Title: The Overwhelming Reality

Author: Dwell_In_Me

Disclaimer: Squaresoft owns the characters portrayed in this story…well not all of them..

Dedication: This is dedicated to my girlfriend, Allison, who I love more than anything.

Author's Notes: Chapter 2 iz in da house!!! *cough* Just go read it!!!! Oh, and don't forget to review!!!!!

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Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Go to sleep. My body flails wildly in my bed. I can't go to sleep. It feels as of my eyes are glued open. I grunt as I turn again to lie on my back. The sounds of thrashing and yelling fill my ears. That Seifer kid never seems to calm down, all he does is yell and cry and have tantrums. Goddamned psychopath.

I was just assigned a roommate today. Some girl. Her name is Julia. Hey, I didn't even think I'd remember that. But, she has a drug problem I think, she says that everything that she's tried, she's gotten addicted to it. Well, that's all I remember her telling me. She's not that bad…I guess…well, she's not annoying anyways. She keeps her space and I keep mine… I look over to her. Her purple streaked hair is disheveled over her pillows. Her skin is very pale and she's sleeping. How can she sleep with all this noise, I wonder. But what am I rambling about, I wish I could just get into bed and go to sleep. I've never been able to do that, never. Even since my first day. And here's a side note to you all, don't count sheep. That shit doesn't work. Fuck whoever said that. I look out into the hallway from my bed and see two nurses running down the hallway. Maybe he does that for attention…yeah, I bet that's it. Maybe he thought he'd get more attention if he was crazy…Fuck, but he could at least chill out sometimes. I hear the rustling of bed sheets and turn over to see Julia's eyes on me. She smiles. I just stared. I wanted to smile back, but I guess it's been a while since I've done it, I didn't actually think I still knew how. I guess she understands though. She arches her neck and looks out the door also.

"Who is that?" her voice is soft, gentle even. I clear my throat and sit there for a second until I finally open my mouth.

"Seifer…"

"That blond guy that went nuts today at lunch?" she asks.

I nod.

"Is he, like, a schizophrenic?" her eyebrow wrinkles as the question sits between us.

"I don't know…" the roughness in my voice caught my attention. I didn't mean for it to sound the way it did. I could tell she was probably annoyed with me now, saying how, she turned away. I should have apologized and told her that it wasn't supposed to sound the way it did. But fuck her, I don't have to apologize to anyone…especially her.

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My therapist looks on to me before offering a smile through his gray bread " How are you feeling today, Squall?" he asks. This is always his first question.

I nod, helplessly. My eyes trail to the floor. He folds his arms across his chest and clears his throat.

"I talked to your mother today." he smiles. I looked at him in disgust and returned my eyes to the floor. I noticed a yellow stain in the carpet. I turned my head slightly, it's weird…the stain resembled one of those pokèmon things. I bit my lip before brushing a piece of hair from my face and looking at him through my eyelashes. By this time he'd shut up and was staring at me from his desk. "Shall we continue?" he grumbled. I nod. "I talked to your mother today." he started again. "She said that she will be visiting you on Friday." he paused shortly, before proceeding. "She says that she has some important news for you and she specifically asked me not to tell you anything except, to await her arrival."

"I don't want to see her." It came out as simply as it sounds. And I was damn serious.

"And why not?" his eyebrows furrowed.

"I just don't want to!" a tear formed in the corner of my eye.

I breathe deeply before slouching against the cold leather of the sofa.

I hadn't seen my mom since I was 11. She'd left me and my dad, Laguna, needing to "find" herself. She came back in my life just last year after my 17th birthday, and I showed her right off the back, that I wanted nothing to do with her, but she was so persistent to the point where she would try and force me to talk to her. I wouldn't. So, she'd get mad and start to cry. I showed no regret. It actually got to the point where I relished in her self-pity. I know it sounds mean, but it made me feel great. It showed her how I'd felt when she left. The burning craving to die had always been in my system, since the first day she left. But I made a promise to myself that the only time a blade would touch my skin was when I decided that it was the end. I wasn't gonna walk around with scars on my arms so someone could feel sorry for me, that's the last fucking thing I wanted. When it got to the point that I was going to die, I'd be sure to do it in the exact places, for a quick death.

