A/N: This...is chapter 4! Yep! All of my reviewers will get one million cookie points for each review they have submitted and will submit. Sadly...the points STILL don't matter. Okay, I know I used that one already, but come on, ya gotta give me a break! Yes, give me a break! Break me off a piece of that...okay, I'm done! Time to write!
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Chapter 4
THE INTERROGATION ROOM...THING...
Okay, so the Agents put Neo into their nifty car and took him to an interrogation room. Trinity was very unhappy.
TRINITY: Shit. All this leather's chafing. *rides away on motorcycle*
We see him on about a million TVs, just sitting there. Until he noticed the camera, that is.
NEO: Hey, I'm on TV! Cool! *moons camera* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!
At that moment, Agents Smith, Jimmy, and Joe walk in. Needless to say, they're more than a little scared.
AGENT SMITH: Okay, we'll be leaving now...
TWO MINUTES LATER
AGENT SMITH: Are you done yet?
NEO: Yep.
AGENT SMITH: Goooooooooooooooooood.
NEO: Wow, that's a big file.
SMITH: Yep. As you can see, we've had our eye on you for some time, Mr. Anderson.
NEO: We? Then wouldn't you have more than one eye?
SMITH: ...
NEO: HA!! Can I go now?
SMITH: Nope! Anyway, it's seems that you've been living...*dramatic pause* ...twooooooo lives. In one life, you're Thomas A. Anderson, a software programmer guy for a software company no one's ever heard of. Hey, what does the A stand for anyway?
NEO: Umm...Allison.
SMITH: HAHAHAHAAAAA!!!! Oh, right....anyway, you have a social security number, you pay your taxes. You even help your mentally handicapped landlady train seagulls in the park. In other words, you're a loser. The other life is lived in computers. You have become a victim of "The World" and have gone into a coma.
NEO: Then...how am I talking to you?
SMITH: Have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real, that...
NEO: Just...stop stealing lines.
SMITH: I will, because...well...I don't know how the rest of it goes.
NEO: Good. Because it's not your line.
SMITH: I know.
NEO: Good.
SMITH: Okay.
NEO: ...
SMITH: ...Yep. Anyway...you're a hacker under the alias "Neo" and broke a bunch of computer laws. One of these lives has a future.
NEO: The one where I'm in a coma?
SMITH: No...I'm gonna be...what was that word...oh yeah, forthcoming...with you, Mr. Anderson.
NEO: But first, answer me this: Why aren't you saying my name all funny now?
SMITH: I don't feel like it.
NEO: Okay.
SMITH: As I was saying...You're here because we need your help.
NEO: No, I'm here because you put me into your car.
SMITH: Oh yeah...well...anyway, we know that you've been contacted by Morpheus on that nifty cell phone. Whatever you think you know about him is irrelevant.
NEO: What, you're a Borg now?
SMITH: I'd advise you to stop interrupting me, Mr. Anderson, or you will be assimilated. Anyway, Morpheus is very very very very very dangerous, so you really don't want to be hanging out with him. You won't be able to understand a word he says, anyway. My colleagues think I'm wasting my time with you. Well, they'd be right. But we're willing to wipe the plate clean.
NEO: You're gonna wash my dishes?
JIMMY: Psst...Agent Smith! AGENT SMITH! I think you meant "slate".
SMITH: Oh, whatever, it doesn't make sense anyway. We'll give you a fresh start if you help us catch Morpheus so that all of humanity will be destroyed.
NEO: Sounds like a good deal. But I got a better one. Buy one, get one free Oscar Mayer wieners! *starts singing* Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer weineeeer! That's what I really want to beeeee-EEEE-eeee! 'Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer weiner, everyone would be in love with me!!
SMITH: No, you can help us catch Morpheus and we'll give you a fresh start!!
NEO: Ohh!! Ooohh!!! I got an even better deal!! How about I give you some candy *pulls out handful of Jolly Ranchers* and you give me my phone call.
SMITH: Mr. Anderson, you disappoint me.
