Title: The Overwhelming Reality
Author: Dwell_In_Me
Disclaimer: Squaresoft owns the characters portrayed in this story…well not all of them..
Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to you! You guys are really what makes this worth doing…
Author's Notes: Oh, hey you guys, sorry for the long wait, my pc was down…but it's up now and here's Chapter 3...and well, enjoy…please! ^_^
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It was Thursday. One day before my mom was coming. I had spent most of the day in Study Hall. That's where I usually spend my time after medication. It's about the only place that you can get quiet. Throughout the hallways where our rooms are there is screaming constantly. During Group Therapy it can get pretty quiet until some bastard breaks down and starts crying. There were signs all over the classroom styled room that read things like "Silence is Golden" and "Respect others silence" A couple of other people sat in the room with me including Mrs. LaBarthe, she was the woman who watched us until it was lunch or until whatever. She was a pale middle age woman. She wore glasses that hung on her nose. Her head was always buried in GQ magazines. I liked her though. She was nice. I didn't mind her. She never tried to force me to talk.
I returned my attention to a book that I'd picked up from the shelf. It was called "The Picture of Dorian Gray" by Oscar Wilde. It was rather interesting. I liked the authors style. My thoughts were scattered as I felt a sharp poke in my side. I turned to meet the eyes of a smiling boy. "What?" I whispered, eyebrows furrowed.
"Would you mind passing this letter to Hayden?" he asked holding a folded piece of paper before me. I hesitantly took the paper from his hands and turned back around. I looked over to Hayden. I only knew him because we both went to high school together. I was surprised to see him here. He had been missing from my 4th period math class for a while, until I found he was just as crazy as me. His walkman was placed over his ears. I didn't know how I was going to get his attention. My first idea was to cough, but I thought that that might cause to much attention. I was out of ideas. I turned back to the boy behind me and hunched my shoulders. "Here." he said passing me his pencil. "Poke him." I sighed in disgust. I took the pencil from his hand and reached over to Hayden. The pencil touched his back slightly. I scooted my desk a little closer and nudged him in the back.
"What the fuck?!" he yelled taking the headphones from his ears and looking back to me.
"Is there a problem boys?" Mrs. LaBarthe asked, looking up from her magazine.
I stared at the situation briefly before shaking my head. She gave us one last look before returning to her magazine.
"Here." I rolled my eyes, passing the folded note to Hayden. He took it and turned back to his seat, placing the headphones back over his ears. I returned my head to my book.
"Thanks." I heard faintly behind me.
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Group Therapy. I walk into the room and float to the back to take a seat in the far corner. A few others walk into the room and take their normal seats. Bryan, the "group leader" takes a seat in the middle of the room, right in the depths of the boys. A few loud yawns and grunts adjust the mood as a bright smile crawls over Bryan's face.
"How are we all doing today?" he asks giddily. His voice annoys me. He's always so fucking perky. A couple of people giggle. "Anyone?" he glances over everyone. He clears his throat. "Boys, we have someone new that will be joining us today," a sign of seriousness slipped over his face. He arose from his seat and walked over to the door. "Come in." he outstretched an arm outside the door. From the shadows of the dimly lit hallway, a shy blond stepped into the room. A few of the boys gasped, I was shocked by the expression of surprise that also spread across my face. I'm not scared of him, it's just he's looks pretty scary. A grin slides across his face as he walks past the boys, their eyes following his every step. "Ahem." our eyes fall back to Bryan. "Boys, I'd like you to meet, Seifer Almasy." some boys looked back and gave him a polite grin, others did nothing, I…I just looked at him. "We are only going to try this for today, but I'd like you to show respect to Seifer, and treat him as you want to be treated. Remember the golden rule:" oh god, shut the fuck up. His voice falls in, the normal lisp accompanying it. "Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you." oh brother. "So! Let's get started…" My eyes float over to Seifer, he seems normal, sitting in the far back, hands placed motionless on his knees. I look over the room and just as people tend to group up in issues. The same goes in for group therapy. I'm not sure where Seifer fit in, but it's not like I actually cared either. A small cough makes me look over to him, a smile spreads over his thin lips. I turn away "Depression is not a good feeling, and I know that many of you know that. It makes you feel like you're nothing, it eats at your soul until…" I could have sworn that he's said all this before. 'There's light my friends, There's light' watch. "…you may just feel like giving up…but, There's light my friends, There's light" Bryan's says the same exact fucking words. I don't know what possessed my next move, but, I turned back to Seifer. The same grin that was placed on his face just a while ago reappeared. What the fuck is he smirking so fucking much for. "Our goal here, is to enhance your understanding of depression and give you alternatives to dealing with it. Like for instance, Luke, what's an alternative way that you could deal with depression."
