Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for the email addresses, it all belongs to Tolkien. If you have any good ideas for email addresses send it to me or put it in your review. I will consider it and dedicate the chapter to you. I probably won't be updating for a while because I have a lot to do at the moment with all the music I do and still trying to catch up on a weeks worth of Chemistry and math. In fact I should be doing homework now but I got sick of it. Sorry this is going to be a short chapter. . Please keep reviewing! Lou, the trolley was inspired by you…
An emaciated wrinkly creature stalked the remains of the fellowship as they walked around Lothlorien, trying to figure out a way to get in. He hadn't eaten in days and everything had begun to look eerily like raw fish, especially that pretty little hobbit's fingers… Being the disturbed, schizophrenic person he was he borrowed Frodo's laptop while the hobbit peacefully slept and began to write an email to himself.
To: Gollum my_preciousss@smeagol.com
From: Gollum my_preciousss@smeagol.com
Subject: My preciousss…
My preciousss,
It isss ssso closse yet sso out of reach… That pretty Bagginsss hobbit keepss trying to eat it. He doess not know how to treat it! And the sstupid fat hobbit keepss following him around like a limp fissh…I am hungry, fissh would be nice… I cannot get closse enough to pretty Bagginsss to take away my preciouss from him. Why do they hang around ssilly elvess sso much? They wear too many sshiny clothess, they hurt our eyess. Much better to run around in a little loin cloth…
* * *
A very irritated looking Frodo popped another handful of Merry's homemade-dried-magic-mushroom- painkiller pills. His shoulder was still hurting from that stab the crazy black-cloaked guys gave him and he decided to buy that useful looking compact, foldable trolley the ugly little Orc was trying to sell him. His fingers typed swiftly…
To: Trolleyorc ugly_lil_orc@orcsrus.com
From: Frodo Baggins the_one_bigfoot01@theshire.com
Subject: Trolley Order
Dear Sir or Madam (are there such things as female Orcs?),
I would like to purchase one trolley model Bl-960. Would it possible if you accept payment in the form of one fat hobbit or one wrinkly creature? Perhaps a nice fat pony called Bill? I am sure that they would make a very nice nutrient meal. By the way, when will my trolley be delivered?
Yours sincerely,
Frodo Baggins
Ringbearer
* * *
An ugly little Orc who just happened to have the name of Milton frowned at his PC and typed a reply…
To: Frodo Baggins the_one_bigfoot01@theshire.com
From: Trolleyorc ugly_lil_orc@orcsrus.com
Dear Customer Frodo,
Your trolley will be delivered in the next half-hour but you'll have to pay extra for express delivery. I am very insulted and hurt by your stereotyping of my people, the Orcs. We are generally peaceful until provoked or given a substantial reward in return or because we aren't too keen on getting our heads chopped off or if we are just feeling particularly feisty. I object to your belief that all Orcs are carnivorous cannibals (I happen to be a strict fruititarian) but unfortunately, you are my one and only customer so I'm just going to have to serve you without complaining. I will however accept the payment of the pony called Bill so that I might experiment on it and see if it is possible to produce a new type of trolley - a pony on wheels. If you have anymore queries feel free to contact me. If you have any complaints about my product you can go jump into the Mountains of Doom for all I care.
Milton the Trolleyorc
Boss, Manager and Director of the Trolleyorc Company
* * *
Merry started rolling on the ground with laughter as soon as Frodo received his package from the Trolleyorc Company. He picked up Frodo's laptop and started typing…
To: Frodo Baggins the_one_bigfoot01@theshire.com
From: MerRy cHriSTmAs! magicmushrooms_rock@hobbiton.com
Subject: Trolley
Dude,
You got a trolley? How sad is that? Why, is Sam starting to realise that the only reason why you let him hang around with you is because you want him to wait on you hand and foot so he stopped lugging your laptop around for you? Hehehe…TROLLEY TROLLEY TROLLEY TROLLEY!
* * *
Pippin pissed his pants laughing at Frodo and his trolley and started typing…
To: Frodo Baggins the_one_bigfoot01@theshire.com
From: DA ToOkman unowhadeysayboutbigfeet69@hobbiton.com
Subject: This reminded me of you
Dude, you know that song that goes "CLANG CLANG CLANG goes the TROLLEY"? It is now your official theme song. I don't think your "but it's the doctor's orders" excuse is going to work this time either…Elrond kind of happens to be a hippie long-haired geriatric quack-doctor who wears his hair long, silk and tiaras in case you failed to notice. Cheers …TROLLEY TROLLEY TROLLEY TROLLEY!
* * *
Galadriel stared into her bird bath a.k.a., her mirror. How on Middle Earth did Legolas manage to achieve that perfect sleek blonde hair look? Damn he looked hot in woodland garb! She really wanted to know his secret and besides, it was time she taught Haldir a lesson so she started typing…
To: Haldir the Immortal I_am_not_meant2die@lothlorien.com
From: Creepy Elf Witch* magic_birdbath@lothlorien.com
Subject: For Goodness sake let them in!
As your ruler, I am telling you to stop playing your little perverted power games and let that group of morons in. And don't let them get hurt, there are some future uses for them, especially the King of Mirkwood's spunky son. I can see that he will make an excellent toy boy for me. Be nice to the poor little dwarf and I demand that you apologize and take him out to a romantic candlelit dinner or else I will let you become one of Celeborn's toy boys. By the way, I've decided to change the password again for the sixteenth time this morning, it's now "Galadriel is the coolest".