ISSUE FOUR
The Dangers of Funny Tasting Cherry Fiz Wiz
Johnny sits in the dankness of one of the empty rooms of his house, a single lamp on, staring intently into a mirror, completely still. He seems to be searching for something in the unchanging reflection. Trying to find the loose end that was slowly unraveling the control he had somewhat gained on his trip away from his little home. The room remains in complete silence when…
"You know, if you stare into that mirror too long Nny, you'll start to look like another person," Meat pipes. Nny doesn't move as he answers.
"Go away, I'm busy."
"Staring into a mirror?"
"I'm trying to regain the apathy I seem to have lost since that insufferable shrew moved in."
"You could just kill her; that would do the trick."
"Hmm…" Johnny tosses the idea around his head for a moment. On one hand, it was a very good idea, getting rid that distraction would help him continue on his path. On the other, it would be following something Meat suggested, and Johnny is quite determined not to that, as last time he listened to an animate object, bad things happened.
"Go ahead Johnny-boy! We both know you want to! Submit to those venomous feelings…"
"How many…" Nny starts to growl when a loud thump sounds from upstairs. "What the…Vicky!" Nny moans and rushes upstairs to see what's going on.
As he reaches the top of the stairs, he can see Vicky, dressed in sweatpants and a tank top, complete with her sunglasses, dipping a large paint brush into a bucket of purple paint. He takes a deep breath, determined to prove Meat wrong.
"Vicky, what in Moose's name do you think you are doing?" Nny demands.
"Well, decoratin' the, um, this qualifies as a livin' room, right?" She says, looking up.
"What? Why?"
"Nny, do you even notice what a dump this place is? I plan on fixin' it up some. What if someone comes for a visit? What will they think of this here mess?"
"Well, usually it doesn't matter because they're just going to be hideously maimed… wait a minute, YOU DIDN'T INVITE ANYONE…"
"Of course not. I don't know anyone to invite…" She trails off a tad depressed. "But anywho, if I did, I would be too embarrassed to!" Vicky chirps and turns to the wall to start painting it.
"YOU ARE NOT PAINTING MY HOUSE, what is that, LAVENDER!" He snarls, starting to lose control. Vicky whirls around, splattering paint on Johnny in the process.
"I AM TO! I SPENT A PRETTY PENNY ON THIS PAINT, AND I REFUSE TO LIVE IN A DREARY DUNGEON!" She counters, shaking the brush to emphasize her point, splattering Johnny with more paint.
"Well, why don't you move OUT!?" Nny growls, all hope of staying calm totally lost now.
"I WILL NOT!" She says, stepping up in his face, looking him straight in the eye. Nny hadn't really noticed till then that she was the exact same height as he, but of course, he was much too pissed right now to give a damn. He picks up an open can of paint and dumps it on Vicky's head. She takes a sharp breath.
"You did NOT just do that!" She exclaims in shock, retaliating by whacking him upside the head with her brush, painting half his face lavender. Both of them lunge for the nearest can and within 5 minutes, they completely douse each other with paint as Rev. Meat sits in the corner snickering. After they exhaust their liquid paint supply, Johnny rushes to pick up a can of spray paint and snatches a lighter from the table. Vicky drops on the floor.
"LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY HAIR!" Vicky sobs, completely oblivious to the fact that Nny's about to burn it off. "I'LL NEVER GET THIS PAINT OUT IN TIME FOR TONIGHT! Oooo, you better pray that this comes out of my hair!" She snarls.
Nny lowers the paint can.
"What do you mean, 'tonight'? I REFUSE TO GO TO THAT HELLISH DANCE CLUB…"
"Oh, don't be stupid, we're banned from that town. I'm not quite sure why, I mean, you kill a few people these days and they take out of a 50 mile restraining order…" Vicky ponders this a bit. Johnny raises an eyebrow at her.
"What are you doing? This is your chance! Fry her while the paint's still wet!" Meat encourages. Nny turns on him.
"NO! I'M NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO YOU!" Nny threatens him with the spray paint and lighter as he advances on Meat.
"Wha? I didn'…" Vicky stares at him in bewilderment, having no clue what he's talking about.
