The Kelsey: There are not many Kelsey... there is only... ONE Kelsey! You reviewed when the story was just in. That's cool ^_^
Raichu: As I mentioned, these are old stories, and I'm too lazy to go and add description. If you like description though, read some of my more recent stuff (which was written after I got a lot better), like "Wild Side of Bruno", or the unfinished "Hunt for the Forest Emperor". "Guilty by Design" is unfinished and still lacks some description, but that's a story I'm proud of anyway. I think the Bruno one is my best written fic yet. The Johto Gym leader one is the worst.
Now we go onto this doozy, written that following summer... apologies to Sailor Moon ;)
BATTLE OF THE SEXES
By Katelyn, aka Iveechan
It was a beautiful day in Hawaii. Everyone was busy in the beach house, which sat at the foot of a volcano. Everyone was cheerful, except for Magmar, who was walking along the beach.
"How sad," he said, "No one knows it's my birthday."
Meanwhile, back at the house, everyone did know it was Magmar's birthday (gee, this is starting out like a corny cartoon, huh?). Hitmonchan was in the kitchen, baking a cake. Little did he know, Machoke was watching him from the entrance of the kitchen.
Now's my time to make a move on that cute Hitmonchan! he thought. Just when he did, he saw Mr. Mime approach Hitmonchan.
"Hey, Hitmonchan's mine!" said Machoke, "I saw him first!"
"He doesn't like you!" cried Mr. Mime. Then Machoke and Mr. Mime started beating the crap out of each other.
"Oh, boys, don't fight over little old me!" said Hitmonchan.
Meanwhile, in the living room, Electabuzz was trying to decide on what the decorations were going to look like.
"Let's see," he said, "I want them to be black and yellow, but should there be more black, or more yellow?"
Suddenly, Mr. Mime and Machoke burst into the room, still fighting.
"Guys, what do you think of the decorations?" asked Electabuzz, "Should there be more black or more yellow?"
The two just ignored him, for they were still beating each other up. Hitmonchan entered the room.
"I think the colors should be mint green and lavender," he said.
*****
Magmar was still on the beach, watching the blue-green waves. Suddenly, he saw a silhouette of something coming out of the ocean. It was walking towards him. When it came close enough, Magmar saw the most beautiful creature he had ever seen---a female Golduck. She was wearing a silver bikini, which is kind of unusual, for Golduck don't have boobs.
"Hey, Maggie-mar," the Golduck said, swinging her hips.
"Hi," said Magmar, a little surprised.
"I bet your friends don't like you anymore," said Golduck, "But I can make your problems go away." Then she removed her top (like I said, she has nothing to hide).
Now, Magmar completely forgot about everything, and started following Golduck to some rocks.
****
"Okay, it's evening, so everybody get ready!" said Electabuzz. He was sure that Magmar would be home soon.
"Look, I better be getting paid for this," said a Nidoking.
"Just get in the cake, and when you hear 'surprise!' then jump out, and start dancing around," said Electabuzz. He was a little worn out, for he had to deal with the moody Nidoking, and had to break up all of Mr. Mime and Machoke's fights.
Time passed. Still no sign of Magmar. Nidoking sighed and took out a cigarette.
"I don't have time for this," he said and left. Electabuzz ignored him.
"Where could Magmar be?" Hitmonchan whined.
"We have to search for him," said Electabuzz. "We'll split into two groups. Hitmonchan, you come with me, and you two try to get along." Then they left the house. Mr. Mime and Machoke glared at each other.
Meanwhile, Magmar and Golduck were behind a rock. They were resting, for they had just finished doing the nasty.
"Magmar, I'm so sorry," said Golduck.
"Sorry? Sorry for what?"
"Oh, I work for a dead spirit, the Spirit of Jynx. She wanted me to lead you to her domain, so she could kill you. But I love you so much, I don't want to do that! I feel so guilty! But if I come back empty handed, she'll kill me!"
"Golduck," said Magmar, "We should run away together, just the two of us. We should sail away, and find our own island!"
Just when Magmar and Golduck left to go get some wood to build a boat with, Electabuzz and Hitmonchan walked by, just missing them.
"Electabuzz, I have a problem," said Hitmonchan. "You see, Machoke and Mr. Mime are always fighting over me. I used to like that, but now I know that they only like me for my looks! They only think of me as a sex object!" Then Hitmonchan started crying, and Electabuzz kind of looked at him weird.
"Boy, you sure are girly," said Electabuzz. "I mean, look at you! You're so wussy, it makes me feel like Clint Eastwood!"
"Maybe that's my problem," said Hitmonchan. "Lately, I don't know why, but I've been overwhelmed with all these feminine emotions. I swear, I cry five times a day, and have gone through 26 gallons of ice cream in one week!"
"Well, that's another mystery that needs looking into," said Electabuzz, "But we have to find Magmar now!"
*****
"The boat's almost ready," said Magmar. Golduck was looking at a crystal ball thingy.
"Don't worry, I've almost got him," Golduck said to it.
"What was that?" asked Magmar.
"Uh, I said, 'I'm happy, you're almost done!" Golduck lied (now what could that rascally Pokemon be up to)?
"Now, I made this boat secure enough so that there's no way that water could seep in and kill me," said Magmar.
Suddenly, they heard something. "Quick, let's get to the water, fast!" said Golduck.
It was Mr. Mime and Machoke, who were arguing.
"I'm a Fighting-Type, so Hitmonchan should like me better!" said Machoke.
"But who can resist my charming good looks?" said Mr. Mime.
"I certainly can't," said a mysterious voice. Mr. Mime and Machoke spun around, and saw a lady Hitmonlee.
"Wow, she's gorgeous!" said Machoke.
"Hey, she likes me better!" said Mr. Mime. "Wait, I thought Hitmonlee's were always guys."
"Who cares?" said Machoke, "she's probably a transvestite."
"Follow me, I can take you to a beautiful place," said the Hitmonlee.
As Mr. Mime and Machoke started following Hitmonlee, she took out her watch and looked at it.
"I have the clown and the wrestler," she said into it.
"Great," said Golduck, "And I have the duck from Hell."
"What did you say?" asked Magmar, who was sleeping.
"Uh, nothing, go back to sleep," Golduck said to him. When he did, Golduck turned back to the watch. "Make sure Nidoqueen gets that electric tiger thingy and his wussy boxer friend."
"I will," said Hitmonlee. "What's the matter?"
"Huh?"
"You seem a little reluctant. Do you like that ugly fire-duck thing? Jynx wouldn't like that."
"Of course not, don't be silly!" Then Golduck sighed as she turned off her watch.
******
"I feel so depressed! Where could Magmar be?" Hitmonchan weeped, as he was shoving chocolate ice cream down his gullet.
Electabuzz was just ignoring him. Suddenly, he saw a hand appear from behind a tree. It was a Nidoqueen. She was motioning for him to come.