And I remember the night I decided to end my life, January 25, 2003...It was my mom's birthday. That'd show her.

*Flashback*

"Squall, your mother and I will be back later tonight," my dad yelled from downstairs, "We left the number to the restaurant on the fridge." I heard muffled laughing from downstairs. Seconds later I heard the door slam closed and the engine of the car start.

"Whatever." the words slipped out softly as I sat up in my bed, the trusty blade clutched in my white knuckles. My heart rate hitched and an effervescent feeling appeared in the back of my throat. This was it. I bit my bottom lip as I placed the cold blade against my wrist. I sank the blade deeply into the middle area of my wrist and watched as the crimson fluid flowed from underneath it. The blade slid slowly across my wrist again. A tingly feeling ran across my scalp and the wound slowly bubbled. With another quick swipe, my skin became red. The tingle arches across my scalp again. The floor tipped up and my body coiled away. The perfect, straight line of blood came up from under the edge of the blade. The line began to swell forming a long, fat bubble. Then it burst, and when it did, I felt great. Relieved. Then exhausted…

The colors of red, blue, and white lights filled my nearly open eyes. The blaring siren roared as the doors of the ambulance closed tightly. A hand floated tightly around mine as a breathing mask was placed on my face. My eyes drifted close. I don't remember anything that happened after that except when my eyes opened as my dad rushed to my side.

Through tears and sniffling, his broad hand slipped across my face to brush the hair from my eyes. "You're awake." he smiled. He bent down and kissed my forehead. He sniffed once more before gripping my hand and holding it there. My eyes drifted to my arms as I noticed the IV's placed into my veins, and the bandages around my scars. My head fell back onto the pillow as I stared at the ceiling. Operation: Suicide, definitely didn't work out. I cursed myself for not dying. That's all I wanted. Peace. Solitude. The Eternal Existence of Hell. Is that too much to ask?? "Are you feeling okay?" the question disheveled my recent thoughts. I nodded. A smile arched across his thin lips as he kissed my hand.

My days in the infirmary. A month and a half to be exact, felt like hell. I was awakened with the sweet endowments. The visits from old friends, and a long awaited visit from my mom. I wanted her to see me like this. I wanted her to see what she had done. I wanted her to bawl her fucking eyes out. But, not the slightest sign of remorse filled her expressions. "What the hell where you thinking?!?!" she snapped. "What the fuck would make you do this?"… "Fucking answer me," she demanded. "You fucking slice your fucking arms and you want fucking sympathy?" he had to be escorted out of my room by my dad and a few others. Those were the last words I heard from my mother. I couldn't speak. I was frozen by her words. She nearly scared me. The harshness of her tone made me want to cry. It added on to my longing to be somewhere else. I had to die.

*End Flashback*

Author's Notes: Super! You guy's actually like this…gee, wasn't expecting that…but it's good! It's way good! Wow, redrum actually reviewed me! I feel grand!!! Hmm…and you asked something about switching POV's…well, I kinda had a reason that I was sticking to Squall's POV…but you'll learn about Seifer soon enough!!! ^_^ …and sorry this chapter wasn't cool enough, I just had to get the Squall situation out of the way…ya know, for a better understanding of him and the reason he is he way he is and where he is. Uh, Chapter 3 is coming soon, I missed Seifer in this chapter. My girlfriend is actually mad that I do. I pay more attention to him that I do to her… yeah, I'm naughty!!! *licks lips* mmm…Seifer…uh, so like expect more of Seifer in the next chapter…you'll understand his situation and know a little more about the crazed teen. But like I said, I have a reason I'm sticking to Squall.

Me: So, go review!!! you know you want to!!! Worship me!!!!!

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Me: *cough* I suck! *huddles up in a corner and cries*