Disclaimer: The creative genius Ms. Watase owns all things Fushigi Yuugi.
*sob*
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Death. It is most commonly defined as the ending of life. An inadequate description. Death means so much more than people understand. Only one who has danced with dark could begin to comprehend its extraordinary beauty. And I've danced with hell more times than I care to count.
What a gift this enemy seishi gives me! I feel his arm through my chest, I feel the pain of my heart being torn open by this boy who calls himself Tamahome. Ah, how few also know that pain too can be so very entrancing. I have known this as a part of myself since Seiryuu branded me with the mark of "Kokoro" on my forehead.
How amusing, I've always thought, that my mark means "Heart" when I abandoned that so long ago. It has saved me from so much weakness, so many mistakes. I never was controlled by my feelings. I never gave in to rash impulses. I am not sorry my heart is dead. I am only sorry that all my effort has come to nothing.
The boy barely understands what he sees in my heart. I'm not surprised. It was a singular experience. What an impassive way of putting the one thing that convinced me that to live in this universe was living in hell! Hell was surely the one thing that I tried to show to the enemy. Such as that time when my Miko despaired for the boy Tamahome. I gave him to her... As I remember, I realize I want to see the boy's eyes again. I remember they were such remarkable eyes. Sometimes gold... sometimes blue- green.. sometimes black. Very expressive eyes, they always told me how he felt. As I force his head up, I am not surprised to see a tear slip down his cheek. He pities me. How amusing... and irritating, that this boy should pity me, who is in so many ways his better.
My mind wanders in dying. How could I have lost.? Kill the boy. That was my mission. Kill the boy and that girl-miko and I would have had my path to greatness and revenge. I was so ready to win. So ready. And now. it will never come to pass. Was it my fault? Did I choose my path? Or was I manipulated so easily, like how I controlled the others?
Maybe I'm weak. Maybe that's why he won. Maybe I shouldn't have toyed with them, shouldn't have pushed them. I should have just killed them and taken my wish from my Miko. What a curious title for her... Yui was never worthy to be a person with so much power. Strange, isn't it, how the rest of us were all so much stronger. and yet we have lost. All has come to naught. I never thought I could know those words as my own. I would find it amusing.... if I weren't so cold and tired inside.
Suzaku... I saw you in Tamahome's face as he brought me my gift. And Seiryuu.. where were you?
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Death. It is most commonly defined as the ending of life. An inadequate description. Death means so much more than people understand. Only one who has danced with dark could begin to comprehend its extraordinary beauty. And I've danced with hell more times than I care to count.
What a gift this enemy seishi gives me! I feel his arm through my chest, I feel the pain of my heart being torn open by this boy who calls himself Tamahome. Ah, how few also know that pain too can be so very entrancing. I have known this as a part of myself since Seiryuu branded me with the mark of "Kokoro" on my forehead.
How amusing, I've always thought, that my mark means "Heart" when I abandoned that so long ago. It has saved me from so much weakness, so many mistakes. I never was controlled by my feelings. I never gave in to rash impulses. I am not sorry my heart is dead. I am only sorry that all my effort has come to nothing.
The boy barely understands what he sees in my heart. I'm not surprised. It was a singular experience. What an impassive way of putting the one thing that convinced me that to live in this universe was living in hell! Hell was surely the one thing that I tried to show to the enemy. Such as that time when my Miko despaired for the boy Tamahome. I gave him to her... As I remember, I realize I want to see the boy's eyes again. I remember they were such remarkable eyes. Sometimes gold... sometimes blue- green.. sometimes black. Very expressive eyes, they always told me how he felt. As I force his head up, I am not surprised to see a tear slip down his cheek. He pities me. How amusing... and irritating, that this boy should pity me, who is in so many ways his better.
My mind wanders in dying. How could I have lost.? Kill the boy. That was my mission. Kill the boy and that girl-miko and I would have had my path to greatness and revenge. I was so ready to win. So ready. And now. it will never come to pass. Was it my fault? Did I choose my path? Or was I manipulated so easily, like how I controlled the others?
Maybe I'm weak. Maybe that's why he won. Maybe I shouldn't have toyed with them, shouldn't have pushed them. I should have just killed them and taken my wish from my Miko. What a curious title for her... Yui was never worthy to be a person with so much power. Strange, isn't it, how the rest of us were all so much stronger. and yet we have lost. All has come to naught. I never thought I could know those words as my own. I would find it amusing.... if I weren't so cold and tired inside.
Suzaku... I saw you in Tamahome's face as he brought me my gift. And Seiryuu.. where were you?