Electabuzz looked back at Hitmonchan, who was still crying and eating ice cream, then back at the Nidoqueen hand. Electabuzz shrugged, then happily bounded to the Nidoqueen.
"Man, I'm finally free," said Electabuzz. "So, have you seen a Magmar around? You know, fiery duck?"
"Ooh," said Nidoqueen, "I can take you to a.....oh, what the heck." Then she grabbed Electabuzz by the tail, and flung him over her shoulders.
"Ack! Where are you taking me?" Electabuzz cried.
"To the Spirit of Jynx," said Nidoqueen.
"Eek! Jynx! Thunderbolt Attack!" said Electabuzz, but Nidoqueen wasn't hurt, for she's a Ground-Type, and Electric attacks don't affect her.
Meanwhile, Hitmonchan was still eating ice cream and crying and stuff. Suddenly, he heard this huge stomping sound. Before he could react, a Nidoking came crashing through the trees.
"Oh, there you are!" Nidoking said. "I have to warn you about something!"
"Hey, you're the Nidoking that Electabuzz hired!" said Hitmonchan. "Wait, where is Electabuzz?"
"That's what I'm gonna tell you about!" said Nidoking. "My sister, a Nidoqueen, and two of her friends were hired by a ghostly Jynx to bring her all of the Pokemon who defeated her."
"Oh my god! That's so awful! What can we do?!"
Suddenly, an Eevee with a crescent Moon on his forehead appeared out of nowhere (I bet you can see where this is going!).
"Yo, ya gotta toyn inta Saila Scouts," said the Eevee, who had a New York accent.
"Uh, how?" Nidoking and Hitmonchan asked. "I mean, how were we chosen?"
"Well, Hitmo'chan, I betcha you've been wond'rin why you've been act'in so goyly. Well, it's 'cause you was destined to be a Scout or sumthin. Anyways, I was sent hey by da Dead Spirit of Mewtwo ta give ya dis brooch thingy. Ya hold it up an' say 'Poke-Prism Powa!'"
"What about me?" asked Nidoking.
"Uh, I guess I can give ya one of my extra brooches," Eevee answered. Then he gave the two Pokemon their brooches.
"Poke-Prism Power, make up!" Hitmonchan and Nidoking called out. Suddenly, they got what looked like skin-tight sailor school girl uniforms on.
"Cool! Do we get special powers?" asked Hitmonchan.
"Well, ya see," said Eevee, "Ya gotta use yo physical strength, but soon, you'll discova ya hidden powas."
"How come we can't get them now?" asked Nidoking.
"Cuz den, dey wouldn't be hidden," Eevee answered. "Now, let's go rescue yo buddies!" Then, Sailor Milky Way (Hitmonchan), Sailor Black Hole (Nidoking), and Eevee flew into the air.
******
"Land Ho!" said Magmar, spotting an island.
"Did you just call me a ho?" asked Golduck.
"Oh, no, I just spotted an island for us!" said Magmar. "Hey, is that a crystal ball?"
"Uh, no..."
"I think it is! You're still working for Jynx, aren't you?!"
"No!" Suddenly, Jynx's face appeared on the crystal ball.
"What are you doing on that island?!" Jynx said, "You're supposed to be at my castle!"
"Golduck!" said Magmar, "You lied to me! You said....!"
Golduck used Surf on Magmar, and he fainted, because he's weak against water attacks.
Golduck sighed. "I really hate doing this to you," she said, as she lifted Magmar up and put him into the boat, "but it's my job."
Hours later, Golduck arrived at Jynx's new castle. She met Hitmonlee and Nidoqueen, who had their captured men all tied up.
"Great work, girls," said Hitmonlee. "So, Golduck, you didn't like that butt-head duck after all."
"Yeah, I guess," Golduck answered, then sighed.
Hitmonlee looked over at Electabuzz, who was chewing on the rope that was restraining him.
"Why is this one resisting?" asked Hitmonlee. "You're supposed to tempt these guys first before you...wait! Where's the boxer!?"
"What boxer?" asked Nidoqueen.
"You idiot!" yelled Hitmonlee, "We were supposed to get all of them!!!"
Suddenly, Electabuzz broke out of his ropes. "I'm free!" he said.
"Ack! Nidoqueen, get him!" Hitmonlee yelled. Nidoqueen sighed, as she started stomping after Electabuzz.
A few minutes later, both Electabuzz and Nidoqueen were resting, for neither of them do that much exercise and are pretty fat. Nidoqueen was only a few feet away from Electabuzz too.
"Man, this is what I get for eating donuts all the time!" said Electabuzz.
"You like donuts?" asked Nidoqueen. "So do I! We have something in common!"
Then Electabuzz and Nidoqueen looked deeply into each other's eyes. Then, they noticed something flying in the sky.
"Is it a Moltres?" said Electabuzz.
"Is it a Zapdos?" said Nidoqueen.
"No! It's, it's....Hitmonchan?"
Suddenly, Hitmonchan landed in front of Electabuzz. "I am the defender against evil and the champion of justice, Sailor Milky Way!" said Hit..uh, I mean, Sailor Milky Way.
"Now you're really girly," said Electabuzz.
"Saila Black Hole, use yo Fissure Butt-Slam attack!" said Eevee.
"Okey dokey!" said Nido....Sailor Black Hole. Then he hit the ground with his butt, causing a tremor. It was heading towards Nidoqueen.
"Nooooooooo!" yelled Electabuzz, as he shoved her out of the way. Then the tremor hit him.
"Oh no, Electabuzz!" cried Sailor Milky Way. Then he started crying.
"Use da Milky Way healin'!" said Eevee.
Then Sailor Milky Way lifted up his scepter and said, "Milky Way healing, escalation!" Then Electabuzz came back to life.
"Oh, Electabuzz!" said Nidoqueen, "You risked your life for me!" Then she ran up to Electabuzz and hugged him, nearly crushing him.
"So, you're evil, huh?" Sailor Black Hole said, facing his sister. Then they glared at each other.
"Guys, don't fight!" said Sailor Milky Way, "We need to rescue our friends!"
Eevee bounded to Electabuzz. "Hey ya go," he said, giving Electabuzz a brooch, "use dis ta toyn inta Saila Magnetic Storm."
"Uh, what?" asked Electabuzz.
"You're a Sailor Scout!" said Milky Way. "I guess that we need the power to defeat Jynx. Just hold up the brooch and..."
"Yeah, yeah, I know the rest," said Electabuzz, "I read manga too." Then, he lifted up the brooch and said, "Poke-Prism Power, make up!" Then he turned into Sailor Magnetic Storm.
"Okay, scouts, let's go rescue the boys and kick Jynx's ass!" said Sailor Milky Way. Then he took off into the sky, Eevee and Sailor Black Hole following him. Electa...I mean, Sailor Magnetic Storm had trouble flying, for he was carrying Nidoqueen.
*****
"Uhhh...where am I?" said Magmar. He had just regained consciousness.
