Chapter Two: Lots of Cuddly Friendly Squid Agent Thingies…With Super Twin Death Action!
Trinity leapt out of the window, turning and firing her guns after her. Aphrodite leapt after her, grabbing her and throwing her through a window to the side, saving her life. Then an Agent shot the rebel. Aphrodite fell to the ground and crashed into a car.
"NO!!!!!!" yelled Neo, waking up."
"Did you wet the bed again?" asked Trinity.
"No…I had a bad dream."
"The one with the clowns?"
"No."
"The one with the beavers and ducks?"
"No."
"The one with Priscilla?"
"NO! It was a new one!"
"What was it about?"
"You…dieing."
"Oh, I'm sure it was nothing."
Aphrodite woke up and walked into the galley of the Aphrodite, which was what Morpheus had named the ship after she had been unplugged. She grabbed one of the chickens she had brought back to life with her beautiful voice and forced it to lay eggs, quickly cooking those up for the crew. Then, when she was sure no one was looking, she crushed up Advil tablets in the eggs.
Salmonella entered the galley and began cooking some eggs too. Aphrodite glared at her.
"I am the egg cooker on this ship," she said menacingly. Salmonella just ignored her, flinging her long hair over her shoulder as many strands fell into the cooking eggs. Aphrodite took careful aim and hit Salmonella in the back with a raw egg. It splattered into pieces all over Neo's daughter's back.
Salmonella screamed and threw two eggs at Aphrodite, who held up her hand and stopped them. Then electricity flowed from her hands and the cooking equipment shut down.
"How did you do that?" Salmonella asked. Aphrodite shrugged and hung a spoon from her nose. Salmonella laughed as she juggled fifteen eggs.
The crew sat down to eat dinner. Link, Tank, Morpheus, Neo, Trinity, Aphrodite, and Salmonella were all there. Link and Tank were whispering furiously to each other about Aphrodite. Suddenly, Link stood up and stabbed Tank in the throat with his spork. Tank fell to the floor, convulsing. Everyone laughed.
"At least it will explain my presence," Link said bashfully. Everyone laughed again. Neo gagged and removed a hairball from his eggs. Salmonella blushed in embarrassment.
"Excellent eggs," Neo managed to choke out, not wanting to damage his daughter's feelings. Salmonella smiled. Trinity ate a large forkful of her eggs and suddenly gagged, clutching her throat and falling to the floor, out cold.
"What happened?" Neo asked.
"Probably too much food in one bite," Aphrodite said casually. "Serves her right for being a pig."
Neo nodded, staring at Aphrodite with unconcealed admiration. Across the table, Link and Morpheus were busy admiring Salmonella. Neo glared at his captain.
Morpheus snapped out of his state. "Uh…meeting time."
Niobe dropped a group of papers on the table.
"The machines are digging. It's amazing they didn't think of this sooner."
The rebels around her muttered agreement.
"It's amazing we never figured out some sort of defense to act against this," Morpheus said, entering the room. As everyone turned to take in the beauty of Aphrodite and Salmonella, Niobe gave Morpheus the finger behind their backs.
"And also to you, Niobe," said Morpheus, bowing slightly. Everyone laughed. Neo suddenly had a strange feeling and went upstairs, Aphrodite and Salmonella trailing after him.
"Someone has to stay here and wait for the Oracle," Morpheus explained. Everyone laughed again.
"No, I'm serious."
"How did you know someone was here?" the guard asked Neo as he came up the stairs.
"Aphrodite has psychic powers," he said. "She told me."
"I see."
"Agents are coming," Aphrodite said. "Run, I'll hold them off until you can escape."
"Thank you, Aphrodite," said Salmonella, running back downstairs. Neo leaned in close to Aphrodite.
"You don't have to do this," he said.
"I do," Aphrodite explained quietly. Neo nodded sadly and walked slowly downstairs.
The door began to break down.
Neo opened his eyes on board the Neebuchaneezer. He rushed over to the screens to see what was happening. Morpheus, however stood in his way, grumbling.
