Bubbles...?
(the scene is the arena parking lot. Eddie is waxing his white Mercedes Benz.)
Eddie: Baby! You are so beautiful! (kisses the car's hood)
Jericho: (waltzes in) Hey, Eddie Crap-erro! (looks at the car) Jesus Christ, what a piece of crap!
(Eddie glares at him. Jericho walks over and kicks the tire. Eddie looks pissed.)
Jericho: Well, no wonder! Not enough air in the tires. You know, Eddie, you don't take good care of your shit at all.
Eddie: Hey, Essa, don't tell me how to treat Sheri! ¡Ella es una dama verdadera y ella sabe cómo que ella necesidades para ser tratadas! Usted no podría obtener a una chica como ella si ella era ciega, sorda y muda. ¡Usted no sabe cómo tratar a una mujer, porque usted es una vida baja, el ego hinchado, la cabeza arriba su como, el idiota que podría obtener a una mujeres si su vida lo dependió de! {She's a real lady and she knows how she wants to be treated! You couldn't get a girl like her if she was blind, deaf and dumb. You don't know how to treat a woman, because you are a low life, ego inflated, head up your ass, idiot who couldn't get a women if his life depended on it!} You got to respect my Sheri, homes!
Jericho: What the frig? (Eddie jumps him with the tire iron.)
Eddie: ¡La ramera! {Bitch!} (Blood is everywhere, both men are beat up and just laying on the ground. Jericho gets the last punch in just as DA Phoenix enters.)
DA Phoenix: WHAT THE HELL! Jericho, I told you NEVER to lay a hand on one of my homies! That's it! WE'RE OVER! (kicks him and walks off. He cries, and Eddie laughs at him, crawling into Sheri and driving off.
~*`*~*`*~
(An unmarked locker room. Lots of yelling is coming through the door.)
Sylvan: Mom, don't tell us what to do! We're grown men!
Renee: Yeah, if we want to sneak out of the house to go to a gay party together, we're allowed to!
A-Train: Don't give me that! If you live in our house, you'll live by our rules! And I'm cutting your allowances!
Renee: But, that's not fair! You're not my real parents!
A-Train: Shut up! I am your MOTHER, Damn it!
Sylvan: (pause) He's my... brother?
Renee: We're related?
A-Train: YES!!!
Renee: EWW! I did my brother!
Sylvan&Renee: (pause) But I still love you anyways! (hug)
A-Train: I give up!
(the door opens, Big show enters carrying a Wal-Mart ( shopping bag. Behind him are Sable and Vince)
Big Show: Hi, honey. I'm back!
A-Train: Good, dear. Did you get everything on the list?
Show: Yeah, I remembered everything, even his damn pull-ups. (Rob Conway goes running by, wearing only WWE pull-ups with the Super Chrises pictures on them. Big Show watches him go by.) That idiot better learn to use the toilet soon. These damn things are expensive. That's why I had to take a second job as Vince's Body Guard.
Vince: (shakes his head) And here I was thinking MY family was fucked up.
~*`*~*`*~
(Steve is running down the hall, wearing only the jean shorts.)
Steve: ERIC!!! GET YER ASS BACK HERE NOW!!!
Eric: Nononononono!! (keeps running) I don' wanna! (sees DA Phoenix and Sean O'Haire talking on the couch in the cafeteria. He rushes in and clings to Sean's leg.)
O'Haire: What the Hell? (looks at Eric) Get off me!
(DA Phoenix suddenly gets up, not wanting anything to do with Eric and walks over to the 'fridge. She pulls out some Chinese leftovers and proceeds to heat them up in the microwave. Sean looks scared, quietly trying in vain to pry Eric off his leg. Steve entered shortly thereafter.)
DA Phoenix: God damn it! Stupid microwave, HEAT UP MY YUMMY NOODLES!
Sean: A little help here...?
(without warning, DA Phoenix picks up the microwave and hurls it at Sean and Eric. The two stop and stare, wide-eyed in horror, Sean thinking of what might have happened if the appliance was an inch closer.)
Sean: Well the least you could have done was hit him in the face!
DA Phoenix: I WOULD HAVE IF ERIC HAD A BIG RED TARGET PAINTED ON HIM! (she storms out of the cafeteria)
Sean: (whimpering) Get off... (Eric, still clinging to his leg, looks up at Sean with bright eyes and a toothy grin, drooling at the corner of his mouth.)
Steve: You know, you have a match against D-Von Dudley in an hour.
Sean: SHIT! I have to get ready! (darts off down the corridor, dragging Eric as he goes. He walks to a dressing room, hitting his head on the door frame and stumbling in, passing out on the floor.)
~*`*~*`*~
(Hurricane is still teaching Rosey how to fly in the training room)
Hurricane: No, you have to throw yourself forward. And you have to LOVE THE AIR! You're not loving the air!
Rosey: But I am!
Hurricane: Well, not enough, I suppose.
(Kevin Nash enters with a grim expression)
Nash: (to Rosey) What are you looking at?
Hurricane: Citizen Nash, why so upset? Do you need help?
Nash: Yeah, I need help so I can kick Rob's happy ass!
Hurricane: Well, I suppose we can make you a superhero...
Rosey (alarmed) You have to be our servant first!
Hurricane: No, he can kick some ass with us. Ok, but we'll have to give you a name.
Rosey: How about Super Second!
Nash: (bored) That is the gayest name for a superhero I've heard in my entire life.
