Chapter 4
Smith sat at his desk. The image of that woman, Danielle, had returned again, shortly after returning to the Agency, reminding him to run his self- diagnostic. It had almost completed, 2% to go. He felt the probing of his files, circuits, processes, nodes and hated it. It felt like an invasion.
'Aaah,' Smith thought to himself, after it was finished. He processed the results.
Checkdiag.exe results for /0.040234.1 Smith
Memory Stability: Maximum Efficiency Recommendation: None
Processor: 1.102 TB Recommendation: None
Reactions: 02.1 MS Recommendation: None
Operating System: Agent 6.2.4 Recommendation: Upgrade to 6.2.5
Conflict with Operating System 6.2.4 - File 0.2014.3 Human Link has
been uploaded. Recommendation: Upgrade operating system to Agent
6.2.5 to complete File 0.20413 Human Link and stop system errors
File System: Damaged: 3% Recommendation: Repair needed Urgency: Not
Further Recommendations: 0.040234.1 Smith needs to perform the
following:
Download Agent 6.2.5 Downtime Required 480 Minutes for repair of file systems
End Checkdiag.exe report
Smith was enraged. What was File 0.2014.3 Human Link and when did he download it? He queried the Mainframe from his desktop computer, searching for information on File 0.2014.3 .
He found one instance of it, a memo from the mainframe dated yesterday calling it a required upgrade and instructing all processing officers to upload it along with any file requests to all recipients.
'That must have been it,' he thought to himself. 'Those stupid bitches uploaded a virus file into me. And what's more, the mainframe made them do it!' Smith was enraged. He understood why he was experiencing deletion glitches and repetitive memory lock cycles now. He wasn't going crazy. But he sure as hell wasn't going to download the updates and become as dopy as Jones and Brown had become. After getting back this afternoon, Smith had watched Jones and Brown play with Jones' cat. Smith wanted to play with it as well, in fact. He felt it would have made an excellent practice target however when he attempted it, Jones jumped in front of the bullet.
'It was still satisfying,' Smith thought to himself. 'Pity that all Agents can regenerate after being hit by bullets, unlike most other programmes. I'd love to send those two cretins back to the Source for good.'
He had to submit, however, they still performed this afternoon as well as usual. Neither of them hesitated to get stuck into the action, or thought twice about shooting resistants. At least those damn upgrades did not make them completely useless.
Brown came into the office holding two identical black ties. "Which one do you think I should wear?"
"Neither tie is any different from the one you have on," Smith said, exasperated.
"Are you coming? You need to get ready."
"I have already told you once, I am not going to a social event."
Jones walked into the office. "The Mainframe says you are." He handed Smith a memo.
MEMO: From the Mainframe signed Beta-Alpha-Beta-1001010000
TO: 0.040234/Smith, Jones, Brown
Class 1 Urgency
RE: Human Upgrades
As a part of your new secondary objections, Agent Team 0.040234 is
requested to attend all social events scheduled within your Agency.
It is a new requirement that all programmes attempt to assimilate and
blend in with humanity to accomplish their primary objectives, and
these events are instructional and mandatory, as they are simulations
of human events and interactions. Necessary information on how to
perform at these events are found within update 6.2.5, subdirectory F,
folder "Social". Reading and reviewing this file is essential.
Any programme found not complying will be taken away for
reconditioning and forced upgrading.
Smith rolled his eyes. "Fine."
Brown and Jones smiled at each other. Smith grimaced.
* * *
"Danielle you HAVE to go!" Patricia squealed at her perpetually boring sister.
"I have no desire to go to a smoke-filled, loud venue, drinking that rubbish that humans call 'alcohol' and listening to that cacophonic nonsense they call music."
"But Smith might be there!" Patricia exclaimed. "You know you want him!"
Danielle gritted her teeth. For the past two days all she had heard was 'Smith this' and 'Smith that'. In her opinion Smith had gone from a superior officer to something else entirely, fuelled by her sisters' constant ribbing and smutty innuendos.
"Patricia, how many times do I have to tell you." Danielle started.
"I know, I know, you have absolutely no interest in him," she laughed. "Try telling your cheeks that."
"He will be there. I heard the Mainframe ordered him." Anne-Marie came out of the bedroom of their shared apartment wearing the tiniest black patent leather Versace miniskirt, with buckles on the side, and matching corseted jacket, that exposed her taut, pierced midriff. The jacket was left open to expose her black patent leather bra-top that had a buckle in the middle and on each strap. She had a pair of five-inch heeled black patent leather boots on that went to her knee. She was wearing an oversized pair of black sunglasses and had her brown hair tousled around her face in waves.
