THE EXORCI.. OH, WAIT A MINUTE!
Warning: Reading this fiction will ensure that you go insane. It has no
good plot, far too many appearences of the author, clumsy references to
music, and Moebius dancing in his boxers.
Disclaimer: Um, I own nothing. Don't sue.
A/N: Another extremely long author's notes, which no one cares about. A self-insertion fic. No it isn't. First of all I get possessed. Second of all, it isn't my character in this story. And the characters are probably out of character. But we'll just have to wait and see, now don't we. And why some of the characters are alive is not something to concern yourself with.
Turel: But you two are so much alike each other, Devil.
Demon: Can it, Turel. And my name is Demon now.
Turel: What's the freaking difference?
Demon: I don't have the time to explain, you ass.
AHEM, anyway, on with the story.
Once upon a time, in the land of Nosgoth. Kain was walking around in the sanctuary of the clans with the soul reaver in hands.
Kain: I'm bored. Where's Umah? (In this alternative universe they are married.)
Umah: (using the whisper) I'm at the stores to buy some clothes.
Kain: But. there isn't any stores in Nosgoth. I have destroyed them all.
Umah: I have found a portal to another world. It will take you to a place called Earth. But you need a host to be there.
Kain: How are you planning to send the clothes back here then?
Umah: A teleportation spell.
Kain: why didn't you just use a teleportation spell to get there in the first place?
Umah: Because I don't have enough magic to transport myself there, so it will just have to be the clothes.
Kain: Okay, but how are you planning on getting back here? And how are you gonna pay?
Umah: I am gonna use my sanctuary spell. And I borrowed your wallet.
Kain: Oh, okay.. (Wonders for a moment) You did what?
Umah: I hope it's okay.
Kain: No, it's not okay. How am I gonna get money now? There aren't any payjobs in Nosgoth.
Umah: Why don't you come here then? It's pleasant.
Kain: Okay, I'll come. I shall come and get you back here.
Umah: Great, see you here. Remember to get a host.
So Kain now have to go to Earth and find Umah in order for him to prevent her from using money from his wallet. Kain just doesn't have a fair life at all, huh? Poor Kain.
Kain: Yeah, why must I go through all this, when Umah have such an easy life?
Demon: Because I'm weird. And considering the facts, Umah took care of you, while you were just sitting on your flat ass, and then you kill her all because she took the Nexus stone from you. And since this has no relevance to the story whatsoever, we will continue.
Meanwhile on Earth, a young boy who isn't me, is talking to his girlfriend Jenny. (First sign it isn't me, I don't have a girlfriend named Jenny. Hell, I don't have a girlfriend. And my name is not Corey.)
Corey: So you wanna come up to the cabin with me this weekend?
Jenny: Yes, but I can't.
Corey: Why not?
Jenny: I have to go to a party with my parents.
Corey: Damn. But you are still coming to the Slipknot concert tomorrow, right?
Jenny: Yes, but I have to go now. I have to pack.
So Corey kissed her goodbye, and then he went home. Well, he was on his way.
In Nosgoth, Kain has gathered all main characters from the LOK universe. Here goes the list.
Kain (Okay, who didn't see that coming?)
Raziel (Both versions of him, vampiric form and soul reaver form)
Turel
Dumah
Rahab
Zephon
Melchiah
Mortanius
Janos Audron
Vorador
Moebius
Hash,ak,gik
Ariel
And a special appearance by . me. No, not really, I just can't think of anymore to send to Earth.
So Kain is crossing of names on the list to see if all are with him.
Kain: Okay, let's see, Kain.. Here. Raziel? Turel? Dumah? Rahab? Zephon? Melchiah? Mortanius? Janos? Vorador? Moebius? Hash? Ariel? Demon?
Demon: Ass. I said, I'm not in this story.
Kain: Oh, sorry.
Demon: although I might make an appearance later on. Might.
Both Raziels: Right here.
Turel: Packed and ready to go.
Dumah: I forgot my chainsaw.
Rahab: Do they have a lot of water on Earth?
Zephon: MUAHAHA.
Melchiah: Why did mommy leave daddy?
Mortanius: North is where your vengeance lies.
Janos: I hope there won't be any fighting.
Vorador: Are there any hot chicks on Earth?
Moebius: I shall kill you all, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Hash: B..ch I'll kill you. And Moby, you can get stomped by Obie. Nobody listens to techno, now let's go, just give me the signal and I'll be there with a whole list full of new insults.
Ariel: Somebody kill Kain. And shut up Hash, you were the one that started it all.
