Nymphadora Tonks had her gloved hands around a steamy mug. She looked down and noticed her tears had fallen in it. She wondered how she could tell, seeing that the tea in the mug looked the same as before. Maybe she just knew she had been crying too much. She looked at the clock. Only five minutes had passed since the last time she looked. She wondered if it was broken. She wondered if it had broken just to make the night worst. She wondered if the clock was playing with her mind. And then she wondered why she was wondering so much.
She looked around the room and her eyes fell on Alastor Moody. His magic eye was slightly moving, and then it looked at her. And it stayed there, staring. Maybe he fell asleep, she thought. 'No, no. Constant Vigilance'. She smiled. His eye moved and now he was glancing around the room. Tonks looked down again. She closed her eyes and made her hair grow. Now it was dark, long and straight, and she started to play with it. That was the way she first made it look like when she discovered she was a Metamorphmagus. She turned it like that to make it look like Sirius' hair. He thought it was funny, and his puzzled expression made her never turn her hair like that again. Not until that night, when he died. Tonks closed her eyes again, and that time she made a noise with her mouth that made Remus Lupin, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Emmeline Vance and Alastor Moody turn and stare at her transformation.
She opened her eyes, which were now black and shiny. Her nose got a bit larger, and the tears kept falling. She made her eyebrows get thicker, and when she was done, she looked like-
''Sirius.'' Tonks looked up startled at Remus, who seemed to have thought out loud. He looked severely displeased with the sight, and turned away quickly.
''I'm so sorry.'' Tonks changed back to her pink spiky hair and brown eyes. She got up and headed upstairs to the first room she could find. The room was cold, freezing, but she liked the cold. It reminded her that she was alive. She sat down in the bed and started to change again, without knowing why. It made her feel useful, to be able to do things, even if it wasn't useful at all. While she went from Tonks to Sirius she thought of the ways she could've saved him. 'I should've died, not him', she thought. She played the scene in her head over and over again, only making her a hero instead of Sirius dying. She deflected Bellatrix's spell and cast the Unforgivable Curses on her, countless times, until she fell with agony and died. Then she didn't see Sirius and all the pain around her. She didn't see Harry crying, she didn't see Remus falling apart. She didn't see any of it, because she saved him.
''I should have died!'' Tonks screamed to the air while she cried. Then she heard footsteps and her eyes met a still body at the door.
''We are all leaving. You should go to, this place is strangely depressing.''
''Strangely? Sirius died, Moody! He's gone!''
''Not your fault!'' He snapped quickly, which made Tonks jump back a little after she got up. ''It happened.''
''You say it like you don't care, Moody.''
''Reality's voice is a harsh whisper, Nymphadora! And procrastination will only make it worst to listen to! You have to be alert! If you don't it will kill you too!''
Tonks was surprised by Alastor's behavior. He talked like her grieving was wrong and weak.'It is', she reminded herself, but this was a time when she needed comfort.' Why isn't he comforting me? Kingsley tried, even Remus. It didn't work, but they tried. It is what normal people do when someone they love dies'.
''How do you do it?'' Tonks got closer to Alastor, seeking for a hint of sadness, of depression. A hint of emotion.
''Somebody has to.''
She noticed a strenght in his voice that she found refreshing. Refreshing and admirable. She needed and wanted that strenght. With a weak voice and a sudden half-smile she said, ''Walk me home?''.
She looked around the room and her eyes fell on Alastor Moody. His magic eye was slightly moving, and then it looked at her. And it stayed there, staring. Maybe he fell asleep, she thought. 'No, no. Constant Vigilance'. She smiled. His eye moved and now he was glancing around the room. Tonks looked down again. She closed her eyes and made her hair grow. Now it was dark, long and straight, and she started to play with it. That was the way she first made it look like when she discovered she was a Metamorphmagus. She turned it like that to make it look like Sirius' hair. He thought it was funny, and his puzzled expression made her never turn her hair like that again. Not until that night, when he died. Tonks closed her eyes again, and that time she made a noise with her mouth that made Remus Lupin, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Emmeline Vance and Alastor Moody turn and stare at her transformation.
She opened her eyes, which were now black and shiny. Her nose got a bit larger, and the tears kept falling. She made her eyebrows get thicker, and when she was done, she looked like-
''Sirius.'' Tonks looked up startled at Remus, who seemed to have thought out loud. He looked severely displeased with the sight, and turned away quickly.
''I'm so sorry.'' Tonks changed back to her pink spiky hair and brown eyes. She got up and headed upstairs to the first room she could find. The room was cold, freezing, but she liked the cold. It reminded her that she was alive. She sat down in the bed and started to change again, without knowing why. It made her feel useful, to be able to do things, even if it wasn't useful at all. While she went from Tonks to Sirius she thought of the ways she could've saved him. 'I should've died, not him', she thought. She played the scene in her head over and over again, only making her a hero instead of Sirius dying. She deflected Bellatrix's spell and cast the Unforgivable Curses on her, countless times, until she fell with agony and died. Then she didn't see Sirius and all the pain around her. She didn't see Harry crying, she didn't see Remus falling apart. She didn't see any of it, because she saved him.
''I should have died!'' Tonks screamed to the air while she cried. Then she heard footsteps and her eyes met a still body at the door.
''We are all leaving. You should go to, this place is strangely depressing.''
''Strangely? Sirius died, Moody! He's gone!''
''Not your fault!'' He snapped quickly, which made Tonks jump back a little after she got up. ''It happened.''
''You say it like you don't care, Moody.''
''Reality's voice is a harsh whisper, Nymphadora! And procrastination will only make it worst to listen to! You have to be alert! If you don't it will kill you too!''
Tonks was surprised by Alastor's behavior. He talked like her grieving was wrong and weak.'It is', she reminded herself, but this was a time when she needed comfort.' Why isn't he comforting me? Kingsley tried, even Remus. It didn't work, but they tried. It is what normal people do when someone they love dies'.
''How do you do it?'' Tonks got closer to Alastor, seeking for a hint of sadness, of depression. A hint of emotion.
''Somebody has to.''
She noticed a strenght in his voice that she found refreshing. Refreshing and admirable. She needed and wanted that strenght. With a weak voice and a sudden half-smile she said, ''Walk me home?''.