"Stupid infidels…fear my wrath…Zion my ass…"
"What?"
"Oh, none of them would stay to talk to the Oracle. So we have to do it ourselves."
"But what's happening with Aphrodite?"
"She's still inside?"
'YES!" Neo yelled, pushing Morpheus out of the way. Aphrodite was
bleeding from many wounds. Fifteen Agents lay on the floor around her. The final
Agent lifted his gun and fired, hitting her in the chest. She stumbled
backwards.
"NO!" Neo yelled, rushing over to her chair. He grabbed a defibrillator and shocked her twice.
"NO! Don't die on me, dammit!"
He shocked her again, then leaned in to kiss her. She suddenly opened her eyes.
"Neo…" she said weakly. He cried in relief. Her hand found his, and they kissed passionately.
Neo entered Chinatown and made his way to Seraph's house. He walked inside and bowed to the program.
"I can take you to see the Oracle," Seraph said. "But first, I must apologize."
"For what?"
"For…this." Seraph leapt forward at Neo, but Salmonella came rushing in and slammed into him, knocking him out through a wall. Seraph fell still.
"You…killed…him…" Neo said in shock. Salmonella sighed. "I've killed before, Dad. I'm not as naïve as you think."
Neo smiled. She's so naïve. She thinks I think she's naïve.
Neo and Salmonella walked into the Oracle's presence. The Oracle looked past them, as if searching for someone.
"You didn't bring Aphrodite, did you? Great. Okay then, sit down, Neo. Salmonella, you go stand in the corner."
"But I don't wanna sit down," Neo whined as Salmonella obediently walked away.
"Then stand."
"But I want to sit down!"
"Then sit down!"
"I don't want to stand."
"SIT DOWN!" the Oracle yelled. "God, I'd forgotten how dumb you are."
Neo sat down. The Oracle took out a piece of candy and offered one to him.
"Do you already know if I'm going to take it?" he asked sarcastically. She nodded.
"Then…predict this!" he yelled, slapping her hand aside.
"I knew you were going to do that," she said calmly.
"What about this?" Neo yelled, smacking himself. The Oracle rolled her eyes and nodded. Neo drew his gun and shot some ravens. The Oracle sighed and nodded again, getting up from the bench. Neo climbed onto it and stood, jumping at the Oracle. She sidestepped while nodding.
"That's it, I'm leaving."
She left. Ravens suddenly started cawing and flapping their wings. Smith suddenly comes walking up.
"Mister Anderson…"
"Dad! How'd you get back?"
Smith looked confused. "I don't know…I just saw myself in Reloaded previews and here I was, without any explanation whatsoever."
"Congratulations."
"Thank you. But, as we well know, experiences can be deceiving, which brings us back to the reason why we're here…"
Neo got distracted and started chasing a pretty butterfly.
"Mister Anderson, pay attention!"
"What? I have a short attention span."
"Yes, I know."
"Are you still talking about that?"
"That's it, Mister Anderson!" Smith yelled. Suddenly, thousands of Smith copies swarmed in through doors. Salmonella screamed and ran for an exit. She bravely offered it to Neo first, and his vanished.
Smith shot the phone, instead of shooting Salmonella and killing her. Suddenly, Aphrodite appeared.
"How did you get back to fighting form so quickly?" Salmonella asked.
Aphrodite smiled sweetly. "It's a new medicine called Lotpay Eviceday. You should try it."
The two began fighting the Smiths. At a lull in the battle, they found themselves facing each other.
"I have slew seventeen," Salmonella said.
"Then we are even," said Aphrodite as a new wave appeared.
When Aphrodite had slain two hundred and Salmonella killed the last one with a yo-yo, they exited the Matrix.
The crew of the Neverspelledright walked into the Merovingian's restaurant. They were led to the table where the Merovingian and his wife sat eating. Aphrodite greeted the Twins, kissing them both.
"How do you know them?" Morpheus asked solemnly. She proceeded to tell her tale.