"Now, Johnny, you know this whole fight is pointless, just give in…"
"NO! I CONTROL ME! I CONTROL ME!" Nny screams, trying to drown Meat's voice out of his head.
"Who the hell are you talking to?" Vicky pops her head over Nny's shoulder. "How adorable!" She shoves Nny out of the way and crouches in front of Meat. "Did you paint him? Like those creepy Styrofoam things I saw?"
"Oh no, I was a gift, unlike the Doughboys," Meat replies, before Nny can ask what she had been doing snooping around his house.
"ACK! IT TALKS!" She cringes for a moment, then scoops it up in her arms. "I LOVE IT! I use to…"
Johnny lets out a virulent scream, throwing down his spray paint in disdain.
"What's his problem?" Vicky asks.
"He's mad because he can't relieve himself of the burden of human emotions," Meat informs her.
"That's so sad! Why doesn't he want emotions?"
"I think it's because he got dumped by some girl and can't take the rejection."
"WHAT?!?! THAT IS SO…" Nny starts.
"Oh, well that's nothing to go ballistic over, Nny. People get dumped everyday…"
"I AM NOT…"
"I KNOW!" Vicky exclaims. "I'll just have to teach you the value of emotions! It'll be fun!"
"I DON'T…"
"THIS'LL BE GREAT! WE CAN START TONIGHT!"
"THERE'S NO…"
"Y'all better go get cleaned up! The art show is black tie; at least I think that's what she said…" Vicky instructs him, ignoring Johnny once again.
"A SUIT?! I'M SURE AS HELL NOT GOING!!"
"Don't be silly, of course you are!"
"NO, I'M NOT! I'M NOT WEARING A SUIT, I'M NOT LEAVING THIS HOUSE AND THAT'S FINAL!"
~ ~ ~
Vicky waltzes into the expo, dressed in black dress pants, a matching blouse, and silver rimmed sunglasses. She's dragging behind her a quite livid Johnny, dressed in a black suit and bow tie. Meat's suggestion to bump off Vicky was sounding very appealing to him.
"See? This isn't as bad as you thought it would be," Vicky grins her sickenly sweet smile. "No annoying boy bands."
"I'm going to rip out each of your teeth one by one with your own fingers," Johnny calmly whispers to her. She ignores him again. "What the hell is this show for anyway?"
"Uh…some book company, or magazine thing. I forget the name, Dirb or Curve or somethin' like that. They're showing off their artists…I think…I figured you would enjoy the art thing."
"How did you get that idea?" Johnny's a tad surprised that she was able to guess that. "Were you snooping around my house?"
"NO! Jeeze, I try to do somethin' nice for some body an' they get all accusing!" Vicky gets testy. "Actually, I don't know where I got the idea from! I just…did…" She walks away, leaving a confused Nny behind.
Nny kind of putzes around the expo, critical of pretty much every piece of art work, none of them quite good enough for his standards; though one of exhibits did impress Johnny. Some PR guy walks up to him as Nny's inspecting the art, irritating Johnny quite a bit. The irksome little gnome gets away before Nny can ram his pen through the guy's air pipe. Johnny does learn the company's name from him, however; 'NERVE'. It sounds very familiar to Johnny, but since an immediate memory doesn't come to mind, he quickly forgets it as he struggles with his tie, trying to loosen the damn thing but only succeeding in making it tighter. He stops fussing with it though when he spots the contents of the punch bowl on the refreshment table.
"CHERRY FIZ WIZ! This won't be so horrible after all…" He exclaims, rushing over to the table. He quickly downs three glasses and grabs another four, wrinkling his nose at the slight funny taste. But it was still cherry carbonated goodness for the most part, so Nny's happy.
~ ~ ~
Vicky walks around the art show, actually quite bored. She's never really been into art, at least from what she can remember. She feels as though used to know someone that was, but it was blurry as she thought back. She gives up after rattling her brain unsuccessfully for awhile. She stops at one piece of art, named "Nostalgia". The little card claims it's supposed to bring back memories to anyone who looks at it.
Vicky stares at the painting for a little bit, waiting for a memory to come back to her like the little card promised it would. She gazes at the painting, cocking her head to one side, completely drawing up a blank. Anything beyond her memories of college is a messy pool of unfinished images and unknown feelings.