Patricia had chosen a Gucci nude-coloured silk and satin corset dress that was strapless and looked like either a miracle or the Matrix was the only thing keeping it in place over her ample bosom. The sleeves billowed out around the sides and the skirt was bunched up to her mid-thigh. She wore matching kitten heels, and her long red curls draped around her shoulders.
Danielle shrugged on her warm Burberry raincoat over her black suit. She wore sensible heels and ran a brush through her short blonde hair. Her sisters exchanged disgusted looks when she turned around and said, "Well, come on then."
"Aren't you going to change?"
"I'm sorry, I thought we were going to a club, not a brothel." Danielle glared at her two sisters.
Patricia took no notice of her sisters' insult. "I've got just the thing for you." She went into her room and slammed the door. Danielle sighed and flounced down on the sofa. Anne-Marie eyed her as she filed her fingernails, leaning against the kitchen counter.
"You know, you don't have to be so miserable all the time. You can lighten up."
"I don't see why we have to act like humans. We don't interact with them, we don't deal with them, we aren't like them."
"You've had the upgrades. You've read the directives. Doesn't any of it affect you?"
"Not particularly. I'm a machine. So are you and Patti. Why should we pretend to be something we're not?"
"You know, I asked my programmer that when I was being uploaded. He said to me that the Matrix wasn't just created for them, but for us to enjoy as well. If we've got to be here, and lets face it, we're not going anywhere, they need us to take care of them as much as we need them to fuel us, then at least we can enjoy what we've given them as much as they do."
Danielle leaned back in the sofa and could smell the wonderful leather smell rising up into her nostrils. She looked around at the plush apartment the Matrix had created for them. She had a sense of taste and smell, could appreciate visual symmetry and perfection, had an eye for colour and detail, but emphasized, better than a human. More able to appreciate perfection and beauty than a human. It made sense to Danielle, the Matrix was not created so exactingly correct for the humans, but for the machines. The humans wouldn't know the difference, only the machines would, and would appreciate the extra effort. Maybe there was something to this humanization after all.
"That's right, sis," Anne-Marie said via their comm. link. Patricia came out of her room. She held up a little black dress.
"If this doesn't turn Mr. Nasty's head, nothing will. Now come here and let me fix you up."
* * *
[Uploading Agent 6.2.5 Status: 84% Complete]
Smith felt the files in his head changing, the upload taking longer than anticipated. As his eyes were closed he could hear Brown humming a tune as he polished his already gleaming black shoes. Smith heard a squirting noise and his nostrils were filled with an odour that humans would call "fragrance".
"What is that smell?" Smith asked.
"L'Eau d'Issey pour Homme. The Mainframe recommended it as an appropriate scent for Agents." Jones answered him.
"Can I use some?" Smith asked, compelled, and yet, horrified at himself. The file upload was at 87% now. Could it already be taking effect?
Jones tossed the bottle to him and without even needing to open his eyes, Smith reached up and caught it. He set it on the desk and pursed his fingers, waiting.
[Uploading Agent 6.2.5 Status: 96% Complete]
"How much further do you need to go?" Brown asked him.
"I am at 96%." Smith replied, feeling the final checks occurring on his processes.
"It will take a few minutes for your processes to come fully back online. Then we can leave," said Jones.
"Are you of a better disposition regarding this event now?" Brown asked him.
"I would rather spend an evening being disassembled by those children of the rebels who bend spoons and float balls in the air," Smith paused. "Whenever I see one I shoot at it for fun."
Jones shot Smith a pained look., "Like you did to Agent Cat."
"You should change its' code to replicate upon destruction of host. Then you could use it for target practice and it would be something useful other than just an eating, defecating and noisemaking machine."
Brown and Jones looked at each other. Obviously some things wouldn't change with the new upgrades, no matter how much they wished.
[Upload Agent 6.2.5 Status: 100% Complete. Rebooting]
Smith slumped forward in his chair. Brown and Jones stopped their preening and watched as Smith's fingers twitched and then he sat upright, cracking his neck.
"I've made backups of myself just in case. If this upload impedes my work in the slightest way I will roll back."
"Are you ready?" Brown asked him.
"I suppose." Smith slid his sunglasses on. He saw the bottle of cologne on the desk and gave himself a spray.
"Agent fresh," he said with a half-smile. Brown and Jones exchanged glances. Smith, for the first time in his existence, was attempting to be humorous on purpose. Perhaps the uploads wouldn't be a total loss on him after all.
