Hello, all, I've returned at long last, but since I've kept you waiting
this long for my update, I'll shut up so you can read. IMPORTANT: Okay,
this is the second time that I've had to redo this dumb chapter on ff.net.
For some stupid reason, in this chapter, if I use the little "greater than"
and "less than" symbols like Ms. Applegate always uses to indicate thought
speech, it totally won't show any of that conversation. Therefore, I'll
have to use normal quotations. The noodle heads.
ADDED AS OF 05-10-04: Okay, this time I got everything in there, I'm
sure of it! One more time now!
Angel of Mercy or Angel of Death?
I figured my owl morph would be best for spotting a rat with. My diurnal bird was a merlin, and he would get tired out too quickly, so there I was in a dump at midnight, looking for one lost little, white rat.
"David!" I yelled. And yelled, and yelled.
No answer.
I was an idiot. What did I think I was doing? Playing God? Or Elimist? What did you think he'd do, Sarah? I asked myself scornfully. Run right into your open talons? I was just an altruistic moron, thinking I could make something good happen in a situation where the worst had already occurred.
In I had planned to swoop like an angel of mercy, and bring a few shattered lives a glimpse of peace. What if it didn't work? Ax said it might, but he also said there could be complications.
What if David couldn't pull it off? Assuming I ever found him and got him to the location everyone involved had agreed on, what if, after all that, nothing happened. David already wanted to die. I was hoping my plan would change that.
But if we failed...
"Kill me." That's what David had said. Begged. Rachel told me he'd begged her to finish him off. And Rachel, who had dreamed of doing just that, would not, or could not kill him. What if he asked the same of me?
Oh, bloody...he would. If I failed, he would beg of me the same thing. Could I do it, if I had to? To relieve his pain, could the angel of mercy become the angel of death? I didn't have an answer to that question.
What in the world was I doing out here?! I only had ten minutes left in morph, I had to leave. Now! Forget the plan! I'm not God, not an Elimist, and definitely not any sort of angel! I shouldn't have even ever suggested it.
What about David? A voice in my head whispered. What about Rachel? But... what about...oh bugger.
Fine. I'll call ONE more time...make it a good one...then I'm gone, I answered myself grumpily.
I thought as hard and loud as I could, "DAVID!!"
Silence. Well, I did what I said. It wasn't my fault, and maybe...maybe he's already dead by now. I turned in the air, letting my silent owl wings carry me away. I'd tried to do the right thing...tried...so why was I so mad at myself?
"Some angel," I thought bitterly.
I almost didn't hear it. As I flew away, a faint voice called.
"Rachel?"
I nearly dropped out of the air, and turn an immediate about-face.
"David!"
There he was, a scruffy little white rat, sniffing around, searchingly. "Go away, Rachel. Unless you're here to kill me, just go away."
I landed softly in front of him. I saw a spasm of panic run through his little rat body at the sight of the barn owl, one of the rat's natural enemies. He got control of his body and held still, anxiously waiting for the end to come.
"At last..."I heard him whimper longingly. It broke my heart.
"David...My name is Sarah."
He stared up at me. "Another newbie, huh? Well, watch your back, new kid. The Animorphs'll turn on you the moment you don't hop to it. What is this, initiation night? Proving yourself by killing me off? Or did the mighty Rachel just send you to finish her dirty work?"
"Actually, I've come to give you another option," I started, demorphing to human. It hadn't felt so irritatingly sanctimonious when I'd practiced the line in my head before. His tail twitched in annoyance.
"Spare me, new kid. After that last 'option' with Crayak, you think I'll listen to a nobody like you? Either end my life now, or stop wasting my time, Little Mission-of-Mercy."
Interesting choice of words, I thought. Ah, irony. I finished demorphing. What could I possibly say to convince this poor, stupid kid, who should never have been mixed up in this huge mess? I ordered myself not to cry.
"I want to give you a shot at a better life, David. The others have agreed to let you use the morphing cube...one more time." His tail stopped twitching. He looked up at me. "David," I whispered, "you can ESCAPE this yet. If you'll trust me. Please."
His voice was hoarse. "Why are you teasing me?"
"You don't have to go. I won't force you."
"Why would you try to help me?"
A tear ran down my cheek. Stupid 'angel', stop crying. "Because I'm so sick of inflicting pain!" I cried. "All I wanted was to do good..." I got under control, sniffling. "Look, I'll just leave you alone. Like I said, I won't force you." I began to remorph to barn owl. I was so stupid to think this would work. I spread my wings.
