The Fellowship Discovers Fanfiction ~ Chapter 8! Can you believe it?
Neither can we...
We, of course, are being the Co-authoresses, Cherry and Kiwi. Hence the
name CherryKiwi, do you get it now?
Disclaimer: No matter how much we pray and plead and beg with God, no matter how long we "indefinitely borrow" J.R.R. Tolkien's characters, we will never own Lord of The Rings *sobs*. Cherry is glad to announce that she did, in fact, come into possession of a bottle of spider repellent. However, it does not repel disgusting Charlie and his not-so-secret gay lover, the roach groove master, Reggie. You see, Reggie has a modicum of cool because he never approached our room nor participated in the raping of our chaperone. Charlie was on his own there, as Reggie was jammin' to the tunes in our friends' room as we played Schmuck, AKA @$$hole. And anyway, he died well. *evil laughter* *cough* Ahem. We also do not own any Kentucky FireWaterTM AKA, whiskey. We are underage. Well, on with the story.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ When we last left our brave adventurers, they had stumbled upon, and were following a lavender-ish gravel road at the dubious guidance of the pointy- hat-ed one (A/N: it is incredibly mind-boggling for this blonde authoress to distinguish between having a hat and being hated.). While traveling this pleasantly purple track, we contemplated Aragorn's admiration of the archer's abs (A/N: I am going to drive us all up the wall with these alliterations.). At the Evil CliffieTM Kiwi kindly left us at, Aragorn turned to Legolas with a disturbing declaration:
"Legolas, I have something to confess." In light of the recent admission of admiration for his abs, this was enough to unnerve the elf. Legolas braced himself for the worst. He tentatively prodded on his rugged companion, who had stopped. He seemed to be choked up on something.
"What would that be, Aragorn?" Legolas asked nervously. At this could-be-construed-as-kind response, Aragorn broke into the un-manliest tears. Really. He cries in a girlier manner than Arwen. He turned and collapsed on the nearest fellowship member, sobbing. The fellowship was dumbfounded as to why he was crying. They all immediately commenced to glare at Legolas, who it seemed had been the trigger of this outburst. For a few moments, there was no sound except for the future king's cries and the occasional hiccup.
"What did you do to him?!" Boromir (A/N: I know I asked where he was back in chapter 6, but I forgot- I sent him off to bathe. He's back, and smells like my cherry-almond bathsoap! Yummy. Yes, and that reminds Kiwi that her shower gel is in fact, Cherry Kiwi scented!! Wow!), whose shoulder Aragorn happened to be using as a pillow/tissue, whispered furiously at Legolas. Legolas hated to see this pitiable state in Aragorn, but elves are more accustomed to such breakdowns. After all, look at how much pressure is on them to be perfect. They have to have nervous break-downs on a regular basis! I know that miruvor of theirs is more than sparkling water *nods sagely* (*un-lady-like snort from Cherry* sparkling Kentucky FireWater perhaps.). Boromir however was not comfortable with emotion at all.
"I didn't do anything to him! I just asked him what his confession was!!" Legolas whispered back, just as heatedly. "Why are we whispering?" Gimli asked the hobbits. They whispered among themselves for a moment, then turned back to him. "We don't know" Aragorn had, by this time, gathered himself a bit. He stood on his own away from Boromir, for which the no-longer-smelly one was grateful. He pulled out Arwen's lacy, frilly, unreservedly girlie handkerchief and dabbed at his eyes.
"Forgive me, but this is so emotional for me! *sniffle* You see, I have so much pressure on me to be perfect because I'm going to be king, but I just can't measure up to your amount of alarmingly male-ness! *sob* I have ruggedness down to perfection! I have the just-rolled-out-of-bed, mussed hair look down pat! I have the piercing blue eyed gaze! I just can't get down to that 28-inch waist and flat stomach! I know Arwen's been staring at your washboard, chiseled, 8-pack, perfect (Again, we could stay here for hours.) perfect abs! Don't deny it!! I know you show off for her!! I can't blame her though for wanting someone without love handles- Not that I have any! I just want to know how you do it!" Aragorn confessed.
"Arwen was checking me out?" Legolas asked excitedly, after all, this is the even star we're talking about-the babe of every red-blooded male in Middle Earth. He had, of course noticed when she was watching him, but he hadn't been sure she was interested.
"Keep your hands off her you pansy!" (*gasps heard from the authoresses, along with hisses of hatred* "How dare he?!" Quoth Cherry, "Shhh! Legolas will defend his honor!" Quoth Kiwi). Legolas wisely backed off in the face of one very PO'd ranger who out weighed him by a good number of pounds, though exactly how many Aragorn has forbidden us to tell.
"Easy! I was just kidding! Uh.How do I keep these oiled abs? It's Easy! I get a lot of exercise!" Legolas revealed.
"I do exercise a lot! What kind of exercise do you do?"
"Uh...um..that is. well.. I can't tell you." Legolas stuttered. (*evil chuckle from Cherry, she knows what kind of exercise he's been getting!*)
"Why not?! PLEASE!!!"
"I just can't! Not in front of the shrubbery!!!!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Not in front of the shrubbery? It seems Aragorn's little fib has backfired on him yet again! Will he reveal his dirty little secret in favor of getting ab-vice from Legolas? Will Arwen ever get her hanky back? Why does Aragorn care what his abs look like? He's got great eyes! Find out in the next installment of this loony lay: Chapter 9!!!!!