Smith sat at his desk. The image of that woman, Danielle, had returned again, shortly after returning to the Agency, reminding him to run his self- diagnostic. It had almost completed, 2% to go. He felt the probing of his files, circuits, processes, nodes and hated it. It felt like an invasion.
'Aaah,' Smith thought to himself, after it was finished. He processed the results.
Checkdiag.exe results for /0.040234.1 Smith
Memory Stability: Maximum Efficiency Recommendation: None
Processor: 1.102 TB Recommendation: None
Reactions: 02.1 MS Recommendation: None
Operating System: Agent 6.2.4 Recommendation: Upgrade to 6.2.5
Conflict with Operating System 6.2.4 - File 0.2014.3 Human Link has
been uploaded. Recommendation: Upgrade operating system to Agent
6.2.5 to complete File 0.20413 Human Link and stop system errors
File System: Damaged: 3% Recommendation: Repair needed Urgency: Not
Further Recommendations: 0.040234.1 Smith needs to perform the
following:
Download Agent 6.2.5 Downtime Required 480 Minutes for repair of file systems
End Checkdiag.exe report
Smith was enraged. What was File 0.2014.3 Human Link and when did he download it? He queried the Mainframe from his desktop computer, searching for information on File 0.2014.3 .
He found one instance of it, a memo from the mainframe dated yesterday calling it a required upgrade and instructing all processing officers to upload it along with any file requests to all recipients.
'That must have been it,' he thought to himself. 'Those stupid bitches uploaded a virus file into me. And what's more, the mainframe made them do it!' Smith was enraged. He understood why he was experiencing deletion glitches and repetitive memory lock cycles now. He wasn't going crazy. But he sure as hell wasn't going to download the updates and become as dopy as Jones and Brown had become. After getting back this afternoon, Smith had watched Jones and Brown play with Jones' cat. Smith wanted to play with it as well, in fact. He felt it would have made an excellent practice target however when he attempted it, Jones jumped in front of the bullet.
'It was still satisfying,' Smith thought to himself. 'Pity that all Agents can regenerate after being hit by bullets, unlike most other programmes. I'd love to send those two cretins back to the Source for good.'
He had to submit, however, they still performed this afternoon as well as usual. Neither of them hesitated to get stuck into the action, or thought twice about shooting resistants. At least those damn upgrades did not make them completely useless.
Brown came into the office holding two identical black ties. "Which one do you think I should wear?"
"Neither tie is any different from the one you have on," Smith said, exasperated.
"Are you coming? You need to get ready."
"I have already told you once, I am not going to a social event."
Jones walked into the office. "The Mainframe says you are." He handed Smith a memo.
MEMO: From the Mainframe signed Beta-Alpha-Beta-1001010000
TO: 0.040234/Smith, Jones, Brown
Class 1 Urgency
RE: Human Upgrades
As a part of your new secondary objections, Agent Team 0.040234 is
requested to attend all social events scheduled within your Agency.
It is a new requirement that all programmes attempt to assimilate and
blend in with humanity to accomplish their primary objectives, and
these events are instructional and mandatory, as they are simulations
of human events and interactions. Necessary information on how to
perform at these events are found within update 6.2.5, subdirectory F,
folder "Social". Reading and reviewing this file is essential.
Any programme found not complying will be taken away for
reconditioning and forced upgrading.
Smith rolled his eyes. "Fine."
Brown and Jones smiled at each other. Smith grimaced.
* * *
"Danielle you HAVE to go!" Patricia squealed at her perpetually boring sister.
"I have no desire to go to a smoke-filled, loud venue, drinking that rubbish that humans call 'alcohol' and listening to that cacophonic nonsense they call music."
"But Smith might be there!" Patricia exclaimed. "You know you want him!"
Danielle gritted her teeth. For the past two days all she had heard was 'Smith this' and 'Smith that'. In her opinion Smith had gone from a superior officer to something else entirely, fuelled by her sisters' constant ribbing and smutty innuendos.
"Patricia, how many times do I have to tell you." Danielle started.
"I know, I know, you have absolutely no interest in him," she laughed. "Try telling your cheeks that."
"He will be there. I heard the Mainframe ordered him." Anne-Marie came out of the bedroom of their shared apartment wearing the tiniest black patent leather Versace miniskirt, with buckles on the side, and matching corseted jacket, that exposed her taut, pierced midriff. The jacket was left open to expose her black patent leather bra-top that had a buckle in the middle and on each strap. She had a pair of five-inch heeled black patent leather boots on that went to her knee. She was wearing an oversized pair of black sunglasses and had her brown hair tousled around her face in waves.
