AN: Happy Halloween.
An Ode to the Ghostbusters.
ISSUE NINE
Who Ya Gonna Call?
"We're there…"
Devi quickly steps away from Johnny who is still clutching the elevator railing to keep himself upright, quite shocked from Devi's bold move. Not that he didn't like it, but he's certainly very confused. Devi doesn't look his way, pretending it didn't happen.
Meanwhile, Vicky is beating on the door with her fists as hard as possible.
"I CAN'T GET THE DAMN DOOR OPEN!!! OW!" She cradles her hurt hand. Devi raises an eyebrow and pulls a crow bar out of the duffle bag that she had also confiscated on floor 75. Vicky grabs it, considers the door for a moment as if trying to decide where to wedge it open, then starts bashing the crowbar against the door. "OPEN GODDAMMIT!"
Johnny, having regained his composure, steps over and snatches the crowbar out of Vicky's hands with a scrutinizing look. Vicky grins sweetly and steps back as Nny jams the crowbar in between the doors and thrusts them open. The three peer out.
They are quite surprised by what lies before them. Behind the doors is a short, normal looking hallway with grey walls and four doors, one labeled 'STAIRS: Do Not Use Elevator in Case of Emergency.' The others were unmarked. Vicky and Nny exchange glances but Devi waltzes right in to the hallway and throws open the first door.
"A kitchen," Devi says with a cranky tone. "We went through ALL that for a fucking KITCHEN?!" Vicky and Nny follow Devi into the kitchen.
"Ooo, shiny…" Vicky comments. The kitchen is fairly good size, completely metallic, with lots of large metal pots and pans, a few good size stew pots sitting on the stove range. Devi opens the huge refrigerator.
"If you're thirsty, we're in luck! Lots of juice!" Devi growls sarcastically as she slams the door shut. Devi stops and stares at her reflection in the door.
*What the fuck is wrong with me?* She asks herself, wrestling her emotions inside her head.
Nny, deciding it best to leave Devi alone while she's on her warpath, crosses the hall to the second doorway. He peeks in the door but there's no light on and thus can't see a thing. His hand searches for a light switch however there is none to be found. He sighs, irritated, and flips open a lighter he gets from his back pocket. The little light that it sheds reveals a closet, covered in dust and cobwebs, obviously not used for a very long time.
"Hey want some Stay-Puft marshmallows?" Vicky asks, popping up behind Nny, clutching a bag she pilfered from the kitchen. He growls at her. "Jeeze, chill. Wait, Listen!" The two pause. "You smell something?"
Nny wrinkles his nose at the smell of the closet and moves the lighter closer to the shelves to see their contents. The word 'GASOLINE' on an open container comes into view.
"ACK!" Nny exclaims and quickly puts the light out. Vicky skips down the hall to the third doorway, leaving the other two behind. Nny steps out of the closet just as Devi returns from the kitchen. The two stop and stare at each other; Johnny opens his mouth to say something.
"HEY! Come check this out!" Vicky calls from the third doorway. Devi brushes past Nny and catches up to Vicky. "It's a stairway… I think it leads to the roof…" Vicky states the obvious as Nny joins the group.
The triage silently agrees and head up the short staircase, finding themselves on the roof of the office building. A balmy wind breezes through the dark night, as the sun has already set. Despite the modern looks of the building from the ground, the top is very old and gothic looking, all grey granite with strange looking statues guarding what looks to be a very large, stone doorway. As our three anti-heroes come closer, the stone creeks and moans under stress as the door swings inward. A bright light forces the three to shield their eyes momentarily till they adjust to the garish shine. Inside the doors and up a few decorative stairs is a huge, crystalline alter in front of a pyramid with a shadow sitting on a throne. A pair of red eyes glints from the pint sized shadow.
"QUIVER IN FEAR OF MY ALMIGHTY SUPERIORITY! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!" The shadow squeaks.
"You have got to be kidding me…" Devi says, looking in disbelief at the shadow.
"You in charge?" Vicky shouts.
"I SHALL ASK THE QUESTIONS HERE, MEATBAG!" The shadow commands. "ARE YOU A GOD?!"
