UNREQUITED
by Mirune Keishiko
When I walk in the streets men turn their heads to
watch me go by. Out of the corner of my eye I can see
the appreciative looks on their faces, the smiles and
even the leers. Even when I'm wearing a shapeless
doctor's smock over my kimono, my figure can be
discerned - and it's definitely nothing to shake a
stick at, if I may say so myself. Sometimes when I go
to restaurants and taverns I have to request a
secluded seat in order to discourage interested, and
occasionally drunken, parties from paying a visit
while I eat.
But what does all this matter, when the one man I care
for, the one man I want with all my heart, won't even
give me a second glance?
Some nights sleep never comes to claim me, and my mind
is full of him. His gentle smile. His excessively
polite manners. His soft voice seemingly incapable of
saying anything hurtful or mean. His long hair the
beautiful color of fire, messily tied back with thick
locks tumbling all over his face. The friendship and
respect that knows no boundaries, but extends
willingly to anyone and everyone, even to an opium
woman.
And his eyes... those glistening eyes, so full of
kindness and understanding and wisdom. At first glance
one would be tempted to describe them as innocent
eyes, wide and bright, almost like a child's. But,
deeper within those depths, shadows lurk. He is not so
unfamiliar with the world as he might seem. His
beautiful eyes encapsulate the troubled, imperfect
life he has led: the grief and guilt of years past,
memories both sweet and bitter, the remembrance of
blood, of tears, of darkness. And over all of this,
like a healing salve spread over a festering wound,
acceptance and acknowledgement. This man with the
violet eyes has made peace with himself, between the
two sides of him that constantly war.
It was his eyes that caught me, the first time I saw
him, leaping desperately into that gambling hall while
Takeda's boors were chasing me. The moment I found
those two questioning, honest eyes upon me, I knew I
had found a savior.
He has saved me, yes. Led me to a new life, led me to
forgive myself and to carry on, no longer poisoning
people, but healing and helping them. But sometimes I
find myself wondering if he has saved me only for me
to lose myself once again. New friends abound, but
what of love? What of the empty, sleepless, lonely
nights, longing for someone else's warmth, his touch,
his embrace?
He looks at me with his amethyst eyes the way he looks
at any friend of his. I am glad to be his friend.
But, somehow... I wish we could be more.
But all he thinks about is Kaoru. That little
fresh-faced suburbian girl. Kaoru-dono this,
Kaoru-dono that. His own little source of happiness,
his heart's beloved, the sunshine in his life; his
friend since the beginning, before all of us others
came on the scene. Sometimes I can't help but wonder,
what does he see in her?
She has a pretty face, I'll grant her that. Those big
blue eyes and bright smile are alluring enough. But
frankly, beyond all that, I don't see how he has come
to fall for her so badly. I'll admit, I'm enormously
biased on account of jealousy. But isn't he ever
turned off or at least irritated when her cooking
flops again, when she punches him, when she bosses him
around, when she screams at him, "Kenshin no baka!"
She is hot-tempered and innocent, she giggles like a
child. Sometimes she can be incredibly dense,
especially when it comes to him. When he left us for
Kyoto that time with Shishio she just slipped into a
depression. She didn't even think to do something
useful and smart, like follow him and make sure he
didn't get hurt. And, yes, finally I was the one who
stopped by the dojo to talk sense into her head. I
couldn't stand to think of him risking his life to
stop Shishio - whether he risked his actual life or he
risked his life as a peaceful vagabond by reverting to
Battousai - while she lay blubbering uselessly in her
futon, staring at the wall...
..But I can't hate her. As jealous as I get of the
special, unique bond between the two of them, I can't
hate her, any more than I could ever hate him. Despite
myself I have an answer for every objection the little
green demon on my shoulder can raise.
Yes, she can be unbelievably stupid, but love turns
all of us into fools, I suppose. Her cooking would
turn away rats and she certainly isn't entirely
charming at times, with a habit of whacking annoyances
over the head with that bokutou of hers. But she's
generous and kind and cheerful, possessing a great
strength that isn't immediately obvious but that comes
to the fore when needed, and then you'll only be
amazed. She's soft-hearted, caring, courageous, noble.
And she is absolutely, totally, truly in love with
Ken-san.
And how can you hate someone with such good judgement?
Even as I tease her mercilessly and flirt constantly
with him, she never harbors a grudge or hardens
herself against me. Admittedly, she doesn't exactly
welcome me with open arms whenever I make an
appearance, but she doesn't hustle me out of the way
either. I generally don't like to admit it, but I do
owe her a great deal. When I first met their group,
she let me stay in her dojo and join them in their
daily lives. To someone like me who has always longed
for a place to stay and people to belong to, this
meant a lot.
If nothing else, I owe Kaoru. My new life, my new
happiness... all of it is in part duly credited to
her. I can't turn my back on someone who has been so
much to me.
And, of course... Ken-san loves her. That annoyingly
gorgeous, infuriatingly endearing, innocently
charming, short, well-muscled, handsome rurouni is in
love with her. She holds his heart in her slender
hands. They are calloused from wielding her bokutou,
but for Ken-san they are the sweetest, softest,
prettiest hands he has ever known. She is his entire
happiness, his entire life; if anything were to happen
to her - Kami-sama forbid - he would simply shatter.
And I could never bear for my Ken-san to break.
..It's just too bad she can't even make proper ohagi.
And he likes mine so much... Ohh-hohohohoho!
--owari--
notes: Some RKphiles are pushing the idea of a romance
between Sanosuke and Megumi, up to and including
myself. Before you start going "Hey wait a minute, in
that case....?!", I'll explain that while I *am*
concentrating on getting the kitsune-onna and the
toriatama in each other's arms, I still firmly believe
that Megumi loves Ken-san. It's one of those
"unrequited love" things (hence the title -- also,
shamelessly stolen from an X-Files episode) (something
I personally can sympathize. *ruefully* Oro ro...).
Just look at how Megumi behaves in episode #32! It's
just that since she realizes there's no hope of
tearing apart Kenshin and Kaoru, she'll notice
Sanosuke's feelings for her, and realize her own for
the roosterhead as well... Something I'll probably put
in a future fic. Tee hee... well, enough babbling from
me. I'd love to hear something a lot more coherent
from you! C&C kudasai!
disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin belongs entirely to
Nobuhiro Watsuki-sama, to Shueisha, Fuji TV, and Sony
Entertainment. No money is being made here. On the
other hand, *you* loaded people oughtta get poor
Kenshin some new clothes!!! (And Kaoru'd look good in
one of those off-the-shoulder kimonos too...)
Some KFFDISC subscribers pointed out that the focus in this piece was busted--as one put it, the first half Megumi talks about Kenshin and the second half about Kaoru. Reading it over again I can't help but agree. Things really are much clearer in hindsight. ^.^;