Hurricane: No, we have to use his name, Kevin, and make it rhyme with something.
Nash: (possessed look) When I get my hands on that stoned retard, I will dispose of him in the cruelest of ways..
Hurricane: THAT'S IT!
Rosey: What's it?
Hurricane: CRUEL! Only spelled K-r-o-o-l. Krool Kevin!
Nash: (bored) Ok. So I'm now Krool Kevin... Wonderful.
~*`*~*`*~
(Sean O'Haire wakes up. He's ready for his match, but is laying on a cheetah print couch, Eric, sleeping, is still clinging to his leg. He hears someone giggle, but dismisses it as his imagination. He looks at his watch and realizes its time for his match, so with a sleeping Eric, stumbles down to arena area.)
~*`*~*`*~
(The three Dudleys are already in the ring, Bubba and Spike are ringside. Sean enters and immediately the audience, Earl Hebner, the Dudleys, King and JR, pretty much everybody is laughing. Lillian just drops the mic, Earl is NOW having a heart attack, etc.)
King: OH MY GOD SEAN O'HAIRE KILLED EARL HEBNER!
JR: YOU BASTARD!
(The audience near the announce table looks up at JR and King in confusion and fear. Meanwhile, Sean is looking all around to find what everyone is laughing at. Suddenly. Sean glances at his right shoulder. Eric is RIGHT there, playing with his hair.)
Sean: AHHHHH!!!! GET AWAY!
Eric: PRETTY!
(Eric rips a clump of Sean's dyed pink, braided, beaded, and hair tied up like Princess Lea's from his skull. Sean's eyes go wide. With reflex, he jumps back and immediately morphs into a boxer dog. Eric runs away screaming, holding the clump of hair in his hand. Even in his morphed form, Sean has a patch of bare skin on his head where the hair was ripped out.)
Spike: DOGGIE!!! Bubba, can I keep him, please, please, please?
Bubba: I don't care.
D-Von: He can be our mascot! (blows bubbles with bubble maker stick.)
Bubba: Sure, but he smells.
Spike: Then we'll give him a bath!
D-Von: A BUBBLE bath!
Bubba: And I can play with Mr. Bubbles! (pulls out a little camouflage rubber duckie and cuddles it. Spike proceeds to stick his American Flag, with a rubber duckie on top instead of an eagle, in the turnbuckle while D- Von picks up Sean, still a boxer, and carries him backstage.)
~*`*~*`*~
(Shawn Michaels and Molly Holly are talking)
Molly: Are you ready for our match?
Shawn: Yup, lets get out there! (they turn to leave, and see Kane walk around the corner, reading from a book called 'Britannica Book of Witches, Warlocks and Fire')
Kane: Um... Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang! (A fog surrounds Shawn and Molly, which dissipates a moment later. They look normal.) Oh, good, it didn't do anything. (He looks back at the book) Oh, oops. (leaves quickly)
Molly [Shawn's soul]: Oh, good! Nothing happened! (stops to think) Oh, damn! We're switched!
Shawn [Molly's soul]: (monotone) Kane is so gonna die.
Molly [Shawn's soul]: (looks down) Cool. (begins massaging Molly's breasts)
Shawn [Molly's soul]: Ewww! Don't touch my pure and wholesome body!
Molly [Shawn's soul]: Excuse me while I take a quick bathroom break. (beings walking towards the ladies room.)
Shawn [Molly's soul]: Don't you even dare! (grabs her shoulders. They look into each others eyes for at least a minute. Suddenly, Molly kisses Shawn.) EWWW!! Get off me! (shoves her away) Jackass. (walks off very feminine like)
Molly [Shawn's soul]: But, Molly, I love you!
Rock: (walks by, still with the damn strudels) What in the Blue Hell?
Shawn [Molly's soul]: Shawn, you stay a way from me you perverted pig! Don't you dare touch my (looks down) chiseled and studly body! (leaves)
Rock: Poor Molly. (puts an arm around her) Come with The Rock and The Rock's strudels and we'll make you feel all better.
Molly [Shawn's soul]: (scared) get away from me!
~*`*~*`*~
(Dudley's locker room. Sean is being given a bubble bath by Spike and Bubba. D-Von is blowing more bubbles.)
Spike: Hey, guess where he's got a dot!
Bubba: Where? (looks around)
Spike: On his wood!
D-Von: Cool! Then he needs a new name!
Spike: I know! General Dots!
(Sean moos like a cow in protest)
Bubba: Wow, cool! Do it again General Dots!
(Sean moos)
Spike: He can do a trick!
(They finish his bubble bath, and Sean doesn't look to happy about things. Spike puts him in a pair of WWE pullups with Los Guerrero's pictures on them.)
Bubba: Awwwww... He's so cute! And his hair is so silky!
Spike: Don't worry about a thing General Dots, we'll keep you forever and ever and ever and ever-
(Sean moos)
~*`*~*`*~
(we see a strange guy, who looks about 22, walking down the hall. He's wearing a black t-shirt, blue tracksuit pants, training shoes, partly died spiked hair, brown eyes, and light stubble on his chin. A leather jacket is slung over his shoulder. He turns the corner and see DA's Cerrita and Phoenix.)
DA Cerrita: Oh, hi BannonLuke. How's it going?
DA Phoenix: Hey, sexy. (bats eyelashes. Cerrita smacks her arm.) What?!?
Luke: Just hanging out, terrorizing Superstars in general.
