CHAPTER EIGHT
'Shit, Link, get me a trace on him,' I hear her say as I bolt out the door, terrified tears streaming down my face, panting for breath. Still I run, despite the fact that my level of unfitness has reached its peak. I hear her cursing behind me as her feet pound the pavement. Soon I feel her, hear her, catching up to me. It is no use. It's Trinity, after all. Trinity. The woman with matrix-induced superpowers. The woman with unquenchable ferocity and determination. The woman who I loved, and still love.
I think it's these feelings that are driving me away. I don't know why. Wait, yes I do. I don't want to be hurt again. I don't want to suffer the pain of seeing her leave this world in such agony. I don't want to suffer, myself, as I watch the woman I love have life slowly leaked from her tired body. I don't want to see the things that became the essence of my nightmares for so long. I don't want to remember, because to remember would mean accepting the fact that the cloistered world I have lived in my whole life is a lie.
'Neo.' She is only about a metre behind me. 'Neo. Please. Stop.'
I try to ignore her, but it is difficult. A part of me wants to stop, turn around, grab her and kiss her. The other part, the terrified part, wants to keep on running and hope that it all goes away. I feel like I've open the door to my worst nightmares and now I can't shut it again. I've let all this horrible stuff into my life and now I can't escape it.
'You've got to stop. I need to talk to you. Now. We haven't got much time.'
Startlingly, I find myself halting to a stop. I feel my legs begin to give way, and it is all I can do to hold myself up. I heave violently, my chest feeling like it's going to explode. But I do not turn around. Turning around would be giving in. And giving in would be suicide.
'Neo,' she says, 'you know you have to give in.'
'No.'
'You have done great things,' she says. 'We have witnessed miracles. We saw the matrix fall. We saw your abilities. We saw that you are somebody special. Somebody worth pursuing. Somebody worth knowing.' She pauses, and I can hear her swallowing. 'Somebody worth being a saviour.'
A lone tear trickles down my cheek. It's so uncharacteristic of me, and I'm embarrassed. I'm Neo, the hacker. Strong, brave Neo who doesn't need anything or anyone. I can't let anybody see me cry. I wipe it away as quickly as it has appeared.
'Neo, there is nothing wrong with crying.'
'How did you know?'
'Because I know you.'
'But I don't know you,' I say. 'We're a thousand worlds apart.'
'No, we're not,' she replies. 'We belong to the same one. You're just accustomed to an alien world.'
I hang my head. 'Trinity,' I say slowly, carefully, 'why are you here again? You died. You died on the hovercraft. I cried over you.'
'I can't be the one to explain all this to you,' she says. 'Neo, you have to make the decision. Will you join us again, or will you continue living in this world that is a lie?'
'And see what I saw last time? No thanks.' I turned around to face her. 'I can't do it again, Trin. I can't.' I am shocked to find myself calling her by her nickname. My nickname. The one that meant I was the one. And not for the world. The one for Trinity. The only one.
Trinity takes off her sunglasses, and takes a step closer to me. 'It wouldn't be the same,' she says. 'It would all be different.'
'Why?'
'I still can't tell you. Just make your decision. We need you, Neo, more than anything else in the world.' She stops, and bites her lip in a moment of vulnerability and weakness. 'I need you.'
I look into her eyes. I see my past, my present and my future. I want to be by her side always, but not with the matrix. On the other hand, I don't know whether I'll ever see her again if I don't go. And fighting the matrix gave me a warped sense of purpose, despite the heartache we all endured. I could remain living my cloistered, fictitious life, but now that I have remembered I don't think I could ever live denying the truth.
It is with a mixture of horror, relief and chilling fear that I find myself responding in a way I did not expect.
Still looking into her eyes, I reach out and clasp her hand in mine, still feeling worlds apart, yet so close, so very close.
'Okay.'
'Shit, Link, get me a trace on him,' I hear her say as I bolt out the door, terrified tears streaming down my face, panting for breath. Still I run, despite the fact that my level of unfitness has reached its peak. I hear her cursing behind me as her feet pound the pavement. Soon I feel her, hear her, catching up to me. It is no use. It's Trinity, after all. Trinity. The woman with matrix-induced superpowers. The woman with unquenchable ferocity and determination. The woman who I loved, and still love.
I think it's these feelings that are driving me away. I don't know why. Wait, yes I do. I don't want to be hurt again. I don't want to suffer the pain of seeing her leave this world in such agony. I don't want to suffer, myself, as I watch the woman I love have life slowly leaked from her tired body. I don't want to see the things that became the essence of my nightmares for so long. I don't want to remember, because to remember would mean accepting the fact that the cloistered world I have lived in my whole life is a lie.
'Neo.' She is only about a metre behind me. 'Neo. Please. Stop.'
I try to ignore her, but it is difficult. A part of me wants to stop, turn around, grab her and kiss her. The other part, the terrified part, wants to keep on running and hope that it all goes away. I feel like I've open the door to my worst nightmares and now I can't shut it again. I've let all this horrible stuff into my life and now I can't escape it.
'You've got to stop. I need to talk to you. Now. We haven't got much time.'
Startlingly, I find myself halting to a stop. I feel my legs begin to give way, and it is all I can do to hold myself up. I heave violently, my chest feeling like it's going to explode. But I do not turn around. Turning around would be giving in. And giving in would be suicide.
'Neo,' she says, 'you know you have to give in.'
'No.'
'You have done great things,' she says. 'We have witnessed miracles. We saw the matrix fall. We saw your abilities. We saw that you are somebody special. Somebody worth pursuing. Somebody worth knowing.' She pauses, and I can hear her swallowing. 'Somebody worth being a saviour.'
A lone tear trickles down my cheek. It's so uncharacteristic of me, and I'm embarrassed. I'm Neo, the hacker. Strong, brave Neo who doesn't need anything or anyone. I can't let anybody see me cry. I wipe it away as quickly as it has appeared.
'Neo, there is nothing wrong with crying.'
'How did you know?'
'Because I know you.'
'But I don't know you,' I say. 'We're a thousand worlds apart.'
'No, we're not,' she replies. 'We belong to the same one. You're just accustomed to an alien world.'
I hang my head. 'Trinity,' I say slowly, carefully, 'why are you here again? You died. You died on the hovercraft. I cried over you.'
'I can't be the one to explain all this to you,' she says. 'Neo, you have to make the decision. Will you join us again, or will you continue living in this world that is a lie?'
'And see what I saw last time? No thanks.' I turned around to face her. 'I can't do it again, Trin. I can't.' I am shocked to find myself calling her by her nickname. My nickname. The one that meant I was the one. And not for the world. The one for Trinity. The only one.
Trinity takes off her sunglasses, and takes a step closer to me. 'It wouldn't be the same,' she says. 'It would all be different.'
'Why?'
'I still can't tell you. Just make your decision. We need you, Neo, more than anything else in the world.' She stops, and bites her lip in a moment of vulnerability and weakness. 'I need you.'
I look into her eyes. I see my past, my present and my future. I want to be by her side always, but not with the matrix. On the other hand, I don't know whether I'll ever see her again if I don't go. And fighting the matrix gave me a warped sense of purpose, despite the heartache we all endured. I could remain living my cloistered, fictitious life, but now that I have remembered I don't think I could ever live denying the truth.
It is with a mixture of horror, relief and chilling fear that I find myself responding in a way I did not expect.
Still looking into her eyes, I reach out and clasp her hand in mine, still feeling worlds apart, yet so close, so very close.
'Okay.'