ISSUE SIX
'The Cutting Edge'
Johnny sits on his couch, very grumpy. His hangover is starting to go away, but he still has a dull headache and Vicky's been flitting around all day, thrilled she's found something that might be able to 'jumpstart her black hole of remembrance', whatever the hell she meant by that. Johnny's starting to hate her more than he ever had before and can't watch TV to get his mind off it as the cord is still ripped out.
"You could accidentally bury her alive," Meat suggests.
"No, I can't kill my supposed sister. Only deranged serial killers do that," Nny replies.
"Um…yeah and you are?"
"Didn't I leave you out in the car?" Nny growls.
"Yes, but Vicky came out and got me to tell me the 'good news'."
Nny sighs, pulls the dagger necklace out of his pocket, and watches it spin on the chain.
"What's with the necklace? She can go buy another one. Or are you thinking that she'll forgive you if you return it in a big, romantic, kissing scene?"
"Shut up."
"Oh, that's an intelligent come back."
Nny shoves the necklace back in his pocket and stands up.
"I'm going out."
"Don't forget to tell Vicky, she may want a…"
Nny walks out, ignoring Meat.
~ ~ ~
It's 10 PM, rather early for Johnny to be out but he couldn't stand the house any longer. He strolls along in the night air without direction, not watching the clear, star studded sky as he usually does but instead is flipping the necklace over and over in his hand. He's quite surprised Devi still wore it, unless she had strategically planted it in the car, which he certainly wouldn't put past her. Nny sighs.
"Hey! That there's pretty cool lookin'! Where'd ya get it?" A grating southern accent sounds for over Nny's shoulder.
"What the hell?!" Nny exclaims, irritated, shoving the necklace back in his pocket. "Why are you following me?!"
"Meat said you went out for a walk, I thought I'd join you. And I'm a tad hungry. Do you know your kitchen's empty?" Vicky falls into step next to Johnny. "I figured we could do some brother/sister bonding…"
"LOOK! You are NOT my sister! I don't know why you look like me, but if this turns into some '6th Day' crap, you're dead!" Nny snaps.
"Well SORRY! But it's not like you couldn't use some social interaction, HERMIT!" Vicky snaps back. "Ooo! LOOK! Let's go in Taco Hell!"
*Must…get…away…* Johnny thinks and looks desperately around for either a place to hide or a dumpster to throw Vicky in to. Luckily, he spots an ice skating rink with a torn poster on the outside reading
…PLE FIGURE SKATING COMPETITION
Amateur's Welcome!
TONIGHT
An evil grin spreads across Nny's face and he starts for the doors.
"Hey Nny, where ya goin'? The restaurant's thata way!" Vicky chirps, following Johnny.
Not answering, Johnny steps in the doors followed by a curious Vicky. No sooner do they walk in then they are accosted by a pudgy, squat little man in a suit.
"Why hello! Are you here for the competition?" He shakes Vicky's hand enthusiastically.
"Wha? Competition? Huh?" Vicky stutters.
"Yes, she is!" Johnny pipes up.
"What the f…"
"She always gets nervous, needs some incentive…" Johnny informs the man.
"Oh, I know exactly what you mean," he nods, and then yells to two very large, very buff, tall men in white shirts. "CHARLIE! PHIL! We need some help over here!"
The two men walk over.
"Right this way miss…" They grab both of Vicky's arms and start literally dragging her down the hall.
"WHAT?! Let go OF ME! Johnny! HELP!" She pleads, looking over her shoulder. Nny simply grins and waves. "OOOOO! I'M GONNA KILL YOU NNY! LET GO! NOW! Please?" Nny snickers as Vicky starts whimpering and heads towards the exit. The squat man steps in front of him however, preventing his escape.
"Where are you going sir? The dressing room is this way."
"What? No, I'm not…"
"You two ARE here for the Couples' Figure Skating Competition, right?"
"WHAT?! COUPLES'?!?!"
Vicky finally realizes what's going on, brakes away from the guard people, and rushes to Nny's side.
"Why of course we are, aren't we dear Brother?"
