or something?"
The waitress gave him a fake smile and nod, and went away.
Putting her glass down, Rogue picked up her knife and fork and continued to eat, "what makes you think he wouldn't put us on the same team?" Rogue asked quietly after swallowing a mouthful of steak.
"Because it's a dangerous thing to do, I mean, come on, what if a situation came up where you had to save the Cajun scumball – you'd probably let him die, and then god knows what'd happen with your future with the X-Men."
Rogue realised he was right, and she found herself wondering if it came to that, would she let the man die, or would she save him. "I'd save him," she decided finally.
"Because you still love him."
"Bobby, you never forget your first love," Rogue gave a sigh, she picked up her glass and took a sip.
"Sure you do…I forgot mines…it was, uhm…what's her name?"
"Jubilee."
"That's the one!" Bobby grinned.
"You were fourteen," Rogue smirked a little, "hardly what I'd call a deep burning passion for the girl…" she pointed out, "that wasn't real love, that was a crush."
"Fine, what about Amara. I loved her."
"You dated Amara for, what, 3 weeks? And the minute you guys did the deed, you guys broke up," Rogue pointed out.
Bobby shrugged, "but doesn't the fact that we did the deed say something for how I cared about her?"
"Oh come on," Rogue laughed, "You were a horny seventeen year old," she leaned back in her chair, her expression turned solemn after a moment, "but seriously, Bobby…when its real love…it gets so bad it hurts," she kept her voice low, "and it was…real…love," she stated.
"Infatuation, the guy is a pretty boy, you were into him for his looks," Bobby tried to assure, "but your seventeen year old self wasn't aware of that at the time and convinced yourself it was real love so that it seemed more special than just infatuation," he grinned.
Rogue shook her head, but smiled, "nah…this wasn't infatuation…it was…" she trailed off, she couldn't find words for it anymore, "well…" she stopped herself, "no point in thinking about it anymore, its over, and its not likely to start again. You're right, I probably should distance myself."
"Yeah," Bobby nodded.
"Okay, starting from now I will totally distance myself from him."
"Good for you."
Remy stepped into the recreation room slowly, hoping to find Kitty Pryde. He spotted Kitty sitting on the couch, the back of her head facing him, the phone pressed between her ear and shoulder. It was almost eleven pm, the mansion had quietened down, the younger students in bed, the noise had died down considerably in the last two hours, from music booming to silence.
"No, mom, I promise, I'll come out and visit soon, I swear," Kitty assured to her mother on the phone, Remy remained back, standing in the shadows and listened intently.
Kitty gave a pause and stood up, she paced along the room a little holding the cordless phone in her hand now, she wandered over to the TV and she turned it on, turning the volume onto mute immediately, "well, things are hectic here," she said to her mother, who seemed to have asked about this, "its hard finding the time to visit, to be honest," she explained to her mother softly, "I…uhm…really?" she said.
Remy found it hard to pick out what Kitty's mothers side of the conversation might have been, Kitty seemed to grow flustered, her face reddened intensely.
"She saw me? Well…yes, okay, I was in Illinois…but we were on a mission, I couldn't exactly just drop out and tell the X-Men 'Oh, I'm just slipping out for an hour to say hi to my mom and dad', now, could I?" Kitty pointed out, she thrust her hand up in the air as if she were talking to her mother face to face rather than on the phone, she gestured in a frustrated fashion and sat on the edge of the coffee table.
Remy stepped out of the shadows finally and entered the recreation room, Kitty glanced up at him, her expression was unreadable. He needed her to get off the phone, he needed to say things to her he'd been holding in for a while now.
"Mom, I have to go," Kitty sighed, "I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"
Another pause, Kitty's large eyes widened a little, "fine, fine, I'll visit in two weeks, okay? I'll come down and stay for a week," she said, another pause, "yes, yes, I promise…I love you, bye," she finally hung up the phone, and she glanced up to Remy.
"Mother being a pain?" Remy asked in an almost polite tone.
"Are parents' ever not," Kitty rolled her eyes and put the phone on the charger again, "is there some reason you're here?"
"I…look…" Remy said, "I have to talk to you…" he sighed, he sat down on the couch so that he was facing her, she was still seated upon the coffee table.
"Fine, make it quick," Kitty glanced away angrily, folding her arms stubbornly.
"I…want to tell you something, something…that…none of the others know…" he said quietly, "but…if I do…you need to promise me it stays only between you and me, alright?" he looked right at her.
Kitty felt her curiosity replacing her anger, she leaned in a little, "what is it…"
"Promise me, petit…" Remy kept his voice low and steady, his eyes met hers and he looked at her with some kind of desperation she'd never seen before.