"We're in a prison cell, in Jynx's dungeon," said Mr. Mime. He, Machoke, and Magmar were all in chains (wow, just like the beginning of the first story!).
"Boys, quiet, I'm gonna get you out of here," a voice said. Magmar looked around, and saw that it was Golduck.
"Golduck!" said Magmar, angry. "How could you do this to me?"
"I...I had no choice! Jynx was threatening me and...." then Golduck started crying.
"Golduck," said Magmar. Then, Golduck collapsed in his arms, and was all crying and stuff. Magmar was a little surprised.
"They look so cute together!" said Machoke.
"We're stuck in a prison," said Mr. Mime, "and all you can do is say how cute two ducks in love are?!"
Then, they heard an evil laughter. "So, you did like the butt-head duck after all!" after all!" said Hitmonlee, who appeared out of nowhere.
"Hitmonlee!" Golduck said in surprise.
"Stay back, Golduck," said Magmar, "I'll take care of her!" Then he got up, then fell back down. He forgot that he was still chained up. So much for that act of bravery, he thought.
Suddenly, Sailor Milky Way (who's actually Hitmonchan, remember) flew through a window, and body slammed Hitmonlee.
"I'm the defender against evil, and the..." before Sailor Milky Way could finish, Hitmonlee gave him a good kick to the gut.
"Man, you got so gay ever since we broke up!" said Hitmonlee.
"You guys used to go out?" asked Sailor Magnetic Storm, who just entered.
"It was a long time ago," said Sailor Milky Way.
"Let's see how your battle skills have improved," said Hitmonlee. Suddenly, she turned inside outwards, and she was all metallic. Hitmonlee turned into Cyber-Lee!
"Oh my god!" said Sailor Milky Way. "How am I gonna fight THAT?!"
Then Eevee appeared. "Use ya hidden move!" he said.
Suddenly, Sailor Milky Way had this energy stuff was surrounding him. His eyes started glowing. He glared at Cyber-Lee
"DOUBLE-FUDGE DEATH BEAM!" he called out, producing a beam of ice cream from his hands (kind of like in Dragon Ball Z). The ice cream hit Cyber- Lee, but she blocked it. Then she and Sailor Milky Way started beating each other up.
"Well, it looks like that all that ice cream did Hitmonchan some good!" said Sailor Magnetic Storm. Sailor Black Hole used his horn to break everyone's chains.
"Wait!" said Eevee, "Befo we go, I gotta give da Magma his brooch so he can moyph inta Saila Sola Flare!"
"Jeez, not another Sailor Scout," said Sailor Magnetic Storm.
"Oh, cool!" said Mr. Mime. "Can I be a Sailor Scout?!"
"No," said Eevee, "ya can't be, 'cause da author of da story can't tink of mo spacey names."
Mr. Mime and Machoke sighed. Magmar lifted up his brooch, and said, "Poke- Prism power!" Nothing happened.
"You forgot to say 'Make up'," said Golduck. "Sailor Moon says it in the manga!"
So, Magmar added the make up part to his phrase, then turned into Sailor Solar Flare.
"Mr. Mime, Machoke, climb on my back," said Sailor Black Hole. Then he and Eevee took off, heading to what looked like the main tower of the castle. Sailor Magnetic Storm sighed, as he lifted up Nidoqueen.
"Hey, Sailor Solar Flare, let's go!" said Sailor Magnetic Storm. Then he saw Sailor Solar Flare and Golduck kissing (which is really weird looking).
"Coming!" said Sailor Solar Flare, as he lifted up Golduck. "Wait, what about Hitmon...whoops, I mean, Sailor Milky Way?"
"He can take care of himself," said Sailor Magnetic Storm. Then he and Sailor Solar....you know, this is getting annoying. I'll just call them Sailor Electabuzz and stuff. Oh, anyway, Sailor Electabuzz and Sailor Magmar took off, carrying their women. Sailor Hitmonchan and Cyber-Lee were still fighting.
******
Meanwhile, the gang had reached the door to Jynx's main chamber.
"The final battle," said Sailor Magmar.
"Ooh, you sounded so hot and serious when you said that," said Golduck.
"Cut da love crap, all right!?" Eevee complained.
"Look, just because you don't have a girlfriend, doesn't mean you can criticize us!" said Sailor Electabuzz.
"You tell him, tiger-man!" said Nidoqueen.
"Fine, I'll just leave now," said Eevee, then he floated away, never to be seen again. Sailor Nidoking slapped Sailor Electabuzz across the head.
"Ouch! What was that for?!" Sailor Electabuzz yelled, spittle flying out of his mouth.
"Duh! He could've told us about our final battle!" Sailor Nidoking scolded.
"We'll pull through," said Sailor Magmar. "Machoke, Mr. Mime, girls, you wait out here. I have a feeling this battle is just for scouts."
"But we were there when Jynx died the first time!" Mr. Mime and Machoke complained. They were angry at having to be left out of the fight.
"Shouldn't we have Sailor Hitmonchan with us?" asked Sailor Nidoking.
"Hmm, come to think of it, where is that little wussy now?" asked Sailor Electabuzz.
Meanwhile, back at the dungeon, Sailor Hitmonchan and Cyber-Lee were glaring at each other. Both were worn out and covered in blood.
"I don't feel like fighting anymore," said Cyber-Lee. Then she turned rightside-in, and was back to normal.
"Yeah," Sailor Hitmonchan agreed. "Remember how much fun we had when we used to go out?"
"Yeah," said Hitmonlee. Then the two Hitmon's looked into each other's eyes (oh god, not again!).
"Come on, let's go to Jynx's tower," said Sailor Hitmonchan. Then he picked up Hitmonlee and flew to the tower.
Meanwhile, the other Sailor Scouts had just broken into Jynx's chamber. They were horrified. Jynx was 50 feet tall! And she was all ghostly! Aaah!
"Ah, so the fruits decided to battle me!" Jynx said. "Wait, I don't recognize you," she said, looking at Sailor Nidoking.
"Uh, I'm Sailor..." but before he could finish, Jynx lifted him up, then flung him out the window.
"Ah! Sailor Nidoking!" cried Sailor Magmar.
"That's better," said Jynx. "It looks like that all of my female assistants have failed me. Sigh, I knew that I shouldn't have hired them when they were in heat. We seem to be a little short on our gay freedom fighters, hmm?"
Suddenly, Sailor Hitmonchan flew into Jynx's room, followed by Machoke and Mr. Mime, who are now also wearing sailor uniforms (I don't have to think of spacey names anymore! Actually, I thought that if they did have spacey names, Mr. Mime would be White Dwarf, and Machoke would be Nebula. Oh, back to the story.)
"All right!" said Sailor Magmar, "Now we can use our scout powers!"
"But we don't know them," said Sailor Machoke.
"I know mine!" Sailor Hitmonchan spoke up.
"Great, our lives depend on an ice cream eating boxer," said Sailor Electabuzz.
Jynx was tapping her foot impatiently. "Can we fight now?" she demanded.
