Chapter 4:
Credits: we don't own LotR and we found that it is fun to go to
lordoftherings.net and refresh the page until you hear Orlando Bloom's
voice say: "This is Orlando Bloom.
Welcome to Lordoftherings.net" *sigh* it's so wonderful! We don't own
Monty Python although we do agree it is hilarious. We don't own anything
else except this plot if u call it that and any characters we make up (???)
and any other stupid stuff we decide to include like quotes or something.
The spider incident is real and we own that in our book of stupid moments
together. That book is rapidly filling up you know.
"S.See.th.th.the.sh.sh.shrubbery?" Aragorn stammered.
"Yes. What's wrong with the shrubbery?" Legolas replied.
"N.Nothing! It just isn't its best. Why do you want to see the shrubbery anyway? What about the Knights of ni?"
"Oh Rubbish!" Gimli said. "They are just in the movies."
"No they aren't!" retorted Aragorn. "I met them once. It was, uh, scary."
"Uh-huh. Whatever." Legolas muttered "I just wanted to see what sort of shrubbery it was. I am an elf, and I like green leafy things (. That is why my name is Greenleaf!" Legolas stated as if it should have been obvious.
"Well, you can't see it. It is ill. It has a migraine and is light sensitive."
"I am good with plants. I can make its migraine go away!"
"Plants get migraines?" Gimli asked the hobbits. They shrugged. They didn't know!
"I don't care! It's my shrubbery and it said it was sick!" Aragorn insisted stubbornly. The rest of the fellowship, seeing as they were completely confused, ignored him for the time being. While continuing on their way in our non- descript forest, suddenly, *Gasp and Double Gasp* they were stopped. And they happened to be stopped by these tall weird people-things wearing all black, forest-floor-length robes, with olden helmets so that you couldn't see their faces. "Ni!" Their leader stood in front of them and stated the word proudly. The fellowship stared in confusion. 'What? Aren't these only in the movies?' they thought. "The knights of Ni demand a sacrifice." "What are you talking about? We can go where we want and we WILL pass through here." Gimli shouted at the knights. The group began to 'Ni' at them. The fellowship cowered in fear at the strangeness. "We demand.A SHRUBBERY!" *DUN!* They continued to 'Ni'. "All right, all right, we'll give you the shrubbery!!" They cried. "Hey, Aragorn! You have that shrubbery in your pack! Why don't you bring it out and give it to these knights!" Legolas called to Aragorn.
"But I threw it out since you said it was useless!"
"You idiot!"
"Well, it died but I threw it out anyway since you said it was crappy."
"I never said that!"
"Did too!"
"Did not!" The argument continued in this fashion for quite some time. Finally Gimli had had enough of this pansy womanly fighting.
"Enough, children! Stop your bickering! Let's just go find a different shrub!"
"Oh never mind!" the leader of the knights of Ni shouted. "I also am tired of your childish behavior. We have decided we do not want a shrubbery." The Fellowship wiped their brows in relief.
"Instead, we wish for.A STRAWBERRY FRUIT BAR!! *DUN!* One of those frozen popsicle things that you get in the frozen dessert isle. They are very nice you know. We enjoy them immensely."
"But they won't be invented for hundreds of years!"
"Oh well. Go to your nearest supermarket and buy one! Here's a discount coupon."
"What's a discount coupon?"
"It doesn't matter just take it and present it to the cashier when you buy the *beeping* fruit bar!"
"What's a cashier?"
"NEVERMIND! JUST BUY IT!"
"Buy the cashier?"
"NO! The fruit bar, idiots!" So they set out for their nearest supermarket conveniently located for their convenience in the middle of the non-descript forest in Middle Earth hopefully in the direction where they were headed. They walked in and approached the frozen dessert isle stealthily. You never knew where Orcs were hiding. However, they reached the freezer case safely. There they found *gasp* the legendary strawberry fruit bars. They bickered over which size to get. The individual or the 24 pack. Finally they decided on the 24 pack so each member in the fellowship could have one as well as being able to give one to the leader. They approached the man at the counter, assuming it was a cashier. As they reached the counter, they discovered *gasp* that the cashier was an Orc! Legolas immediately shot him down. But now, however, since there was no one to pay the money and the coupon to, they just walked out of the store ignoring the obnoxious beeping the things outside the door made to alarm when a shoplifter walks out. They made their way back to the place where the knights of Ni had last been, eating their fruit bars.
"Knights of Ni, we have brought you your fruit bar. Here's the coupon."
"You mean they didn't take the coupon?"
"There was no cashier to give the coupon to." Aragorn stated.
"The store was abandoned?"
"There was an orc at the counter. We think he killed the cashier."
"Stupid! He was the cashier."
"Oh. Well orcs don't like us so we killed him off."
"You WHAT???"