DA Cerrita: Cool. How long are you staying?
Luke: Until Molly marries me.
DA Phoenix: Huh? Whatever.
DA Cerrita: (suppress laughter) Well, I doubt she'll agree to that. (DA's start laughing, thinking about Shawn and Molly's predicament.)
Luke: What's so funny? (they don't answer) Damn it, then I'm going to find her right now! (walks off)
DA Cerrita: (they look at each other) Um, not a good idea man!
DA Phoenix: WAY not a good idea! (they follow Luke around the corner to where Rock is trying to cuddle with Molly's body, which is now housing HBK's soul.)
Rock: Now, let The Rock tell you this, (points at Molly to emphasize his point, but he's holding a strudel in that hand and is pretty much waving it at her) Well, The Rock be damned! That IS the point! (clears throat and sets the strudel with the tray on a table. 11 now remains of the original 13.)
Luke: (staring in horror) No, not Molly! MY Molly! (turns to DA's accusingly) You both read my fic 'WWE Goes to Jurassic Park' didn't you?
DA Cerrita: Kinda, sorta. (shifty eyes)
Luke: (suddenly pulls a rather large samurai sword from nowhere.) That does it, Rock! I'm going to kill your strudel-loving ass, and Molly will be mine!!!
(Rock looks up from his ogling of Molly's 'pure and wholesome' body and sees Luke.)
Rock: Luke... Bannon... BANNONLUKE! You're the one responsible! It was YOU that sent me to that island with the freaky lizards, and made me be a lowly merry man in Robin Hood, and-
(Rock continues to rattle on. Luke, the DA's, and 'Molly' all stare in shock at Rob as he walks by, still in the dread locks and tie-dye shirt. He sees the strudels and stops, sticking his joint back behind his ear. He picks up the tray, holds it up to his face, and inspects them closely. After a minute, he nods in approval, gives the group the 'thumbs up', and walks off with the strudels.)
Rock: ARE ANY OF YOU LISTENING TO ME!?!?!?!?!?!?
DA Phoenix: No, not really.
Rock: Well, that does it! You can't make me be in any of these stupid fics again! YOU HERE ME??? STUPID!!!
DA Cerrita: Did he just insult Luke?
Luke: (lowers the sword) I believe he did.
DA Phoenix: Now he dies. (holds up hands to blast the People's Champ into the People's Dust, but Cerrita stops him.)
DA Cerrita: No! We can't do that. As much fun as it would be to see that. And Taker would appreciate the 'gift'.
Rock: Thank you... I think... I mean, he even had me do IT with that bitch! (points first to Luke, then Molly)
Luke: Now THAT was to far! (picks up the sword again and prepares to lop off the Rock's head.)
DA Cerrita: (stands in front of and points to Rock) I hereby damn you with the Super Ultimate Curse! (lots of gasping from nowhere)
Rock: What in the blue hell is that?
DA Phoenix: (in shock) You'll find out. (makes Rock disappear to another location in the building)
Molly [Shawn's soul]: Thank you so much! (hugs Luke)
Luke: (spins her around and holds the sword up to her throat. Takes a few moment to notice her shirt's... low-cuttedness) Who are you and what have you done with the real Molly?
Molly [Shawn's soul]: Hey, it's not my fault! Kane worked some kind of freaky Devil Voodoo and we just POOF, switched bodies! (waves her hands around to emphasize his point)
Luke: So, where's Molly?
Molly [Shawn's soul]: She took off that way with my body about five minutes ago!
Luke: (lets go) Now what am I gonna do? (sits down dejectedly)
DA Phoenix: Well, since Kane and Rock have seriously blown the cool mood, how about becoming a Divine Author while we try to fix this mess?
DA Cerrita: Yeah, and you can have pretty much anything you want.
Luke: (perks up) Really? Anything? (looks at 'Molly', who swallows nervously)
DA Cerrita: Yeah, we can give you a harem of scantly dressed Molly Look- alikes whose soul purpose is to serve your every need.
Luke: (Rob like hyper) Ok!!!
(POOF! Suddenly, twelve Molly's, all of them dressed in clothes that would have made Sable jealous, surround Luke.)
DA Phoenix: And if you want, you can pick a wrestler or two for personal slaves. Anyone of your choosing.
Luke: Hmmmm, so many choices, I don't know who to pick...
DA Cerrita: Take all the time you need. I'm sure these ladies would love to make you comfortable while you think, right? (Molly look-alikes enthusiastically agree)
Luke: I could get used to this DA thing. (leaves down the hall with the look-alikes following him lovingly.)
~*`*~*`*~
(Hell. Taker is shooting fiery spitballs at Evolution.)
Hunter: What have we done to deserve this. (a spitball hits him) AHHHHH!!!!! MOMMY!!!
(Kane enters. He looks a little nervous)
Kane: Um, bro, can I talk to you?
Taker: What the Hell's it about, boy?
Kane: (VERY fidgety) Well, I was reading that book that you bought me for Christmas, and, well, I kinda made a little boo boo. (holds fingers a few millimeters apart to emphasize his point.) Very little.
Taker: (getting pissed.) Alright, what did you fuck up this time? TELL ME!!!
Kane: AHH!! Ok! Well, I kinda (way fast) wentandaccidentallyswitchedMollyandShawn'sbodiesandIdon'tknowwhereMollywent soIcan'tfixitanddon'tbemadandit'snotmyfault!!!
