//I swear I hate the Disney Channel. I really, really do. But Kim Possible somehow got control of my brain…
I blame the naked mole rat.
All right! I don't claim to own the show, nor am I making money off of this fic. And there's an itty bitty slice of slash in here, near the end, because I can't help it. It's easily ignored, I think. Oh, and we've got original characters, such as Thea Tayer, Chris, Marion… they're all either minor characters or stupid villains.
I don't claim to own the musical, either, but every fandom in the world should be crossed with "the Phantom of the Opera" at least once. Really. Can you imagine Vegeta from DragonballZ wearing the Phantom mask and singing about how much he loves Bulma?
…me neither.//
Musical Mayhem
(because we're corny like that)
It was just another day in Middleton High, pre-villainous plots or natural disasters. Kim closed her locker and walked down the hall with Ron, wishing something- anything- would happen to get her out of History. There was a sub today, which meant the students would have a packet of worksheets to slog through. If only the Kimmunicator would beep...
"Seems the drama geeks lost whatever blackmail they had on the administration," Ron said gleefully. Kim followed his gaze and noticed the bright yellow flyer stuck on the wall.
"'Stage crew needed for 'the Phantom of the Opera' production,'" she read aloud. "What's this about? We don't have plays this time of year- we haven't had tryouts, have we?"
"Uh uh. They're way low on funds, or so I hear." Ron tapped his temple, trying to look mysterious. "Word on the street-"
"You mean in the hall?"
"Whatever. They need money if they're going to be able to do their big spring production, so they're doing an updated version of Phantom in two weeks. All the kids from the drama club and a few more of the artsy types have been assigned roles."
"What's written all over these flyers in marker?" Kim asked, walking up to get a closer look. "Blasphemy? Sacrilege? An affront to playwrights that must not be borne?"
Ron snorted, looking at the slurs. "Some crazy woman's been wandering around, trying to get the principal to stop the production. She says she's from some kind of league or something. What plays have to do with baseball, I don't know."
"Uh huh," Kim murmured, taking the flyer down. It wasn't like anyone would be able to read it anymore. "She's very concerned about these poor writers turning in their graves-"
"Someone has to be concerned," a woman interrupted sharply. Kim whirled around even as Ron yelped and jumped back. "I am Thea Tayer."
"And she apparently eschews sunlight," Ron muttered, speaking of the woman's near-white skin, which was only accentuated by her dull, dark hair and piercing dark eyes. Kim elbowed him and smiled apologetically.
"Pleased to meet you, Ms.? Tayer," she said hastily, shaking the woman's hand. Her skin was as cold as the pinched expression on her face, which was made even less welcoming by her large, horn-rimmed glasses and severe hairstyle. How she managed to get that bun so tight, Kim had no idea. "I'm Kim Poss-"
"I know who you are," Ms. Tayer interrupted. "And I'm well aware of your influence in certain circles. It sounds as if you're interested in our League, and I would be most honored to give you all the information you could desire-"
"Stop right there, scary lady," Ron said, stepping forward. "First of all, Kim's not into baseball. Second, she's so backing this musical. In fact, she's going to sign up for crew!"
"Ron!" Kim hissed.
Ron whispered out of the corner of his mouth, "KP, Josh Mankey is gonna be the lead!"
That led to an immediate about face. Kim turned to Ms. Tayer and said sweetly, "Thank you for your time, Ms. Tayer, but Ron's right. I'm very interested to see how this play-"
"Musical!" Ron coughed.
"-musical is going to look, being updated to a twenty-first century style." Kim smiled broadly at the glowering woman. "I'm sure if you stayed to watch the play-"
"Good day, Ms. Possible." And with that curt dismissal, Ms. Tayer stalked away, completely ignoring the audience that had gathered while she and Kim verbally sparred.
"What a jerk," someone muttered, looking after Ms. Tayer. Kim was inclined to agree. She turned away, still holding the defaced flyer, and nearly walked right into Josh.
"Hey, Kim," he said, smiling at her sweetly. Kim's heart jumped.
"Josh! Didn't see you there!" Ron said, moving immediately to Kim's side. "Hey, heard you're playing Raoul. Unless they've, like, renamed him. Made him cool or something."
Josh laughed. "No, we're keeping all the names the same. So were you serious? About being on crew?"
"Yes!" Kim nearly shouted. She blushed deeply but added, "Ron and I both want to help out."
"I do?" Ron asked. Kim shot him a dark look. "Oh, yeah, right! Stage hands. Crew. Whatever. Sounds fun!"
"Great," Josh said, beaming at both of them now. "See you there, then!"