"We killed him."
"Well I knew that but, you actually.KILLED him?"
"Yes. Legolas shot him with his bow."
"I see. You know what that means, fellow knights?"
"Ni!" They all replied.
"FREE STRAWBERRY FRUIT BARS FOR ALL!"
"Ni! Ni!"* They all rush off to the supermarket to get their fruit bars. The fellowship left the area where the knights were and continued on their way. They were absolutely weird-ed out. As they continued on their way, a great shout was heard from Pippin. The fellowship turned to look at the hobbit.
"A spider! It's a spider!! Get it off me! Get it off me!" Pippin screamed in terror.
"A spider?" Gimli asked. "How stupid! Get it off yourself."
"But I'm afraid of spiders! Get it oooofffff!" he wailed.
"Well I'm not touching it. Make Legolas or Aragorn get it."
"Then you're afraid too!" Pippin said, with a half smile on his face, while still trying to run away from the spider, which was on his back. The spider was quite small so there was really no reason for him to be afraid, but tell that to Cherry when there's a spider by her! "Shut up!" quoth she! She is trying to ignore the spider that we trapped under Kiwi's discus box which is next to her. We didn't feel like trying to throw it outside since it IT ESCAPED! WHERE IS IT!?!?!?!?!? "Oh my God" quoth she. (Note, this event did take place, just now, well, now as in when we were writing it aka 2:48 pm on May 29th). We just trapped it under a glass coaster where it will die of suffocation slowly if Kiwi's dad doesn't get home from the grocery store soon. Btw, he's there to buy us strawberry fruit bars! We love them. The spider's death, though, will please Cherry immensely, as it jumped at her while trying to make its escape. Anyway, back to the story.where were we? Ah yes!
"I am not!" cried Gimli. "They are just, uh, creepy."
"Scaredy cat, scaredy cat!" Pippin rejoiced, momentarily forgetting the spider, though how he could do that, Cherry doesn't understand.
"Oh stop it! I will get the stupid spider and end the miserable quarrel." Legolas interrupted. He proceeded to remove the spider and flung it into the forest.
"Why didn't you kill it?" quoth Pippin.
"Because that's mean."
"No. That's stupid! Now it can get me again."
"Well don't let it get you again."
"How am I supposed to keep it away?"
"Bug repellent. You can go buy it at that one supermarket." The rest of the fellowship highly disagreed on going all the way back to the supermarket just to buy bug spray but they didn't want to live through another incident of this sort. So they trudged back to the supermarket by the land of the knights of Ni.
*****explained***** *only one this time! You really should try saying the 'Ni's out loud on your own. It is a lot of fun! Maybe its just us and sugar but whatever.
"S.See.th.th.the.sh.sh.shrubbery?" Aragorn stammered.
"Yes. What's wrong with the shrubbery?" Legolas replied.
"N.Nothing! It just isn't its best. Why do you want to see the shrubbery anyway? What about the Knights of ni?"
"Oh Rubbish!" Gimli said. "They are just in the movies."
"No they aren't!" retorted Aragorn. "I met them once. It was, uh, scary."
"Uh-huh. Whatever." Legolas muttered "I just wanted to see what sort of shrubbery it was. I am an elf, and I like green leafy things (. That is why my name is Greenleaf!" Legolas stated as if it should have been obvious.
"Well, you can't see it. It is ill. It has a migraine and is light sensitive."
"I am good with plants. I can make its migraine go away!"
"Plants get migraines?" Gimli asked the hobbits. They shrugged. They didn't know!
"I don't care! It's my shrubbery and it said it was sick!" Aragorn insisted stubbornly. The rest of the fellowship, seeing as they were completely confused, ignored him for the time being. While continuing on their way in our non- descript forest, suddenly, *Gasp and Double Gasp* they were stopped. And they happened to be stopped by these tall weird people-things wearing all black, forest-floor-length robes, with olden helmets so that you couldn't see their faces. "Ni!" Their leader stood in front of them and stated the word proudly. The fellowship stared in confusion. 'What? Aren't these only in the movies?' they thought. "The knights of Ni demand a sacrifice." "What are you talking about? We can go where we want and we WILL pass through here." Gimli shouted at the knights. The group began to 'Ni' at them. The fellowship cowered in fear at the strangeness. "We demand.A SHRUBBERY!" *DUN!* They continued to 'Ni'. "All right, all right, we'll give you the shrubbery!!" They cried. "Hey, Aragorn! You have that shrubbery in your pack! Why don't you bring it out and give it to these knights!" Legolas called to Aragorn.
"But I threw it out since you said it was useless!"
"You idiot!"
"Well, it died but I threw it out anyway since you said it was crappy."
"I never said that!"
"Did too!"
"Did not!" The argument continued in this fashion for quite some time. Finally Gimli had had enough of this pansy womanly fighting.