"Huh? NO! I DO NOT…"
"Oh don't be silly, Brother of mine. We worked SO hard on our program," Vicky purrs, wearing her sickeningly sweet smile. "Really, HE'S the one who gets the jitters."
On cue, 'Charlie and Phil' step up on either side of Johnny.
"Hold it Sparky! No grunt head is man handling me!" Johnny threatens.
"Just ignore him, he's full of hot air," Vicky whispers.
"This way sir," The two very big men start dragging Johnny, protesting and thrashing the whole way. Vicky follows, grinning.
~ ~ ~
Johnny lands with an 'OOF!' on the floor as the guards walk away after throwing him in a grey room with a large closet on one wall and multiple doors on another, apparently separate changing rooms. Nny leaps up and rushes to attack them, but Vicky steps in his way, two pairs of black ice skates slung over her shoulder.
"Whoa! Chill 'Sparky'," Vicky snickers.
"BITCH!" Is all Johnny can say in response, too pissed to string together a sentence.
"Why thank you!" Vicky chirps, tossing a pair of skates at Nny. He hurls the blades at her, but she rushes to the closet, making him miss.
"COSTUMES!" She exclaims, starting to pull out different combinations. "Whaddaya say, Nny? Purple feathers or neon green spandex?"
"I WILL NOT WEAR SPANDEX!!!" Nny screams. "AND THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I'M ICE DANCING!"
"HEY! YOU GOT US IN TO THIS!" Vicky screams back.
"ONLY TO GET AWAY FROM YOU!"
"Well, I guess it backfired! Hehe!" Vicky bubbles. "AND IT'S FIGURE SKATING! NOT ICE DANCING!" She growls, shaking a skate blade in his face. "OOOO! SEQUINS!" Vicky rushes back over to the closet and pulls out a very shinny, very sequiny, black one piece skating outfit with a skirt. "Look! There's a matching one!" She pulls out an equally sequiny, black long sleeved, button up male's shirt.
"I wear nothing that shimmers."
Vicky steps up to him, putting her face in his.
"Get dressed," She growls in a very low, inhuman voice. Then she picks up her outfit and skips over to a changing room, slamming the door behind her. Johnny stares after her, creeped out from her demonic voice.
~ ~ ~
A few moments later, Vicky and Johnny step onto the edge of the ice rink, several couples of people already practicing their routines as random songs play over the loud speakers.
"This is going to be fun!" Vicky chirps, watching as a nearby couple spins around.
"You have got to be kidding me," Nny mumbles as a different man to his right who happens to be swinging his companion around in a circle, accidentally lets go and sends her flying into the audience. Nny snickers in spite of it.
Vicky watches some girl dressed in bright pink do a pretty impressive back flip, landing gracefully and stepping into a spin. Vicky elbows Nny.
"Dude, I can do that! Watch this!" Vicky boasts and steps onto the ice, promptly slipping and falling on her ass. Nny raises an eyebrow at her.
"Oh wow, I am so impressed. Please show me again your wondrous talent," Nny replies in a sarcastic, monotone voice. Vicky shoots him a pissed look.
"Shut up. It takes a minute to get used to the ice," Vicky says and gets up, standing for a moment, then falling again. Nny yawns.
"I'm waiting."
"SHUT UP!" Vicky turns around and starts skating towards him to attack. Nny steps to the side and, unable to stop, Vicky goes crashing into the rink's wall, sliding down into heap on the floor. "Ow."
Just then, the girl in pink from before skates up to Vicky's crumpled figure.
"Aw, how cute! I absolutely love watching uncoordinated newbie's come out and try to skate in competition!" The girls says, then she leans over Vicky, speaking to her as one would a stupid dog. "See this," She points the jagged end of her skate. "This is called a 'Toe Pick'. You use it to stop, watch." The girl skates away, then comes back, spraying Vicky with ice shavings. Vicky, incensed jumps up and tries to tackle the girl, but falls flat on her face. The girl skates by again.
"Toe pick!"