Sailor Hitmonchan nervously stepped up to Jynx. Then, he started glowing, and he said, "DOUBLE-FUDGE DEATH BEAM!" Ice cream shot from his hands, but it barely hurt Jynx.
Jynx grinned. "I'm an Ice-Type, numnuts!" she said. "Oh, speaking of numb- nuts...." them she took a deep breath, and suddenly exhaled a tornado of ice. Sailor Hitmonchan was hit hard.
"Ahh! I got ice up my skirt!" he whined.
"Quick, guys, we gotta get our powers, fast!" said Sailor Mr. Mime. Suddenly, he started glowing. Then his eyes flashed.
"PSYCHO SEIZURE COSMO FLASH!" he called out. The room was filled with a sickening rainbow glow. Jynx, though, only grinned.
"I'm a Psychic-Type too!" she said. Then she picked up Sailor Mr. Mime by the hair, then tossed him.
"Mimey!" Sailor Machoke called out. Then he caught Sailor Mr. Mime.
"Oh, thanks Machoke," said Sailor Mr. Mime. Then he looked at Machoke, and for the first time, he noticed Machoke's huge muscles.
"Dang, you're hot!" said Sailor Mr. Mime. "Much better looking than that beanpole Hitmonchan!" Then Sailor Hitmonchan started tearing up.
"Stop it!" said Sailor Magmar, "Come on guys, we gotta fight!" Then Magmar started glowing. "SECOND DEGREE SCAR TISSUE COMBUSTION!" he called out. He exhaled a huge wall of flame.
Jynx was engulfed in the flame, but she just shrugged it off. "Not as easy as last time, huh?" she smiled. "Now, who else dares to fight me?" she challenged.
Sailor Electabuzz stepped up. Then, he started scuffing his feet on the ground. "STATIC ELECTRICITY HYPER WAVE!" said Sailor Electabuzz. The wave surrounded Jynx, but by the time it calmed down, she was still uninjured (besides her hair now being staticy.)
"I am invincible!" said Jynx. "Bwahahahahahaha!!"
"Wait, you didn't fight me yet!" said Sailor Machoke. Then, after using Focus Energy to pump himself up, he said, "BIG MUSCLY GUY TACKLE!" he slammed into Jynx, and for the first time, she was in pain.
"Cool, I got da power!" said Sailor Machoke. But then, Jynx used a Psychic attack, hurting Sailor Machoke badly.
"Guys," said Sailor Mr. Mime, "If we can't get our powers to hurt Jynx, then Machoke's gonna be finished off, and we'll all die!"
Then Hitmonchan started crying. "But how was Machoke able to hurt Jynx?" asked Sailor Electabuzz. Suddenly, Golduck flew out of nowhere.
"Guys!" said Golduck, "Machoke was only one that was still gay! Well, and Mr. Mime, but he's a Psychic-Type....oh, anyway, you guys have to use the power of your homosexuality!"
"What are you doing here, traitor?!" Jynx yelled.
"Gotta go!" said Golduck, then she disappeared.
"Come on guys!" said Sailor Magmar. Then the five Pokemon gathered around in a circle.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Jynx yelled in fear.
Suddenly the male Pokemon lifted their arms to the sky, and pink energy was flowing from their hands. A large, fuschia triangle, with a male symbol in the middle of it, appeared above their heads.
"Get a dose of boy power, you feminine girl!" said Sailor Magmar. "Ready, guys?"
They nodded. They all turned to Jynx, then yelled out, "SAILOR MASCULINE PINK TRIANGLE BARRAGE!" The triangle hit Jynx hard, and she was blown away. All that was left was a small, round, black ball. It was shivering.
"What the...?" said Sailor Magmar. Then he walked up to the ball, and saw that it was a little Gastly.
"Please don't hurt me!" he pleaded. "I, I, I didn't mean any harm!"
Then Hitmonchan picked him up. "You poor little thing!" he said, stroking Gastly's head (well, his body is his head).
"I am an advocate for Jynx's spirit," said Gastly. "My mission was to portray as Jynx, and destroy you, but I failed. Dang, I was gonna get paid too! Now, I have no home! I'm a bum!"
"Hey, you can live with us!" said Magmar (oh, in case you're wondering, they're all back to normal).
"Wait! I just remembered Nidoking!" said Electabuzz. So the fruit squad, now joined by Gastly, rushed outside.
Nidoking was on his back, his spikes stuck in the ground.
"Get me outta here!" he demanded. The gang laughed, as they helped him to his feet.
Suddenly, a cold wind rushed. "Ooh, my skirt!" said Hitmonchan. "I hate wind!"
Golduck, Hitmonlee, and Nidoqueen appeared.
"Boys," said Golduck, "We must leave now. I can't tell you where we're going, but we may return someday. So long." Then the three turned into smoke, and blew away.
"Aw, man, my first girlfriend left!" said Magmar.
"Don't feel bad, you still have me!" said Electabuzz. Then Magmar and Electabuzz looked into each other's eyes.
"I have no one!" said Gastly.
"You can have me!" said Hitmonchan.
"No way!" said Nidoking. "I didn't get to do anything exciting in this story, so I deserve Gastly!"
"But he likes me better!"
"Oh, boys, don't fight over little old me!" said Gastly (seem familiar?).
"Man, were we like that?" Machoke questioned.
Then Mr. Mime bitch-slapped Machoke, and said, "Of course, you hot stud!" Then he did this perverted thing with his eyebrows.
Machoke was a little scared by that sudden action, but, being the wimp that he is, just went along with it.
"Hey, Magmar, I almost forgot!" said Electabuzz, "We never had your birthday party!"
Magmar's pupils grew huge and shiny. "You...you remembered!" Magmar said. Electabuzz nodded.
"And I baked the cake!" Hitmonchan said proudly.
"I never had cake, or been to a party," said Gastly. "I had a deprived childhood."
"Suck-up," Nidoking quietly said to Hitmonchan. Hitmonchan glared at him, Gastly still in his arms.
"Let's go!" said Electabuzz. Then he got out his beeper, and contacted Articuno, who flew the gang back to Hawaii, where they partied and hula danced 'til the sun came up.
Narrator: Well, the gay gang seem happy, but not everyone is.....
Jynx was in Hell, having a miserable time. She was tied against a wall.
"This place is so god damn hot!" she yelled. "I'm gonna melt! Where's Gastly?!"
Then, a little Charmander with a devil tail and horns poked Jynx in the butt with his pitchfork.
"No cussing!" he said, then walked off.
Then Jynx said, "EerrrRRRAAAAAHHHHH!!! I hate homosexuals!"
Meanwhile, back on Hawaii, there was a small tremor (caused by Jynx's yell). Everyone stopped what they were doing.
"What was that?" asked Magmar.
"Oh, it was nothing," Electabuzz reassured him. "Come on, let's limbo!"
And so Magmar, Electabuzz, Mr. Mime, Machoke, Hitmonchan, Nidoking, and Gastly lived happily ever after.
