Chapter 8
By the time Ephram woke up the next morning the apartment was completely silent. The night before had been an adventure he didn't want to repeat. Amy had sobbed the entire drive home but by the time they got to the apartment she had passed out and Ephram had to carry her up the stairs and into her bedroom. His grandparents were home and in bed by the time Ephram reached the apartment and as quietly as possible he lay Amy in bed and covered her. Leaving a glass of water and aspirin on the bedside table Ephram and snuck back out of the bedroom and into his own room, knowing for sure that Amy would not want to see him first thing in the morning.
Slipping out of his bedroom and making his way to the kitchen he finds a note written in his grandmother's neat cursive saying that they were playing golf and then having lunch at the country club and that they wouldn't be home until around dinner time. Glancing at the clock though, Ephram was shocked to find that it was nearing one o'clock, not 10:10 like he had thought when he first glanced at the clock in his bedroom.
Deciding that he should probably check on Amy so knocking on her door lightly he doesn't expect and answer but gets one instead, "go away Ephram." Amy's voice sounds hoarse and it's obvious she had been crying.
"Amy..."
"Ephram please." Amy's voice sounds desperate, but for once Ephram doesn't give in to Amy's need to be alone.
Pushing the door open Ephram finds the room in total darkness and Amy is rolled up in a ball with the sheets pulled over her head. "Amy," Ephram whispers noticing that the aspirin and water he had left there hadn't moved at all. When Amy doesn't respond Ephram gently sits down on the bed next to her and he can feel her stiffen, but other than that she doesn't move. "Amy talk to me."
Amy takes a shaky breath but doesn't respond.
So Ephram states, "fine if you don't want to talk then I am going to talk at you. But either way I am not going anywhere." When Amy's silence is once again all that greets Ephram states, "I remember when my Mom died I was devastated. Before I knew what happened I was so angry because she didn't show up at my recital that night. I was so used to my dad flaking out and my mom doing just the opposite that it really hurt when she didn't show. My piano instructor said that I played the best she had ever seen that night, that emotion brought out the best in my music. By the time I got home though I was so steaming, at my mom for becoming who my father was and I still remember feeling that hatred disappearing when I walked into the apartment because every light in the apartment was on and my dad sat in the living room in tears. I figured my mom had finally gotten up the courage to do what I had been pressuring her to since I understood the concept, that she ahd finally gotten tired of him and she was leaving. Only what I didn't know was she was leaving all of us and I was never going to see her again.
For the longest time I blamed everyone I could think of. I blamed my dad for not leaving work on time and driving to my recital like the plan had been originally been. That way maybe something would have gone differently and my mom would have been saved. I blamed my dad for a long time, but it wasn't him that I hated and blamed the most. Most of all I knew that it was my fault that she had died. That if she hadn't have been coming to my recital in New Jersey my mom would still be there beside me through everything. Dad made us go see a councilor and he assured me that it wasn't my fault, that I had nothing to do with my mother's death. But I knew he had to be wrong. Innocent people don't just die like that without it being someone's fault and as much as I hated my dad then it was easiest to blame myself.
It took me a long time to realize that I really wasn't to blame, that I didn't have anything to do with the slippery roads that night, or the rain. And Amy it's not your fault that Colin died either."
Amy finally turns to face Ephram, her face through the dark is pale and there are black circles under her eyes and her voice is a hoarse whisper. "But don't you see Ephram? All of this is my fault. The accident is my fault. And the surgery that killed Colin in the end is my fault."
"How Amy?" Ephram asks gently.
"Colin was drinking that day because I was nagging at him, he never would have took off with Bright if I hadn't just let my annoyance go and enjoyed the day. But instead I acted like a priss toward him so he took off to get away from me."
"Amy, no. Colin and Bright made the decision to drink and drive that night, you had nothing to do with it. They were just trying to have a good time."
"But if it wasn't for me your dad wouldn't have done the surgery that lead to all the complications, and he might still be here right now."
"Still be in what, a coma?" Ephram questions.
"Who knows?" Amy asks "he may have woken up one day but I was just to impatient to wait around and see. I wanted everything my way, I wanted my boyfriend, I wanted him back now, and I wanted him back exactly the way he was before. I was just being selfish."
"Amy, don't say that. You can't play this guessing game, all it will succeed in doing is driving you crazy. There was a high chance that Colin would never wake up from that surgery and with the surgery you got to spend a couple more months with him then you would have if he had never woken up."
"But I knew he was sick! I knew that there was something wrong and I ignored it. Maybe if I had listened to you and Bright..." Amy stops, unable to speak through her sobs.
Ephram grabs Amy's shoulders, "stop this right now. You can't do this to yourself. You are going tom make yourself sick. Colin is dead, he's gone and he's not coming back and you have to move on with your life."
Amy stares shocked at Ephram and without saying anything she smacks him across the face and runs out of the room.
