~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Inuyasha and Miroku stumbled through the doorway, which then faded away and disappeared into the wall. They found themselves standing in a long hallway. It was modern and professional—people obviously came here to work—and it had many rooms opening off it. Closer inspection revealed that these rooms were filled with many humans wearing nearly identical clothes sitting in desks and listening to one human at the front of the room speak. It seemed suspiciously like that "school" thing that Kagome always complained about.
"Where the hell are we?" Inuyasha asked as he looked around.
"Well," Miroku considered. "The beautiful woman who has agreed to bear my child said she was going to talk to you about the facts of life. I wonder if this is it."
"Feh!" was all Inuyasha could say as he blushed a little at his own naivety.
"You must be the new students." A man called out to them from one of the classrooms. "Come in and join our class."
Not seeing any harm in doing so, Miroku and Inuyasha accepted the invitation and found seats in two empty desks at the front of the room.
None of the other students seemed disturbed by the fact that a demon and Buddhist priest, who between them were armed with sword, staff, claws and air void, had just joined the class.
The teacher concluded his opening announcements and presented the day's topic of discussion.
"Ah…" he sighed. "Sex, sex, sex… Who here can tell me the purpose of foreplay?"
As the teacher continued describing in explicit detail why exactly foreplay was necessary to the sexual experience, the class appeared bored and Inuyasha seemed extremely nervous. Miroku it seemed was the only one who truly appreciated the discussion.
"Who here can tell me one way of initiating foreplay?"
Miroku was the first to have his hand in the air.
"You could rub the clitoris." He answered.
The instructor looked somewhat shocked.
"Are there any other ways?" He asked again. "How about you there in the red?"
Huh? Inuyasha looked over his shoulder thinking perhaps that the man meant someone else. Since he was the only one in the room even wearing red, he had to answer.
"Un…You could kiss her." He replied nervously.
"That's right. Why not start it all off with a nice modest kiss?" the teacher specifically directed this comment toward Miroku. "You could nuzzle the neck, nibble the ear, fondle a little. There are plenty of things to do before you get around to the clitoris!"
"I knew fondling would come in handy." Miroku muttered to himself as he carefully wrote these suggestions down in a notebook.
Inuyasha on the other hand wasn't faring as well. His face was nearly the same colour as his clothing. He was slouched down in his chair looking like he wanted to vanish from the spot. He attempted to hide his face behind a textbook but this did nothing to improve his situation. The book as it so happened detailed the wonders of the female anatomy and exactly how it all worked in conjunction with the male anatomy.
The class was interrupted by a knock on the door.
"That must be my assistant for the demonstration." The instructor explained.
Demonstration?! Inuyasha sweat dropped nervously in true anime tradition. He wondered what exactly was going to be demonstrated.
As the teacher began to open the door, Miroku asked, "Sir, do we get extra credit if we can apply this knowledge to our daily lives?"
The door swung slowly open. Kagome and Sango were standing there wondering what the hell was going on.
"Ah" the instructor sighed. "It seems have TWO assistants for today's demonstration."
"Wait!" Inuyasha yelled as he and Miroku stood up. "They're not assistants! They're… Well… they're…" He paused not quite knowing what to say. How could his explain this exactly? It was kinda complicated.
"Oh, I see. Then they'll assist the two of you?" the teacher appeared accepting of that alternative. "You could show us all how much you know."
"No!" Inuyasha blushed and began to stammer. "It's not what you think! It's… un… well…"
"Oh I get it!" Kagome was quick to pick up on what was going on. "I'm not good enough for you! Is that it?!" She was quickly becoming angry.
"No!" Inuyasha protested, getting angry himself. "I never said that! Why do you always assume that I—"
He was cut off.
"I don't mean anything to you, do I?!" she continued on. "You're still in love with whats-her-name… Kikyo! I'm nothing but her reincarnation. Her replacement! A SHIKON NO TAMA DETECTOR!!!"
The situation steadily degenerated into a typical Inuyasha-Kagome argument complete with swearing and name-calling, all ending with Inuyasha getting "sat" of course.
Miroku, meanwhile, took advantage of the situation to slid over next to Sango and place his hand on her bottom.
"So Sango," he whispered in her ear. "Why don't the two of us show them what it's all about? We could—"
He never finished the sentence. Sango had knocked him unconscious.
A/N: Ah, the sex ed class from hell. If you don't recognize this, it's based on the "Growth and Learning" scenes from Monty Python's The Meaning of Life.