Joan couldn't believe that she was still standing outside Adam Roves house. She had been there for twenty minutes now debating on wither she should go talk to him or just go home. She knew she had to make up her mind soon. Adams next door neighbor, an elderly woman, had been peaking through her blinds for the past five minutes. 'She probley thinks I'm a stalker,' Joan thought to herself. Finally Joan took a deep breath and headed towards Adam's workshop. Halfway there she stopped.
"Maybe I should just go home," she said out loud to herself. Joan turned around and started to leave.
"What are you doing here," Adam asked as he stood in the doorway of his workshop. Joan stopped in her tracks and closed her eyes. She had been caught. Now she had no choice but to talk to him. Joan turned around and slowly started walking towards Adam.
"I just came by to talk to you." Adam looked at her for a second and turned around.
" I don't think we really have anything to talk about Joan," Adam said as he took a seat at his work station and started to act like he was to busy for her. Joan walked up to the spot Adam had just been, not knowing if she should just go or try and stay to talk. She stood there for a few seconds, staring at him while he picked up different sizes of metal. She couldn't help but think of her little cheerleader at home that Adam had made for her. It seemed like such a long time ago that he had given it to her. She didn't know how much she really cared for it until Adam started hating her. Now it was one of the most precious things she had, even though it was just scraps of metal. That was back when he called her Jane. Now every time he said her name, a part of her cried. When the name Joan came out of his mouth, it almost always came out hateful. She wished things were back to Jane. She really liked Jane. She missed Jane.
"You can't stay mad a me forever Adam," Joan finally said. Adam looked up from his work after she said that
"You wanna bet." Tears started to form in her eyes. She looked away from him, hoping that he wasn't seeing her start to break down.
" At least let me explain why I did it Adam," Joan said through a cracking voice as she looked back over at him.
"There's nothing to explain Joan. You destroyed something that I cared deeply about," Adam said as he took his eyes off of her and back to his art. He could see that she was starting to break down. Her lip was even doing the little quiver thing that girls do when the cry. He couldn't feel sorry for her, he wouldn't. Even though a part of him wanted to. Even though he had only known her for a couple of months it seemed like it had been for years. That's why it hurt so much when he found out what she did. He thought she would have been the last person to ever hurt him.
"You don't think I know that," Joan said to him. " I knew that your art meant the whole world to you."
"Then why do it Joan. You keep saying your sorry but you never give me a reason why you would do something so hurtful," Adam snapped at her. " I thought we were friends."
" We are," Joan started to say."
"More like were," Adam snapped back at her. Those words stabbed right into Joan. She closed her eyes and leaned against the doorframe, trying desperately to hold in all the tears that wanted to escape. Finally she opened them back up and saw that Adam was still looking at her. His eyes seemed to be filled with hate. Joan couldn't stand that she was the reason they looked that way.
" I did it cause I care for you," Joan said through a shaky voice.
"Oh you care about me. Well you got a terrible way of showing it," Adam said to her. She looked so hurt but at this point he didn't care. He had to get it out of him. All the anger he felt for the one person he thought he would never hate. " I'm actually starting to think you never cared at all." Joan couldn't believe he had just said that. For him to think that she hadn't cared for him at all.
"Maybe I should just go," Joan said as she finally lend back off of the frame.
"Yeah maybe you should," Adam snapped back at her. Joan stared into his eyes, hoping that he would just take back the last sentence. Adam just stared right back at her.
"Fine," Joan said as she turn her back to him and started to walk away. Adam watched her for a second and then went back to his work. Joan had made it half way out of his yard when she stopped. She couldn't help but feel that her walking away was wrong. She knew she had to stay and tell him the reason why she did it. And she knew that he had every right to snap at her, but she should at least tell him the truth about why she did it. Of course she would leave out the God part. Joan turned back around and walked back up to his shop. Instead of stopping at the door though she headed right towards where Adam was working. Adam looked up at her, surprised that she had come back. " I destroyed it cause I didn't want you to leave, ok. I knew that if your art was sold, you would leave school and I thought I would probley never see you again." Adam stood up from his chair, he was now just inches away from her.
" I wouldn't have done that to you. Just because I was leaving school doesn't mean that I would be leaving everything behind." Tears started to stream down Joan's face.
" I got scared Adam. Scared that you would just go away. I didn't want to lose you," before Adam knew what was happening, Joan's arms where wrapped around him. His wall of hate started to break down. " And now I have. I'm so sorry Adam. I really truly am." Adam wrapped his arms around her. " I hate myself for making you feel the way you do. I now wish I could take it all back." Adam couldn't believe what he was hearing. How much she really cared for him. It started to click in his head what she was trying to do. She was afraid that if he left school, she would lose him. He wasn't sure what it all meant at the moment, but knew that from now on things were going to become better between them. "
"Its ok," Adam said as he tried to comfort her.
" No it's not," Joan said to him through sobs of tears. " I should have talked to you about it instead of destroying your art."
" I think I understand why you did it," Adam said as he started to stroke her back. Her chest had been heaving from the crying. It was now starting to settle down. She had laid her head down on his shoulder and he was now starting to play with her hair. " Everything's going to be all right Jane." Joan's heart skipped a beat when he had said that Joan looked up at Adam and smiled. " I really missed her."
Adam smiled back at her " so did I."