"Yeah, catch you later," Ron muttered. "Aw, Kim!"
"Ron-"
"I never said I wanted to be part of the musical! Man!" Ron whined.
Rufus peeked out of his pocket to add his two cents: "Man! No way!"
Kim sighed. "We always do these things together, Ron. Saving the world, cheerleading-"
"Just as long as I'm not on makeup crew or costuming or something dumb like that," Ron said darkly.
*****
"Um, sorry about that!" Ron called out for the seventh time. Christine- played by Marian James, a beautiful blonde senior, fought her way out of the curtain with difficulty.
"Can't you do anything right?!" she shrieked, and then tripped. The end of her dress hadn't been pulled free.
Ron looked down at his feet, ears burning in embarrassment. He couldn't manage props or scene changes- the need for a new mirror was proof of that; he couldn't handle lights or music- as evinced by the scratched "Phantom" CD; and there was no way anyone was letting him get near the promotion fliers after seeing him try to fix up the mirror with tape. Babs Noire, a chorus member, still had bits of clear tape in her hair.
Kim stepped forward with the rest of the crew, trying to free Marian and calm her down, but the second effort met with little success. Marian pushed her way to where Ron was standing and continued her tirade. "Are you messing this up on purpose, you idiot?! God! Want to take a swing at the chandelier?"
"That's enough," Chris Grawlen snapped. Another senior in the drama club, Chris was slated to play the Phantom and was wearing the trademark mask already, though he was still in his street clothes. "Stoppable's just a bit clumsy-"
"Like how you were, back in freshman year," Josh chimed in, having climbed under the curtain. He stood next to Ron, smiling faintly. "Remember how you brought down the entire backdrop at the dress rehearsal of 'My Fair Lady'?"
"Ha!" Rufus said smugly, climbing onto Ron's shoulder and sticking his tongue out at Marion.
"And he's got a nude rat on the set," Marion muttered, but her ire had already wound down.
"Naked mole rat, actually," Ron said, grinning nervously.
In the meantime, the curtains had been pulled back up and Jessi Tollan, the president of the drama club and director of this particular venture, was hopping onto the stage. Her gray-blue eyes were grave.
"Ron, maybe you should-"
"Call people for their scenes," Josh suggested. "You know, when people are getting ready for the next part? Let them know when they're needed on stage."
"I could do that," Ron said immediately, brightening up. "Yeah!"
Marion sniffed but Jessi was already nodding. "All right, then. Get a copy of the script and have Josh show you whose dressing room is whose. And now can we please get through this song, people?"
"Thanks," Ron said to Josh and Chris. They both grinned and Chris even laughed aloud.
"No problem, man. It was worth it, to see Marion's face," the Phantom chuckled. "You clobbered her with that curtain! Priceless!"
"Let me show you the dressing rooms," Josh said, gesturing for Ron to follow him.
Kim watched them go, frowning slightly. For one thing, not even Ron was that clumsy. Most times, only half the things he touched fell apart or spontaneously shattered. But today, every time he was put onto a new project something went wrong. Add that slight paranoia to the fleeting sense of guilt that she hadn't been the one to stand up for Ron and to the tiny bit of jealousy that he was the one going off with Josh instead of her, and Kim was definitely feeling less than chipper.
But Ron was off doing something where nothing could be damaged, and there was scenery to change and props to find. She hurried back to work.
*****
"The worst part is that it seriously cuts into my naco time," Ron announced, taking a big bite and then gesturing at Kim with the rest of the naco. "Dru hru nnoe-"
"Chew your food, Ron," Kim said, grimacing in disgust. "That goes for you, too, Rufus."
"Hruh?" Rufus looked up, his cheeks puffed out incredibly far from the sheer amount of naco he'd stuffed into his mouth.
"Do you know," Ron said again after swallowing, "That there are like a hundred closets backstage that they're turning into dressing rooms? I mean, we could totally knock down all those flimsy walls and have another gym! Or another auditorium. And half of those dressing rooms are filled with old props and other junk! Wasteful in the extreme."
"Ron-" Kim was interrupted by the cheerful beep of her Kimmunicator. She pulled it out of her bag and said, "What's up, Wade?"
"Hey, Kim. There's been a really odd robbery that the owner would like to have you look into," Wade said, looking very serious. "There was a very good security system up in this place; most thieves wouldn't have been able to get through it."
"I'll get right on it," Kim promised, standing up. Ron and Rufus were cramming the last of their nacos into their mouths. "What was stolen?"
"An autographed mask from a very early, New York production of 'the Phantom of the Opera'."
*****
//Review if you like, flame if you have to, blink in confusion if you just don't get it.//