NEO: You can't scare me with this Gestapo crap. *hold up bag of brown stuff*
SMITH: But that crap is from a REAL Nazi! C'mon, isn't it cool!?!?
NEO: *considers* No. No, not really. Anyway, I know my rights, I live in America where we're all free and whatnot, so gimme my phone call!!
SMITH: But Mr. Anderson, you forget...you're in Australia.
NEO: NOOOOOOO!!!!
SMITH: Besides, what good is a phone call if you can't speak?
NEO: But...I can speak! See, I'm speaking now! LOOK AT ME, WORLD, I'M SPEAK-MMMMMMMMMM!!!! *mouth seals up*
Neo is freaked out. So is the audience. What the heck does this have to do with cool bullet-time kung-fu scenes? Neo flings the chair he was sitting in off to the side. Did you see how close it came to hitting Agent Joe? Well, at least Joe was nice enough to move it out of the way before grabbing Neo, ripping his shirt open, and pinning him down to the table so Agent Smith could drop that weird little bug thing onto Neo.
AUDIENCE: Oooooohhhh, is that bug thing the Matrix?
Hmm...I guess none of them have seen the movie yet. Oh well. Okay, the audience is collectively throwing up now that the bug is crawling into Neo. C'mon, it's not THAT gross!
NEO: MMMMMPH!! MMMMMMMMMMM!!!
Now, I'm no expert at muffled-scream language, but I think he was trying to say "Rape! Rape!!!"
NEO: *wakes up in bed* Wow, what a dream! It almost felt like a bug was REALLY crawling into my body!
PHONE: *rings*
NEO: Wow, it's almost like they know I'm awake! *shrugs and answers phone after about a million rings*
MORPHEUS: This line is tapped, so I must be brief. Yep. I wonder why I'm not calling you on your nifty cell phone…oh, right, you DROPPED IT OFF A BUILDING!!!
NEO: Uhh...sorry?
MORPHEUS: Yeah, you bet your ass you are! You owe me a thousand bucks!!
NEO: Isn't that a little expensive for a phone?
MORPHEUS: No, the phone was ten dollars at a flea market. But do you know how much it costs to call from a ship deep inside the earth in a whole different world to your damn office? Why couldn't you work on Saturdays? I have unlimited night and weekend long-distance minutes!!
NEO: Uhh...
MORPHEUS: Anyway, they got to you first. But they don't know how important you are.
NEO: Who got to me first?
MORPHEUS: I dunno.
NEO: But you just said...
MORPHEUS: Look, you're the One, you get to save the world, you may have spent the last few years looking for me, but...
NEO: Oh, that's right, you're the Matrix!
MORPHEUS: ...no, Neo. Like I was saying...I've spent my life looking for you. Oh, just go to the bridge and get in a car.
NEO: Okay!
CUT TO: THE BRIDGE OF DOOM...AND SOME OTHER STUFF!
TRINITY: *opens car door* Okay, get in! Quick, Neo, quick!
FAT GUY STANDING THERE: How much do you pay, honey?
TRINITY: GAH! YOU'RE NOT NEO!!!
NEO: *runs up to the car* Outta the way, old guy! *pushes guy out of the way* Sorry I'm late, I just had a run-in with an iguana, some glue, and a textbook! Very odd situation; you better hope it never happens to you!
TRINITY: ...whatever, just get in the damn car before that other guy gets up.
NEO: Yeah, okay.
SWITCH: *points gun at Neo* Hi! I'm Switch! I'm gonna talk as much as I can now since I die later! I'm so under appreciated!
NEO: Okay...so...what is this!?
TRINITY: It's for our protection. Yep.
NEO: Well duh, that's what guns are for, but why are you pointing it at me?
TRINITY: I just told you!
NEO: You did?
TRINITY: Yep.
NEO: Really?
TRINITY: Yes, Neo, I did.
NEO: Oh. What will it protect you from?
TRINITY: You.
