Carols of 'Omade da Chrisumasu' filled the air and in every department store window stood a tree decorated with countless lights and ornaments. The month of December had arrived. Everyone's cheeks were pale, noses rosy, lips chapped, all the signs of a sudden switch to cold weather. Furry rimmed coats, hand-made scarves, leather gloves and mittens. I love the winter fashions. Most of them at least. It's a chic thing during winter break, to find that special someone. Christmas couples. Holding hands while ice skating, enjoying a hot mug of cocoa in front of a fire, making snowmen in a field and going on sleigh rides! That fashion disgusts me. Well, I just don't enjoy it. Mostly because it's a fashion I can never seem to grasp.
My name is Kasumi. An average fifteen year-old girl living in Tokyo. A vacationing Pokemon trainer. Taking a well deserved break from a long journey. I would go home to my sisters for the holidays, but we never really got along. So, I volunteered to work at an orphanage over the Christmas break. It'll be good karma, and plus, I always enjoyed little children. It'll be like the family I have but never appreciated me, in appreciative form.
That is where I am heading now. I glace down at the little slip of paper which held the address of Wee Angels Orphanage and continue down the busy street. Everybody was smiling and laughing while enjoying freshly made treats from the food stands. You could really tell Christmas was coming. I've heard this American term that Christmas is a Hallmark Holiday (whatever a hallmark is). 'It's only an excuse to burn out credit cards'. I don't think that's necessarily true. I'm really looking forward to getting the real Christmas spirit this year. And possibly spread it around the orphanage that I just arrived at.
It was a dank building, nothing spectacular or particularly new and fancy. You could tell that it has been in business for a good fifteen years. About four stories high with an old, rusty fire escape on the side. I go up the steps still laden with freshly fallen snow and knock three times on the large door. You could really hear the reverberation in the hallway within. A muffled voice of a woman came from inside calling, 'coming, coming'. Soon, the door opened a crack to reveal the face of the woman. She looked to be in her late forties.
"How may I help you, miss?"
"Kobon wa." I bow my head. "I'm Kasumi, ma'am. I signed up to help in the orphanage over Christmas."
"Ah, yes, yes!" The woman nods. "Come in, dear, come in. I didn't know you were going to be this young."
She takes me to an office in the main hallway. She seats herself behind a desk while I sit in front of it. Still smiling, she takes out a beige folder and flips through some of the papers inside.
"Here it is!" She takes out one of the papers and slides it across the smooth wood surface. "Put your seal at the bottom, please."
I take my stamp out of my purse and press it down in the correct box. I slide the paper back to her with a smile.
"I look forward to meeting the children." I say. "Are there any activities planned? I'm quite the fan of arts and crafts."
"Oh," The woman lets out. "Not with these hands."
She puts one hand in the other and squeezes. All the fingers crack.
"Terrible arthritis, you see." She finishes.
"I can conduct them by myself." I say hopefully.
The woman smiles. "Alright. Your room will be on the third floor next to the bathroom. That way you'll get first dibs in the morning." She laughs.
"Great." I reply.
"Oh, I never introduced myself. I apologize." The woman says. "I'm Saeko Shidai, but you may call me Oka."
"Oka?" I ask a little confused. "Why that?"
"That's what all the children call me and if you're the only one who didn't, they'd think you're only in it for the contract. They're smarter than they look, you know."
I laugh . "Okay, even though I'm not on contract. It's a volunteer job."
Oka shrugs. "You never know with them, especially the boys. Now, come. I shall show you the children."
Okay stands and starts to go up the stairs and I follow with my suitcase in hand. We stop on the second floor and you could start to hear the chatter of little girls. We go into the room at the far end of the hall and are instantly greeted by seven pairs of eyes. I surely felt on the spot.
"This is our girls over five-years ward." Oka introduces. "Everybody, meet Kasumi. She'll be helping us around the holidays."
"Hello, Kasumi." All the older girls say.
"I'll leave you here for now to get acquainted. You'll meet the boys and the younger ones later." Oka says and leaves.
I look around at all the young faces and couldn't help but feel intimidated. One of the girls with long brown hair and green eyes came up to me. She looked to be about 6 years-old.
"Hi. My name is Ukyo. Are you our new Oka-san?"
I squat down so I'm at eye level with her. "Hello, Ukyo, and no, I'm not your new Oka-san. Though I do wish I could be your new Onne-san."
"Onne?" Ukyo tilts her head, and then smiles. "I'd like that."
"Great." I smile back.
All the other girls finally come up to me and tell me their names. Other than Ukyo, there was: Miki, Akane, Minako, Shigura, Yukino, and Tsunami, all ranging from five to eleven years old. The eleven year old was Shigura. She didn't seem too happy with me. I don't blame her. She was the oldest until I came, so she was in charge then. I knew I'd have to work to be friends with her. Later that day, I got to meet the older boys. There were strangely only seven of them too. None, it looked like, were at all happy to meet me. Eh, they were boys, what was I expecting? They did tell me their names though. Hiro, Keitaro, Miroku, Ryoko, Jin, Ginta, and Daisuke. Miroku was the oldest at fourteen. That was intimidating.