Taker: (very calm) Let me... get this... straight. You took Shawn Michaels' soul and replaced it with Molly's. (Kane nods) And you also put HBK's soul into our sisters' body? (Kane nods again. Taker looks calm, but suddenly lets out an earth shattering yell.) RRRRRAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! THEN GO BACK UP THERE AND FIX IT!!! (Grabs Kane's shirt) And you'd better hurry, or I'm burning that pile of 'special' magazines in your bedroom!
Kane: (cowers in fear, then jumps back to leave. But his shirt, still in Taker's iron grip, tearing it to shreds- that's why he goes shirtless now... *DA's take a moment to drool*) Ok! (scurries out just as Rico enters)
Rico: Hey there, bro. You seen Satan around anywhere?
Kane: Yeah, but stay away from Taker, he's in one of his bitchy moods.
Rico: Gotcha!
~*`*~*`*~
(Dudley's locker room)
Spike: Come on, General Dots! Lets go for a walk!
D-Von: Where's his leash?
Bubba: I left it in the hall, let me get it. (walks into the hall and picks up a pink ribbon off a chair as the DA's walk by.)
DA Phoenix: Hey, Bubba, what's up?
Bubba: Just getting ready to take our new doggie for a walk!
DA Phoenix: Awwww, can I see it?
Bubba: Sure, come on in.
(They all enter. Spike is busy brushing General Dots' hair while D-Von is trying to put little booties on his feet. Dots is mooing continuously)
DA Cerrita: Ugh, I hate dogs.
DA Phoenix: I think he's adorable! (begins petting him. He looks at her and starts whimpering.) Odd, he's missing a patch of fur.
DA Cerrita: Weird. That's the same spot Sean O'Haire was missing hair, too.
DA Phoenix: OH MY GOD!!! YOU TURNED O'HAIRE INTO A DOG???
Spike: Who?
DA Cerrita: Funny spider guy, Smackdown.
D-Von: Oh, yeah! (points to Dots) That's him?
DA Phoenix: Yes! (Dots begins barking excitedly, jumps up and starts pawing at her) Here you go!
(Phoenix points at him and he morphs back into a human. He's kneeling in front of her, his hands on her puppies)
DA Phoenix: (stares at him for a minute, then pets his head.) Good boy! But I didn't know you were this excited. (pushes him off.)
DA Cerrita: What the frig is he doing in WWE pull-ups? (Dudley's look nervous and edge away)
O'Haire: (looks down) AHHHHH! (covers himself and runs into the bathroom)
Spike: No doggie. (sniffle)
~*`*~*`*~
(Cafeteria. Kane runs in, Lucifer in his wheelchair closely behind with the Britannica book on his lap. HBK is looking over the tofu selection.)
Kane: I'm so glad I found you! (gives Shawn's body a hug)
Shawn [Molly's soul]: Ewwww, get away from me, freak!
Lucifer: (wheels up) Damn it! He's not a goddamn freak!
Kane: Yeah!
Shawn [Molly's soul]: So what do you want from me?
Kane: I've got to switch you and HBK back to normal, and I can't find him.
Shawn [Molly's soul]: Well you better find him soon, brother. Hell knows what he's doing with my pure and wholesome body! Can't you just switch us right now?
Kane: No, you both need to be near each other, or it won't work! Have you seen him?
Shawn [Molly's soul]: No, he tried to molest me and I left.
Lucifer: Damn! That causes all kinds of trouble for us, girl, can't you get anything right?
Shawn [Molly's soul]: I'm being bitched out by my little brother's pet teddy bear?
Lucifer: Look who's talking, bitch! And I ain't nobody's pet! (tries to flip her off, but his paws don't allow it, so it looks more like he's shaking his fist at her.)
Shawn [Molly's soul]: And what the Hell is that suppose to mean? (Lucifer glares)
Kane: Please, you two stop fighting! I need to fix this quick!
Shawn [Molly's soul]: Well, I don't know where he went, but maybe someone else knows.
Kane: 'K! I'll go look! (races off)
~*`*~*`*~
(Ivory is walking down the hallway, talking with Nancy Drew, who's on her shoulder wearing a white dress and gold wings)
Nancy: God, Brock is this, like, big jerk and I so hate him!
Ivory: Have you told him to leave you alone?
Nancy: Yeah, but he doesn't listen. He just starts foaming at the mouth and mumbling something about teddy bear picnics and porn. What should I do?
Ivory: Well, if you really love Lucifer, then just go with him, screw Brock!
Nancy: I'm trying to avoid that.
Ivory: Wha- no, I mean, so what if Brock doesn't like it? Taker brought you to life so you can make your own choices. Brock's a jackass anyway.
Nancy: Yeah, you're right.
(Kane sees them and runs up, out of breath)
Kane: Ivory, have you seen Sha- Molly?
Ivory: Yeah, I have.
Kane: Where is she? It's urgent!
Ivory: Kane, what's going on? You've ignored me all day. Even when I asked if you wanted flaming dumpster sex, you didn't answer!
Kane: You asked for flaming dumpster sex? I don't remember that!
Ivory: See, that's what I mean! I'm not talking to you until you make up for ignoring me!
Kane: But... but... what do I have to do for that? Tellmetellmetellme pleasepleaseplease!
Ivory: I'm not telling you where Molly is until you doing something cute and sweet!
