Here is part 2, finally!! I just want to say thanks to jjaks for helping me out with it!! !
It was a little after 3:30 in the morning and Chandler and Monica were still lying in bed together in his old bedroom. They hadn't said anything in the past few minutes; Monica was just content lying in his arms thinking about the wedding, which was just a few hours away. As her head rested on his chest, she heard him sigh deeply. He had his left around her and began to brush his fingers up and down her arm. She lifted her head and looked up at him.
"Are you still thinking about it?" she asked him, seriously.
"How could I not be? I feel like such an idiot for not remembering something that important."
"Honey, its okay." Monica smiled, placing her hand on his chest. "I mean it wasn't exactly the most romantic night we've ever had. Believe me."
"But it was our first night."
"Would you feel better if I told you about it?"
"Yeah, do you mind?" He asked her, slightly smiling.
"Of course not. Come here." She told him, pulling him into a hug. She placed her head on his shoulder, then they returned to lying in each other's arms with her head resting comfortably on his chest.
****
Thanksgiving, 1988
Jack Geller walked through the front door and flipped the switch to turn on the lights in the front foyer. Judy, Monica, and Rachel came in behind him, while Ross helped a limping Chandler into the living room to sit down on the couch. Everyone remained silent for a few moments.
"Chandler, you can sleep in the downstairs bedroom." Judy finally said.
"Thanks." He replied as he starred at the bandage that was wrapped around his foot.
Monica was sitting in the armchair across the room with her arms crossed. She felt horrible about his toe and really wanted to apologize again. But she remained silent.
"Well its late." Jack said, standing up from the where he had been sitting at the dining room table. "Ross, why don't you give Rachel a ride back home. And Monica can help Chandler get settled into the guestroom."
"Yes, that is the least you could do dear. After cutting off the poor boy's toe." Her mother chimed in.
Chandler looked up at Judy, not knowing if what she had said was a joke. He eyed her for a moment and realized she had been serious. He glanced over at Monica, as she stood up to walk over to Rachel.
"Come on, Rach. I'll walk you out." Monica told her.
The two girls headed outside and Ross followed.
"Thanks for coming today." Monica told Rachel after they reached the car.
"Are you okay?" Rachel asked her.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"What the hell happened in that kitchen?"
"I guess I'm just not good at being sexy." Monica said, half smiling.
"Well call me tomorrow." Rachel replied, hugging her friend.
Monica stayed on the porch until Ross and Rachel were out of sight. She took a deep breath and headed back inside. When she reached the living room, Chandler was the only one there.
"Where'd my parents go?"
"Oh, they went on to bed. Listen you don't have to help me. I'll be fine." He told her, attempting to stand up. "Owww!"
Monica hurriedly walked over to him. "I don't mind." She replied, putting her arm around his waist. "Come on, I'll walk you to the guest room."
They slowly walked down the long hallway, past the kitchen and into the guestroom. She helped him over so he could sit on the bed. There was an awkward silence that had developed in their trek to the room.
"Listen, I am really sorry, Chandler." She nervously told him.
"Uh huh." He replied.
"I am. I didn't mean for that to happen."
"Well what exactly were you trying to do? Some kind of juggling act?" Chandler sarcastically replied, then recoiled, not wanting to sound overly rude to her. At the moment, he just wanted to be left alone.
"I certainly wasn't trying to cut off your toe."
"Well the damage is done. Not much we can do about it now." Chandler sighed.
"I think its time for your medication. The doctor said you could take some now."
"Okay." He said, taking the pills from Monica.
"I'll be right back with some water." Monica told him. She went into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water. When she returned to the room, Chandler was attempting to turn back the covers on the bed. "Let me do that for you." She said, placing her hand on his arm. He flinched at her touch, and then stepped away from the bed.
"Damn it!" He yelped in pain after accidentally putting pressure on his wound.
"Are you okay?" Monica asked him, sounding genuinely concerned, then felt foolish after asking such a question.
Chandler nodded and moved away from her as she placed the glass on the nightstand and pulled back the covers on the bed for him. He sat on the edge of the bed when she had finished and took his pills.
"Hopefully those will kick in soon." He said, as he put the empty glass back on the nightstand.
"Well, I'll come down and check on you later to see if you need anything."
"You really don't have to."
"No, I want to. It's the least I can do." Monica told him, then closed the door behind her on her way out.