Hash: Actually, it was Azimuth. She summoned me.
Ariel: So you promptly go on a killing spree?
Hash: Yes.
Ariel: '
Kain: Alright, guys, break it up. Turel, do the spell.
Turel: Clatuu verada ni.. (Has forgot the word, so he opens up his spell book, but it's on the wrong page) ..ke.
A huge rumbling is heard as the demon Pazuzu comes up from the ground.
Hash: B..ch I'ma kill you, you don't wanna f..k with me.
So Hash and Pazuzu starts duking it out, but since Hash is so fecking strong, he easily kicks Pazuzus ass back to hell. Kain pimpslaps Turel over the head twice.
Kain: Ass, say the right words.
Turel: Okay, okay. Keep your skirts on.
Kain: What???? I'll kill you.
Kain is seriously POed, so it takes all the other characters to stop him from killing Turel. Kain breaks free and since I'm a Turel fan, I'll just use my powers to stop Kain. He now sits a room where all the members of Slipknot sits. So they start kicking his ass. This goes on for a while until I think I should save Kain. Since Mick is using his guitar to bash Kain, I transport him away from Slipknot.
Kain: Ouch.
Turel: Clatuu verada nictu.
The whole bunch is flying through a thick layer of mist. Suddenly they arrive.
Kain: What a strange feeling.
Hash: I think we made it.
Corey: Why the hell am I talking to myself?
Kain: Damn, I thought it would be harder to find a host.
SRRaziel: I wonder if this dude can use the wraith blade. (Summons the reaver)
Corey: Ahhhh, okay, recap. I have a glowing sword coming out of my hand, and I'm talking to myself in different voices. What the bloody hell is going on?
Kain: Relax, it's not forever.
Corey: What am I gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a preacher.
Hash: Unholy Hell.
Corey: But first, I got to go to that Slipknot concert!
******************************************************************* Will Hash be exorcised? Will the others? Will Jenny be bored at the party? Will anything insane happen at the concert? I have absolutely no idea. But 5 rewievs, we can start talking about it.
Turel: Why the bloody hell are you doing this to me if I'm your favourite character?
Demon: For the fun of it. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!! Oh, by the way, Corey and Jenny lives in London!
Flamer's note. Feel free to flame, it's gonna be a laugh. You see, I'll laugh over the fact that you are a loser with no life. If you don't like this story, fine, I don't care.
Disclaimer: Um, I own nothing. Don't sue.
A/N: Another extremely long author's notes, which no one cares about. A self-insertion fic. No it isn't. First of all I get possessed. Second of all, it isn't my character in this story. And the characters are probably out of character. But we'll just have to wait and see, now don't we. And why some of the characters are alive is not something to concern yourself with.
Turel: But you two are so much alike each other, Devil.
Demon: Can it, Turel. And my name is Demon now.
Turel: What's the freaking difference?
Demon: I don't have the time to explain, you ass.
AHEM, anyway, on with the story.
Once upon a time, in the land of Nosgoth. Kain was walking around in the sanctuary of the clans with the soul reaver in hands.
Kain: I'm bored. Where's Umah? (In this alternative universe they are married.)
Umah: (using the whisper) I'm at the stores to buy some clothes.
Kain: But. there isn't any stores in Nosgoth. I have destroyed them all.
Umah: I have found a portal to another world. It will take you to a place called Earth. But you need a host to be there.
Kain: How are you planning to send the clothes back here then?
Umah: A teleportation spell.
Kain: why didn't you just use a teleportation spell to get there in the first place?
Umah: Because I don't have enough magic to transport myself there, so it will just have to be the clothes.
Kain: Okay, but how are you planning on getting back here? And how are you gonna pay?
Umah: I am gonna use my sanctuary spell. And I borrowed your wallet.
Kain: Oh, okay.. (Wonders for a moment) You did what?
Umah: I hope it's okay.
Kain: No, it's not okay. How am I gonna get money now? There aren't any payjobs in Nosgoth.
Umah: Why don't you come here then? It's pleasant.
Kain: Okay, I'll come. I shall come and get you back here.
Umah: Great, see you here. Remember to get a host.
So Kain now have to go to Earth and find Umah in order for him to prevent her from using money from his wallet. Kain just doesn't have a fair life at all, huh? Poor Kain.
Kain: Yeah, why must I go through all this, when Umah have such an easy life?
Demon: Because I'm weird. And considering the facts, Umah took care of you, while you were just sitting on your flat ass, and then you kill her all because she took the Nexus stone from you. And since this has no relevance to the story whatsoever, we will continue.
