Fourteenth chapter: From deep within

He had been sitting for a long time, resting his arm about her shoulders. She had cuddled up to him and was sleeping with a peaceful expression on her face. Frodo listened to her regular breath, reaching out his other hand for her. Carefully he touched the red bruises on her throat. It was a loving gesture, but his face showed his wrath. She had been hurt because of the child. Now she had to lie - because of everything that had happened and she must not lose the baby.
He remembered her wish to have a child. They had hoped for it, but they hadnt reckoned it to happen so soon. And now it seemed wrong. Frodo remembered the happiness though that had been in her voice when she had told him. Despite all fear she had been so glad and still she was. She would be a mother although she had given up hope long before.
She was suffering. What was he to do now? Could he ever imagine her horror? He knew that something horrible and cruel would have happened if Eowyn hadnt come. It was true - maybe she would have been badly injured if there hadnt been Torgil. Somehow Frodo felt pity for the boy who had lost his brother to evil.
Frodo always asked himself what Eowyn might have seen, but should he ever dare to ask her?
Slowly and shyly he placed his hand on Lilianes belly. He would be a father - a strange and wonderful feeling, but he had never reckoned someone to do any harm to his family. He knew he was an aim for acts of revenge, he wasnt just a Hobbit from the Shire. But she was.
Was it his mistake?
Suddenly he was startled by a silent knock on the door. It was opened slowly and Frodo saw Sams curly head.
There is someone waiting for you... some of the boys, he said. Slowly Frodo rose and nearly fell, he felt so weak, but Sam came and supported him. Liliane didnt wake up when they left the room. Frodo wasnt afraid, but he was surprised as he saw them in the hallway. There were some of these who he had known as Messengers, but they were unarmed and wore different clothes, nothing black anymore.
Some of them knelt down when they saw him. Frodo felt nearly ashamed, he knew they had been under a spell, they were only normal boys and to him it was enough that they had come.
No, rise, he said and sucked in his breath. Slowly they did as they had been told. They looked at him in awe and for a while nobody spoke.
Aragorn, Sam and Bergil were beside him. Frodo looked at Maethor, Daugamir, Gurtor and others whose names he didnt know, but he remembered their faces. They had all come, nearly a dozen boys were standing there with shy faces.
I didnt mean to... I... Im sorry, Daugamir said, being the first to speak. Frodo stepped forward and took his hand. The lads were aware of his bandages and his pale face, his wounds and bloodshot eyes. He looked terrible.
I will forgive you, Frodo said.
H-how is you wife, Master Baggins? Didnt she want to see us? Id like to ask her to forgive me, Gurtor said. There was truth in his eyes.
She is asleep now... I didnt want to wake her up, shes not fine... she nearly lost the baby because of her shock.
Gurtor gaped at him in dismay. Then he hid his face in his hands and shook his head. He knew which shock Frodo was speaking of.
Tell her Im so sorry, please, will you do so? Gurtor said. Frodo smiled warmly at the boys and said: Thank you for coming here, I know it wasnt your will nor your fault. You shall be forgiven like Torgil, all of you. Don
Suddenly they all heard a fearful cry. It was Liliane, calling out Frodos name.
he whispered, turned and swayed back into the room. Leaning on the wall he saw her, she was about to get up and didnt stop although she noticed him.
No, stay in bed! Im right here, dont be afraid. Whats wrong? Frodo asked, approaching her and embracing her tightly. She was trembling all over and clutched him.
re here... she whispered. After a while Frodo got to know that she had been roused by a nightmare in which he had died. When she had woken up, he had been gone. She didnt even know where she was.
m fine, Liliane. I was just outside with some of the boys who asked to be forgiven. Its over, dont have fear.
Liliane looked at him and smiled wearily, but she calmed down.
Dear... I have a question, Frodo said. Gurtor asked me to see you.
He is here, too? Who else is here?
There were many of those who had never been in touch with the Hobbits, but still felt guilty. And then there were those who had been in touch with them - in every way one could think of.
Liliane nodded. She was prepared to see him.