An hour later Monica headed back downstairs to check on Chandler. Even though he had told her not to, she couldn't fall asleep knowing she was responsible for someone being in pain. She poked her head in and watched him sleeping for a moment. She noticed the empty glass on his nightstand and decided she'd refill it in case he needed to take more pain pills during the night. She cracked the door slightly and slipped in, then walked over to the nightstand. Half way into the room, her foot got caught on something, causing her to lose her balance and fall directly across Chandler on the bed.
"What the hell?" He asked jumping up and noticing Monica trying to get off of him as quickly as she could.
"Owww!"
"God, Monica! You scared me to death. What the hell are you doing?!"
Monica sat on the edge of the bed and bent over to examine her injured toe. "I tripped over your shoe and I think I broke my toe."
"At least you have a toe to break, you clumsy bitch!" Chandler replied, obviously overly annoyed at having been woken up.
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me! You are the biggest freak I've ever encountered! Are you trying to kill me or something?!"
"I'm not the one who left that huge shoe in the middle of the floor! You could have put it at the foot of the bed like a normal person!"
"Well, I am so sorry we can't all be 'normal' like you." Chandler smirked, as he sat up. "Maybe it wasn't my shoe at all. Maybe you're just getting used to your new body!"
"What?" Monica asked.
"Well you know, maybe you can't get your balance without that extra 300 pounds."
That comment pushed Monica ever the edge. Chandler sure had a lot of nerve bringing up what she had looked like the previous year. What he had said to Ross about his "fat sister" had completely changed Monica's life and had been the driving force that motivated her to lose the weight. It was the first time she had truly realized that she was "fat" and needless to say caused her to cry herself to sleep that night. But she sure as hell wasn't going to give him credit for all the hard work she had put into getting into great shape. She had spent many sleepless nights thinking about those hurtful words which had just ended up motivating her to work even harder. Last years events infuriated Monica to the point where she forgot all about the toe incident. "Oh you can go to hell!" She exclaimed, turning toward him and slapping him hard against his right cheek.
"Wow, Ross's little sister sure has a mouth on her, doesn't she? " He said, not acknowledging the slap.
"What is with you? You are the most shallow person I have ever met!" Monica exclaimed, crossing her arms. "I can't believe I ever thought you were cute."
"Well ditto!" He replied.
Neither one spoke for a few seconds, then Chandler instinctively reached his hand to her chin and quickly brought her face up to meet his. He leaned in and kissed her on the lips then pulled away. Monica starred at him for a moment, confused by the emotions that were running through her mind. Then without a second thought leaned in and kissed him quickly on the lips. She had no idea what provoked her to do it, but the next thing she knew his arms were around her waist and their lips were locked together sharing very passionate kisses. She was surprised that she could be enjoying this after their confrontation, and was even more shocked that he was returning her kisses. In fact, he seemed to be enjoying them more than her. Everything started happening so rapidly, yet to Monica, it almost seemed like slow motion. He moved the sheet back a bit, so she could lie under the cover with him. Monica noticed he was only in his boxers, and started feeling very inexperienced. His hands quickly moved from her waist and he ran them through her hair, then found their way up her night shirt, while he continued to kiss her neck.. She closed her eyes and could feel herself tensing up at a rapid pace, but at the same time felt a rush of excitement. Her hands were gripped tightly around him and after running her hands up and down his back a few times, she rested them at the waistline of his boxers. At the same moment Chandler reached down and slipped his hands into her panties, and soon after she could feel him removing them completely.
"Chandler, I've…uh, never done this before."
"You want me to stop?" He asked her, raising his head and looking at her for the first time since they'd started kissing.
"No." She replied, kissing him hard on the mouth.
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
He returned her kiss, then quickly slipped off his own boxers letting them fall to the side of the bed. Seconds later, he entered her with one hard push. Monica gasped, mostly from the pain, but also from the surprise of his quick maneuver. She could feel his breath on her neck as he began to pick up the pace of his thrusts. She closed her eyes tightly trying to ignore the pain and just keep up with Chandler. Fifteen minutes later it was over, and as he withdrew, Chandler kissed Monica for the first time since the sex had begun. She kissed him back, then watched him as he rolled onto his side and fell asleep.
Ten minutes later, Monica was lying next to Chandler, who was still sleeping. He was lying with his back to her, and she hadn't looked at him in the past few minutes. She stared at him for a moment before getting out of bed and putting her panties and shorts back on. She was in pain and wanted to go to sleep in her own bed, plus the thought of her parents walking in on this wasn't too appealing. She glanced at him again before closing the door behind her, then quickly making her way upstairs to her bedroom. As she crawled into bed, tears had started streaming down her face. It wasn't just because she regret letting someone as arrogant as him be her first; because on some level she did. It was mostly because this had been an emotional experience for her and she hadn't even shared it with someone she was in love with. Her first time had become only a one night stand. It hadn't been anything like she'd imagined. It had hurt a lot more than she'd expected, and when it was over there were no "I love you's" exchanged, like she had always dreamed about. She placed her head on her pillow wondering how she would feel about this night in the morning.