*conveniently placed thunder clap/lightning strike*
NEO: COOL! DO IT AGAIN!! DO IT AGAIN!!!
TRINITY: *sigh* Okaaaaaaaaaay...You.
*lightning strike/thunder clap*
NEO: Wow, it did it in reverse that time!
SWITCH: Oh, shut up and take off your shirt!
NEO: OKAY!!! I mean...What? *confused look*
SWITCH *to Apoc* Stop the car. Listen, coppertop.
NEO: What am I, a Duracell?
SWITCH: There's no time for Twenty-One questions.
NEO: Awww, but I like that song! *starts singing again* GiiiIIIiiiirrrllll, you seem to love me now. Would you love me if I was down, and out, would you stiiiiill have love for me? GiiiiiIIIrrrllll...
SWITCH: Just...stop...I meant 20 Questions...and...uhh...it's our way or the highway.
NEO: *opens car door* Wow, you meant that literally?
SWITCH: Yep.
TRINITY: PWEASE DON'T LEAVE, NEO!!
NEO: Okay!
TRINITY: YAY! Apoc, lights.
APOC: Okay. *claps*
SWITCH: COOL!! When did you add that to the car?
APOC: Don't you know? It's a standard feature in these cool black cars!
TRINITY: Lie back and lift up your shirt.
NEO: OKAY! *lifts up shirt*
TRINITY: Okay, time to have your bowels irrigated! *pulls out big gun thing*
NEO: *gulps*
TRINITY: *looks at screen on big gun thing* Come on, you shit!
SWITCH: Hey, I see you! You're not getting the bug out! You're playing Galaga! Your aim sucks!!
TRINITY: Oh, like you could do better?
SWITCH: Yeah, watch me!! *grabs gun*
Trinity and Switch go about their Galaga tournament as Neo sits there, watching the bug crawling around. Apparently the bug likes Galaxian better. As Trinity is about to beat Switch's high score, the bug flies out into a tube thing and the game shuts off.
NEO: HOLY SHIT, THAT THING'S REAL!?!?
TRINITY: YEAH! AND IT SHUT OFF MY GAME! STUPID BUG THING!! *dumps out window* Oh well, are you ready to meet Morpheus?
NEO: Yeah, sure, if he gives me another cool cell phone.
TRINITY: What if he doesn't?
NEO: Well, if he has a Snickers bar, I'll take that.
TRINITY: ...Neo...you have got to be the stupidest person I have met in my whole entire life. I think maybe I'll have sex with you in...oh...four years if you keep going at this rate.
NEO: SCORE!!
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Next chapter: A long, boring chat with Morheus and getting unplugged!
A/N: Okay, now I'm really scared...I dunno why. Is anyone else scared? Oh well...hey, people...I'm gonna put this on hold 'til I get home from my grandparents' house on the 8th (I've been here for two months!!!) and then I'll have plenty of time to right a few more chapters before school starts up again. And hopefully I'll be able to keep updating this after the school year starts. Yep. You know what to do...it starts with an r, ends with a w, and there're two e's, a v, and an i. In no particular order.
And a big thanks to my reviewer people (your checks are in the mail!!! LOL)
Hobbit-eyes: I've never seen 'The Watcher'...Anyway...thanks for the review! And hey...you know what I realized earlier? Well, I was reading your parody again (because it's SO FUNNY!!!!), and I realized that I used a bunch of jokes from your parody in my parody without realizing it when I did it...uhh...wait...anyway, I KNOW you won't be mad because you're nice. I just feel bad. Stupid conscience.
Trinity36706: Thanks for your review and don't feel bad about not using punctuation...it's the spawn of Satan, anyway!
Trinity-In-Black: Wow, lotsa people with Trinity in their names...Yeah, that WAS TMI, but that's okay...I said it too! And thanks!
rere: Thanks again, bestest buddy in the world who must stop being dead and talk to me more when you're online...and yeeeeaaah, I changed my name. It means 'Raccoon Demon'! But you knew that already, didn't you? Of course you did! BAKENESS! LOL.