Frodo told Sam to let them come in one after another. Gurtor and Daugamir were the first ones to ask for forgiveness. Liliane was surprised to see Gurtor so much changed. She remembered how those lads had treated her, but now it was very different. She was relieved.
Every one of them spoke to the Hobbits for a while, also speaking of their personal experiences with that evil. Frodo understood them so well.
They werent afraid that moment. Frodo wasnt angry at them, but to know that Gordir was dead... he felt no pity for his torturer. The only thing he felt concerning the merciless leader was anger, burning anger. How could he connect his deeds with his family? And how could he hurt Liliane? He had had no right to do that.
Frodo looked at her and felt tears in his eyes. She had been the one to snatch him from his misery, now she was miserable herself.
Was all good in her destroyed the way it had been in him?
What is it, Frodo? she asked. Everybody had left. They knew that Sam and Bergil were still outside, but Aragorn had returned to the citadel where Torgil was waiting for him. They had to see his parents. Aragorn knew the boy needed his help, how should he dare to return home now? A good explaination for Torons death was needed. Aragorn knew that the boys parents would listen to their king, they would listen to his words like nobody elses. And Torgil needed their help after all!
The Hobbits sat beside each other in silence for a while. Frodo didnt reply at first. Bravely he tried to fight the tears.
Why dont you hate me now? Why? he asked. Why dont you hate me for being the one who let it come to this?
Liliane reached out her hand and stroked the cut on his cheek very tenderly. She had laid down again, but he was sitting and staring at the wall.
Because youre innocent. You know that yourself. Frodo, I loved you just when I first saw you. Now I know why you always tried to hide your past, but I accepted it as a part of you. This is love! Ive sworn myself to be on your side. Always, no matter what would happen. I knew it could be dangerous, but I decided to risk it. And I will stay with you, youll be a father and this is what Ive been dreaming of. I dont care about anything else! You didnt hurt me during these days. No, you were the one who was beaten up badly protecting me. How could I ever stop loving you? I cant. But be aware of one thing: Treat me with care, Frodo. I... I mean, I...
Suddenly she trailed off and closed her eyes. She was shifting uneasily which made Frodo lie down beside her, wrapping his arms around her.
I know what you are speaking of, he said. She was suffering from a trauma, he knew best what that was like. But there was something else, he was sure about that.
He had to find out what the boys had done. She couldnt tell him, but he had to know, otherwise he wouldnt understand her.
I love you, Frodo Baggins, she said.

Merry and Pippin hadnt yet dared to see their friends in the Houses of Healing. Sam had come to the citadel to tell them what had happened, but Bergil still sat before the door of the Hobbits room, accompanied by one of the royal guards.
Merry and Pippin were silent. Sam had told them of everything, even the horrible sight he had had to bear during Frodos torture. Later Aragorn had joined them, so he was to find out about it, too.
Torgil had already told him of the actions down in the cellar room of the headquarters. The king was dismayed. Now he knew what the Hobbits had been through, but he wasnt sure whether he really had wanted to know.
He left Merry, Pippin and Sam. The Hobbits were sitting together, deep in thoughts and full of sorrow. They decided to pay special attention to their friends in order to help them.
Aragorn met Gandalf in the hallway. The wizard had spoken to some of the lads who were still frightened by the events, especially some of the younger ones.
How are Frodo and Liliane? was his first question. He hadnt yet had the time to see them, but he would do so later.
t ask, replied Aragorn. They sat down in one of Aragorns working rooms which were full of books and maps and old paper.
I wish Id never have been told what happened to them. You will not believe it, but its much more of a torment than the quest was for Frodo. You have seen him, but these were only his visible wounds.
Gandalf nodded. Yes, I know. I will not doubt that he will have the strength to return back to his life, but what about Liliane? He will find strength in comforting her, but where will she find her strength in? What happened to her?
Nothing really, but still it was enough. Eowyn arrived in time. And I took care that the deputy leader is arrested. Like Gordir, he believed in what they did and he still does. Before the guards shut the door, he said something about the Hobbits I will not repeat here.
He had insulted Liliane and threatened to kill Frodo at once if he had the chance to.
Gandalf asked him what he intended to do with Ortherion now.