Raichu: As I mentioned, these are old stories, and I'm too lazy to go and add description. If you like description though, read some of my more recent stuff (which was written after I got a lot better), like "Wild Side of Bruno", or the unfinished "Hunt for the Forest Emperor". "Guilty by Design" is unfinished and still lacks some description, but that's a story I'm proud of anyway. I think the Bruno one is my best written fic yet. The Johto Gym leader one is the worst.
Now we go onto this doozy, written that following summer... apologies to Sailor Moon ;)
BATTLE OF THE SEXES
By Katelyn, aka Iveechan
It was a beautiful day in Hawaii. Everyone was busy in the beach house, which sat at the foot of a volcano. Everyone was cheerful, except for Magmar, who was walking along the beach.
"How sad," he said, "No one knows it's my birthday."
Meanwhile, back at the house, everyone did know it was Magmar's birthday (gee, this is starting out like a corny cartoon, huh?). Hitmonchan was in the kitchen, baking a cake. Little did he know, Machoke was watching him from the entrance of the kitchen.
Now's my time to make a move on that cute Hitmonchan! he thought. Just when he did, he saw Mr. Mime approach Hitmonchan.
"Hey, Hitmonchan's mine!" said Machoke, "I saw him first!"
"He doesn't like you!" cried Mr. Mime. Then Machoke and Mr. Mime started beating the crap out of each other.
"Oh, boys, don't fight over little old me!" said Hitmonchan.
Meanwhile, in the living room, Electabuzz was trying to decide on what the decorations were going to look like.
"Let's see," he said, "I want them to be black and yellow, but should there be more black, or more yellow?"
Suddenly, Mr. Mime and Machoke burst into the room, still fighting.
"Guys, what do you think of the decorations?" asked Electabuzz, "Should there be more black or more yellow?"
The two just ignored him, for they were still beating each other up. Hitmonchan entered the room.
"I think the colors should be mint green and lavender," he said.
*****
Magmar was still on the beach, watching the blue-green waves. Suddenly, he saw a silhouette of something coming out of the ocean. It was walking towards him. When it came close enough, Magmar saw the most beautiful creature he had ever seen---a female Golduck. She was wearing a silver bikini, which is kind of unusual, for Golduck don't have boobs.
"Hey, Maggie-mar," the Golduck said, swinging her hips.
"Hi," said Magmar, a little surprised.
"I bet your friends don't like you anymore," said Golduck, "But I can make your problems go away." Then she removed her top (like I said, she has nothing to hide).
Now, Magmar completely forgot about everything, and started following Golduck to some rocks.
****
"Okay, it's evening, so everybody get ready!" said Electabuzz. He was sure that Magmar would be home soon.
"Look, I better be getting paid for this," said a Nidoking.
"Just get in the cake, and when you hear 'surprise!' then jump out, and start dancing around," said Electabuzz. He was a little worn out, for he had to deal with the moody Nidoking, and had to break up all of Mr. Mime and Machoke's fights.
Time passed. Still no sign of Magmar. Nidoking sighed and took out a cigarette.
"I don't have time for this," he said and left. Electabuzz ignored him.
"Where could Magmar be?" Hitmonchan whined.
"We have to search for him," said Electabuzz. "We'll split into two groups. Hitmonchan, you come with me, and you two try to get along." Then they left the house. Mr. Mime and Machoke glared at each other.
Meanwhile, Magmar and Golduck were behind a rock. They were resting, for they had just finished doing the nasty.
"Magmar, I'm so sorry," said Golduck.
"Sorry? Sorry for what?"
"Oh, I work for a dead spirit, the Spirit of Jynx. She wanted me to lead you to her domain, so she could kill you. But I love you so much, I don't want to do that! I feel so guilty! But if I come back empty handed, she'll kill me!"
"Golduck," said Magmar, "We should run away together, just the two of us. We should sail away, and find our own island!"
Just when Magmar and Golduck left to go get some wood to build a boat with, Electabuzz and Hitmonchan walked by, just missing them.
"Electabuzz, I have a problem," said Hitmonchan. "You see, Machoke and Mr. Mime are always fighting over me. I used to like that, but now I know that they only like me for my looks! They only think of me as a sex object!" Then Hitmonchan started crying, and Electabuzz kind of looked at him weird.
"Boy, you sure are girly," said Electabuzz. "I mean, look at you! You're so wussy, it makes me feel like Clint Eastwood!"
"Maybe that's my problem," said Hitmonchan. "Lately, I don't know why, but I've been overwhelmed with all these feminine emotions. I swear, I cry five times a day, and have gone through 26 gallons of ice cream in one week!"
"Well, that's another mystery that needs looking into," said Electabuzz, "But we have to find Magmar now!"
*****
"The boat's almost ready," said Magmar. Golduck was looking at a crystal ball thingy.
"Don't worry, I've almost got him," Golduck said to it.
"What was that?" asked Magmar.
"Uh, I said, 'I'm happy, you're almost done!" Golduck lied (now what could that rascally Pokemon be up to)?
"Now, I made this boat secure enough so that there's no way that water could seep in and kill me," said Magmar.
Suddenly, they heard something. "Quick, let's get to the water, fast!" said Golduck.
It was Mr. Mime and Machoke, who were arguing.
"I'm a Fighting-Type, so Hitmonchan should like me better!" said Machoke.
"But who can resist my charming good looks?" said Mr. Mime.
"I certainly can't," said a mysterious voice. Mr. Mime and Machoke spun around, and saw a lady Hitmonlee.
"Wow, she's gorgeous!" said Machoke.
"Hey, she likes me better!" said Mr. Mime. "Wait, I thought Hitmonlee's were always guys."
"Who cares?" said Machoke, "she's probably a transvestite."
"Follow me, I can take you to a beautiful place," said the Hitmonlee.
As Mr. Mime and Machoke started following Hitmonlee, she took out her watch and looked at it.
"I have the clown and the wrestler," she said into it.
"Great," said Golduck, "And I have the duck from Hell."
"What did you say?" asked Magmar, who was sleeping.
"Uh, nothing, go back to sleep," Golduck said to him. When he did, Golduck turned back to the watch. "Make sure Nidoqueen gets that electric tiger thingy and his wussy boxer friend."
"I will," said Hitmonlee. "What's the matter?"
"Huh?"
"You seem a little reluctant. Do you like that ugly fire-duck thing? Jynx wouldn't like that."
"Of course not, don't be silly!" Then Golduck sighed as she turned off her watch.
******
"I feel so depressed! Where could Magmar be?" Hitmonchan weeped, as he was shoving chocolate ice cream down his gullet.
Electabuzz was just ignoring him. Suddenly, he saw a hand appear from behind a tree. It was a Nidoqueen. She was motioning for him to come.
Electabuzz looked back at Hitmonchan, who was still crying and eating ice cream, then back at the Nidoqueen hand. Electabuzz shrugged, then happily bounded to the Nidoqueen.