Meanwhile on Earth, a young boy who isn't me, is talking to his girlfriend Jenny. (First sign it isn't me, I don't have a girlfriend named Jenny. Hell, I don't have a girlfriend. And my name is not Corey.)
Corey: So you wanna come up to the cabin with me this weekend?
Jenny: Yes, but I can't.
Corey: Why not?
Jenny: I have to go to a party with my parents.
Corey: Damn. But you are still coming to the Slipknot concert tomorrow, right?
Jenny: Yes, but I have to go now. I have to pack.
So Corey kissed her goodbye, and then he went home. Well, he was on his way.
In Nosgoth, Kain has gathered all main characters from the LOK universe. Here goes the list.
Kain (Okay, who didn't see that coming?)
Raziel (Both versions of him, vampiric form and soul reaver form)
Turel
Dumah
Rahab
Zephon
Melchiah
Mortanius
Janos Audron
Vorador
Moebius
Hash,ak,gik
Ariel
And a special appearance by . me. No, not really, I just can't think of anymore to send to Earth.
So Kain is crossing of names on the list to see if all are with him.
Kain: Okay, let's see, Kain.. Here. Raziel? Turel? Dumah? Rahab? Zephon? Melchiah? Mortanius? Janos? Vorador? Moebius? Hash? Ariel? Demon?
Demon: Ass. I said, I'm not in this story.
Kain: Oh, sorry.
Demon: although I might make an appearance later on. Might.
Both Raziels: Right here.
Turel: Packed and ready to go.
Dumah: I forgot my chainsaw.
Rahab: Do they have a lot of water on Earth?
Zephon: MUAHAHA.
Melchiah: Why did mommy leave daddy?
Mortanius: North is where your vengeance lies.
Janos: I hope there won't be any fighting.
Vorador: Are there any hot chicks on Earth?
Moebius: I shall kill you all, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Hash: B..ch I'll kill you. And Moby, you can get stomped by Obie. Nobody listens to techno, now let's go, just give me the signal and I'll be there with a whole list full of new insults.
Ariel: Somebody kill Kain. And shut up Hash, you were the one that started it all.
Hash: Actually, it was Azimuth. She summoned me.
Ariel: So you promptly go on a killing spree?
Hash: Yes.
Ariel: '
Kain: Alright, guys, break it up. Turel, do the spell.
Turel: Clatuu verada ni.. (Has forgot the word, so he opens up his spell book, but it's on the wrong page) ..ke.
A huge rumbling is heard as the demon Pazuzu comes up from the ground.
Hash: B..ch I'ma kill you, you don't wanna f..k with me.
So Hash and Pazuzu starts duking it out, but since Hash is so fecking strong, he easily kicks Pazuzus ass back to hell. Kain pimpslaps Turel over the head twice.
Kain: Ass, say the right words.
Turel: Okay, okay. Keep your skirts on.
Kain: What???? I'll kill you.
Kain is seriously POed, so it takes all the other characters to stop him from killing Turel. Kain breaks free and since I'm a Turel fan, I'll just use my powers to stop Kain. He now sits a room where all the members of Slipknot sits. So they start kicking his ass. This goes on for a while until I think I should save Kain. Since Mick is using his guitar to bash Kain, I transport him away from Slipknot.
Kain: Ouch.
Turel: Clatuu verada nictu.
The whole bunch is flying through a thick layer of mist. Suddenly they arrive.
Kain: What a strange feeling.
Hash: I think we made it.
Corey: Why the hell am I talking to myself?
Kain: Damn, I thought it would be harder to find a host.
SRRaziel: I wonder if this dude can use the wraith blade. (Summons the reaver)
Corey: Ahhhh, okay, recap. I have a glowing sword coming out of my hand, and I'm talking to myself in different voices. What the bloody hell is going on?
Kain: Relax, it's not forever.
Corey: What am I gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a preacher.
Hash: Unholy Hell.
Corey: But first, I got to go to that Slipknot concert!
******************************************************************* Will Hash be exorcised? Will the others? Will Jenny be bored at the party? Will anything insane happen at the concert? I have absolutely no idea. But 5 rewievs, we can start talking about it.
Turel: Why the bloody hell are you doing this to me if I'm your favourite character?
Demon: For the fun of it. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!! Oh, by the way, Corey and Jenny lives in London!
Flamer's note. Feel free to flame, it's gonna be a laugh. You see, I'll laugh over the fact that you are a loser with no life. If you don't like this story, fine, I don't care.