I dont know yet, but he will be condemned for several things. It needed no spell to make him do what he did. He doesnt feel sorry for it and therefore I will show no mercy. All the others I cant really punish, their shock was real. Once the spell was broken they were all equally dismayed. If the Hobbits are able to forgive them, I will do so, too.
Gandalf had a different opinion, but he understood Aragorn. Even if the boys hadnt been under a spell, most of them wouldnt really have known what they had been doing. They were only boys.
He could not punish the boys for the evil that had led them. There was a difference.
And what about the Hobbits shocks? asked Gandalf. Aragorn shrugged helplessly.
I will be with them as often as possible. They need help, I think. I know Frodos strong will, but what about Liliane? First they cant leave, she has to stay in bed. But when they leave, Ill lead them the way to the Shire. My blindness let this happen, its my duty as their friend to help them!
They continued to talk for a while, but there was not much use in that. They had to wait and be patient.

Bergil was cleaning Torons sword. He couldnt bear his friends blood on it. Leaning on the wall he sat on the ground, polishing the silver blade with immense patience. There was nothing else he could do.
Legolas and Gimli arrived together with Faramir to ask for the Hobbits. Bergil told them that they were asleep, he couldnt hear their voices anymore and he was right.
s good that theyre able to sleep. I wonder how I will find sleep tonight, Faramir said.
Oh, I will, Gimli grumbled. I have to prepare for my meeting with that deputy leader!
Legolas shook his head and smiled. He shoudl take care that Gimli wouldnt do something hed better leave.
Two or three days passed like that. Faramir and Eowyn came to see Frodo and Liliane together with Legolas and Gimli, later Merry, Pippin and Sam arrived with Aragorn. Gandalf came to see them all on his own. He talked to Frodo about the Messengers intentions which had been led my Morgoth. While they were speaking, Liliane was lying beside them wordlessly. It was all the same as it had been with the others, too. Frodo noticed her apathy and it troubled him, but he didnt know what to do about it. He never left her, talked to her, but her answers were short - if she gave some.
It tore his heart. In some way he understood her - he was haunted by nightmares himself, he dreamt of Gordir and the torture he had done to him, but he also dreamt of Liliane and the lads. One night he woke up with his heart pounding and cold sweat on his forehead because he had seen how she had lost the baby.
But he was not as apathetical as she was. He had learned how to cope with pain like that. She had not done the least part to help him to forget his wounds of the War of the Ring, but now she was suffering from her own wounds.
Their friends couldnt always help them. Merry and Pippin tried to cheer them up, Legolas and Gimli told the Hobbits of their journey through Middle-earth and Faramir gave report about the behaviour of the lads who had been Messengers before. Some of them came to talk to Gandalf about the events and every one of them was shocked because of what he had been involved in.
One day Aragorn came to see Bergil who still didnt leave the Houses of Healing. He spent the day with Frodo and Liliane. She was happy about his presence, she liked the boy as much as she liked all of Frodos friends.
You shall be honoured, Bergil, Aragorn said as he sat down beside Frodo and the boy. Bergil looked at him with big eyes and nearly blushed.
But why, my Lord? What honour should be mine?
You dont know? Let Frodo tell you, said the king and Frodo spoke about what Aragorn had thought of.
Bergil had come to help them under risk of his life and he had been the one to save Frodos life when he had shot Gordir.
You let evil fail, Frodo added.
And so it came. The next day many people gathered in a square, amongst them there were many of the lads who had been involved. People had found out about the events and were curious to learn more.
Even Torons parents had come with Torgil. The boy grieved for his older brother, everyone could see that.
The spell of evil has been broken now. The young lads who are the future of Gondor are free again. I do not deny my helplessness and the fact that I didnt see the danger, I didnt see how serious it was. But the lads themselves werent the danger. It was Morgoth, represented by the leader and founder of the Messengers of Darkness.
