By Mlle Lambert
Spoilers: "Meridian" is the only one I can spot.
Season/Sequel: Season Six
Rating: PG
Content Warnings: Character death
Pairings: Daniel/Janet
Summary: She's so tired of being without him.
Status: Complete
Disclaimer: Whoever owns them owns them! If I did, I'd be writing
the scripts, not the fanfic!
Author's Notes: The lyrics to "My Immortal" fit this story so
well, and I just had to put them in here. Reviews are much appreciated!
Written: November 15, 2003
Archive: Ask me first.
I've got to get away from here. I need change. I must leave so I can let go. This place reminds me too much of him. It leaves me with questions that I could never answer in my wildest dreams.
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Because your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
What if I'd told him about my secret attraction? What if I had
taken him up on his offer? I remember the words he spoke like it was
yesterday. "If you need anything…" Those six syllables haunt me every
moment now that he's gone.
If only the courage I needed to confess had been found before it was
too late. If only I knew whether he felt the same way or if he viewed me
as nothing more than a friend. There are so many what ifs and if onlys.
How could I have been so blind? The man I loved was the one I helped
make it through all of those hardships, and he, in turn, did the same
for me.
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
I used to be so awed by his love for life. He would sacrifice his
own for another if it meant saving innocent people. He died as a result
of this, and because of that, I love and hate him, but I respect him for
his heroism. In a way, I'd like to do that.
My dreams are filled with images of him lying in that bed, slowly
dying. His voice resounds in my mind when I walk by a place where he
spent a lot of time. It almost seems as if he's following me wherever I
go.
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
One thing that troubles me more than anything else is the face that I don't know if he's dead or not. I think I'll go on believing that he is out there somewhere contributing to the greater good. I only wish that he would tell me so it could help with the pain.
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
Tomorrow I'll turn in my resignation. Tomorrow I'll catch a flight to as far away from here as I can get. Cassie will understand. I'm sure she and Sam will enjoy the time they'll have when I'm gone.
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
I arrive home after what seems like the longest drive from the
base. Cassie's already asleep and I don't see any reason to disturb her.
I get ready for bed and I'm about to turn off the light when a light
breeze plays with my loose hair. I face the direction from where it
came. He's standing there watching me. "Daniel?"
"I'm so sorry, Janet," he says sadly.
"Wh—why are you here?
"To tell you that you can't leave."
"But—"
He stops me with his hand. "You'll understand in time."
Nodding, I realize it's now or never. "Daniel, I—"
"I know, Janet, I know. I love you, too."
I smile and look down at the floor. When I return my gaze to the point
where he stood, I see that he's gone again. "Goodbye, Daniel." I wipe
the tears from my eyes.
Switching the lights off, I climb into bed thinking that maybe I
should stay here after all. I'm sure he wants me to remain for a reason,
and that's exactly what will happen.
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me.
You know what to do. Just press that little purple button at the bottom…I know you can do it…;-)