"Man, I'm finally free," said Electabuzz. "So, have you seen a Magmar around? You know, fiery duck?"
"Ooh," said Nidoqueen, "I can take you to a.....oh, what the heck." Then she grabbed Electabuzz by the tail, and flung him over her shoulders.
"Ack! Where are you taking me?" Electabuzz cried.
"To the Spirit of Jynx," said Nidoqueen.
"Eek! Jynx! Thunderbolt Attack!" said Electabuzz, but Nidoqueen wasn't hurt, for she's a Ground-Type, and Electric attacks don't affect her.
Meanwhile, Hitmonchan was still eating ice cream and crying and stuff. Suddenly, he heard this huge stomping sound. Before he could react, a Nidoking came crashing through the trees.
"Oh, there you are!" Nidoking said. "I have to warn you about something!"
"Hey, you're the Nidoking that Electabuzz hired!" said Hitmonchan. "Wait, where is Electabuzz?"
"That's what I'm gonna tell you about!" said Nidoking. "My sister, a Nidoqueen, and two of her friends were hired by a ghostly Jynx to bring her all of the Pokemon who defeated her."
"Oh my god! That's so awful! What can we do?!"
Suddenly, an Eevee with a crescent Moon on his forehead appeared out of nowhere (I bet you can see where this is going!).
"Yo, ya gotta toyn inta Saila Scouts," said the Eevee, who had a New York accent.
"Uh, how?" Nidoking and Hitmonchan asked. "I mean, how were we chosen?"
"Well, Hitmo'chan, I betcha you've been wond'rin why you've been act'in so goyly. Well, it's 'cause you was destined to be a Scout or sumthin. Anyways, I was sent hey by da Dead Spirit of Mewtwo ta give ya dis brooch thingy. Ya hold it up an' say 'Poke-Prism Powa!'"
"What about me?" asked Nidoking.
"Uh, I guess I can give ya one of my extra brooches," Eevee answered. Then he gave the two Pokemon their brooches.
"Poke-Prism Power, make up!" Hitmonchan and Nidoking called out. Suddenly, they got what looked like skin-tight sailor school girl uniforms on.
"Cool! Do we get special powers?" asked Hitmonchan.
"Well, ya see," said Eevee, "Ya gotta use yo physical strength, but soon, you'll discova ya hidden powas."
"How come we can't get them now?" asked Nidoking.
"Cuz den, dey wouldn't be hidden," Eevee answered. "Now, let's go rescue yo buddies!" Then, Sailor Milky Way (Hitmonchan), Sailor Black Hole (Nidoking), and Eevee flew into the air.
******
"Land Ho!" said Magmar, spotting an island.
"Did you just call me a ho?" asked Golduck.
"Oh, no, I just spotted an island for us!" said Magmar. "Hey, is that a crystal ball?"
"Uh, no..."
"I think it is! You're still working for Jynx, aren't you?!"
"No!" Suddenly, Jynx's face appeared on the crystal ball.
"What are you doing on that island?!" Jynx said, "You're supposed to be at my castle!"
"Golduck!" said Magmar, "You lied to me! You said....!"
Golduck used Surf on Magmar, and he fainted, because he's weak against water attacks.
Golduck sighed. "I really hate doing this to you," she said, as she lifted Magmar up and put him into the boat, "but it's my job."
Hours later, Golduck arrived at Jynx's new castle. She met Hitmonlee and Nidoqueen, who had their captured men all tied up.
"Great work, girls," said Hitmonlee. "So, Golduck, you didn't like that butt-head duck after all."
"Yeah, I guess," Golduck answered, then sighed.
Hitmonlee looked over at Electabuzz, who was chewing on the rope that was restraining him.
"Why is this one resisting?" asked Hitmonlee. "You're supposed to tempt these guys first before you...wait! Where's the boxer!?"
"What boxer?" asked Nidoqueen.
"You idiot!" yelled Hitmonlee, "We were supposed to get all of them!!!"
Suddenly, Electabuzz broke out of his ropes. "I'm free!" he said.
"Ack! Nidoqueen, get him!" Hitmonlee yelled. Nidoqueen sighed, as she started stomping after Electabuzz.
A few minutes later, both Electabuzz and Nidoqueen were resting, for neither of them do that much exercise and are pretty fat. Nidoqueen was only a few feet away from Electabuzz too.
"Man, this is what I get for eating donuts all the time!" said Electabuzz.
"You like donuts?" asked Nidoqueen. "So do I! We have something in common!"
Then Electabuzz and Nidoqueen looked deeply into each other's eyes. Then, they noticed something flying in the sky.
"Is it a Moltres?" said Electabuzz.
"Is it a Zapdos?" said Nidoqueen.
"No! It's, it's....Hitmonchan?"
Suddenly, Hitmonchan landed in front of Electabuzz. "I am the defender against evil and the champion of justice, Sailor Milky Way!" said Hit..uh, I mean, Sailor Milky Way.
"Now you're really girly," said Electabuzz.
"Saila Black Hole, use yo Fissure Butt-Slam attack!" said Eevee.
"Okey dokey!" said Nido....Sailor Black Hole. Then he hit the ground with his butt, causing a tremor. It was heading towards Nidoqueen.
"Nooooooooo!" yelled Electabuzz, as he shoved her out of the way. Then the tremor hit him.
"Oh no, Electabuzz!" cried Sailor Milky Way. Then he started crying.
"Use da Milky Way healin'!" said Eevee.
Then Sailor Milky Way lifted up his scepter and said, "Milky Way healing, escalation!" Then Electabuzz came back to life.
"Oh, Electabuzz!" said Nidoqueen, "You risked your life for me!" Then she ran up to Electabuzz and hugged him, nearly crushing him.
"So, you're evil, huh?" Sailor Black Hole said, facing his sister. Then they glared at each other.
"Guys, don't fight!" said Sailor Milky Way, "We need to rescue our friends!"
Eevee bounded to Electabuzz. "Hey ya go," he said, giving Electabuzz a brooch, "use dis ta toyn inta Saila Magnetic Storm."
"Uh, what?" asked Electabuzz.
"You're a Sailor Scout!" said Milky Way. "I guess that we need the power to defeat Jynx. Just hold up the brooch and..."
"Yeah, yeah, I know the rest," said Electabuzz, "I read manga too." Then, he lifted up the brooch and said, "Poke-Prism Power, make up!" Then he turned into Sailor Magnetic Storm.
"Okay, scouts, let's go rescue the boys and kick Jynx's ass!" said Sailor Milky Way. Then he took off into the sky, Eevee and Sailor Black Hole following him. Electa...I mean, Sailor Magnetic Storm had trouble flying, for he was carrying Nidoqueen.
*****
"Uhhh...where am I?" said Magmar. He had just regained consciousness.
"We're in a prison cell, in Jynx's dungeon," said Mr. Mime. He, Machoke, and Magmar were all in chains (wow, just like the beginning of the first story!).