Aragorn spoke loudly and in a tone which didnt let people doubt the strength of his will. I had no choice but be a friend and help Frodo. The deputy leader still is arrested, I cannot show mercy in this case. I know my duties as your king and I will take care for the safety of our people. Things like that must not happen again. Those who have been involved know it was no game. It was paid with blood. Remembering the fear of two halflings, there were two amongst the lads who tried to protect them, ignoring the danger their own lives were in. One could escape the hands of evil and later saved Frodos life. He shall be honoured for his courage!
Aragorn gave Bergil a sign to step forth and so the boy did. People applauded and smiled at him warmly. It was an awkward situation for the fourteen-year old, but he stood firmly and answered the friendliness with his smile, but he didnt feel like smiling.
He is the protector of the halflings, Bergil Berianeth, son of Beregond, Aragorn said and Bergil gaped at him in disbelief. He was able to translate the title that the king had given to him and it filled him with pride after all - he saw his father standing in front of the crowd. Beregond was proud, too.
But I survived, Bergil said, unsheathing Torons sword which he still kept.
My friend didnt. I had no choice but to leave Toron, son of Targon, to his fate. He had joined me in protecting the halflings and couldnt escape the leaders revenge. The leader killed Toron, he executed him with his own sword.
Aragorn was surprised that Bergil now spoke, but he let him. The boy raised Torons sword high and it shone in the sun, brightly and intensely.
Toron fought bravely. We must never forget him. I grieve for him, but my grief can never be like that of his brother and his parents. Think of him with pride, he deserves it!
He shall be called a hero who was there to help his brother and the halflings. He acted bravely, Aragorn said. Do not forget the deeds of Toron Berenthalion!
Bergil fought hard to breathe. He could hardly stand all the honour that was in the kings noble speech. Words could never express the truth.
And he was glad when it was over. But then Torons father came, right as Bergil wanted to sheath the sword, and reached out for it. Bergil handed it to the man who looked at the weapon sadly. Then he touched the blade carefully and looked at Bergil.
Keep it, my son, he said. We have the remembrance of our son, you shall have his sword. Its a good weapon which will help you to be better at swordfighting. You might need it, keep it and use it!
Bergil could not answer. He was deeply moved by Targons words and felt tears in his eyes when he saw the man leave. But he would respect the mans wish.

She had given up. She knew there was no way to move, she couldnt move, she was lying like paralyzed, waiting for him to do it. Liliane looked at Torgil who answered her gaze and in his eyes she saw what he felt. He didnt want it either, but he was ready for it now.
, he suddenly whispered. Liliane bit her lip and closed her eyes, she didnt care whether he was sorry or not - he would do it. There was no way for her to escape.
she whispered. He had not replied for so long a while now.
Torgil came nearer and bent down, but just in this moment they were all startled by a voice from behind.
Now lets bring to an end what we have just started!
When Torgil turned about, breathing hard, he gave way for Liliane to see who it was. To her dismay she saw Gordir and Ortherion coming down the stairs.
Leave, all of you, Gordir said. Go and see what you helped to do. Its over. Go up and look!
Torgil looked at his leader who was followed by his deputy. He was surprised. But before he could say anything, Gordir hissed: Go take your trousers and leave! Youre not needed here.
Lilianes eyes grew wide, but Torgil did as he had been told. He was the last to leave the cellar. Gordir and Ortherion came closer.
He is dead, Gordir said quietly with a threatening tone in his voice.
You can call it a bloody mess. Would you now like to see him one last time? He bleeded to death. Look!
He knelt down beside her and held up his dagger so that she could see it. It was full of blood, it even dripped down on her dress.
Liliane bit her lip until she tasted blood, she turned her head away and closed her eyes. Shaken by sobs she began to scream, stricken by the most intense terror.
She knew Gordir spoke the truth. He had killed Frodo. He was dead.
It was as if it came from far away, but she heard Sam. He was still alive, calling her name. Good Sam, at least they hadnt killed him, too.
But was there any comfort in it?
You will bring it to an end now, Gordir said, looking at Ortherion. You can have her. And make sure youre not too friendly! Remember, its the Ringbearers child she bears. Its all that is left of him now, but that must not be! Be a servant to our leader, Melkor the Great!
Liliane closed her eyes again. She had looked at Gordir for a moment, but when she saw Ortherion preparing to follow Gordirs command, she could not bear the sight.