Frustrated and kind of depressed, Vicky trudges aimlessly around the expo. She had already tried going to the refreshment table, but some body had already drank all the Cherry Fiz Wiz, which made her sad as well, it was her favorite drink. It doesn't bother her too much though, because someone had claimed it was spiked anyhow. Vicky just starts to admire the sharp objects exhibit when someone jumps her from behind and wraps a piece of cloth around her neck. Vicky easily sends the person flying over her shoulder, and Johnny lands flat on his back, clutching his tie that he had finally gotten off. Johnny slowly staggers to his feet, not quite nimble as he usually is.
"What is your major malfunction? That was SO rude, Nny, and you know how I hate rude people," Vicky says, standing with her hand on her hips.
"ME?! You're the one in cahoots with the Chihuahua!" Nny slurs and rushes Vicky. She simply sidesteps and he goes crashing into some mirror exhibit.
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"I AM THE WALRUS! COO COO CACHOO!" Johnny lunges at her again, holding a large shard of glass in each hand. Vicky narrowly dodges some of his swipes but he slashes one of her arms as she trips him. He goes flying into the crowd that was starting to gather, one of the shards of glass plunging into the stomach of the irritating man from before. The entire crowd, just like all good little audiences do, gasps in unison as Nny pulls the shard out.
"OOOOOOOWWWWWWWIIIEEEE!!! THAT HURT!" Vicky cries in a high pitched voice. "Ok, NOW I'M PISSED!" She rushes to the sharp objects exhibit and grabs a carving knife.
"ALL I WANT IS TO BE RID OF THESE SUPERFLOUS EMOTIONS! I WANT TO NOT CARE ABOUT ANY OF IT! I DON'T WANT TO CARE ABOUT YOU OR YOU OR YOU OR YOU!" Nny points at random people in the crowd which quickly backs so as not to incur his wrath. "I WANT TO BE THE FLY GODDAMMIT!" Nny turns on Vicky, practically frothing at the mouth. "AND THIS PUSILLANIMOUS WRETCH KEEP ME FROM MY GOAL! DIE VERMIN!" He lunges at Vicky once more, but this time two guards get to him first and hold him back right before he reaches her. "WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!"
"I've asked myself that same question several times; just lucky I guess…" Vicky shrugs. "Any may I say that you need a Tic Tac. Have you been drinkin'?"
Johnny in incensed by this and throws the guards off of him. He then shoves the two shards of glass he's holding between their eyes and hurries to the sharp objects exhibit, quickly grabbing two butcher knives that were hanging from a mobile. Nny leaps up on a table.
"THIS ENDS NOW!" Nny screams with an insane laugh "DRINK DEEP OR DIVE NOT INTO THE PLASMA POOL!". Just then, a new voice sounds from the crowd.
"What the hell is going on?!" A tall girl with magenta pigtails yells, trying to push her way through the crowd. Johnny instantly perks up at this voice.
"DEVI! I'M SO GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT!" Nny grins insanely.
~ ~ ~
Devi stands by her exhibit at the expo, playing with a little dagger necklace she has around her neck. NERVE had insisted she attend and had actually put some of her pieces up; ones that in one point in time had been hers anyway. After the plethora of revisions and little pink gerbils they thoroughly disgusted Devi. But she was getting a bonus for being there and she had forgotten to pay last month's rent. Devi looks over the head's of the dull crowd, trying to see the clock in hopes that it was soon time to go. As she searches, she thinks she sees a head of blue-ish black hair, and is momentarily unnerved. Devi quickly leaves her post by her exhibit to look for Tenna, who had said she was going to be there to make sure Devi was enjoying herself. Tenna had been thrilled when Devi told her about the expo, thinking her eternal advice to get out more was finally paying off.
Devi trudges through the milling crowd, Tenna was nowhere in sight. Which wasn't a necessarily a bad thing, at least Devi wouldn't have to contend with Mr. Spooky. Devi swings by the refreshment table when she hears a high pitched scream from within a large crowd that had formed around the sharp objects exhibit. Thinking that someone was trying to demonstrate their juggling act again, she heads over, hoping it'll give her something to laugh at. As she gets close though, she realizes that no one's juggling; even bad jugglers don't spurt that much blood. Devi shoves her way through the crowd, no one answering her questions as they're in too much shock.