*****
2001
"Mon, I really did that?" Chandler asked her, shocked by the revelation of what their first time together had really been like. Monica nodded, sensing Chandler wasn't finished speaking yet. "I don't know how you ever talked to me again after that." He told her seriously. "I mean, what an insensitive asshole I was. I just plunged right into you, didn't even ease my way in or anything? And then when it was over, I just turned my back?" He shook his head in disbelief. "I must have been seriously doped up that night."
Monica smiled, and rubbed his shoulder. "Chandler, everyone's first time is awkward like that."
"My God, Monica, I'm such an asshole!" He responded.
"You are not!"
"I can't believe I did that. I mean, I really did that?" He asked again, looking to her this time as if asking for a different answer.
"Its really not as bad as you're thinking."
"Sweetie, you went back into your room and cried! Because of me. Your first time should have been special. I'm sorry I didn't give that to you. If I hadn't been such a prick back then, I would have made sure it wasn't like that."
"Honey, its over and done with. And now looking back, I'm glad my first time was with you. Being with you now doesn't make that first time seem so…"
"Bad?" Chandler asked.
"I still can't believe you don't remember it."
"I'm sorry. I mean, I remember the fighting but not the sex. Is that the reason I didn't see you the next morning before I left."
"Yeah, I stayed in my room. I couldn't believe I'd slept with you. And I figured you probably thought I was just terrible in bed."
"Trust me Mon, if I had remembered what happened, I would have tried to stick around your house for a few extra days. Contrary to the way I was acting, I thought you were hot!" Chandler laughed.
Monica laughed too. "Well actually, there is a little more to the story."
"Does it have something to do with what you did to the remnants of my lost toe?" He snickered, but Monica didn't laugh.
"No, its a little more serious."
"What is it?"
Monica sat up in bed, leaning back against the headboard. She looked at Chandler, smiling, then placed her hand softly on his smooth cheek. "Please just remember how much I love you."
He looked at her nervously. "I did do something, didn't I? Oh God, whatever it was, I am so sorry."
She looked down at her hands. "A few weeks after that Thanksgiving we spent together, you know how I left for the semester abroad…"
"Yeah?"
"Well, a week after I got there, I..uh, I just wasn't feeling right. At first I was thinking that maybe it was just the stress of being far away from home. And then I thought maybe it was the water or something. But it wasn't."
"Oh God." Chandler said, having the sinking feeling he knew where this was going. "Monica, don't tell me…"
Monica looked up at him. "I was pregnant."
"Pregnant." He repeated, shaking his head in disbelief, then looked at her intently. "You got pregnant that night, and you didn't tell me? How could you have kept this from me?!"
"I'm sorry." Monica replied, not wanting to look at him.
"Bullshit!" Chandler angrily exclaimed as he got up from the bed, startling Monica. "What did you do, Mon? Did you have an abortion? How could you have made that kind of decision without even telling me you were pregnant? Don't you think as the father I had some kind of say in that?"
"No, Chandler! Of course I didn't have an abortion!" Monica replied, trying to hold back tears. She had expected Chandler to be upset, but this was ten times worse than she could have imagined.
"Well, what then? Did you give it up for adoption? Is that it? So we have a kid out there that I didn't even know about until the night before our wedding?" Chandler had never been so angry with Monica. This made her cutting off his toe not seem ridiculous. Monica didn't reply. She just sat on the bed crying softly. He hated more than anything to see her cry, but he couldn't give in. He deserved to know what happened all those years ago. "Well? How could you not tell me?" He asked again, raising his voice even more with his last questions.
"It wasn't like that!" Monica finally said.
"Then what was it like?" He yelled.
"I didn't know I was pregnant."
"Monica, you're going to have to help me out here. What the hell are you saying? How could you not know?!"
Monica took a deep breath, to regain some of her composure. "I had been feeling sick for a few days. And I was lying in bed one night when I started having these horrible stomach cramps…it was the worst pain I'd ever felt in my life." She paused for a moment as Chandler continued to stare at her. She could feel the tears she was trying to hold back begin to sting her eyes. "I went into the bathroom and when I turned on the light there was just blood everywhere. I was so scared. I thought I was dying."
It was Chandler's turn to be silent. He just continued to listen to her tell the story, not really sure how to react.