Kane: But what am I gonna do? (starts to panic and looks around, thinking. Suddenly he stops and smiles. He gets down on one knee)
Ivory & Nancy: What the? (confused)
Kane: Ivory, will you marry me?
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!
Ivory: (in shock) Of course! (they start making out. Nancy gets scared and jumps down.)
Nancy: Um, what about Kane looking for Molly?
Ivory: Oh, yeah! She's in her locker room with Gail.
Kane: Ok, see you later My Flaming Heart! (kisses her before leaving. Ivory and Nancy walk off. Hiding in the shadows a little ways away, glaring at where they were standing, is a short blond figure with large puppies.)
Terri: No, I want Kane! (stalks out after Ivory)
~*`*~*`*~
(Molly and Gail's locker room. Gail is talking about Eric's bedroom performance, and Molly is staring transfixed at her chest.)
Gail: I mean, it was so teeny, it's a wonder it stands up at all.
Molly [Shawn's soul]: Uh, huh. (drool)
Gail: Molly, are you Ok? (Molly jumps on top of Gail and kisses her) AHHHH!!! GET OFF ME YOU LESBIAN PERV!!!! (pushes her off and runs away)
Molly [Shawn's soul]: Damn!
(Suddenly, Kane enters)
Kane: Shawn! Thank God I found you!
God: No problem, dude!
Kane: (looks up) Shut up!
God: Girls, he's making fun of me!
DA's: So?
Molly [Shawn's soul]: I outta kick your ass, you big red RETARD!!! Look at what you've done! I'll never be a Sexy Boy again!
Kane: Oh, shut up and follow me! (grabs Molly by the waist and carries her out of the room kicking and screaming. Rosey sees this and strikes a superhero pose)
Rosey: Halt there, citizen! How dare you lay your hands on an innocent bystander like Pure and Wholesome Molly!
(Kane turns around and glares at Rosey, who bursts into flames. Kane leaves with Molly while Hurricane flies in to put the flames out. Krool Kevin, dressed in a cheesy neon orange knockoff of Hurricane's uniform, runs after Kane. Suddenly, the Christ Family appears. Edge [Jesus] stands in the front with his arms stretched out. Spanky [Jerry] and Stacy [Janet] stand behind him in the same stance, each singing Heavenly music, while Rob Zombie's 'Never Gonna Stop' plays in the background.)
(Krool Kevin hits an invisible force field and falls on his ass.)
Kevin: Damn it!
~*`*~*`*~
(Back in the cafeteria. Lucifer and Shawn are on an insult spree.)
Lucifer: Pure and wholesome my ASS!! Don't think I didn't see that little stunt you pulled with the Blood Lords last week! Not to mention the time you spent with Ric and Randy! (Super Chrises walk in at that very moment, hearing Lucifer's comments. Benoit looks confused and Jericho is smirking. They grab some Spin-a-Roni and leave quickly.)
Shawn [Molly's soul]: WHAT!!! You'll never prove that!
Lucifer: Oh, yeah? (holds up several pictures)
Shawn [Molly's soul]: (Gasp) you wouldn't...
Lucifer: Oh yes I would!
(Kane enters with Molly)
Kane: STOP IT!!! You're giving me a headache!
Lucifer: And we know what happens when you get headaches. I still haven't forgiven you for blowing up my Jacuzzi. (pouts)
Kane: Here! (Stands Molly and Shawn together. Shawn looks ready to kill Molly, who grabs his shoulders and plants a big one on his lips. They start making out. Kane gives them the People's eyebrow and whispers) Whatever. (pulls out his little Britannica Book of Witches, Warlocks, and Fire) Um, how does this go again? Uhhhhh... Bibbity, Bobbity, Boo!
(A fog surrounds Shawn and Molly, and goes away, leaving Shawn and Molly still making out)
Kane: Um, Molly? (no answer) Molly? (still no answer) MOLLY!!!
Molly: What???
Kane: I thought you hated him.
Molly: Well, I changed my mind!
Shawn: Hey, we're switched back. (drops to his knees) I'M A SEXY BOY AGAIN!!!
~*`*~*`*~
(Hell. Rico and Undertaker are arguing)
Rico: Please, Taker! Please let me borrow the blood lords!
Taker: No way!
Rico: I'll give you a back rub-
Taker: Hell no!
Rico: But I wanna borrow them for my tea party with Barney and the Teletubbies!
Taker: The only reason you have those... those... things are because they're to evil for us to use in Hell...
Hunter: Guys, we gotta get out of here!
Randy: Yeah, all this heat is making my acne act up.
Ric: Really? I was just starting to enjoy Hell.
Hunter: I've been looking around, and I saw a cave nearby that Kane's been using to sneak out at night.
Randy: Cool, lets get going! The sooner I get back in Ric's bed, the better.
Hunter: (thinking) He didn't say that, tell me he didn't just say that...
Ric: I don't think this is a good idea-
Randy: Let's go! (they make a dash for the cave, still dressed up as women, and race out. Taker sees them leave)
Taker: (shrugs) Oh, well. They'll be back.
Hunter: I see light!
(they rush through the door into the hallway, pausing to catch they're breaths. Ric looks around in awe)
Ric: Guy's, look! (Jeff and Lita walk by, they stop and stare in confusion) I told you! If we ever left Hell, we'd be in FLAIRY LAND!!!
.
~*`*~*`*~
.
To be continued (grin)
(the scene is the arena parking lot. Eddie is waxing his white Mercedes Benz.)