"Enough, children! Stop your bickering! Let's just go find a different shrub!"
"Oh never mind!" the leader of the knights of Ni shouted. "I also am tired of your childish behavior. We have decided we do not want a shrubbery." The Fellowship wiped their brows in relief.
"Instead, we wish for.A STRAWBERRY FRUIT BAR!! *DUN!* One of those frozen popsicle things that you get in the frozen dessert isle. They are very nice you know. We enjoy them immensely."
"But they won't be invented for hundreds of years!"
"Oh well. Go to your nearest supermarket and buy one! Here's a discount coupon."
"What's a discount coupon?"
"It doesn't matter just take it and present it to the cashier when you buy the *beeping* fruit bar!"
"What's a cashier?"
"NEVERMIND! JUST BUY IT!"
"Buy the cashier?"
"NO! The fruit bar, idiots!" So they set out for their nearest supermarket conveniently located for their convenience in the middle of the non-descript forest in Middle Earth hopefully in the direction where they were headed. They walked in and approached the frozen dessert isle stealthily. You never knew where Orcs were hiding. However, they reached the freezer case safely. There they found *gasp* the legendary strawberry fruit bars. They bickered over which size to get. The individual or the 24 pack. Finally they decided on the 24 pack so each member in the fellowship could have one as well as being able to give one to the leader. They approached the man at the counter, assuming it was a cashier. As they reached the counter, they discovered *gasp* that the cashier was an Orc! Legolas immediately shot him down. But now, however, since there was no one to pay the money and the coupon to, they just walked out of the store ignoring the obnoxious beeping the things outside the door made to alarm when a shoplifter walks out. They made their way back to the place where the knights of Ni had last been, eating their fruit bars.
"Knights of Ni, we have brought you your fruit bar. Here's the coupon."
"You mean they didn't take the coupon?"
"There was no cashier to give the coupon to." Aragorn stated.
"The store was abandoned?"
"There was an orc at the counter. We think he killed the cashier."
"Stupid! He was the cashier."
"Oh. Well orcs don't like us so we killed him off."
"You WHAT???"
"We killed him."
"Well I knew that but, you actually.KILLED him?"
"Yes. Legolas shot him with his bow."
"I see. You know what that means, fellow knights?"
"Ni!" They all replied.
"FREE STRAWBERRY FRUIT BARS FOR ALL!"
"Ni! Ni!"* They all rush off to the supermarket to get their fruit bars. The fellowship left the area where the knights were and continued on their way. They were absolutely weird-ed out. As they continued on their way, a great shout was heard from Pippin. The fellowship turned to look at the hobbit.
"A spider! It's a spider!! Get it off me! Get it off me!" Pippin screamed in terror.
"A spider?" Gimli asked. "How stupid! Get it off yourself."
"But I'm afraid of spiders! Get it oooofffff!" he wailed.
"Well I'm not touching it. Make Legolas or Aragorn get it."
"Then you're afraid too!" Pippin said, with a half smile on his face, while still trying to run away from the spider, which was on his back. The spider was quite small so there was really no reason for him to be afraid, but tell that to Cherry when there's a spider by her! "Shut up!" quoth she! She is trying to ignore the spider that we trapped under Kiwi's discus box which is next to her. We didn't feel like trying to throw it outside since it IT ESCAPED! WHERE IS IT!?!?!?!?!? "Oh my God" quoth she. (Note, this event did take place, just now, well, now as in when we were writing it aka 2:48 pm on May 29th). We just trapped it under a glass coaster where it will die of suffocation slowly if Kiwi's dad doesn't get home from the grocery store soon. Btw, he's there to buy us strawberry fruit bars! We love them. The spider's death, though, will please Cherry immensely, as it jumped at her while trying to make its escape. Anyway, back to the story.where were we? Ah yes!
"I am not!" cried Gimli. "They are just, uh, creepy."
"Scaredy cat, scaredy cat!" Pippin rejoiced, momentarily forgetting the spider, though how he could do that, Cherry doesn't understand.
"Oh stop it! I will get the stupid spider and end the miserable quarrel." Legolas interrupted. He proceeded to remove the spider and flung it into the forest.
"Why didn't you kill it?" quoth Pippin.
"Because that's mean."
"No. That's stupid! Now it can get me again."
"Well don't let it get you again."
"How am I supposed to keep it away?"
"Bug repellent. You can go buy it at that one supermarket." The rest of the fellowship highly disagreed on going all the way back to the supermarket just to buy bug spray but they didn't want to live through another incident of this sort. So they trudged back to the supermarket by the land of the knights of Ni.
*****explained***** *only one this time! You really should try saying the 'Ni's out loud on your own. It is a lot of fun! Maybe its just us and sugar but whatever.