"My roommate called an ambulance and they took me to the hospital. After I got there the doctor told me I had been pregnant and I'd lost the baby. I didn't even know until he'd told me. I swear, Chandler." She looked up at him through her tears, just wishing he would say something.
After a moment more of silence, he walked out of the room and into the living room. Monica didn't know if she should follow him or give him a few minutes to let it all sink in. He sat on the couch and lowered his head. He had a million thoughts running through his mind, and even though he was very upset, all he could think about was what he had done to Monica and everything she had been through. He felt like such an asshole as the guilt began to set in. There he had been having a great time in college, partying with the guys, hanging out and playing video games, while Monica had been going through all of that pain. He could hear Monica's quiet sobs from the bedroom and couldn't take it any longer. He walked back into the room and closed the door quietly behind him. He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her into a tight hug, slowly rocking her back and forth and tenderly kissing her head. Even though they had unresolved issues, Chandler still wanted her to know that he loved her.
"I'm sorry." He heard Monica mumble through her cries.
"Sweetie, listen to me," He said looking into her eyes. "Please stop crying Mon, so we can talk about this." He gently wiped away the tears that were streaming down her face.
"I just feel so bad."
He gave her a couple of minutes to calm down. And he needed to take a couple of deep breathes as well. He was angry, but not at her. The whole situation was making him feel extremely guilty and furious at himself. He had, after all, been the person who took her virginity and got her pregnant all in the same night. The one thing he wanted answered was why she hadn't told him before now.
"Mon, I am so sorry." Chandler said and kissed her forehead.
She looked at him curiously. Why was he sorry? For reacting the way he did? "You didn't do anything to be sorry about. Its my fault. I know that, I should have told you about this a long time ago."
"Honey, I am entirely to blame for what happened. I mean I sleep with you and look at all the consequences of that action! Not only did you lose your virginity to me, I mean I knocked you up! I am more sorry than I can ever say."
"It took the both of us to get me pregnant. And I wanted to be with you that night. You didn't do anything wrong."
"How can you say that! I wasn't even gentle with you. Look what I turned your first time into! A freakish nightmare. And I thought not knowing we slept together was bad! But this, this is so much worse! I am such an asshole."
"Don't say that. You had no idea about any of this. And that is my fault. I know if you had known, you would have done the right thing. And you know that too. You could never intentionally hurt me." She placed her hand on his cheek. "Do you hear me?"
"That's no excuse for the way I behaved that night."
"Well it wasn't against my will, so don't even think that. And what happened afterwards…that was just a cruel twist of fate."
"You know what I just realized? You could have died from bleeding to death and that would have been all my fault." Chandler told her, not even wanting to consider the thought a moment longer.
"That didn't happen. I got to the hospital and I was okay."
Chandler looked at her and held onto her hand tightly. "Honey, I am so sorry you had to go through that. I wish more than anything I could have been there with you. But I need to know one thing. How could you have kept something so important from me? Mon, I had a right to know. I mean, I know we weren't in a relationship. And hell, I didn't even remember sleeping with you. But you should have told me."
"I wanted to tell you so many times. You have no idea." Monica told him.
"You have had so many opportunities to tell me. But you didn't. I never thought you would keep this kind of secret from me. I always thought I knew you better than anyone else."
"You do! You're the only one."
"I thought we told each other everything." He continued. "And why of all times, did you tell me this right before our wedding?"
"I'm so sorry. But you have to believe me. I wanted to tell you before now, but it was so hard for me. And I promised myself I'd tell you tonight. No matter what I was going to tell you before we got married. I couldn't keep it inside anymore." She squeezed his hand lightly waiting for him to reply.
"We have seen each other everyday for over ten years. And we've been together for the past three. I don't understand how you could be with me everyday and not tell me. This is something I needed to know, Mon."
"I couldn't tell you something like this when you first moved in. I mean what was I supposed to say, 'Oh hey Chandler, welcome to the building, by the way that night we slept together I got pregnant.'? I couldn't do that. I mean at first, part of me really wanted to tell you, but then we became such good friends that I just didn't want to risk things being weird between us if I told you."
"So, what about after we got together? Why not then? Why did you wait until now, Mon?"
"Please, Chandler, you have to understand, it was so hard for me."
"You keep saying that. But I don't know what that means! I'm really trying to understand this!"
"It wasn't something I liked to think about. I'd repressed what happened for a long time, and I was so scared about telling you. The thought of losing you and not having you in my life scared me so much more than anything else. When we first got together things were going great, but I didn't know how serious we were in the beginning. I just wanted to wait until I knew for sure."