Ikobe: Thank you much! Read Hobbit-eyes's parody, too...it's hilarious!!!
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Chapter 4
THE INTERROGATION ROOM...THING...
Okay, so the Agents put Neo into their nifty car and took him to an interrogation room. Trinity was very unhappy.
TRINITY: Shit. All this leather's chafing. *rides away on motorcycle*
We see him on about a million TVs, just sitting there. Until he noticed the camera, that is.
NEO: Hey, I'm on TV! Cool! *moons camera* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!
At that moment, Agents Smith, Jimmy, and Joe walk in. Needless to say, they're more than a little scared.
AGENT SMITH: Okay, we'll be leaving now...
TWO MINUTES LATER
AGENT SMITH: Are you done yet?
NEO: Yep.
AGENT SMITH: Goooooooooooooooooood.
NEO: Wow, that's a big file.
SMITH: Yep. As you can see, we've had our eye on you for some time, Mr. Anderson.
NEO: We? Then wouldn't you have more than one eye?
SMITH: ...
NEO: HA!! Can I go now?
SMITH: Nope! Anyway, it's seems that you've been living...*dramatic pause* ...twooooooo lives. In one life, you're Thomas A. Anderson, a software programmer guy for a software company no one's ever heard of. Hey, what does the A stand for anyway?
NEO: Umm...Allison.
SMITH: HAHAHAHAAAAA!!!! Oh, right....anyway, you have a social security number, you pay your taxes. You even help your mentally handicapped landlady train seagulls in the park. In other words, you're a loser. The other life is lived in computers. You have become a victim of "The World" and have gone into a coma.
NEO: Then...how am I talking to you?
SMITH: Have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real, that...
NEO: Just...stop stealing lines.
SMITH: I will, because...well...I don't know how the rest of it goes.
NEO: Good. Because it's not your line.
SMITH: I know.
NEO: Good.
SMITH: Okay.
NEO: ...
SMITH: ...Yep. Anyway...you're a hacker under the alias "Neo" and broke a bunch of computer laws. One of these lives has a future.
NEO: The one where I'm in a coma?
SMITH: No...I'm gonna be...what was that word...oh yeah, forthcoming...with you, Mr. Anderson.
NEO: But first, answer me this: Why aren't you saying my name all funny now?
SMITH: I don't feel like it.
NEO: Okay.
SMITH: As I was saying...You're here because we need your help.
NEO: No, I'm here because you put me into your car.
SMITH: Oh yeah...well...anyway, we know that you've been contacted by Morpheus on that nifty cell phone. Whatever you think you know about him is irrelevant.
NEO: What, you're a Borg now?
SMITH: I'd advise you to stop interrupting me, Mr. Anderson, or you will be assimilated. Anyway, Morpheus is very very very very very dangerous, so you really don't want to be hanging out with him. You won't be able to understand a word he says, anyway. My colleagues think I'm wasting my time with you. Well, they'd be right. But we're willing to wipe the plate clean.
NEO: You're gonna wash my dishes?
JIMMY: Psst...Agent Smith! AGENT SMITH! I think you meant "slate".
SMITH: Oh, whatever, it doesn't make sense anyway. We'll give you a fresh start if you help us catch Morpheus so that all of humanity will be destroyed.
NEO: Sounds like a good deal. But I got a better one. Buy one, get one free Oscar Mayer wieners! *starts singing* Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer weineeeer! That's what I really want to beeeee-EEEE-eeee! 'Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer weiner, everyone would be in love with me!!
SMITH: No, you can help us catch Morpheus and we'll give you a fresh start!!
NEO: Ohh!! Ooohh!!! I got an even better deal!! How about I give you some candy *pulls out handful of Jolly Ranchers* and you give me my phone call.
SMITH: Mr. Anderson, you disappoint me.
NEO: You can't scare me with this Gestapo crap. *hold up bag of brown stuff*
SMITH: But that crap is from a REAL Nazi! C'mon, isn't it cool!?!?