Johnny rolls his eyes at the stupid cat fight and watches as several people in suits, apparently the judges, come to watch the warm up. Johnny makes no move to go on the ice, and entertains himself by watching everyone make complete idiots of themselves. Vicky falls again after she tries to do a spinning jump ("Toe pick!") and comes crawling over to the side where Nny stands, pulling herself up on her feet using the wall. She stands for a moment then takes Nny by surprise and shoves him onto the ice, grinning evilly. He, however, easily catches himself and does a graceful figure eight before turning around to face Vicky. He grins at her and skates away. Vicky rushes to strangle him, but trips and is sent crashing into some guy in red, causing him to miss catching his partner who falls on her head. The pink girl comes by again.
"Toe pick!"
Nny comes to a slow stop smack dab in the middle of the rink, trying to find a way out of the crowd, the morons who thought they were good skaters (but were very much mistaken) blocking his way. As he stands there, getting more irritated by the minute, the previous song that had been playing (REM's "It's the End of the World As We Know It") ends and the chords to what has to be one of the most annoying songs on Earth starts.
"Raging horror!" Nny gasps, cringing. "Not…. MMMBOP! NO!" He screams as the girly sounding lead singer starts the lyrics. "It's like some freak is trying to torture me with every sucky song they know!" Just then, some ugly chick dressed in orange and black with what appears to be the band's logo on the front and glasses skates up to Nny.
"HEY! DON'T YOU BE DISSING HANSON! YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS 'CAUSE THEY'RE HOTTER THAN YOU!" She yells at him. Nny considers her for a moment, and then grins as he's struck by 'inspiration'. He backs up a few feet, skates and leaps into a perfect triple lutz, spinning in the air, before landing on the girl's head. Johnny then skates off with perfect grace, leaving a trail of blood behind him.
"OOO! AND HE NAILS THAT LANDING PERFECTLY!" He announces for himself, starting to finally enjoy himself. "Here's comes his layback spin!" Johnny stops and starts spinning on one blade, slitting the throats of everyone around him with his other extended leg. "BEAUTIFUL! LOOK AT THAT SPRAY!"
~ ~ ~
"I'M NOT ICE DANCIN'!" A little boy, probably five or six, screamed pouting, his bluish-black hair slicked back. He stood with his arms crossed at the edge of a large indoor, private ice skating rink. He was dressed in khaki pants and a 'high brow' dark blue sweater which set off his blue eyes.
"IT'S NOT ICE DANCIN'! IT'S FIGURE SKATING!" A little girl, the same height as the boy, dressed in the same color sweater and a matching plaid skirt, yelled at him.
"I DON'T CARE! IT'S GIRLY!" He yelled back at his sister.
"SO ARE YOU!" They gave each other the evil eye (AKA the squinty eye/big eye look) and looked as if they were ready to tackle each other. Just then, the two were scooped up by very motherly figure.
"Now you two, knock it off, silly gooses!!" She says, looking at the twins with very kind blue eyes, long bluish-black hair cascading down her shoulders.
"Sorry Mommy!" The little girl said, flinging her arms around the mother's neck. The mother smiled and planted a kiss on both of the children's foreheads.
"Now Johnny-boy, won't you please skate just one more time, you're so good! For me?" The mother pleads, pretending to pout. Little Johnny giggled.
"OK. Just for you Mommy!" Johnny grinned a huge smile and the mother put the two down and ruffled Johnny's gelled hair, giving him his classic disheveled look
The two children (who already had their skates on) stepped on to the rink and though Johnny started a lazy Choctaw for warm up easily, his sister instantly slipped and fell.
"Oh, be careful, Vicky-hun!" Her mother exclaimed, trying to stifle her laughter. Just then a tall, thin man in a crisp suit walked into the rink area. He gave off the air of a man that's always busy and never puts up with any crap what so ever.
"There you three are!" He said upon entering.
"Hi Daddy!" Vicky chirped from her seat on the ice.
"Hello Victoria, sweetie," The father said. He cast a cold glace at Johnny. "Fix your hair, Jonathon. And what did I say about this ice skating nonsense? What kind of sport is that for future lawyer?"
Johnny obediently smoothed his hair back and started off the ice.
"But Daddy, I don't want..." Johnny started.
