A/N: Chapter 2. Yep. Betcha never thought I'd do it. But I did, so HAHAHA!!!!! Hopefully I'll be able to update frequently with how I'm writing this, and I hope this chapter is funnier than the last! You know what? I'm gonna write two scenes in one chapter now since the last one was pretty short. Yay! Oh, and it took me so long to put this up because I went to Seaworld on Friday, which apparently doesn't matter now since FF.Net was down then and...uhhh....stuff.
And thanks to my reviewers!
Ashy: Yes, yes, I know it's scary. And you better go check the phone book for the phone number to Ripley's.
Rere: Yay, you decided to read it! AND you found it funny! Hurrah!
Nightwriter and Bob: Thanks! Of course, you had to like the dead characters...someone does!
raven612: Thank you much! And here ya go, chapter 2 is here!
Stormhawk: Glad you liked it so much!
Hobbit-eyes: YAY! I got a really awesome super cool positive review from the funniest parodyer in the Matrix section of FF.Net! HURRAY FOR MEEEEEEEE! I feel so special! Uhh...yeah, okay, here's chapter 2. And I'm waiting for chapter 7 of your parody. I found it hard to write mine since I started after reading yours and I found it pretty hard to make original stuff...uhh...right...
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Chapter 2
AGENT JIMMY AND A BUNCHA COPS ARE WALKING THROUGH THE HOTEL DOORS SEMI-MENACINGLY.
CUT TO: UPSTAIRS, WHERE TRINITY IS FREAKED OUT AND TALKING TO A MYSTERY PERSON ON HER NIFTY CELL PHONE.
TRINITY: Morpheus, I'm freaked out. The line was traced. I don't know how. They may have used a ruler.
MORPHEUS: Yes, I know. They cut the hard line. Why couldn't they have cut the soft line instead?
TRINITY: Morpheus...are you smoking that stuff Mouse gave you?
MORPHEUS: No, though I am tempted. I think I'll smoke it when we find Neo. Then I can be all cryptic AND stoned. I was just making a stupid pun to lighten up the mood. 'Cause hey, when you're in a life-threatening situation that you most certainly won't live through, you just gotta laugh *laughs insanely* Oh, and there are Agents, too. We're making bets here on the Neb. I think you're gonna die a horrible death. So does Cypher. Mouse still believes in you, though. Stupid idiot. So we raised the bets up really high so he loses all of his money and cries for a week and then commits suicide.
TRINITY: I'm glad to know you're not thinking...I mean...wait...no I'm not! Okay, Morpheus, Mouse has no money. And could you at least tell me where another phone is?
MORPHEUS: Well, there's a phone booth on the corner of that street and that other street. Just jump around on the roofs of buildings and dive through a window. Then get up, Trinity, get up and go downstairs. You'll find a phone booth and a big truck ready to run you over. Run into the phone booth at the last second to create some SUPER DRAMATIC SUSPENSE and answer the phone. Well, that was a given since you'd die if you didn't...the phone call is THAT important. Anyway...I'll wait till you're least expecting it to tell you when to go. So, other than the fact that you're about to die, what else is up?
TRINITY: Well-
MORPHEUS: GO!
As Trinity runs out to the hallway, Agent Jimmy and the cops are seen as the elevator doors open. That must be one slow elevator. Or the building's really big. Or both. Trinity turns around and runs to a fire escape. Agent Smith is seen looking at her, then looking the other way DRAMATICALLY with his hand on his earpiece because hey, it looks cool when he does that. Eventually they get to the rooftops and start jumping over gaps and running up and down and up and down and up and down...
Everyone makes it over the small gap except for one clumsy cop, who doesn't quite make it and has to pull himself up. No one bothers to help him. How mean is that? Then they go over some weird roof thing that goes up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down an unnecessary amount of times. Of course, a cop trips occasionally, but that's just to show that Agent Jimmy and Trinity must always be perfect. Trinity and Agent Jimmy make it over an incredibly huge gap, leaving the audience and the cops in awe.