NEO: *considers* No. No, not really. Anyway, I know my rights, I live in America where we're all free and whatnot, so gimme my phone call!!
SMITH: But Mr. Anderson, you forget...you're in Australia.
NEO: NOOOOOOO!!!!
SMITH: Besides, what good is a phone call if you can't speak?
NEO: But...I can speak! See, I'm speaking now! LOOK AT ME, WORLD, I'M SPEAK-MMMMMMMMMM!!!! *mouth seals up*
Neo is freaked out. So is the audience. What the heck does this have to do with cool bullet-time kung-fu scenes? Neo flings the chair he was sitting in off to the side. Did you see how close it came to hitting Agent Joe? Well, at least Joe was nice enough to move it out of the way before grabbing Neo, ripping his shirt open, and pinning him down to the table so Agent Smith could drop that weird little bug thing onto Neo.
AUDIENCE: Oooooohhhh, is that bug thing the Matrix?
Hmm...I guess none of them have seen the movie yet. Oh well. Okay, the audience is collectively throwing up now that the bug is crawling into Neo. C'mon, it's not THAT gross!
NEO: MMMMMPH!! MMMMMMMMMMM!!!
Now, I'm no expert at muffled-scream language, but I think he was trying to say "Rape! Rape!!!"
NEO: *wakes up in bed* Wow, what a dream! It almost felt like a bug was REALLY crawling into my body!
PHONE: *rings*
NEO: Wow, it's almost like they know I'm awake! *shrugs and answers phone after about a million rings*
MORPHEUS: This line is tapped, so I must be brief. Yep. I wonder why I'm not calling you on your nifty cell phone…oh, right, you DROPPED IT OFF A BUILDING!!!
NEO: Uhh...sorry?
MORPHEUS: Yeah, you bet your ass you are! You owe me a thousand bucks!!
NEO: Isn't that a little expensive for a phone?
MORPHEUS: No, the phone was ten dollars at a flea market. But do you know how much it costs to call from a ship deep inside the earth in a whole different world to your damn office? Why couldn't you work on Saturdays? I have unlimited night and weekend long-distance minutes!!
NEO: Uhh...
MORPHEUS: Anyway, they got to you first. But they don't know how important you are.
NEO: Who got to me first?
MORPHEUS: I dunno.
NEO: But you just said...
MORPHEUS: Look, you're the One, you get to save the world, you may have spent the last few years looking for me, but...
NEO: Oh, that's right, you're the Matrix!
MORPHEUS: ...no, Neo. Like I was saying...I've spent my life looking for you. Oh, just go to the bridge and get in a car.
NEO: Okay!
CUT TO: THE BRIDGE OF DOOM...AND SOME OTHER STUFF!
TRINITY: *opens car door* Okay, get in! Quick, Neo, quick!
FAT GUY STANDING THERE: How much do you pay, honey?
TRINITY: GAH! YOU'RE NOT NEO!!!
NEO: *runs up to the car* Outta the way, old guy! *pushes guy out of the way* Sorry I'm late, I just had a run-in with an iguana, some glue, and a textbook! Very odd situation; you better hope it never happens to you!
TRINITY: ...whatever, just get in the damn car before that other guy gets up.
NEO: Yeah, okay.
SWITCH: *points gun at Neo* Hi! I'm Switch! I'm gonna talk as much as I can now since I die later! I'm so under appreciated!
NEO: Okay...so...what is this!?
TRINITY: It's for our protection. Yep.
NEO: Well duh, that's what guns are for, but why are you pointing it at me?
TRINITY: I just told you!
NEO: You did?
TRINITY: Yep.
NEO: Really?
TRINITY: Yes, Neo, I did.
NEO: Oh. What will it protect you from?
TRINITY: You.
*conveniently placed thunder clap/lightning strike*
NEO: COOL! DO IT AGAIN!! DO IT AGAIN!!!
TRINITY: *sigh* Okaaaaaaaaaay...You.