Eddie: Baby! You are so beautiful! (kisses the car's hood)
Jericho: (waltzes in) Hey, Eddie Crap-erro! (looks at the car) Jesus Christ, what a piece of crap!
(Eddie glares at him. Jericho walks over and kicks the tire. Eddie looks pissed.)
Jericho: Well, no wonder! Not enough air in the tires. You know, Eddie, you don't take good care of your shit at all.
Eddie: Hey, Essa, don't tell me how to treat Sheri! ¡Ella es una dama verdadera y ella sabe cómo que ella necesidades para ser tratadas! Usted no podría obtener a una chica como ella si ella era ciega, sorda y muda. ¡Usted no sabe cómo tratar a una mujer, porque usted es una vida baja, el ego hinchado, la cabeza arriba su como, el idiota que podría obtener a una mujeres si su vida lo dependió de! {She's a real lady and she knows how she wants to be treated! You couldn't get a girl like her if she was blind, deaf and dumb. You don't know how to treat a woman, because you are a low life, ego inflated, head up your ass, idiot who couldn't get a women if his life depended on it!} You got to respect my Sheri, homes!
Jericho: What the frig? (Eddie jumps him with the tire iron.)
Eddie: ¡La ramera! {Bitch!} (Blood is everywhere, both men are beat up and just laying on the ground. Jericho gets the last punch in just as DA Phoenix enters.)
DA Phoenix: WHAT THE HELL! Jericho, I told you NEVER to lay a hand on one of my homies! That's it! WE'RE OVER! (kicks him and walks off. He cries, and Eddie laughs at him, crawling into Sheri and driving off.
~*`*~*`*~
(An unmarked locker room. Lots of yelling is coming through the door.)
Sylvan: Mom, don't tell us what to do! We're grown men!
Renee: Yeah, if we want to sneak out of the house to go to a gay party together, we're allowed to!
A-Train: Don't give me that! If you live in our house, you'll live by our rules! And I'm cutting your allowances!
Renee: But, that's not fair! You're not my real parents!
A-Train: Shut up! I am your MOTHER, Damn it!
Sylvan: (pause) He's my... brother?
Renee: We're related?
A-Train: YES!!!
Renee: EWW! I did my brother!
Sylvan&Renee: (pause) But I still love you anyways! (hug)
A-Train: I give up!
(the door opens, Big show enters carrying a Wal-Mart ( shopping bag. Behind him are Sable and Vince)
Big Show: Hi, honey. I'm back!
A-Train: Good, dear. Did you get everything on the list?
Show: Yeah, I remembered everything, even his damn pull-ups. (Rob Conway goes running by, wearing only WWE pull-ups with the Super Chrises pictures on them. Big Show watches him go by.) That idiot better learn to use the toilet soon. These damn things are expensive. That's why I had to take a second job as Vince's Body Guard.
Vince: (shakes his head) And here I was thinking MY family was fucked up.
~*`*~*`*~
(Steve is running down the hall, wearing only the jean shorts.)
Steve: ERIC!!! GET YER ASS BACK HERE NOW!!!
Eric: Nononononono!! (keeps running) I don' wanna! (sees DA Phoenix and Sean O'Haire talking on the couch in the cafeteria. He rushes in and clings to Sean's leg.)
O'Haire: What the Hell? (looks at Eric) Get off me!
(DA Phoenix suddenly gets up, not wanting anything to do with Eric and walks over to the 'fridge. She pulls out some Chinese leftovers and proceeds to heat them up in the microwave. Sean looks scared, quietly trying in vain to pry Eric off his leg. Steve entered shortly thereafter.)
DA Phoenix: God damn it! Stupid microwave, HEAT UP MY YUMMY NOODLES!
Sean: A little help here...?
(without warning, DA Phoenix picks up the microwave and hurls it at Sean and Eric. The two stop and stare, wide-eyed in horror, Sean thinking of what might have happened if the appliance was an inch closer.)
Sean: Well the least you could have done was hit him in the face!
DA Phoenix: I WOULD HAVE IF ERIC HAD A BIG RED TARGET PAINTED ON HIM! (she storms out of the cafeteria)
Sean: (whimpering) Get off... (Eric, still clinging to his leg, looks up at Sean with bright eyes and a toothy grin, drooling at the corner of his mouth.)
Steve: You know, you have a match against D-Von Dudley in an hour.
Sean: SHIT! I have to get ready! (darts off down the corridor, dragging Eric as he goes. He walks to a dressing room, hitting his head on the door frame and stumbling in, passing out on the floor.)
~*`*~*`*~
(Hurricane is still teaching Rosey how to fly in the training room)
Hurricane: No, you have to throw yourself forward. And you have to LOVE THE AIR! You're not loving the air!
Rosey: But I am!
Hurricane: Well, not enough, I suppose.
(Kevin Nash enters with a grim expression)
Nash: (to Rosey) What are you looking at?
Hurricane: Citizen Nash, why so upset? Do you need help?
Nash: Yeah, I need help so I can kick Rob's happy ass!
Hurricane: Well, I suppose we can make you a superhero...
Rosey (alarmed) You have to be our servant first!
Hurricane: No, he can kick some ass with us. Ok, but we'll have to give you a name.
Rosey: How about Super Second!
Nash: (bored) That is the gayest name for a superhero I've heard in my entire life.
Hurricane: No, we have to use his name, Kevin, and make it rhyme with something.