COPS: *in awe*
AUDIENCE: *in awe*
See? Told ya. Trinity stops for a few seconds behind a convenient brick wall, then runs forward and dives through a window, tumbles down some stairs, and points her guns back at the window.
AUDIENCE: Get up, Trinity!
HANGING LAMP: (desperate for screen time) SQUEAK SQUEAK! [Translation: Get up, Trinity!]
TRINITY: Get up, Trinity! Oh wait, I'm Trinity. *gets up and runs to the street*
Down on the street, Trinity spots the phone booth and a really big truck about to destroy it. To add SUPER DRAMATIC SUSPENSE, she waits till the truck starts moving.
TRINITY: (in phone booth) *looks scared* *puts hand against glass*
The truck destroys the phone booth and the audience cheers because they really don't know if Trinity's good or not. But one thing's certain: that must've been a really important phone call.
AGENTS SMITH, JIMMY, AND JOE COME AND LOOK AT THE DESTRUCTION.
AGENT JIMMY: We have the name of their next target.
AGENT JOE: His name is Neo.
AGENT SMITH: Good. You each get five thousand cookie points. But just like on Who's Line, the points don't matter.
AGENTS JOE AND JIMMY: Yay!
We see the phone. There's no disembodied hand attached to it, so that means Trinity got away. Yay! But the audience doesn't know this. They really won't know what's going on throughout the whole entire movie. Anyway, seeing the mystery lady "die" because they also don't know how hard lines work yet makes them cheer insanely. God, they're dense.
Wow. Again with the zooming through electronic stuff. This is the millionth time they've done it in the first five minutes of the movie. But it's okay, that kind of stuff is cool since it's only 1999.
NEO'S...UHH...MEAT LOCKER!
Neo is asleep listening to some weird Australian music that no one's heard before. Or maybe it's a vague American song. I'm just not sure. Either way, no one's ever heard that before. His computer is searching for something all by itself. I think the screen said Morpheus or something, but Neo could only find THAT kind of music on Kazaa. He has the first projecting computer I've ever seen. I want one of those!
Anywho, his computer decides that it's bored so it starts talking to Neo. Of course, it uses that bright green font.
COMPUTER: Wake up, Neo.
NEO: *snores loudly*
COMPUTER: Wake up, Neo!
NEO: *groans* Mommy, I wanna ride the pony!
COMPUTER: WAKE UP, DAMMIT!
NEO: Hey, look at me, everybody, I'm riding the pony! WHOA, HORSEY!! WATCH OUT FOR THE CHINCHILLAS!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!! *wakes up*
COMPUTER: Are you awake yet?
NEO: Yep!
COMPUTER: Good. Uhh...Oh, yeah. The Matrix has you! OOOOHHHHHHHH!!!
NEO: Uhh...Okay?
COMPUTER: No, you're supposed to look confused and try to get out of this freaky instant messaging window.
NEO: Oh. *looks confused and hits the Escape button on his keyboard*
COMPUTER: That's better. Now...you should...uhhh...follow the...the...what was it again? Oh yeah, follow the white ferret.
NEO: ...okaaaaaaay...*looks confused and hits Escape again and again and again*
COMPUTER: Stop it, idiot! You've done it about twenty times already, do you think it's going to work on the twenty-first?
NEO: Yep. *hits Escape again* ...awww, damn. Besides, you told me to!
COMPUTER: You don't want to talk to me?
NEO: Not really. You're kinda freakin me out here.
COMPUTER: I FEEL SO UNLOVED! You don't realize that all computers talk to their owners when they're bored?
NEO: Nope.
COMPUTER: Well, now you do.
NEO: I do?
COMPUTER: Yes.
NEO: Really?
COMPUTER: Yep.
NEO: Cool.
COMPUTER: Yeah, I guess so. I wish I had a computer that could talk to me on its own!
NEO: Computers have computers?
COMPUTER: Well...err...uhhh...KNOCK, KNOCK NEO!
NEO: Ohh, I love knock knock jokes! Who's there?
COMPUTER: Trinity.