"I'll take care of this," Nny says calmly and takes a step forward.
"We're screwed…" Vicky comments as Nny clears his throat.
"DO I FUCKING LOOK LIKE A GOD YOU CREEPY RED EYED GNOME THING?!" Nny shouts.
"JOHNNY!"
"What?"
"When some one asks if you're a god, YOU SAY YES!"
"THEN BEHOLD THE AWESOME POWER…OF THE MOOSE!!!" The shadow exclaims with an evil laugh. A spotlight comes up next to the chair and there stands a large, brown moose, calmly chewing on walnuts. Nny and Vicky shriek in horror.
"NOOOO!!! NOT THE MOOSE! ANYTHING BUT THE MOOSE!"
Devi stands staring at the cringing Nny and Vicky.
"Why me?" Devi asks herself.
"ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! Jeeze, you're no fun," The voice says and the moose disappears. "Then…um…let's see…THE TRAVELER HAS COME! Choose and perish!"
"What the hell do you mean by choose? What 'Traveler'?" Vicky asks, lost. "What happened to the moose?"
"CHOOSE! Choose the form of the DESTRUCTOR!" The shadow declares.
"Oh, I get it, very cute!" Devi pipes up. "Whatever we think of. If we think of J. Edgar Hoover, J. Edgar Hoover will appear and destroy us. So clear your heads, we've only got one shot at this."
"THE CHOICE IS MADE!"
"WHOA WHOA! WAIT A MINUTE!" Devi shouts.
"THE TRAVELLER HAS COME!"
"NOBODY CHOSE ANYTHING! Did you choose anything?" Devi turns to Vicky.
"My mind is totally blank," She replies.
"Yeah, that's obvious," Devi mumbles under her breath. "Well I didn't choose anything…" Devi pauses and her and Vicky turn to look at Nny.
"What?"
"Nny, what did you do?" Vicky asks.
"I didn't mean to, it just kind of popped in there!" He tries to defend himself.
"JOHNNY! WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Devi yells at him.
"I just got this really funny idea and…"
"Holy shit…" Vicky stares over Devi's shoulder. The other two turn to see what it is.
"BEWARE THE INVASION OF THE DISEASED BROCCILI! THE COWS ARE OUR ONLY HOPE! OINK!" A giant Happy Noodle Boy makes his way down Main Street, stepping on cars and knocking over various buildings.
"JOHNNY!" Devi screams.
~~~MEANWHILE…someplace else…~~~
(AN: The follow was borrowed from the 10 Funniest Things Heard in the Invader ZIM is Cancelled Meeting from www.revolutionsf.com.)
"Yes Master Lucifer, we shall cancel the show of your rival, Vasquez," A CEO says, turning off the speaker phone and looking to the rest of the executives sitting around the conference table. "Folks, it's time for us to get back to basics, to the core values on which this company was founded. No more wacky-icky shows by former underground cartoonists about unappealing alien invaders. From now on, they want entertainment; they have to put in a nickel to hear 'Yes, We Have No Bananas.' Right! Volunteers to tell Jhonen?"
"Cancel the show? I thought they were asking me 'Do you keep that crack pipe up your ass all day long!' " An executive interjects.
"But we've already invested in Hot Topic Merchandise! We're losing a key opportunity to turn Korn fans onto our upcoming The Rugrats Go to Hell feature!"
All of a sudden, the roof of the conference room comes crashing down, squashing all the executives into goo.
"THE TELLITUBBIES ATE MY HORSE, THE BASTARDS!" Happy Noodle Boy exclaims as he hops up and down on the office building.
"Ooooooookaaaaaay…" Vicky says, watching Happy Noodle Boy. Nny jumps up and down in pure joy.
"I wish I had thought of that!" Nny says, ecstatic that his creation had been given 'life'. Devi and Vicky exchange glances.
"JOHNNY! WE ARE GOING TO BE KILLED BY A FUCKING STICK FIGURE! DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!" Devi demands.
"Well, how are we supposed to kill a stick figure?" Vicky ponders. "I mean, all it is is paper and…" She's suddenly struck by a brilliant idea. Vicky exchanges a look with Nny and they grin identical evil grins.