Patricia had chosen a Gucci nude-coloured silk and satin corset dress that was strapless and looked like either a miracle or the Matrix was the only thing keeping it in place over her ample bosom. The sleeves billowed out around the sides and the skirt was bunched up to her mid-thigh. She wore matching kitten heels, and her long red curls draped around her shoulders.
Danielle shrugged on her warm Burberry raincoat over her black suit. She wore sensible heels and ran a brush through her short blonde hair. Her sisters exchanged disgusted looks when she turned around and said, "Well, come on then."
"Aren't you going to change?"
"I'm sorry, I thought we were going to a club, not a brothel." Danielle glared at her two sisters.
Patricia took no notice of her sisters' insult. "I've got just the thing for you." She went into her room and slammed the door. Danielle sighed and flounced down on the sofa. Anne-Marie eyed her as she filed her fingernails, leaning against the kitchen counter.
"You know, you don't have to be so miserable all the time. You can lighten up."
"I don't see why we have to act like humans. We don't interact with them, we don't deal with them, we aren't like them."
"You've had the upgrades. You've read the directives. Doesn't any of it affect you?"
"Not particularly. I'm a machine. So are you and Patti. Why should we pretend to be something we're not?"
"You know, I asked my programmer that when I was being uploaded. He said to me that the Matrix wasn't just created for them, but for us to enjoy as well. If we've got to be here, and lets face it, we're not going anywhere, they need us to take care of them as much as we need them to fuel us, then at least we can enjoy what we've given them as much as they do."
Danielle leaned back in the sofa and could smell the wonderful leather smell rising up into her nostrils. She looked around at the plush apartment the Matrix had created for them. She had a sense of taste and smell, could appreciate visual symmetry and perfection, had an eye for colour and detail, but emphasized, better than a human. More able to appreciate perfection and beauty than a human. It made sense to Danielle, the Matrix was not created so exactingly correct for the humans, but for the machines. The humans wouldn't know the difference, only the machines would, and would appreciate the extra effort. Maybe there was something to this humanization after all.
"That's right, sis," Anne-Marie said via their comm. link. Patricia came out of her room. She held up a little black dress.
"If this doesn't turn Mr. Nasty's head, nothing will. Now come here and let me fix you up."
* * *
[Uploading Agent 6.2.5 Status: 84% Complete]
Smith felt the files in his head changing, the upload taking longer than anticipated. As his eyes were closed he could hear Brown humming a tune as he polished his already gleaming black shoes. Smith heard a squirting noise and his nostrils were filled with an odour that humans would call "fragrance".
"What is that smell?" Smith asked.
"L'Eau d'Issey pour Homme. The Mainframe recommended it as an appropriate scent for Agents." Jones answered him.
"Can I use some?" Smith asked, compelled, and yet, horrified at himself. The file upload was at 87% now. Could it already be taking effect?
Jones tossed the bottle to him and without even needing to open his eyes, Smith reached up and caught it. He set it on the desk and pursed his fingers, waiting.
[Uploading Agent 6.2.5 Status: 96% Complete]
"How much further do you need to go?" Brown asked him.
"I am at 96%." Smith replied, feeling the final checks occurring on his processes.
"It will take a few minutes for your processes to come fully back online. Then we can leave," said Jones.
"Are you of a better disposition regarding this event now?" Brown asked him.
"I would rather spend an evening being disassembled by those children of the rebels who bend spoons and float balls in the air," Smith paused. "Whenever I see one I shoot at it for fun."
Jones shot Smith a pained look., "Like you did to Agent Cat."
"You should change its' code to replicate upon destruction of host. Then you could use it for target practice and it would be something useful other than just an eating, defecating and noisemaking machine."
Brown and Jones looked at each other. Obviously some things wouldn't change with the new upgrades, no matter how much they wished.
[Upload Agent 6.2.5 Status: 100% Complete. Rebooting]
Smith slumped forward in his chair. Brown and Jones stopped their preening and watched as Smith's fingers twitched and then he sat upright, cracking his neck.
"I've made backups of myself just in case. If this upload impedes my work in the slightest way I will roll back."
"Are you ready?" Brown asked him.
"I suppose." Smith slid his sunglasses on. He saw the bottle of cologne on the desk and gave himself a spray.
"Agent fresh," he said with a half-smile. Brown and Jones exchanged glances. Smith, for the first time in his existence, was attempting to be humorous on purpose. Perhaps the uploads wouldn't be a total loss on him after all.