*lightning strike/thunder clap*
NEO: Wow, it did it in reverse that time!
SWITCH: Oh, shut up and take off your shirt!
NEO: OKAY!!! I mean...What? *confused look*
SWITCH *to Apoc* Stop the car. Listen, coppertop.
NEO: What am I, a Duracell?
SWITCH: There's no time for Twenty-One questions.
NEO: Awww, but I like that song! *starts singing again* GiiiIIIiiiirrrllll, you seem to love me now. Would you love me if I was down, and out, would you stiiiiill have love for me? GiiiiiIIIrrrllll...
SWITCH: Just...stop...I meant 20 Questions...and...uhh...it's our way or the highway.
NEO: *opens car door* Wow, you meant that literally?
SWITCH: Yep.
TRINITY: PWEASE DON'T LEAVE, NEO!!
NEO: Okay!
TRINITY: YAY! Apoc, lights.
APOC: Okay. *claps*
SWITCH: COOL!! When did you add that to the car?
APOC: Don't you know? It's a standard feature in these cool black cars!
TRINITY: Lie back and lift up your shirt.
NEO: OKAY! *lifts up shirt*
TRINITY: Okay, time to have your bowels irrigated! *pulls out big gun thing*
NEO: *gulps*
TRINITY: *looks at screen on big gun thing* Come on, you shit!
SWITCH: Hey, I see you! You're not getting the bug out! You're playing Galaga! Your aim sucks!!
TRINITY: Oh, like you could do better?
SWITCH: Yeah, watch me!! *grabs gun*
Trinity and Switch go about their Galaga tournament as Neo sits there, watching the bug crawling around. Apparently the bug likes Galaxian better. As Trinity is about to beat Switch's high score, the bug flies out into a tube thing and the game shuts off.
NEO: HOLY SHIT, THAT THING'S REAL!?!?
TRINITY: YEAH! AND IT SHUT OFF MY GAME! STUPID BUG THING!! *dumps out window* Oh well, are you ready to meet Morpheus?
NEO: Yeah, sure, if he gives me another cool cell phone.
TRINITY: What if he doesn't?
NEO: Well, if he has a Snickers bar, I'll take that.
TRINITY: ...Neo...you have got to be the stupidest person I have met in my whole entire life. I think maybe I'll have sex with you in...oh...four years if you keep going at this rate.
NEO: SCORE!!
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Next chapter: A long, boring chat with Morheus and getting unplugged!
A/N: Okay, now I'm really scared...I dunno why. Is anyone else scared? Oh well...hey, people...I'm gonna put this on hold 'til I get home from my grandparents' house on the 8th (I've been here for two months!!!) and then I'll have plenty of time to right a few more chapters before school starts up again. And hopefully I'll be able to keep updating this after the school year starts. Yep. You know what to do...it starts with an r, ends with a w, and there're two e's, a v, and an i. In no particular order.
And a big thanks to my reviewer people (your checks are in the mail!!! LOL)
Hobbit-eyes: I've never seen 'The Watcher'...Anyway...thanks for the review! And hey...you know what I realized earlier? Well, I was reading your parody again (because it's SO FUNNY!!!!), and I realized that I used a bunch of jokes from your parody in my parody without realizing it when I did it...uhh...wait...anyway, I KNOW you won't be mad because you're nice. I just feel bad. Stupid conscience.
Trinity36706: Thanks for your review and don't feel bad about not using punctuation...it's the spawn of Satan, anyway!
Trinity-In-Black: Wow, lotsa people with Trinity in their names...Yeah, that WAS TMI, but that's okay...I said it too! And thanks!
rere: Thanks again, bestest buddy in the world who must stop being dead and talk to me more when you're online...and yeeeeaaah, I changed my name. It means 'Raccoon Demon'! But you knew that already, didn't you? Of course you did! BAKENESS! LOL.
Ikobe: Thank you much! Read Hobbit-eyes's parody, too...it's hilarious!!!