"Don't be ridiculous, you're too young to know what you want," His father said. "Victoria, sweetheart, it's time for your violin lesson." Their father rushed out.
When Johnny got to the edge of the rink, his mother scooped him up again.
"Don't you listen to your father," she told him. "You can be anything you want to be. It's all up to you," She gave him a kiss and set him down. "Now, go help you sister out before she kills herself." Johnny grinned, gave his mom a hug, then skated off to help Vicky.
~ ~ ~
Johnny ends a Sal chow jump with a spray of ice and strikes a pose as the song ends. Around him, strewn all over the ice, are mutilated bodies, the result of Nny's program. Vicky sits on the ice a few feet away from Nny, looks around and throws her hands up in an attempt to strike a pose as a well. After a few moments passes by, Nny shoots an expecting look over his shoulder at the judges, who sit stunned at what they just witnessed. When they catch Nny's look, they scramble for their score cards.
"10!"
"10!"
"10!"
"10!"
"10!"
"9.9!"
"WHAT! 9.9?! DON'T YOU KNOW ARTISTIC TALENT WHEN YOU SEE IT!?!?" Johnny yells, skates over, and chops the offending judge's head with the discarded skate on a foot Nny severed during a perfect Flying Camel Sit spin.
Nny shoots a dark glance at the rest of the judges. They quickly scramble to give Nny the gold medal.
"You win by default!"
"WAIT MINUTE!" A bitchy sounding voice croaks. Everyone turns and sees the girl in the pink outfit from before crawling along the ice. "I'M STILL ALIVE! I DEMAND A RECOUNT!"
"Ahem," someone clears their throat above her. Low and behold, there stands Vicky with her skates in her hands that she'd already taken off, grinning an insane, Nny-like smile.
"Two words," Vicky brakes the blade off one of the skates. "Toe pick." Vicky rams the blade through the girl's eye and out the back of her head. The judges gawk at Vicky as she yanks the blade out of the girl's head. Nny grabs the medal and walks out of the rink area.
"See!? That wasn't as bad as you thought it would be!" Vicky exclaims cheerily, running up behind him.
"Well, I suppose not," Nny grins at his medal. "But where the hell is the dressing room? I want to get out of this God awful shirt."
"The next door to the right," Vicky chirps, a little TOO happily this time. As the doors close behind Nny, the words 'Ice rink 2; Hockey tonight!' come into view. "Oops, I meant to the left," she adds slyly.
~ ~ ~
Nny walks on, quite oblivious to his surroundings, inspecting his medal. He's quite pleased he had finally gotten awarded for SOMETHING. Nny starts to shine the medal with his shirt sleeve, when he's hit hard with something in the stomach, sending him flying to the ground.
"What the fuck?" Nny coughs, sitting up and picking up a small, black disk. Nny, recognizing it to be a hockey puck, looks up, and sees a legion of giant football players on skates carrying sticks, stampeding towards him.
"Oh shit..." Nny leaps up and tries to skate away as fast as he can
~ ~ ~
"YEAH! KICK HIS ASS!" Vicky cheers, munching on popcorn and waving one of those big foam fingers around. She giggles from her front row seat as Nny skates frantically around the ice, trying to get away from the human zambonis. Nny slams in to the glass in front of her.
"Why hello Brother dear," Vicky coos. "Having fun? Now you play nice with the big boys!"
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!" Nny screams hoarsely, scratching at the glass to get to her.
"Isn't payback a bitch?" Vicky comments. "Look out behind you."
Nny whirls around but isn't fast enough to get away; he's body slammed into the glass, chomping down on his tongue. Vicky pulls out a camera from nowhere and snaps a picture as Nny spits out some blood. Nny quickly regains himself and skates as fast as he can down to the other end of the arena. He's once again hit with the puck and this time crashes into the goalie, the two of them and the net crashing into the wall behind them. The buzzer sounds.
"GOAL!!!" The announcer yells and everyone leaps up and cheers. Vicky body slams some guy standing next to her.
"Who're you rooting for?" He asks.
"Everyone but the guy in black," She chirps in reply.