"That's another thing I just can't figure out, Monica."
"What?"
"How could you have sex with me in London after all of the pain that I had caused you!? I mean it seems like I'd be the last person you'd ever want in your bed again!"
"I didn't see it that way. You weren't the same guy you'd been back at those Thanksgivings. You were my best friend, Chandler. A guy I could always count on to be there when I needed him. And I fell in love with you as a best friend first. I was never uncomfortable around you after we started getting close and I never hated you for anything that happened to me. After we got together in London, I fell in love with you on so many more levels, I can't even describe."
"But you always had this in the back of your mind! Didn't you start thinking about the miscarriage even more after we started sleeping together?"
"Of course I did. That was exactly what happened. That's what you need to understand, honey. I thought I'd gotten past all of those feelings that I'd had after the miscarriage. I mean of course I didn't forget it, but I had moved on, I'd let it go. Then when you moved in, they resurfaced and I started thinking about it a lot. And I considered telling you. But I thought you would hate me and we were just starting to become friends. I mean I hadn't thought about it in awhile until we did sleep together in London. The memories started returning again and I just kept trying to push them away. I was starting to fall in love with you, and I didn't want anything to ruin that. I really had just repressed it as much as possible. The hurt was still there, but I had just kind of tried to let go of as many of those feelings as I could. Sure, when you held me in your arms after we'd made love, I would think about it and I thought about telling you almost everyday."
"So why didn't you? I would have understood, Mon. And we could have worked through all of this years ago. Not a few hours before our wedding."
"If I had it to do over again, I would have told you so many years ago. Before we ever got together in London. I'm so sorry."
"You don't have faith in me….is that it? That's why you didn't tell me, right?"
"That's not why, I promise. I love you so much. I was scared and I didn't want to hurt you." She began to cry a little again, mostly just from the relief of finally telling him.
He looked at her momentarily before pulling her into a tight hug. "Come here." He said, kissing her head. "I love you too. And I understand. I don't like it, but I do understand."
"I'm so sorry, Chandler." She told him, hugging him back.
"I know. Just promise me there are no more bombs to drop on me tonight, okay? I don't know if I can take anything else."
Monica buried her face into Chandler's chest. "That's it, I swear. I'm never keeping anything else from you."
"Good." He said. He cupped her face in his hands and looked into her eyes before softly kissing her lips. "I love you."
She smiled through her tears and nodded, finally feeling some relief for the first time since telling him the truth. "Thank you." She whispered. He kissed her cheek and giggled a bit. "What?" Monica asked curiously.
"I was just wondering if my skills in the bedroom have improved since our actual first time together."
Monica laughed, knowing full well that he was trying to lighten the mood. "What do you think?"
"I think I am so lucky that I got another chance with you." He said, leaning over to kiss her again. She smiled, while he leaned his forehead against hers and sighed. "God, its a good thing I didn't decide to spill my deepest secret tonight."
Monica moved back a little. "What kind of deep dark secret do you have?"
"What?"
"What?"
"Nothing. I don't have one." Chandler replied, laughing nervously.
"Stop dodging. I can tell that you do by the way you're acting."
"No….I don't."
"What is it?" She asked him, in a serious tone.
"I said I don't have one, Monica. Can we just drop this?"
"I'll drop it when you tell me."
"Monica, it really isn't important."
"Chandler, after everything we have just been through I don't think we should have anymore serious secrets between us."
"Well then this definitely doesn't qualify." Chandler laughed, feeling somewhat relieved.
"Look whatever it is….it can't be as bad as what I just told you."
"It's totally different. They're not even close to being related. So let's just forget about it."
"If you're worried about me getting upset, I won't. I promise."
"Monica Geller. I know you better than anyone else. And you would definitely get upset. That is a given."
"I swear. You just forgave me for keeping something from you, don't you think I am capable of the same forgiveness?"
Chandler sighed. "What have I gotten myself into?"
"Just tell me. I need to get back to the apartment so I can have a few hours of sleep."
"You promise you won't be mad?"
"Yes, I promise. Cross my heart." She smiled, making the little gesture of crossing her heart.
Chandler looked into her eyes. He could sense some concern in there as she made her promise to him. "Okay, but it happened a long time ago. Before we ever got together. Well before we really got together."
"Okay, what?"
"Well, about six years ago, Phoebe and I kind of….uh…hooked up."
"YOU WHAT?!" Monica's mouth fell open, as she stared at Chandler in total shock.
Chandler shook his head. "Yep, knew that was gonna happen."
Part 3 coming soon.