NEO: Trinity who?
COMPUTER: Trinity...uhh...Knock knock, Neo.
At that moment, the doorbell rang, scaring the crap out of Neo. Literally.
COMPUTER: Oh, I didn't realize this meat locker had a doorbell...whatever. *shuts off*
NEO: Yeah, whaddaya want?
CHOI: It's me, Choi. You got any glazed donuts?
NEO: Naw, I'm out of glazed donuts.
CHOI: You got any cinnamon rolls?
NEO: Naw, I'm out of cinnamon rolls.
CHOI: You got any apple fritters?
NEO: Naw, I'm out of apple fritters.
CHOI: You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?
NEO: No, I'm out of Bavarian cream-filled donuts.
CHOI: You got an illegal copy of "Monty Python and the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen vs. Jason in Space 3000 X"?
NEO: Wait a minute, I'll go check.
A MINUTE LATER
NEO: I found it! It was in my hollowed out book entitled "A Hollowed Out Book for Hiding Illegal Copies of Horrible Crossovers with Unnecessary Numbers and Letters at the End".
CHOI: Cool. Oh, right, here's the money, blah blah, her fault I'm two hours late, blah, you're my own personal Jesus Christ, blah blah, whiter than usual, blah blah, UNPLUG, blah blah blah, what do you think, Dojour?
DOJOUR: Uhh...Yes?
CHOI: Great! Blah, later! *leaves with the scary people*
Neo looked down.
NEO: ...
I said, "NEO LOOKED DOWN"!
NEO: *looks down*
There, staring up at him, was an oddly scary little ferret. It was white. Imagine that.
FERRET: I'm a white ferret! Follow me to a nightclub! Wheeee! *runs off down the hallway*
NEO: Yeah. Sure, I'll go.
FERRET: Do not try to go along with the script. Only know that...there is no script. Also, do not try to act. Only know that...you don't have to act well in this movie since all the really cool bullet-time stuff makes up for it.
NEO: Uhh...
FERRET: See, you're doing it already! Neo, to the Batcave! I mean…nightclub!
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Next chapter: The Nightclub and Danger in the Office! GASP!
A/N: I didn't think this one was as funny as the last. Not much longer, either. Oh well, review it anyway since you're all very nice people. Yep.
And thanks to my reviewers!
Ashy: Yes, yes, I know it's scary. And you better go check the phone book for the phone number to Ripley's.
Rere: Yay, you decided to read it! AND you found it funny! Hurrah!
Nightwriter and Bob: Thanks! Of course, you had to like the dead characters...someone does!
raven612: Thank you much! And here ya go, chapter 2 is here!
Stormhawk: Glad you liked it so much!
Hobbit-eyes: YAY! I got a really awesome super cool positive review from the funniest parodyer in the Matrix section of FF.Net! HURRAY FOR MEEEEEEEE! I feel so special! Uhh...yeah, okay, here's chapter 2. And I'm waiting for chapter 7 of your parody. I found it hard to write mine since I started after reading yours and I found it pretty hard to make original stuff...uhh...right...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 2
AGENT JIMMY AND A BUNCHA COPS ARE WALKING THROUGH THE HOTEL DOORS SEMI-MENACINGLY.
CUT TO: UPSTAIRS, WHERE TRINITY IS FREAKED OUT AND TALKING TO A MYSTERY PERSON ON HER NIFTY CELL PHONE.
TRINITY: Morpheus, I'm freaked out. The line was traced. I don't know how. They may have used a ruler.
MORPHEUS: Yes, I know. They cut the hard line. Why couldn't they have cut the soft line instead?
TRINITY: Morpheus...are you smoking that stuff Mouse gave you?
MORPHEUS: No, though I am tempted. I think I'll smoke it when we find Neo. Then I can be all cryptic AND stoned. I was just making a stupid pun to lighten up the mood. 'Cause hey, when you're in a life-threatening situation that you most certainly won't live through, you just gotta laugh *laughs insanely* Oh, and there are Agents, too. We're making bets here on the Neb. I think you're gonna die a horrible death. So does Cypher. Mouse still believes in you, though. Stupid idiot. So we raised the bets up really high so he loses all of his money and cries for a week and then commits suicide.