By the time Ephram woke up the next morning the apartment was completely silent. The night before had been an adventure he didn't want to repeat. Amy had sobbed the entire drive home but by the time they got to the apartment she had passed out and Ephram had to carry her up the stairs and into her bedroom. His grandparents were home and in bed by the time Ephram reached the apartment and as quietly as possible he lay Amy in bed and covered her. Leaving a glass of water and aspirin on the bedside table Ephram and snuck back out of the bedroom and into his own room, knowing for sure that Amy would not want to see him first thing in the morning.
Slipping out of his bedroom and making his way to the kitchen he finds a note written in his grandmother's neat cursive saying that they were playing golf and then having lunch at the country club and that they wouldn't be home until around dinner time. Glancing at the clock though, Ephram was shocked to find that it was nearing one o'clock, not 10:10 like he had thought when he first glanced at the clock in his bedroom.
Deciding that he should probably check on Amy so knocking on her door lightly he doesn't expect and answer but gets one instead, "go away Ephram." Amy's voice sounds hoarse and it's obvious she had been crying.
"Amy..."
"Ephram please." Amy's voice sounds desperate, but for once Ephram doesn't give in to Amy's need to be alone.
Pushing the door open Ephram finds the room in total darkness and Amy is rolled up in a ball with the sheets pulled over her head. "Amy," Ephram whispers noticing that the aspirin and water he had left there hadn't moved at all. When Amy doesn't respond Ephram gently sits down on the bed next to her and he can feel her stiffen, but other than that she doesn't move. "Amy talk to me."
Amy takes a shaky breath but doesn't respond.
So Ephram states, "fine if you don't want to talk then I am going to talk at you. But either way I am not going anywhere." When Amy's silence is once again all that greets Ephram states, "I remember when my Mom died I was devastated. Before I knew what happened I was so angry because she didn't show up at my recital that night. I was so used to my dad flaking out and my mom doing just the opposite that it really hurt when she didn't show. My piano instructor said that I played the best she had ever seen that night, that emotion brought out the best in my music. By the time I got home though I was so steaming, at my mom for becoming who my father was and I still remember feeling that hatred disappearing when I walked into the apartment because every light in the apartment was on and my dad sat in the living room in tears. I figured my mom had finally gotten up the courage to do what I had been pressuring her to since I understood the concept, that she ahd finally gotten tired of him and she was leaving. Only what I didn't know was she was leaving all of us and I was never going to see her again.
For the longest time I blamed everyone I could think of. I blamed my dad for not leaving work on time and driving to my recital like the plan had been originally been. That way maybe something would have gone differently and my mom would have been saved. I blamed my dad for a long time, but it wasn't him that I hated and blamed the most. Most of all I knew that it was my fault that she had died. That if she hadn't have been coming to my recital in New Jersey my mom would still be there beside me through everything. Dad made us go see a councilor and he assured me that it wasn't my fault, that I had nothing to do with my mother's death. But I knew he had to be wrong. Innocent people don't just die like that without it being someone's fault and as much as I hated my dad then it was easiest to blame myself.
It took me a long time to realize that I really wasn't to blame, that I didn't have anything to do with the slippery roads that night, or the rain. And Amy it's not your fault that Colin died either."
Amy finally turns to face Ephram, her face through the dark is pale and there are black circles under her eyes and her voice is a hoarse whisper. "But don't you see Ephram? All of this is my fault. The accident is my fault. And the surgery that killed Colin in the end is my fault."
"How Amy?" Ephram asks gently.
"Colin was drinking that day because I was nagging at him, he never would have took off with Bright if I hadn't just let my annoyance go and enjoyed the day. But instead I acted like a priss toward him so he took off to get away from me."
"Amy, no. Colin and Bright made the decision to drink and drive that night, you had nothing to do with it. They were just trying to have a good time."
"But if it wasn't for me your dad wouldn't have done the surgery that lead to all the complications, and he might still be here right now."
"Still be in what, a coma?" Ephram questions.
"Who knows?" Amy asks "he may have woken up one day but I was just to impatient to wait around and see. I wanted everything my way, I wanted my boyfriend, I wanted him back now, and I wanted him back exactly the way he was before. I was just being selfish."
"Amy, don't say that. You can't play this guessing game, all it will succeed in doing is driving you crazy. There was a high chance that Colin would never wake up from that surgery and with the surgery you got to spend a couple more months with him then you would have if he had never woken up."
"But I knew he was sick! I knew that there was something wrong and I ignored it. Maybe if I had listened to you and Bright..." Amy stops, unable to speak through her sobs.
Ephram grabs Amy's shoulders, "stop this right now. You can't do this to yourself. You are going tom make yourself sick. Colin is dead, he's gone and he's not coming back and you have to move on with your life."
Amy stares shocked at Ephram and without saying anything she smacks him across the face and runs out of the room.