Title: But She Breaks

Author: Melanie-Anne

Email: melani_anne@yahoo.com

Rating: PG-13

Archive: Anywhere, just let me know so I can visit.

Summary: Takes place after Kryptonite. Calleigh returns to Louisiana to recover, and to hide. [Horatio/Calleigh]

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize isn't mine. Everything else is made up.

A/N: The second in my series. It's probably not going to make a whole lot of sense unless you've read Kryptonite.

* * *

I take

Just like a woman

Yes I do

And I make love

Just like a woman

And I ache

Just like a woman

But I break

Like a little girl

~Nina Simone, "Just Like A Woman"

* * *

Sometimes Calleigh wished she hadn't woken up at all. Every little movement hurt and when she wasn't strung out on sedatives, she was in the most pain she'd ever been in her whole life.

From the bits of conversations that she'd managed to piece together, it was a miracle she was alive at all.

A week after she woke up, the doctors started cutting down on the painkillers and Calleigh was able to hold a conversation without drifting off halfway. It was then that she noticed her room was filled with tulips. When a nurse read her the card, she found out they were from Horatio.

A few days after that, she was conscious when the nurse changed her dressings. She strained her neck to see, letting her head fall back against the cushions when the nurse said she'd fetch a mirror. The wound was ugly, black stitches standing out against the inflamed pink flesh. She decided she didn't want to see what her back looked like.

She didn't remember much of her abduction and injury. When Alexx filled her in, she looked up at the ceiling and blinked to keep the tears at bay.

Horatio visited every day, keeping her up to date on what was happening at CSI. She could see the guilt in his eyes, but somehow she couldn't bring herself to tell him it wasn't his fault. She remembered their single night together and knew he still wanted to talk about it, and she was glad when he didn't bring it up.

She smiled when her dad visited and cried when he told her he loved her.

The next time Alexx dropped by, Calleigh asked her if she'd ever wondered how her life would have turned out if she'd taken another path.

"All the time," Alexx said. "But then I think of what I'd be missing out now. Why, what's on your mind?"

"Nothing. Everything. I think about dying a lot." She chuckled. "I guess that's natural, though. Dr. Ruben tells me every day how lucky I am."

"You are lucky. If Horatio had found you any later . . ." Alexx caught sight of her friend's expression and trailed off. "What? What did I say?"

Calleigh closed her eyes, but she was stuck in a hospital bed and there was nowhere for her to hide. "Nothing."

"You know, I've never seen Horatio that upset before."

"Alexx, let's not talk about Horatio."

"Okay," Alexx said. She poured herself a glass of water.

"He was here again today."

Alexx smiled. "Really."

"I just . . . I don't know what to do. I mean, who knows how long I'm going to be stuck here for? And it's not like I know for sure that he's even interested in anything . . . in me." She sighed. "Come on, Alexx. Give me some advice."

"I thought you didn't want to talk about him."

Calleigh turned her head to her friend. "Alexx," she wailed.

"I can't tell you what to do."

Calleigh pressed her lips together in a thin line. "I think I want to go home for a while. I know my mother wants me back."

"A change of scenery might be good for you. It might give you a fresh perspective."

A fresh perspective, Calleigh thought. Yes, and no six-foot tall, red-haired distractions.

A month later, Dr. Ruben deemed Calleigh well enough to make the trip. It was a long, uncomfortable flight for her, but when she arrived in Darnell, she was glad she'd come. Her mother made sure she went straight to bed.

"That doctor of yours said you needed bedrest for another month at least," Marjorie Duquesne said in a no-nonsense tone. Calleigh was too exhausted to argue, and let the nurse her mother had hired settle her in her childhood bedroom.

She spent the next few days sleeping, reading, watching TV and talking to her mother. Marjorie hinted that now was the perfect time to think of a career change; Calleigh said she loved her job and she couldn't imagine ever doing anything else.

And she tried not to miss Horatio.

* * *

CSI wasn't the same without her. Horatio often walked into the ballistics lab with a question for her, only to remember too late that she wasn't there. Some nights he woke up expecting her to be on the other side of the bed; other nights he woke up dreaming of her broken, bloody body.

He wasn't the only one who missed her. Sometimes he found Speed or Delko in the lab, wishing they could bounce ideas around with her. He knew everyone had questions about his relationship with Calleigh; his behavior those horrific few hours when no one knew whether she would live or die had been that of a man who was on the verge of losing everything. Only Adele had asked outright, but he hadn't given her a straight answer. He couldn't give her an answer he didn't have.

He called Calleigh twice, but both times she was sleeping, her mother said. He hoped that was the case, and that she wasn't avoiding his calls.

One night he received a phone call from Kasey's bar. He stopped what he was doing and went to pick up Kenwall Duquesne. When Kenwall asked where Calleigh was, it took every ounce of Horatio's self-control not to grab him and shake him until he remembered. Instead, he quietly recounted, in vivid detail, the events surrounding Calleigh's injury. By the time he had finished, Kenwall was hunched over the bar, tears of self-recrimination pouring down his cheeks. He said he was sorry, and swore he'd change, that he'd make it up to her. Horatio asked him if he meant it.

When Horatio got home, he opened his liquor cabinet and poured the alcohol down the drain. He couldn't help thinking how easy it was to turn to drink in order to forget, and he could think of a few nights when he'd come close.

He didn't want to end up like Kenwall Duquesne.

* * *

Horatio slipped into the back row of the courtroom to observe Carlo Dos Santos' sentencing. The evidence against him had been overwhelming and he'd been found guilty of Ray's kidnapping and Calleigh's attempted murder. The judge leaned forward and looked straight at Dos Santos as he assured him he would live out his days in prison. As Dos Santos was led away, he turned and winked at Horatio.

Yelina invited him over for a celebratory dinner. He wasn't surprised when he arrived to find Hagen already there. He and Ray were playing catch in the back yard. Horatio felt a momentary pang of regret as he thought this was something his brother should be doing.

"He's doing a lot better," Yelina said. "The nightmares have almost stopped completely."

Horatio watched his nephew laughingly catch the ball. Ray seemed to be completely over his ordeal and Horatio hoped he'd been left with no permanent scars. "He looks happier."

"He is."

"You look happier too."

Yelina smiled. "I am. John's been a good friend. Ray likes him."

Horatio was happy for his sister-in-law. He squeezed her hand. "Good."

"Anyway, what about you? You've been miserable lately."

"I haven't."

Yelina tilted her head and raised her eyebrow. He knew she'd caught the lie. "You know, I'm sure Calleigh would like to hear how the trial went."

"It'll be in the papers," Horatio said.

"Sometimes you are too much like your brother." Yelina shook her head. She took Horatio by the hand and led him to the phone. "Remind me to tell you how he finally asked me out."

"Yelina—"

"I can't stand seeing you moping around for one more second." She held the phone in her outstretched hand. "So are you going to do something about it, or are you going to continue being miserable?"

Horatio stared at the phone, then smiled and held out his hand. Yelina was right; it was time for him to do something.