TRINITY: I'm glad to know you're not thinking...I mean...wait...no I'm not! Okay, Morpheus, Mouse has no money. And could you at least tell me where another phone is?
MORPHEUS: Well, there's a phone booth on the corner of that street and that other street. Just jump around on the roofs of buildings and dive through a window. Then get up, Trinity, get up and go downstairs. You'll find a phone booth and a big truck ready to run you over. Run into the phone booth at the last second to create some SUPER DRAMATIC SUSPENSE and answer the phone. Well, that was a given since you'd die if you didn't...the phone call is THAT important. Anyway...I'll wait till you're least expecting it to tell you when to go. So, other than the fact that you're about to die, what else is up?
TRINITY: Well-
MORPHEUS: GO!
As Trinity runs out to the hallway, Agent Jimmy and the cops are seen as the elevator doors open. That must be one slow elevator. Or the building's really big. Or both. Trinity turns around and runs to a fire escape. Agent Smith is seen looking at her, then looking the other way DRAMATICALLY with his hand on his earpiece because hey, it looks cool when he does that. Eventually they get to the rooftops and start jumping over gaps and running up and down and up and down and up and down...
Everyone makes it over the small gap except for one clumsy cop, who doesn't quite make it and has to pull himself up. No one bothers to help him. How mean is that? Then they go over some weird roof thing that goes up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down an unnecessary amount of times. Of course, a cop trips occasionally, but that's just to show that Agent Jimmy and Trinity must always be perfect. Trinity and Agent Jimmy make it over an incredibly huge gap, leaving the audience and the cops in awe.
COPS: *in awe*
AUDIENCE: *in awe*
See? Told ya. Trinity stops for a few seconds behind a convenient brick wall, then runs forward and dives through a window, tumbles down some stairs, and points her guns back at the window.
AUDIENCE: Get up, Trinity!
HANGING LAMP: (desperate for screen time) SQUEAK SQUEAK! [Translation: Get up, Trinity!]
TRINITY: Get up, Trinity! Oh wait, I'm Trinity. *gets up and runs to the street*
Down on the street, Trinity spots the phone booth and a really big truck about to destroy it. To add SUPER DRAMATIC SUSPENSE, she waits till the truck starts moving.
TRINITY: (in phone booth) *looks scared* *puts hand against glass*
The truck destroys the phone booth and the audience cheers because they really don't know if Trinity's good or not. But one thing's certain: that must've been a really important phone call.
AGENTS SMITH, JIMMY, AND JOE COME AND LOOK AT THE DESTRUCTION.
AGENT JIMMY: We have the name of their next target.
AGENT JOE: His name is Neo.
AGENT SMITH: Good. You each get five thousand cookie points. But just like on Who's Line, the points don't matter.
AGENTS JOE AND JIMMY: Yay!
We see the phone. There's no disembodied hand attached to it, so that means Trinity got away. Yay! But the audience doesn't know this. They really won't know what's going on throughout the whole entire movie. Anyway, seeing the mystery lady "die" because they also don't know how hard lines work yet makes them cheer insanely. God, they're dense.
Wow. Again with the zooming through electronic stuff. This is the millionth time they've done it in the first five minutes of the movie. But it's okay, that kind of stuff is cool since it's only 1999.
NEO'S...UHH...MEAT LOCKER!
Neo is asleep listening to some weird Australian music that no one's heard before. Or maybe it's a vague American song. I'm just not sure. Either way, no one's ever heard that before. His computer is searching for something all by itself. I think the screen said Morpheus or something, but Neo could only find THAT kind of music on Kazaa. He has the first projecting computer I've ever seen. I want one of those!
Anywho, his computer decides that it's bored so it starts talking to Neo. Of course, it uses that bright green font.
COMPUTER: Wake up, Neo.
NEO: *snores loudly*
COMPUTER: Wake up, Neo!