Kitty gave a shrug, "okay…I promise…"
Remy reached into the pocket of his pants and handed her a small orange bottle, a prescription label staring her in the face, he looked sheepish for a moment and tapped his fingers against his knees absently.
"Remy…are you kidding me…" Kitty glanced to the prescription and then raised her eyes up at him in surprise, the prescription was very revealing – it somehow explained more than she'd expected him to be able to. "Lithium…" she whispered, "are you…I mean…you…you have bi-polar disorder?"
He gave a soft frail laugh that didn't remotely come from amusement, but nerves, "hard to believe, isn't it…one minute I was a happy go lucky nineteen year old, and now…I'm a fucking psycho manic depressive with suicidal tendencies…"
Kitty's eyes widened, "you…no way…you tried to—"
"I'm not proud of it," Remy kept his voice low, "or that I gotta rely on pills to keep me balanced – not that they really do."
Kitty shook her head, she looked on the date of the prescription, dated five days before his capture, "we searched you, how come we didn't find these?"
"They were hidden in my boot," he responded, "no one thought to look there – which is quite stupid considerin' I mighta had a knife or a gun there."
"I'll remember to look in future," Kitty nodded, "so…why are you telling me this?" she asked, "why not Rogue?"
"Because Rogue isn't any part of my life anymore," Remy reminded, "you are…you said you were my friend."
"But you said you didn't want my friendship earlier today," Kitty pointed out, she handed him the pills back.
"I wasn't in my right head…when I get depressed – and don't take the pills – the first thing to happen is the mood swings start," he explained, "and…when that happens, I lash out…" he explained. "I did not mean what I said…"
"You're not mixing those with alcohol are you?" she asked, remembering he'd been drinking quite a lot in the last week.
"Sometimes," Remy shrugged, "sometimes makes them work quicker," he gave a shrug, "sometimes I just pray they're going to interact with the alcohol and kill me," he added morosely, his expression dull, almost lifeless at that moment.
Kitty felt tears build her eyes once again, how could someone like Remy think these things? She knew he'd had some personal problems in the past, but for it to be so drastic as to him talk about death as if it was all a big joke. She suddenly felt the guilt of having hated him for what he'd said earlier, if she'd only known she wouldn't have said such things, "oh Remy…" she said softly.
Remy dug his index finger and thumb of his right hand to his closed eyes as if to keep them tight shut to force back tears, it had been extremely hard for him to admit and the weight of it came crashing down on him.
Kitty wasn't sure how to react to him really, either he was crying, or about to cry, and she wasn't sure if it was wise to try and comfort a man from tears – it might bruise his pride. "Remy…I…I don't know what to say…" Kitty finally said, "I…really didn't expect this…"
Remy shrugged, but a sob escaped his mouth, Kitty winced, the more emotion he showed – and he hadn't shown much in the time he'd spent at the mansion – the more she felt obliged to try and console him.
She reached for his hand and gripped it, his hand was clenched so tight his knuckles were pale against his perfect tan. She was lost for words, and her thoughts were screaming realisations at her, she'd made comments years ago about Remy seeming a little unbalanced and needing counselling, especially after having heard Rogue's claim that Remy had tried to castrate himself. But even those thoughts could not have prepared her for this. Suddenly it seemed to make sense why his moods shifted so frequently to congenial and humorous to cold and bitter.
Remy pulled himself together, taking his hand from his eyes, keeping his head low to hide the tears, "don't tell Rogue," he managed in between breaths, "I can't deal with her – or anyone else – knowin' I'm not a hundred percent together…"
Kitty looked at him, "Remy, none of us are a hundred percent together," she reminded, she patted his shoulder comfortingly.
"You are," he looked at her through glassy watery eyes.
Kitty gave a laugh, "yeah…sure," she took a tissue from the box on the coffee table and handed it to him, "if I'm a hundred percent together why do I feel the constant need to have everyone as my friend – and if I'm a hundred percent together why was I sitting crying at the top of the stairs this afternoon because of stupid reasons which don't even matter anymore?" she pointed out. "Trust me, even I'm not completely a hundred percent all together," she promised.
Remy sighed, "you won't tell Rogue, will you?" he dried his face, his eyes already looking puffy and red, his nose slightly runny.
"Of course not," Kitty promised, "I mean I know I always make promises I won't tell her things and do but…this is personal, so I won't," she assured.
Remy stood up and sighed, "I'm gonna go to bed, all this…y'know…emotion…kinda takes a lot out of me…" he gave a nervous smile.
Kitty nodded, "Okay…see you in the morning then."
Remy gave a nod, "Yes," he sighed, "You will."
- The End (or IS it? Hehe.)