"Boys, quiet, I'm gonna get you out of here," a voice said. Magmar looked around, and saw that it was Golduck.
"Golduck!" said Magmar, angry. "How could you do this to me?"
"I...I had no choice! Jynx was threatening me and...." then Golduck started crying.
"Golduck," said Magmar. Then, Golduck collapsed in his arms, and was all crying and stuff. Magmar was a little surprised.
"They look so cute together!" said Machoke.
"We're stuck in a prison," said Mr. Mime, "and all you can do is say how cute two ducks in love are?!"
Then, they heard an evil laughter. "So, you did like the butt-head duck after all!" after all!" said Hitmonlee, who appeared out of nowhere.
"Hitmonlee!" Golduck said in surprise.
"Stay back, Golduck," said Magmar, "I'll take care of her!" Then he got up, then fell back down. He forgot that he was still chained up. So much for that act of bravery, he thought.
Suddenly, Sailor Milky Way (who's actually Hitmonchan, remember) flew through a window, and body slammed Hitmonlee.
"I'm the defender against evil, and the..." before Sailor Milky Way could finish, Hitmonlee gave him a good kick to the gut.
"Man, you got so gay ever since we broke up!" said Hitmonlee.
"You guys used to go out?" asked Sailor Magnetic Storm, who just entered.
"It was a long time ago," said Sailor Milky Way.
"Let's see how your battle skills have improved," said Hitmonlee. Suddenly, she turned inside outwards, and she was all metallic. Hitmonlee turned into Cyber-Lee!
"Oh my god!" said Sailor Milky Way. "How am I gonna fight THAT?!"
Then Eevee appeared. "Use ya hidden move!" he said.
Suddenly, Sailor Milky Way had this energy stuff was surrounding him. His eyes started glowing. He glared at Cyber-Lee
"DOUBLE-FUDGE DEATH BEAM!" he called out, producing a beam of ice cream from his hands (kind of like in Dragon Ball Z). The ice cream hit Cyber- Lee, but she blocked it. Then she and Sailor Milky Way started beating each other up.
"Well, it looks like that all that ice cream did Hitmonchan some good!" said Sailor Magnetic Storm. Sailor Black Hole used his horn to break everyone's chains.
"Wait!" said Eevee, "Befo we go, I gotta give da Magma his brooch so he can moyph inta Saila Sola Flare!"
"Jeez, not another Sailor Scout," said Sailor Magnetic Storm.
"Oh, cool!" said Mr. Mime. "Can I be a Sailor Scout?!"
"No," said Eevee, "ya can't be, 'cause da author of da story can't tink of mo spacey names."
Mr. Mime and Machoke sighed. Magmar lifted up his brooch, and said, "Poke- Prism power!" Nothing happened.
"You forgot to say 'Make up'," said Golduck. "Sailor Moon says it in the manga!"
So, Magmar added the make up part to his phrase, then turned into Sailor Solar Flare.
"Mr. Mime, Machoke, climb on my back," said Sailor Black Hole. Then he and Eevee took off, heading to what looked like the main tower of the castle. Sailor Magnetic Storm sighed, as he lifted up Nidoqueen.
"Hey, Sailor Solar Flare, let's go!" said Sailor Magnetic Storm. Then he saw Sailor Solar Flare and Golduck kissing (which is really weird looking).
"Coming!" said Sailor Solar Flare, as he lifted up Golduck. "Wait, what about Hitmon...whoops, I mean, Sailor Milky Way?"
"He can take care of himself," said Sailor Magnetic Storm. Then he and Sailor Solar....you know, this is getting annoying. I'll just call them Sailor Electabuzz and stuff. Oh, anyway, Sailor Electabuzz and Sailor Magmar took off, carrying their women. Sailor Hitmonchan and Cyber-Lee were still fighting.
******
Meanwhile, the gang had reached the door to Jynx's main chamber.
"The final battle," said Sailor Magmar.
"Ooh, you sounded so hot and serious when you said that," said Golduck.
"Cut da love crap, all right!?" Eevee complained.
"Look, just because you don't have a girlfriend, doesn't mean you can criticize us!" said Sailor Electabuzz.
"You tell him, tiger-man!" said Nidoqueen.
"Fine, I'll just leave now," said Eevee, then he floated away, never to be seen again. Sailor Nidoking slapped Sailor Electabuzz across the head.
"Ouch! What was that for?!" Sailor Electabuzz yelled, spittle flying out of his mouth.
"Duh! He could've told us about our final battle!" Sailor Nidoking scolded.
"We'll pull through," said Sailor Magmar. "Machoke, Mr. Mime, girls, you wait out here. I have a feeling this battle is just for scouts."
"But we were there when Jynx died the first time!" Mr. Mime and Machoke complained. They were angry at having to be left out of the fight.
"Shouldn't we have Sailor Hitmonchan with us?" asked Sailor Nidoking.
"Hmm, come to think of it, where is that little wussy now?" asked Sailor Electabuzz.
Meanwhile, back at the dungeon, Sailor Hitmonchan and Cyber-Lee were glaring at each other. Both were worn out and covered in blood.
"I don't feel like fighting anymore," said Cyber-Lee. Then she turned rightside-in, and was back to normal.
"Yeah," Sailor Hitmonchan agreed. "Remember how much fun we had when we used to go out?"
"Yeah," said Hitmonlee. Then the two Hitmon's looked into each other's eyes (oh god, not again!).
"Come on, let's go to Jynx's tower," said Sailor Hitmonchan. Then he picked up Hitmonlee and flew to the tower.
Meanwhile, the other Sailor Scouts had just broken into Jynx's chamber. They were horrified. Jynx was 50 feet tall! And she was all ghostly! Aaah!
"Ah, so the fruits decided to battle me!" Jynx said. "Wait, I don't recognize you," she said, looking at Sailor Nidoking.
"Uh, I'm Sailor..." but before he could finish, Jynx lifted him up, then flung him out the window.
"Ah! Sailor Nidoking!" cried Sailor Magmar.
"That's better," said Jynx. "It looks like that all of my female assistants have failed me. Sigh, I knew that I shouldn't have hired them when they were in heat. We seem to be a little short on our gay freedom fighters, hmm?"
Suddenly, Sailor Hitmonchan flew into Jynx's room, followed by Machoke and Mr. Mime, who are now also wearing sailor uniforms (I don't have to think of spacey names anymore! Actually, I thought that if they did have spacey names, Mr. Mime would be White Dwarf, and Machoke would be Nebula. Oh, back to the story.)
"All right!" said Sailor Magmar, "Now we can use our scout powers!"
"But we don't know them," said Sailor Machoke.
"I know mine!" Sailor Hitmonchan spoke up.
"Great, our lives depend on an ice cream eating boxer," said Sailor Electabuzz.
Jynx was tapping her foot impatiently. "Can we fight now?" she demanded.