NEO: *groans* Mommy, I wanna ride the pony!
COMPUTER: WAKE UP, DAMMIT!
NEO: Hey, look at me, everybody, I'm riding the pony! WHOA, HORSEY!! WATCH OUT FOR THE CHINCHILLAS!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!! *wakes up*
COMPUTER: Are you awake yet?
NEO: Yep!
COMPUTER: Good. Uhh...Oh, yeah. The Matrix has you! OOOOHHHHHHHH!!!
NEO: Uhh...Okay?
COMPUTER: No, you're supposed to look confused and try to get out of this freaky instant messaging window.
NEO: Oh. *looks confused and hits the Escape button on his keyboard*
COMPUTER: That's better. Now...you should...uhhh...follow the...the...what was it again? Oh yeah, follow the white ferret.
NEO: ...okaaaaaaay...*looks confused and hits Escape again and again and again*
COMPUTER: Stop it, idiot! You've done it about twenty times already, do you think it's going to work on the twenty-first?
NEO: Yep. *hits Escape again* ...awww, damn. Besides, you told me to!
COMPUTER: You don't want to talk to me?
NEO: Not really. You're kinda freakin me out here.
COMPUTER: I FEEL SO UNLOVED! You don't realize that all computers talk to their owners when they're bored?
NEO: Nope.
COMPUTER: Well, now you do.
NEO: I do?
COMPUTER: Yes.
NEO: Really?
COMPUTER: Yep.
NEO: Cool.
COMPUTER: Yeah, I guess so. I wish I had a computer that could talk to me on its own!
NEO: Computers have computers?
COMPUTER: Well...err...uhhh...KNOCK, KNOCK NEO!
NEO: Ohh, I love knock knock jokes! Who's there?
COMPUTER: Trinity.
NEO: Trinity who?
COMPUTER: Trinity...uhh...Knock knock, Neo.
At that moment, the doorbell rang, scaring the crap out of Neo. Literally.
COMPUTER: Oh, I didn't realize this meat locker had a doorbell...whatever. *shuts off*
NEO: Yeah, whaddaya want?
CHOI: It's me, Choi. You got any glazed donuts?
NEO: Naw, I'm out of glazed donuts.
CHOI: You got any cinnamon rolls?
NEO: Naw, I'm out of cinnamon rolls.
CHOI: You got any apple fritters?
NEO: Naw, I'm out of apple fritters.
CHOI: You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?
NEO: No, I'm out of Bavarian cream-filled donuts.
CHOI: You got an illegal copy of "Monty Python and the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen vs. Jason in Space 3000 X"?
NEO: Wait a minute, I'll go check.
A MINUTE LATER
NEO: I found it! It was in my hollowed out book entitled "A Hollowed Out Book for Hiding Illegal Copies of Horrible Crossovers with Unnecessary Numbers and Letters at the End".
CHOI: Cool. Oh, right, here's the money, blah blah, her fault I'm two hours late, blah, you're my own personal Jesus Christ, blah blah, whiter than usual, blah blah, UNPLUG, blah blah blah, what do you think, Dojour?
DOJOUR: Uhh...Yes?
CHOI: Great! Blah, later! *leaves with the scary people*
Neo looked down.
NEO: ...
I said, "NEO LOOKED DOWN"!
NEO: *looks down*
There, staring up at him, was an oddly scary little ferret. It was white. Imagine that.
FERRET: I'm a white ferret! Follow me to a nightclub! Wheeee! *runs off down the hallway*
NEO: Yeah. Sure, I'll go.
FERRET: Do not try to go along with the script. Only know that...there is no script. Also, do not try to act. Only know that...you don't have to act well in this movie since all the really cool bullet-time stuff makes up for it.
NEO: Uhh...
FERRET: See, you're doing it already! Neo, to the Batcave! I mean…nightclub!
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Next chapter: The Nightclub and Danger in the Office! GASP!
A/N: I didn't think this one was as funny as the last. Not much longer, either. Oh well, review it anyway since you're all very nice people. Yep.