Later that night, all of the older children, boys and girls, got together in the living area on the third floor. Oka was there with a bunch of paper in her arms and a box of envelopes on the floor. She was wearing her usual old smile.
"Alright children. Seeing it's December, we are going to write letters to Santa Claus."
Some of the younger kids smile or cheer. Oka passes out the paper and envelopes. I was sitting next to Ukyo and Tsunami, both six years old, and they were already talking about what they were going to write to Santa. Oka then came around with one of those cameras where the pictures pop out right after you take it, and took a picture of every child. Including me.
"You can put your picture into the letter so Santa will have his own copy." Oka said.
"Kasumi Onne-chan," Ukyo calls.
"Yes?" I reply.
"What's the Pokemon's name that looks like a little plant? Blue body with leaves coming out of its head?" Ukyo asks.
"Nazunokusa?"
"Yeah, that's it." Ukyo smiles and writes that on her wish list. "I've always dreamed of becoming a Pokemon trainer."
"I'm one myself."
"Honto?!" Ukyo asks with bright eyes. "What ones? May I see them?"
I smile at her enthusiasim. "I'm a water master and you can see them any time you want. Except for now. You have to finish your letter to Santa."
"But you haven't evne started yours, Kasumi Onne-chan." Ukyo ponits to the blank piece of paper on my lap. "Aren't you going to ask for something?"
Tsunami pokes her head over. "Don't you want any Christmas Presents?" She had Karakara on her list.
I knew that a Santa Claus didn't really exist; so why write a letter to the post office only to have them throw it away? it was a waste of time. Ukyo smiled at me and Tsunami handed me the pen she was using. Well, I promised myself that I would try to spread the Christmas cheer around this year. Even if it was fake. I look the pen and started to write.
Dear Santa Claus,
My whole life I always had a hole in myself. I never knew my father, my mother passed away whne I was six, and I was always resented by my three sisters (all older). So, for this Christmas, what I want more than anything is to have this hole filled. If possible, send me that special someone. Someone who will love me for me and who doesn't force it because of blood relations. This Christmas, I wish to find my true love.
Love eternally, Kasumi
P.s. for this request: suki ni shiro. I know well enough that love is not something you can buy or receive in a wrapped box. You have to search for yourself.
I handed Tsunami back her pen.
"What did you write?" Miki, who was sitting in front of me on the floor, asked.
"It's a little private." I fold the paper in half.
"We won't laugh at you for it." Ukyo says.
"Yeah." Miki agrees. "We all know that Santa can't give us Pokemon, but we asked anyway. Your wish couldn't' be as silly as ours."
"I think it might be, and I'm not sure you'd understand at your age." I reply, trying to sound nice.
Shigura comes up to me and takes the paper from my lap and unfolds it. Her eyes moved from side to side as she read. She then looked up at me with her deep gray eyes.
"It may be silly, but at least you have the common sense to know you won't get it unless you search for yourself."
She hands me back my letter.
"Arigatou, Shigura-san." I say, feeling somewhat accepted by her.
Shigura turns and smiles back at me. "Your wish isn't silly. I asked for my brother back. Everyone knows damn well it isn't going to happen."
"Where is he?" I ask.
Shigura's face turns a little cold. "Tsutomu died in the fire that killed my parents. That fire is why I'm here."
"Gomenasai." I say quickly, not wanting to resurrect bad memories.
"Iie." Shigura shakes her head. "I'm over it. After all, it happened four years ago."
Shigura hands Oka her letter and leaves the living area. I truly felt sorry for her. She lost everything in a matter of minutes. Did she have a chance to say good-bye? I at least got to old my mother's hand on her death bed and tell her I loved her. I didn't quite understand the concept of dying when I was that young. Shigura would have been around seven when the fire happened. Did she comprehend death then? Is death ever truly real for anybody? I suppose it's only real … for the dead. Still, nobody should have to deal with death around Christmas. Christmas is a time of birth. It's a celebration of birth after all.
Later that night, Oka asked me to bring all of the letters the kids wrote to Santa down to the post office. It had started to snow again. Huge and scarce clumps fell from the gray mass above. They were so light and fluffy that they melted the second they hit the heat of skin. I passed a man dressed as Santa on a corner, ringing a bell for charity. I drop my pocket change into the bucket and continue my way. I was doing all the right things for Christmas spirit, but I still felt like I was doing it wrong. Cheer couldn't be felt in the thickness of the air. The lights felt dull and dim and lacking life. Nothing was bright. All was drenched in this holy silence. I felt as if I breathed too loud, I would disturb something. My boots continued to crunch on the snow as the trek to the post office dragged on.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Japanese romanji translations (in order of appearance):
Omade da Chrisumasu – We Wish you a Merry Christmas
Kobon wa – Good Evening
Oka – Mother
Onne – Sister
Honto – Really(?)
Suki ni shiro – Do as you like
Arigatou – Thank You
Gomenasai – I'm sorry
Iie – don't worry about it/ not at all