Look at me, Gordir demanded and so she did then.
Listen to me. We will not kill you, the lord forbid it. But we will not release you either. Never. Now you shall be a servant to Melkor like us, it will free you from your sins. Later we will take you to a place were none of your poor friends will find you. But you have the choice, maybe you would like not to be alone? What about the little fellow up there? We could let him join you, its your decision! Isnt that a friendly offer? You should be grateful!
Liliane did not answer. There was no feeling left inside of her. She knew Gordir spoke the truth, she would be delivered to them as long as they liked it.
But how should she care? Frodo was dead. And she knew it would take minutes for the deputy leader to destroy everything that was still left. Everything.
Gordir gave way and sat down leaning on the wall. He played with the bloody dagger and feasted his eyes on Lilianes agony as Ortherion came closer. And he showed no mercy. He didnt hesitate like Torgil.
She felt only pain. There was nothing but pain left in her life. Frodo had been executed cruelly. But at least he didnt have to suffer anymore.
She still had. She had never before known pain like that, but she did not give a sound. Movelessly she stared at the ceiling and her wish to die grew intensely.
She knew Gordir was watching. They took everything from her, but she did not have the will to fight anymore. She decided to let it happen. But would it be easier?
Now it was all too late. Again she only felt pain.
But then she gasped and nearly screamed - and opened her eyes.
Breathing hard she gaped at the ceiling, turned her head and saw that nobody was there. She was all alone, lying in bed like she had been for days. She had stretched out her arms to the left and the right, she was lying like she had been in the headquarters and she found herself unable to move.
She knew it had been a nightmare. But she had seen what would have happened if the others hadnt come.
Liliane tried to calm down, her stomach nearly cramped again, but she took a deep breath and the feeling of pain passed at once.
Yet she couldnt move. She didnt know why, but she couldnt.
she said, barely audiable, but she always repeated it, her voice growing louder and louder. It merely took seconds until he came in, swaying and unable to walk properly because of his twisted ankle, but he came. Frodo had been sitting before the door with Bergil, the door had been open and he had let her sleep.
Frodo looked at her in wonder, saying nothing. She was sobbing silently, didnt move, just looked at him with a glance begging for help.
He walked towards the bed, bent down and lifted her up in his arms, embracing her tightly. But only seconds later she suddenly screamed, struggling to get free and Frodo let go of her, gazing at her helplessly. He didnt understand.
Liliane couldnt bear his touch. She could bear no touch at all, she had dreamt of the worst thing possible and could not bear it. But when she looked at him, his eyes showing his pain, she felt so sorry.
Please leave me, I... I cant... leave me alone, Frodo...
Her voice was quavering as if she was afraid. Frodo backed away and turned about, he said nothing, then he left the room and closed the door behind him.
Liliane sank down sobbing. Why had she done that? But could she ever tell him what she had seen?
Tears were running down Frodos cheeks. He stared somewhere when Bergil rose and looked at him.
s wrong? he asked. Frodo turned to him, stepping forward and then he put his arms around the young boy who was so much taller than he was.
A nightmare? Bergil asked and saw Frodo nodding, but the Hobbit said nothing. Bergil stroked his curly head and sighed.
Again. They needed help, both of them. Frodo had just said to him that he feared to lose her - now Bergil knew what he had been speaking of. Liliane could not bear his presence.
I... I have to see Eowyn, Frodo whispered and raised his head. It was the only chance that was left for him. There was no other. He had never wanted to ask her, he didnt want to know, but he had to. Otherwise he would never know how to behave.
Forlas, will you stay here? Ill take Frodo to Lady Eowyn, Bergil said to the guard who nodded with a friendly smile.
Supported by Bergil Frodo made his way to the citadel. They knew that Eowyn was to find there. Bergil didnt really understand why Frodo wanted to see the Lady, but he would help him to get there.
They met some people on their way. Frodo was known as the Ringbearer and he knew that people had heard of his abduction, but their reactions still surprised him. They gaped at the stitched cut in his face, the white bandages about his wrists and how weak he was walking. They met him with pity, they did not ignore it although nobody said anything to them.