Luke's like me. I mean, he's a cutter. He doesn't talk much and keeps to himself. I guess where all like that. Luke looks towards the ceiling and pretends to think. "Running" he says lowly. Just loud enough for us to hear him.
"Yes, running. Studies show while that running or walking, there's this nerve inside your brain that makes it impossible to feel depressed while doing them. So, like Luke said, there's running, and would anyone else like to tell another example?" Bryan scans the room. "Todd?" The hefty boy looks up from his seat. "Would you give us an example?"
"I dunno" he coughs.
"Could you try?" Bryan asks, bending slightly to meet the boy's eyes.
"No." Todd answers simply
"Okay…we're not going to force anyone to talk. So, we've already established that running is an alternative. There's more, like, throwing a pillow against the wall, and even yelling. It helps."
"Hmph." Seifer grunts. I don't know why but everyone turns to him.
"Do you disagree with something, Seifer?" Bryan asks. As shocked as anyone that the blond actually said something. Not that he said anything. But just to hear him make that noise, whoa. I'm so fucking stupid, huh?
"Well…" the blond speaks. "Not really."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah."
"Really?"
"I said I don't wanna fucking say anything." Seifer retorts. His tone suddenly changing.
Bryan backs away and continues with his lecture. I look back over to Seifer. His face seems a bit redder. He raises his head and meets my eyes. I turn away. Never to meet his eyes again.
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"Fuck you, you fucking fuck!"
"Well, so-hor-ry!"
"You're such a dick."
"Did you hear about Mikey?…"
The cafeteria is crowded, like always. People rambling on about meaningless shit. I refused to let myself get involved with any of it. I was fine sitting at lunch alone. Julia sat with me the day before. But like my psycho-doctor, she eventually got tired of me not answering her so she gave up and went away. I didn't want to treat her and any others the way that I did, It's just I didn't know how. I spent all my days in high school as an outcast. I was nothing like the others. They were always all happy and jolly. It sickened me. I remember sitting at home and thinking about how I wanted to bring a gun to school and blow their fucking brains out. I was that damn serious. Not about blowing their brains out…just hating them and wanting them dead. The institution, I'd say, is just like school, only here, there are others like me. But yet, I can't even relate to them. Not that I try or anything, but it seems as if I can't even fit in with my own kind. But fuck it. And fuck them and they're screwed up lives.
I glance over to the cafeteria line and it seems as if a slight case of déjà vu hits me. I noticed Seifer. His two trusty escorts following behind him. One eyeing him intensively, the other rubbing the bandages that adorned his arm from the accident that happened two days ago. Like before, the blond picks up the plastic containers and places it onto his dish. He must have stabbed that fork pretty deep, but how I wonder. Well, he does seem pretty strong. I also wonder what that attitude problem was that he pulled in group today. And again, he seems normal, but remember, he did stab a fucking fork into somebody's arm and caused a whole shitload of other trouble in the phase of 10 minutes. So, yeah…it doesn't really matter. Wait, why the fuck am I worrying about him anyways. I gotta keep reminding myself that I don't give two flying fucks about the psycho-bastard. Fuck him. He glances over the cafeteria, the table that he'd sat to before was taken, so his escorts took it upon their selves to seat him. The taller one took him by the arm, only for it to be jerked away. Instead he just walked in front of the blond leading him to a table. A table placed only inches away from mine. I began to feel tense I don't know why. Maybe it was because I felt that if he were to have one of his episodes again, that this time I'd be caught in the middle. And that's the last fucking thing I wanted. I would have gotten up and moved to another table. But that would be rude. So, I just decided to stay put. I watched as he took a seat on the opposite of the table placing his tray neatly on the table. His escort sitting either side of him. I watched as he picked up his fork from the tray and placed it into his food. He dropped it suddenly and I found him looking into my own eyes. I didn't know what to do. His eyes were locked on mine and mine on his. He took his thick bottom lips into his mouth and then licked his lips. I was hooked. I watched as his big hand came up from the table, as he raised his crooked middle finger at me. A bright smile spread across his lips. And that picture of his smile would stay locked in my head forever.
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(to be continued)
A/N: So, here ya have it, another chapter, thank you guys so much for the reviews. I'd like to give a shout out to FF9 Zidane, redrum, and DarkOne101...you guys are the best, and thank you to everyone else that so generously reviewed my story. So keep reviewing and I'll keep posting…thankies!!