"Devi you stay here! We'll be back in a sec!" Nny yells over his shoulder as he and Vicky run down the stairs. A few moment later, the two return, Vicky lugging the huge stew pot behind her filled with cans, Nny carrying multiple cans of gasoline.
"What the fuck are you people doing?" Devi asks as Nny starts pouring the gas into the pot and Vicky starts pouring the contents of the cans in with it.
"Did you know, that if you mix equal parts of gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate, you can make napalm?" Vicky asks matter of factly, holding up a can of frozen orange juice.
"Works with Styrofoam too!" Nny adds.
Devi sighs in defeat and stands by as Vicky and Johnny perfect their concoction. She looks over the side of the building.
"Um, guys, it's climbing up…" Devi taps Nny on the shoulder.
"THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE! GROOOOOAAAAR!!!" Happy Noodle Boy replies.
"Ok, ready! Dump it over the side!" Nny directs and he and Vicky do so. Noodle Boy screams in protest, pauses, then continues climbing up.
"That did a lot of good," Devi looks down in dismay.
"Ok, Nny, light it on fire," Vicky commands, looking over at Nny who holds his lighter in his hand.
"But, he's my baby…" Johnny looks down longingly at the giant stick figure. "All the mayhem he could reek, think of the advertis…"
"GIVE ME THAT!" Devi snatches the lighter, lights it, and tosses it down at the napalm drenched opponent. It screams as it lights on fire and falls off the building.
~~~MEANWHILE…~~~
"Hello and welcome today's edition of TRL with your host, Carson Daly!" The host exclaims and the pink clad crowd waves their homemade posters screaming their heads off as the god of teenyboppers makes his way on the stage.
"Hey there! This is Carson Daly!" A fresh wave of screaming sounds. "Today we have guest…"
CRASH!!! Happy Noodle Boy smashes into the building, squashing the entire crowd. After a few moments of smoldering, Happy Noodle Boy bursts into itty bitty pieces.
"YOU WRETCHED HUMAN!" The shadow screams at the group, reminding them that he was still there. Nny snatches a knife from seemingly nowhere and leaps up the stairs to the throne in a single bound. He picks up the little shadow, which turns out to be some green being with red eyes and antenna.
"What the hell are you?" Nny asks.
"I shall ask the ques…eek!" The thing starts, but Nny presses his knife against his throat.
"Now remember what 'Mom' said, Nny, PLAY NICE!" Vicky chirps from the bottom of the stairs. Devi taps her toe. Johnny, realizing that it probably wouldn't be the best idea to maim this creature in front of Devi, removes the knife but still holds on to it.
"Give me one good reason I shouldn't kill you," Nny says.
"Uh…I'm not the one who screwed your head up!" The green thing says, eyes still on the knife.
"What?"
"Yeah, the Boss, he's downstairs in the basement! It was him!"
"THAT DAMN BURGER BOY WAS RIGHT!" Nny screams, dropping the green thing and thundering down the stairs. "HE TRICKED ME!"
"Uh…how did he…"
"DON'T MESS WITH ME!" Nny exclaims, waving the knife and going down the second flight of stairs into the hallway. Devi rolls her eyes and follows.
"PATHETIC HUUUUUMAN!" The green guy says, hitting a big, red button. "Now the Boss knows you're on your way! BWAHAHAHAHA-" He's cut off by a dagger going through his back.
"Johnny won't kill you…" Vicky says, grasping the dagger she yanked out of her boot and grinning insanely. "But I will!"
"I'm not taking that fucking elevator!" Devi demands, standing by the stairway door.
"TWO HUNDRED FLIGHTS OF STAIRS!" Johnny yells back.
"I'M NOT TAKING THE ELEVATOR!"
"Chill children!" Vicky says, joining them, wiping some smudges off her face. "The elevator's broken, we trashed the wires, remember?"
"I'm not walking down two hundred flights of stairs!" Nny growls, giving her the evil eye.
"Then what are supposed to do, rappel down the side of the building?"
"Actually…"
"NO!" Devi screams and starts down the stairs. Vicky follows after and once again, Nny sighs and trudges along after them, carrying the duffle bag down with him.