Do I look that bad? he suddenly asked quietly. Bergil grinned.
No. But when they saw you years ago, they took you as a hero - and now youre far from that.
I always was. Frodo did not look at the boy when he said that.
Finally they reached the citadel. The guards greeted them in a friendly manner and let them pass. Their way led them straight to where Bergil reckoned to find Eowyn - and so it was. She was sitting in the room that she lived in while staying in Minas Tirith. Faramir was not there, but she wasnt alone after all. Arwen was with her.
When Bergil opened the door after a careful knock, the women both rose and Frodo said: I am sorry if I disturbed you - but may I talk to you, Eowyn? Its... its important.
Without any comment Arwen left the room, smiling warmly at the Hobbit, and Bergil followed his queen. Frodo and Eowyn sat down and for a while there was only silence in the room, but suddenly Frodo raised his head and said: s afraid of me. Liliane just had a nightmare and now... now she cant even bear if I only embrace her... I... I dont know what to do...
She didnt tell you what she had been dreaming of? Eowyn asked carefully, but Frodo only shook his head. He wished she had, but he knew she wouldnt talk. She never did, she had been silent for days.
No. But when I entered the room, she was lying there like petrified with her arms stretched to the left and the right. She didnt move, maybe didnt even try to. She was only calling for me, just the way she had done when she had been down there.
When Eowyn heard his words, she lowered her head and sighed loudly. Of course Frodo wouldnt know what that meant, but she did. Yet before she could say anything, Frodo asked: What was it like? What have you seen when you came down there?
Eowyn looked at him again.
It looked like that. What youve seen was the same. When I came down the stairs, I nearly collided with half a dozen boys who were standing there, watching Torgils actions. I guess they had been discussing for a while because they must have been down there for long already, but nothing had happened so far. The soldiers disarmed the boys and I ran forth to Torgil and Liliane. He was kneeling in front of her, just about to undress. It was terrible... they had bound her arms to some table legs on each side. She had no chance to get free or rise. This must have been the most threatening thing: She was lying helplessly and they were all around, the lads, watching.
She had spoken with a calm voice, but this was the contrary of her emotions. Eowyn wouldnt have felt different about the situation.
They were all down there... watching?
Eowyn nodded. Yes. And when I cut her bonds, she didnt move, she didnt rise. I had to help her. Again its the same... It all happens again. She cant forget it.
Frodo bit his lip. He understood everything so far - but he didnt understand one thing.
I cant forget either what Gordir did to me, but... Id understand if she was afraid of the boys or men she doesnt know, but... but its me that shes afraid of...
Frodo raised his hands and hid his face. He felt tears burning in his eyes, but he couldnt cry.
Yes, I know. Maybe you cant understand... she cant bear your touch. Its not because of you, its because of the fact that youre close to her. It has nothing to do with her love.
Frodo wrinkled his brow.
But I am close to her! Were married! And I love her more than my life... how can it be that it has nothing to do with her love, but she cant bear my touch? It was to comfort her...
Eowyn sighed. She knew he couldnt understand. But how was she to explain?
See... she had just had a nightmare and you dont know what happened in that nightmare. If she even was lying as she might have dreamt, I know why she cant bear your touch. Just imagine she dreamt of what Torgil would have done if we hadnt come!
No. Wait. Its me, Im not Torgil! I would never hurt her... doesnt she know that? Why is she afraid of me? Doesnt she recognize me? I... I will lose her that way! How can I help her if she wont let me?
They looked at each other in silence for a moment until Eowyn answered. Frodo wouldnt lose her and she told him so. Liliane had needed him before and she would need him again.
She loves you dearly. Didnt she call your name? It was you that she was calling for. She hadnt reckoned her reaction to your touch herself. And you know that she was sorry. Theres nothing you can do but wait. Be patient and careful with her. It will take some time, but once she will want to be close to you again, just like before. You know that! And let me tell you something: You didnt know what to do before you came. I hope you know now.
She told him to speak to Liliane. He could only find out about what she couldnt bear if he asked her. Now that he knew what it had been like, it might be easier to handle.
And dont forget yourself, Frodo.