Disclaimer: No matter how much we pray and plead and beg with God, no matter how long we "indefinitely borrow" J.R.R. Tolkien's characters, we will never own Lord of The Rings *sobs*. Cherry is glad to announce that she did, in fact, come into possession of a bottle of spider repellent. However, it does not repel disgusting Charlie and his not-so-secret gay lover, the roach groove master, Reggie. You see, Reggie has a modicum of cool because he never approached our room nor participated in the raping of our chaperone. Charlie was on his own there, as Reggie was jammin' to the tunes in our friends' room as we played Schmuck, AKA @$$hole. And anyway, he died well. *evil laughter* *cough* Ahem. We also do not own any Kentucky FireWaterTM AKA, whiskey. We are underage. Well, on with the story.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ When we last left our brave adventurers, they had stumbled upon, and were following a lavender-ish gravel road at the dubious guidance of the pointy- hat-ed one (A/N: it is incredibly mind-boggling for this blonde authoress to distinguish between having a hat and being hated.). While traveling this pleasantly purple track, we contemplated Aragorn's admiration of the archer's abs (A/N: I am going to drive us all up the wall with these alliterations.). At the Evil CliffieTM Kiwi kindly left us at, Aragorn turned to Legolas with a disturbing declaration:
"Legolas, I have something to confess." In light of the recent admission of admiration for his abs, this was enough to unnerve the elf. Legolas braced himself for the worst. He tentatively prodded on his rugged companion, who had stopped. He seemed to be choked up on something.
"What would that be, Aragorn?" Legolas asked nervously. At this could-be-construed-as-kind response, Aragorn broke into the un-manliest tears. Really. He cries in a girlier manner than Arwen. He turned and collapsed on the nearest fellowship member, sobbing. The fellowship was dumbfounded as to why he was crying. They all immediately commenced to glare at Legolas, who it seemed had been the trigger of this outburst. For a few moments, there was no sound except for the future king's cries and the occasional hiccup.
"What did you do to him?!" Boromir (A/N: I know I asked where he was back in chapter 6, but I forgot- I sent him off to bathe. He's back, and smells like my cherry-almond bathsoap! Yummy. Yes, and that reminds Kiwi that her shower gel is in fact, Cherry Kiwi scented!! Wow!), whose shoulder Aragorn happened to be using as a pillow/tissue, whispered furiously at Legolas. Legolas hated to see this pitiable state in Aragorn, but elves are more accustomed to such breakdowns. After all, look at how much pressure is on them to be perfect. They have to have nervous break-downs on a regular basis! I know that miruvor of theirs is more than sparkling water *nods sagely* (*un-lady-like snort from Cherry* sparkling Kentucky FireWater perhaps.). Boromir however was not comfortable with emotion at all.
"I didn't do anything to him! I just asked him what his confession was!!" Legolas whispered back, just as heatedly. "Why are we whispering?" Gimli asked the hobbits. They whispered among themselves for a moment, then turned back to him. "We don't know" Aragorn had, by this time, gathered himself a bit. He stood on his own away from Boromir, for which the no-longer-smelly one was grateful. He pulled out Arwen's lacy, frilly, unreservedly girlie handkerchief and dabbed at his eyes.
"Forgive me, but this is so emotional for me! *sniffle* You see, I have so much pressure on me to be perfect because I'm going to be king, but I just can't measure up to your amount of alarmingly male-ness! *sob* I have ruggedness down to perfection! I have the just-rolled-out-of-bed, mussed hair look down pat! I have the piercing blue eyed gaze! I just can't get down to that 28-inch waist and flat stomach! I know Arwen's been staring at your washboard, chiseled, 8-pack, perfect (Again, we could stay here for hours.) perfect abs! Don't deny it!! I know you show off for her!! I can't blame her though for wanting someone without love handles- Not that I have any! I just want to know how you do it!" Aragorn confessed.
"Arwen was checking me out?" Legolas asked excitedly, after all, this is the even star we're talking about-the babe of every red-blooded male in Middle Earth. He had, of course noticed when she was watching him, but he hadn't been sure she was interested.
"Keep your hands off her you pansy!" (*gasps heard from the authoresses, along with hisses of hatred* "How dare he?!" Quoth Cherry, "Shhh! Legolas will defend his honor!" Quoth Kiwi). Legolas wisely backed off in the face of one very PO'd ranger who out weighed him by a good number of pounds, though exactly how many Aragorn has forbidden us to tell.
"Easy! I was just kidding! Uh.How do I keep these oiled abs? It's Easy! I get a lot of exercise!" Legolas revealed.
"I do exercise a lot! What kind of exercise do you do?"
"Uh...um..that is. well.. I can't tell you." Legolas stuttered. (*evil chuckle from Cherry, she knows what kind of exercise he's been getting!*)
"Why not?! PLEASE!!!"
"I just can't! Not in front of the shrubbery!!!!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Not in front of the shrubbery? It seems Aragorn's little fib has backfired on him yet again! Will he reveal his dirty little secret in favor of getting ab-vice from Legolas? Will Arwen ever get her hanky back? Why does Aragorn care what his abs look like? He's got great eyes! Find out in the next installment of this loony lay: Chapter 9!!!!!