Sailor Hitmonchan nervously stepped up to Jynx. Then, he started glowing, and he said, "DOUBLE-FUDGE DEATH BEAM!" Ice cream shot from his hands, but it barely hurt Jynx.
Jynx grinned. "I'm an Ice-Type, numnuts!" she said. "Oh, speaking of numb- nuts...." them she took a deep breath, and suddenly exhaled a tornado of ice. Sailor Hitmonchan was hit hard.
"Ahh! I got ice up my skirt!" he whined.
"Quick, guys, we gotta get our powers, fast!" said Sailor Mr. Mime. Suddenly, he started glowing. Then his eyes flashed.
"PSYCHO SEIZURE COSMO FLASH!" he called out. The room was filled with a sickening rainbow glow. Jynx, though, only grinned.
"I'm a Psychic-Type too!" she said. Then she picked up Sailor Mr. Mime by the hair, then tossed him.
"Mimey!" Sailor Machoke called out. Then he caught Sailor Mr. Mime.
"Oh, thanks Machoke," said Sailor Mr. Mime. Then he looked at Machoke, and for the first time, he noticed Machoke's huge muscles.
"Dang, you're hot!" said Sailor Mr. Mime. "Much better looking than that beanpole Hitmonchan!" Then Sailor Hitmonchan started tearing up.
"Stop it!" said Sailor Magmar, "Come on guys, we gotta fight!" Then Magmar started glowing. "SECOND DEGREE SCAR TISSUE COMBUSTION!" he called out. He exhaled a huge wall of flame.
Jynx was engulfed in the flame, but she just shrugged it off. "Not as easy as last time, huh?" she smiled. "Now, who else dares to fight me?" she challenged.
Sailor Electabuzz stepped up. Then, he started scuffing his feet on the ground. "STATIC ELECTRICITY HYPER WAVE!" said Sailor Electabuzz. The wave surrounded Jynx, but by the time it calmed down, she was still uninjured (besides her hair now being staticy.)
"I am invincible!" said Jynx. "Bwahahahahahaha!!"
"Wait, you didn't fight me yet!" said Sailor Machoke. Then, after using Focus Energy to pump himself up, he said, "BIG MUSCLY GUY TACKLE!" he slammed into Jynx, and for the first time, she was in pain.
"Cool, I got da power!" said Sailor Machoke. But then, Jynx used a Psychic attack, hurting Sailor Machoke badly.
"Guys," said Sailor Mr. Mime, "If we can't get our powers to hurt Jynx, then Machoke's gonna be finished off, and we'll all die!"
Then Hitmonchan started crying. "But how was Machoke able to hurt Jynx?" asked Sailor Electabuzz. Suddenly, Golduck flew out of nowhere.
"Guys!" said Golduck, "Machoke was only one that was still gay! Well, and Mr. Mime, but he's a Psychic-Type....oh, anyway, you guys have to use the power of your homosexuality!"
"What are you doing here, traitor?!" Jynx yelled.
"Gotta go!" said Golduck, then she disappeared.
"Come on guys!" said Sailor Magmar. Then the five Pokemon gathered around in a circle.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Jynx yelled in fear.
Suddenly the male Pokemon lifted their arms to the sky, and pink energy was flowing from their hands. A large, fuschia triangle, with a male symbol in the middle of it, appeared above their heads.
"Get a dose of boy power, you feminine girl!" said Sailor Magmar. "Ready, guys?"
They nodded. They all turned to Jynx, then yelled out, "SAILOR MASCULINE PINK TRIANGLE BARRAGE!" The triangle hit Jynx hard, and she was blown away. All that was left was a small, round, black ball. It was shivering.
"What the...?" said Sailor Magmar. Then he walked up to the ball, and saw that it was a little Gastly.
"Please don't hurt me!" he pleaded. "I, I, I didn't mean any harm!"
Then Hitmonchan picked him up. "You poor little thing!" he said, stroking Gastly's head (well, his body is his head).
"I am an advocate for Jynx's spirit," said Gastly. "My mission was to portray as Jynx, and destroy you, but I failed. Dang, I was gonna get paid too! Now, I have no home! I'm a bum!"
"Hey, you can live with us!" said Magmar (oh, in case you're wondering, they're all back to normal).
"Wait! I just remembered Nidoking!" said Electabuzz. So the fruit squad, now joined by Gastly, rushed outside.
Nidoking was on his back, his spikes stuck in the ground.
"Get me outta here!" he demanded. The gang laughed, as they helped him to his feet.
Suddenly, a cold wind rushed. "Ooh, my skirt!" said Hitmonchan. "I hate wind!"
Golduck, Hitmonlee, and Nidoqueen appeared.
"Boys," said Golduck, "We must leave now. I can't tell you where we're going, but we may return someday. So long." Then the three turned into smoke, and blew away.
"Aw, man, my first girlfriend left!" said Magmar.
"Don't feel bad, you still have me!" said Electabuzz. Then Magmar and Electabuzz looked into each other's eyes.
"I have no one!" said Gastly.
"You can have me!" said Hitmonchan.
"No way!" said Nidoking. "I didn't get to do anything exciting in this story, so I deserve Gastly!"
"But he likes me better!"
"Oh, boys, don't fight over little old me!" said Gastly (seem familiar?).
"Man, were we like that?" Machoke questioned.
Then Mr. Mime bitch-slapped Machoke, and said, "Of course, you hot stud!" Then he did this perverted thing with his eyebrows.
Machoke was a little scared by that sudden action, but, being the wimp that he is, just went along with it.
"Hey, Magmar, I almost forgot!" said Electabuzz, "We never had your birthday party!"
Magmar's pupils grew huge and shiny. "You...you remembered!" Magmar said. Electabuzz nodded.
"And I baked the cake!" Hitmonchan said proudly.
"I never had cake, or been to a party," said Gastly. "I had a deprived childhood."
"Suck-up," Nidoking quietly said to Hitmonchan. Hitmonchan glared at him, Gastly still in his arms.
"Let's go!" said Electabuzz. Then he got out his beeper, and contacted Articuno, who flew the gang back to Hawaii, where they partied and hula danced 'til the sun came up.
Narrator: Well, the gay gang seem happy, but not everyone is.....
Jynx was in Hell, having a miserable time. She was tied against a wall.
"This place is so god damn hot!" she yelled. "I'm gonna melt! Where's Gastly?!"
Then, a little Charmander with a devil tail and horns poked Jynx in the butt with his pitchfork.
"No cussing!" he said, then walked off.
Then Jynx said, "EerrrRRRAAAAAHHHHH!!! I hate homosexuals!"
Meanwhile, back on Hawaii, there was a small tremor (caused by Jynx's yell). Everyone stopped what they were doing.
"What was that?" asked Magmar.
"Oh, it was nothing," Electabuzz reassured him. "Come on, let's limbo!"
And so Magmar, Electabuzz, Mr. Mime, Machoke, Hitmonchan, Nidoking, and Gastly lived happily ever after.