"I knew them from long ago, or they killed my parents, or the Merovingian created me, I forgot. Then we met again, because of my special powers. Even though they are programs, they fell in love with me. And even though they are essentially one mind, they fought over me. One won and the other lost. And then I got unplugged."
"We owe you for that," one of the Twins said, stabbing his hand with a knife and then phasing.
"Just like new," he said to his Twin, showing his hand. The other one rolled his eyes.
"Yes, we all are amazed by your memorization of your simple trademark lines and how you manage to work them into everything you say."
"Can we move along?"
"God, I want a new Twin. I am getting so sick of you."
"We owe you for that."
"SHUT UP!" Twin One shot Twin Two. Two phased and came back to life.
"Just like new!"
One glowed red. A vein in his head throbbed. Then he exploded, showering blood and gore over everyone at the table.
Neo sat down across from the Merovingian. The Frenchman laughed and started blabbering onward. Aphrodite got bored and wandered off, victim of ADHD. Morpheus fell asleep. Salmonella started chatting with Persephone and the two became fast friends. Neo stared at the Merovingian in rapt attention.
After about an hour, Neo asked, "Wait, I'm confused. Was the police officer lying or what?"
"Huh? Haven't you been listening?"
"Sorry, when I get bored I stop listening."
"Where is everyone, anyway?"
Morpheus had vanished. Aphrodite had wandered and found the Keymaker and had already exited the Matrix. Salmonella and Persephone had taped a "kick me" sign to the Merovingian's back and were laughing hard. Morpheus had disappeared.
Twin Two walked over. "Can we move along? Just like new. We owe you for that."
Neo got up and left. "Honey, come on."
"But Dad…I want to sleep over with Persephone."
"No. Come now or you're grounded."
"Fine," sighed Salmonella, getting up and following Neo out of the Matrix.
Salmonella quickly destroyed the power plant.
Aphrodite hacked into the system and disabled the electricity backup. Then, having a vision of disaster, she took off and flew towards Neo.
Neo entered the main hallway after the Keymaker and walked towards the Source. Smith came out of the hallway.
"Mister Anderson! Without your girls, you are nothing."
"Not so fast, Smith!"
Aphrodite was suddenly there in her dazzling beauty. She began killing the Smiths. Neo was so distracted by her that he didn't notice as two Smiths took over Morpheus. The rebel captain soon became a Smith clone.
Aphrodite finished killing the Smiths, including Morpheus, and the two rebels walked into the Architect's room.
Salmonella dashed towards Trinity and caught her, throwing her through a window and back into the building. An Agent fired, hitting Salmonella. Neo's daughter crashed into a car and woke up outside the Matrix.
The Architect was an old white man wearing a thong on his head and nothing else. He started talking to Neo.
"Concordantly, ergo, vis a vis," he said. Neo just stared blankly. The Architect sighed and said, "Inherent, systemic." Neo gaped.
Aphrodite walked forward and kicked the Architect's ass. Neo thanked her, and with his puppy dog eyes she just couldn't resist petting him.
"Let's go," she said, morphing into a vulture and carrying him from the building in her claws. He fell asleep and stared snoring. They all woke up back on board the Noonereadsthisanyway.
"Morpheus?" Neo asked.
"Dead," Link said. "But he died to save Aphrodite…sort of. So it's good."
"Yes," Neo agreed. Suddenly, Aphrodite stopped them.
"A bomb is coming," she said. They all ran off the ship, but as they left Aphrodite slammed the door on Trinity and locked it from the outside.
The bomb streaked forward and struck the ship, destroying it. Sentinels swarmed towards them.
"We'll never make it!" Neo yelled, running and hiding under a rock. Link shrieked like a little girl. Aphrodite clasped hands with Salmonella, and they both yelled in rage at the same time. Their pure, good, light spirits rushed from their bodies and enveloped the Sentinels, bringing them to the ground. Unfortunately, the power and light was too pure to be contained in mortal bodies, and both fell to the ground in a coma.