Nash: (possessed look) When I get my hands on that stoned retard, I will dispose of him in the cruelest of ways..
Hurricane: THAT'S IT!
Rosey: What's it?
Hurricane: CRUEL! Only spelled K-r-o-o-l. Krool Kevin!
Nash: (bored) Ok. So I'm now Krool Kevin... Wonderful.
~*`*~*`*~
(Sean O'Haire wakes up. He's ready for his match, but is laying on a cheetah print couch, Eric, sleeping, is still clinging to his leg. He hears someone giggle, but dismisses it as his imagination. He looks at his watch and realizes its time for his match, so with a sleeping Eric, stumbles down to arena area.)
~*`*~*`*~
(The three Dudleys are already in the ring, Bubba and Spike are ringside. Sean enters and immediately the audience, Earl Hebner, the Dudleys, King and JR, pretty much everybody is laughing. Lillian just drops the mic, Earl is NOW having a heart attack, etc.)
King: OH MY GOD SEAN O'HAIRE KILLED EARL HEBNER!
JR: YOU BASTARD!
(The audience near the announce table looks up at JR and King in confusion and fear. Meanwhile, Sean is looking all around to find what everyone is laughing at. Suddenly. Sean glances at his right shoulder. Eric is RIGHT there, playing with his hair.)
Sean: AHHHHH!!!! GET AWAY!
Eric: PRETTY!
(Eric rips a clump of Sean's dyed pink, braided, beaded, and hair tied up like Princess Lea's from his skull. Sean's eyes go wide. With reflex, he jumps back and immediately morphs into a boxer dog. Eric runs away screaming, holding the clump of hair in his hand. Even in his morphed form, Sean has a patch of bare skin on his head where the hair was ripped out.)
Spike: DOGGIE!!! Bubba, can I keep him, please, please, please?
Bubba: I don't care.
D-Von: He can be our mascot! (blows bubbles with bubble maker stick.)
Bubba: Sure, but he smells.
Spike: Then we'll give him a bath!
D-Von: A BUBBLE bath!
Bubba: And I can play with Mr. Bubbles! (pulls out a little camouflage rubber duckie and cuddles it. Spike proceeds to stick his American Flag, with a rubber duckie on top instead of an eagle, in the turnbuckle while D- Von picks up Sean, still a boxer, and carries him backstage.)
~*`*~*`*~
(Shawn Michaels and Molly Holly are talking)
Molly: Are you ready for our match?
Shawn: Yup, lets get out there! (they turn to leave, and see Kane walk around the corner, reading from a book called 'Britannica Book of Witches, Warlocks and Fire')
Kane: Um... Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang! (A fog surrounds Shawn and Molly, which dissipates a moment later. They look normal.) Oh, good, it didn't do anything. (He looks back at the book) Oh, oops. (leaves quickly)
Molly [Shawn's soul]: Oh, good! Nothing happened! (stops to think) Oh, damn! We're switched!
Shawn [Molly's soul]: (monotone) Kane is so gonna die.
Molly [Shawn's soul]: (looks down) Cool. (begins massaging Molly's breasts)
Shawn [Molly's soul]: Ewww! Don't touch my pure and wholesome body!
Molly [Shawn's soul]: Excuse me while I take a quick bathroom break. (beings walking towards the ladies room.)
Shawn [Molly's soul]: Don't you even dare! (grabs her shoulders. They look into each others eyes for at least a minute. Suddenly, Molly kisses Shawn.) EWWW!! Get off me! (shoves her away) Jackass. (walks off very feminine like)
Molly [Shawn's soul]: But, Molly, I love you!
Rock: (walks by, still with the damn strudels) What in the Blue Hell?
Shawn [Molly's soul]: Shawn, you stay a way from me you perverted pig! Don't you dare touch my (looks down) chiseled and studly body! (leaves)
Rock: Poor Molly. (puts an arm around her) Come with The Rock and The Rock's strudels and we'll make you feel all better.
Molly [Shawn's soul]: (scared) get away from me!
~*`*~*`*~
(Dudley's locker room. Sean is being given a bubble bath by Spike and Bubba. D-Von is blowing more bubbles.)
Spike: Hey, guess where he's got a dot!
Bubba: Where? (looks around)
Spike: On his wood!
D-Von: Cool! Then he needs a new name!
Spike: I know! General Dots!
(Sean moos like a cow in protest)
Bubba: Wow, cool! Do it again General Dots!
(Sean moos)
Spike: He can do a trick!
(They finish his bubble bath, and Sean doesn't look to happy about things. Spike puts him in a pair of WWE pullups with Los Guerrero's pictures on them.)
Bubba: Awwwww... He's so cute! And his hair is so silky!
Spike: Don't worry about a thing General Dots, we'll keep you forever and ever and ever and ever-
(Sean moos)
~*`*~*`*~
(we see a strange guy, who looks about 22, walking down the hall. He's wearing a black t-shirt, blue tracksuit pants, training shoes, partly died spiked hair, brown eyes, and light stubble on his chin. A leather jacket is slung over his shoulder. He turns the corner and see DA's Cerrita and Phoenix.)
DA Cerrita: Oh, hi BannonLuke. How's it going?
DA Phoenix: Hey, sexy. (bats eyelashes. Cerrita smacks her arm.) What?!?
Luke: Just hanging out, terrorizing Superstars in general.
DA Cerrita: Cool. How long are you staying?
Luke: Until Molly marries me.