"What the hell is going on?!" She yells, finally getting to the front of the crowd. She's met by a voice she had hoped she would never hear again.
"DEVI! I'M SO GLAD YOU MADE IT!" Nny grins at her insanely from his perch atop a table, a smile that strongly reminded Devi of that last time she saw him. Devi, in shock now as well, quickly sweeps the rest of the area with her eyes trying to find a weapon; she left her mace laden purse back at her exhibit. Three people lay dead in puddles of quickly spreading blood and another punk-ish girl with sunglasses, purple hair that looked like it had paint in it and a similar skinny build to Johnny crouches a few feet from the table, holding a carving knife in her hand, a fairly good size gash down one of her arms.
"JOHNNY?!"
"I NEVER DID GET TO SHOW YOU THE MASTERFULNESS OF MY ART!" Johnny slurs, waving his knives around.
*Oh great, the homicidal maniac is drunk off his ass. This can't be good,* Devi thinks, tensing up some more.
"Do you have any idea as to what the hell you are talkin' about?!" The girl with purple hair says, venom dripping from her voice.
"YOU SHUT UP! YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME?!" Johnny yells at her, pointing a knife at her. "I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING! 'POOR INSANE JOHNNY!' FUCK! YOU REMIND ME OF THOSE DAMN CHEERLEADERS! MR. EEF, THAT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT! DAMN YOU STRYOFOAM GODS! YOU DON'T EVEN CONDUCT ELECTRICITY! THE AUDACITY OF IT ALL!"
The rest of crowd stares a Johnny, not a having a single clue what he's talking about. Vicky's the only one who seems to have been able to follow it.
"HEY! MY DELUSIONS OF GRANDURE ARE ONLY A RESULT OF MY SCHIZOPHRENIC TENDENCIES! IT'S NOT NICE TO MAKE FUN OF THE CRAZY PEOPLE!" Vicky yells back. Devi stands staring at the two bickering back and forth. "I AM THE CAPITALIST GOD! ALL BOW TO ME AND THROW MONEY AT MY FEET!" Johnny cries, throwing his head back as he laughs the laugh of a crazy person being dragged away by the nice young men in their clean white coats. Unfortunately, he also bashes his head on the low hanging chandelier in the process, knocking him out cold. He falls from the table unconscious, the knives clattering beside him.
"That was… interesting…" Devi comments, walking over and standing next to Vicky, staring down at Johnny.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Vicky screams. "NONONONONO! I REFUSE TO CARRY YOUR DRUNKEN ASS HOME!!!" She starts crying on Devi's shoulder. "IT'S NOT FAIR!!"
"Um… it's… er…alright…" Devi says, awkwardly patting her on the back, trying to calm her down so she'll stop crying.
"I JUST TRY AN' DO SOMETHIN' NICE FOR SOMEBODY AN' THEY GO AN' DO THIS!!!" Vicky kicks Johnny. "BASTARD!"
"Uh…are you his… 'Girlfriend' or something?" Devi almost gags on the word. Vicky bursts into laughter and then stops abruptly.
"No, he's just my ever gallin' roommate. I'm not quite sure why he advertised the room though, 'cause he doesn't seem very happy sharin' his house…" Vicky says, thoughtfully, holding the cut on her arm that was slowly oozing blood. Then she kicks Johnny again. "Now I have to drag him out to the car. Fuck."
Devi looks down at Johnny again.
*He actually looks kind of sweet when he's asleep…* Devi thinks. But she quickly shakes the thought off. Vicky however, is debating as to whether or not she should leave him there.
"Once again you totally SCREW UP MY NIGHT!" Vicky screams at his comatose figure. "I SHOULD JUST LEAVE YOU HERE AND MAKE YOU WALK HOME!" Vicky gets ready to kick Johnny's head in.
"WAIT! DON'T KILL HIM!" Devi stops her.
"You're right, that wouldn't be very polite, would it?" Vicky shrugs. Immediately cheerier, she holds a blood-speckled hand out to Devi. "I'm Vicky by the way."
"Um, Devi." Devi reluctantly shakes her enthusiastic hand.