"Wait...please, don't go!" David scampered up to me. "Take me with you." he whispered, sounding embarrassed and desperate.
I took off, a barn owl a white rat held gently between her talons.
Angel of Mercy or Angel of Death?
I figured my owl morph would be best for spotting a rat with. My diurnal bird was a merlin, and he would get tired out too quickly, so there I was in a dump at midnight, looking for one lost little, white rat.
"David!" I yelled. And yelled, and yelled.
No answer.
I was an idiot. What did I think I was doing? Playing God? Or Elimist? What did you think he'd do, Sarah? I asked myself scornfully. Run right into your open talons? I was just an altruistic moron, thinking I could make something good happen in a situation where the worst had already occurred.
In I had planned to swoop like an angel of mercy, and bring a few shattered lives a glimpse of peace. What if it didn't work? Ax said it might, but he also said there could be complications.
What if David couldn't pull it off? Assuming I ever found him and got him to the location everyone involved had agreed on, what if, after all that, nothing happened. David already wanted to die. I was hoping my plan would change that.
But if we failed...
"Kill me." That's what David had said. Begged. Rachel told me he'd begged her to finish him off. And Rachel, who had dreamed of doing just that, would not, or could not kill him. What if he asked the same of me?
Oh, bloody...he would. If I failed, he would beg of me the same thing. Could I do it, if I had to? To relieve his pain, could the angel of mercy become the angel of death? I didn't have an answer to that question.
What in the world was I doing out here?! I only had ten minutes left in morph, I had to leave. Now! Forget the plan! I'm not God, not an Elimist, and definitely not any sort of angel! I shouldn't have even ever suggested it.
What about David? A voice in my head whispered. What about Rachel? But... what about...oh bugger.
Fine. I'll call ONE more time...make it a good one...then I'm gone, I answered myself grumpily.
I thought as hard and loud as I could, "DAVID!!"
Silence. Well, I did what I said. It wasn't my fault, and maybe...maybe he's already dead by now. I turned in the air, letting my silent owl wings carry me away. I'd tried to do the right thing...tried...so why was I so mad at myself?
"Some angel," I thought bitterly.
I almost didn't hear it. As I flew away, a faint voice called.
"Rachel?"
I nearly dropped out of the air, and turn an immediate about-face.
"David!"
There he was, a scruffy little white rat, sniffing around, searchingly. "Go away, Rachel. Unless you're here to kill me, just go away."
I landed softly in front of him. I saw a spasm of panic run through his little rat body at the sight of the barn owl, one of the rat's natural enemies. He got control of his body and held still, anxiously waiting for the end to come.
"At last..."I heard him whimper longingly. It broke my heart.
"David...My name is Sarah."
He stared up at me. "Another newbie, huh? Well, watch your back, new kid. The Animorphs'll turn on you the moment you don't hop to it. What is this, initiation night? Proving yourself by killing me off? Or did the mighty Rachel just send you to finish her dirty work?"
"Actually, I've come to give you another option," I started, demorphing to human. It hadn't felt so irritatingly sanctimonious when I'd practiced the line in my head before. His tail twitched in annoyance.
"Spare me, new kid. After that last 'option' with Crayak, you think I'll listen to a nobody like you? Either end my life now, or stop wasting my time, Little Mission-of-Mercy."
Interesting choice of words, I thought. Ah, irony. I finished demorphing. What could I possibly say to convince this poor, stupid kid, who should never have been mixed up in this huge mess? I ordered myself not to cry.
"I want to give you a shot at a better life, David. The others have agreed to let you use the morphing cube...one more time." His tail stopped twitching. He looked up at me. "David," I whispered, "you can ESCAPE this yet. If you'll trust me. Please."
His voice was hoarse. "Why are you teasing me?"
"You don't have to go. I won't force you."
"Why would you try to help me?"
A tear ran down my cheek. Stupid 'angel', stop crying. "Because I'm so sick of inflicting pain!" I cried. "All I wanted was to do good..." I got under control, sniffling. "Look, I'll just leave you alone. Like I said, I won't force you." I began to remorph to barn owl. I was so stupid to think this would work. I spread my wings.
"Wait...please, don't go!" David scampered up to me. "Take me with you." he whispered, sounding embarrassed and desperate.
I took off, a barn owl a white rat held gently between her talons.