Disclaimer: Tolkien owns everything except the email addresses. I take credit for them, even the ones that other people thought up of for me. *Grins evilly* Also a BIG thank you to Lou who checked my disgraceful spelling!
A blonde Elf smirked at the rag tag band of Middle Earth characters as he typed on his computer.
To: *Greenleaf* hotshot_96@mirkwood.com , Frodo Baggins the_one_bigfoot01@theshire.com , NOT vertically*challenged mad_axeman54@minesofmoria.com , MerRy cHriSTmAs! magicmushrooms_rock@hobbiton.com, DA ToOkman unowhadeysayboutbigfeet69@hobbiton.com, Strider lone_ranger21@uncrownedkings.com , Samwise Gamgee pansy_lover@theshire.com, Boromir blow_my_horn6996@ stewardsofgondor .com
From: Haldir the Immortal I_am_not_meant2die@lothlorien.com
Subject: Access to Lothlorien DENIED!
Attention all,
Lothlorien has a policy in which trespassers are prosecuted. If you insist on returning in the middle of the night with grappling hooks and attempt to sneak past me, you shall be shot. Especially you, you vertically challenged dwarf. Your hearing and eyesight happens to be near non-existent so that is why I can type this without fear of retaliation as I know you won't understand what is going on. If you happen to have any important information for the Lord and Lady who dwell within these woods such as the latest must have shoes, you may relay them through me. Just click on the reply button and I will forward it to the Lord Celeborn or the Lady Galadriel. Unless you have the password necessary to pass into the realm, run along now.
Yours sincerely,
Haldir
Elf with an important position
* * *
Gimli squinted at his laptop, damn those prosthetics he had to wear on his face! He couldn't hear or see anything anymore. Thank goodness his Mum made him learn how to touch type in the dark mines at home. He started typing.
To: *Greenleaf* hotshot_96@mirkwood.com
From: NOT vertically*challenged mad_axeman54@minesofmoria.com
Subject: What happened?
Sorry, I missed everything that was going on. What did that Elf want?
***
Legolas grinned at the computer mischievously, displaying his many dimples and started typing.
To: NOT vertically*challenged mad_axeman54@minesofmoria.com
From: *Greenleaf* hotshot_96@mirkwood.com
Subject: RE: What happened?
Gimli,
Haldir was saying that he wasn't allowed to let us go into the Goldenwoods however, he would let us through if he got to know you a little better. I really think he is very attracted to you. If you think about it, Elf males are much better than female dwarves because they are a lot prettier and have no facial hair… You didn't hear it from me, OK?
Legolas