Well, the good news is, I'm out of the river.
The bad news is...well, everything else.
For a start, guess what picked the Ring up out of the water? A Hobbit of all things!
And he almost left me at the bottom of the river! I had to wiggle up after him and grab onto his foot-hair. And I can tell you one thing, Hobbit-feet smell!
An just when I had gotten some sort of grip, that Smeagol guy comes and strangles him. His best friend! Man, these people are evil!
...I should try and learn something from them.
Anyway, so Smeagol took the Ring, and i managed to get a good grab of his hair - I think I'm getting the hang of this!
So you think my precious Ring might have been rusty after all that time in the sea? Not a chance! (well, i know gold doesn't rust, you idiot! that's beside the point) Smeagol went and caused trouble for everyone, so he got kicked out. The Ring's trying to get back to Mordor, y'see?
This is where the trouble started. Because stupid Smeagol, or Gollum, as he calls himself now (he's a Schizo, I tell you, it's scarry!) didn't go to Mordor, the stupid cretin, nooooo, the sun stung his prious little eyes, so he had to go off and hide in a cave! Can you believe it? So here's me, stuck in this..Hobit=thing's hair, while he goes and swimms in a stupid underground lake.
I think I'm starting to mould again.
It's not a nice feeling, I can tell you.
I sure hope the Rings planning something. If only the stuid idiot didn't eat all the orcs we came across, one of them could maybe get the Ring back.
Who would want to eat orcs anyway, that's dis-gus-ting!
I sure hope he doesn't find me, or he'll eat me too, and then how am I supposed to rule Middle earth? From Gollum's stomach?!
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A/N: almost slipped into the Ring's viewpoint a couple of times there.
Not the greatest chapter ever, but I promise it'll pick up after this, when we get into the Hobbit and LotR