DA Phoenix: Huh? Whatever.
DA Cerrita: (suppress laughter) Well, I doubt she'll agree to that. (DA's start laughing, thinking about Shawn and Molly's predicament.)
Luke: What's so funny? (they don't answer) Damn it, then I'm going to find her right now! (walks off)
DA Cerrita: (they look at each other) Um, not a good idea man!
DA Phoenix: WAY not a good idea! (they follow Luke around the corner to where Rock is trying to cuddle with Molly's body, which is now housing HBK's soul.)
Rock: Now, let The Rock tell you this, (points at Molly to emphasize his point, but he's holding a strudel in that hand and is pretty much waving it at her) Well, The Rock be damned! That IS the point! (clears throat and sets the strudel with the tray on a table. 11 now remains of the original 13.)
Luke: (staring in horror) No, not Molly! MY Molly! (turns to DA's accusingly) You both read my fic 'WWE Goes to Jurassic Park' didn't you?
DA Cerrita: Kinda, sorta. (shifty eyes)
Luke: (suddenly pulls a rather large samurai sword from nowhere.) That does it, Rock! I'm going to kill your strudel-loving ass, and Molly will be mine!!!
(Rock looks up from his ogling of Molly's 'pure and wholesome' body and sees Luke.)
Rock: Luke... Bannon... BANNONLUKE! You're the one responsible! It was YOU that sent me to that island with the freaky lizards, and made me be a lowly merry man in Robin Hood, and-
(Rock continues to rattle on. Luke, the DA's, and 'Molly' all stare in shock at Rob as he walks by, still in the dread locks and tie-dye shirt. He sees the strudels and stops, sticking his joint back behind his ear. He picks up the tray, holds it up to his face, and inspects them closely. After a minute, he nods in approval, gives the group the 'thumbs up', and walks off with the strudels.)
Rock: ARE ANY OF YOU LISTENING TO ME!?!?!?!?!?!?
DA Phoenix: No, not really.
Rock: Well, that does it! You can't make me be in any of these stupid fics again! YOU HERE ME??? STUPID!!!
DA Cerrita: Did he just insult Luke?
Luke: (lowers the sword) I believe he did.
DA Phoenix: Now he dies. (holds up hands to blast the People's Champ into the People's Dust, but Cerrita stops him.)
DA Cerrita: No! We can't do that. As much fun as it would be to see that. And Taker would appreciate the 'gift'.
Rock: Thank you... I think... I mean, he even had me do IT with that bitch! (points first to Luke, then Molly)
Luke: Now THAT was to far! (picks up the sword again and prepares to lop off the Rock's head.)
DA Cerrita: (stands in front of and points to Rock) I hereby damn you with the Super Ultimate Curse! (lots of gasping from nowhere)
Rock: What in the blue hell is that?
DA Phoenix: (in shock) You'll find out. (makes Rock disappear to another location in the building)
Molly [Shawn's soul]: Thank you so much! (hugs Luke)
Luke: (spins her around and holds the sword up to her throat. Takes a few moment to notice her shirt's... low-cuttedness) Who are you and what have you done with the real Molly?
Molly [Shawn's soul]: Hey, it's not my fault! Kane worked some kind of freaky Devil Voodoo and we just POOF, switched bodies! (waves her hands around to emphasize his point)
Luke: So, where's Molly?
Molly [Shawn's soul]: She took off that way with my body about five minutes ago!
Luke: (lets go) Now what am I gonna do? (sits down dejectedly)
DA Phoenix: Well, since Kane and Rock have seriously blown the cool mood, how about becoming a Divine Author while we try to fix this mess?
DA Cerrita: Yeah, and you can have pretty much anything you want.
Luke: (perks up) Really? Anything? (looks at 'Molly', who swallows nervously)
DA Cerrita: Yeah, we can give you a harem of scantly dressed Molly Look- alikes whose soul purpose is to serve your every need.
Luke: (Rob like hyper) Ok!!!
(POOF! Suddenly, twelve Molly's, all of them dressed in clothes that would have made Sable jealous, surround Luke.)
DA Phoenix: And if you want, you can pick a wrestler or two for personal slaves. Anyone of your choosing.
Luke: Hmmmm, so many choices, I don't know who to pick...
DA Cerrita: Take all the time you need. I'm sure these ladies would love to make you comfortable while you think, right? (Molly look-alikes enthusiastically agree)
Luke: I could get used to this DA thing. (leaves down the hall with the look-alikes following him lovingly.)
~*`*~*`*~
(Hell. Taker is shooting fiery spitballs at Evolution.)
Hunter: What have we done to deserve this. (a spitball hits him) AHHHHH!!!!! MOMMY!!!
(Kane enters. He looks a little nervous)
Kane: Um, bro, can I talk to you?
Taker: What the Hell's it about, boy?
Kane: (VERY fidgety) Well, I was reading that book that you bought me for Christmas, and, well, I kinda made a little boo boo. (holds fingers a few millimeters apart to emphasize his point.) Very little.
Taker: (getting pissed.) Alright, what did you fuck up this time? TELL ME!!!
Kane: AHH!! Ok! Well, I kinda (way fast) wentandaccidentallyswitchedMollyandShawn'sbodiesandIdon'tknowwhereMollywent soIcan'tfixitanddon'tbemadandit'snotmyfault!!!
Taker: (very calm) Let me... get this... straight. You took Shawn Michaels' soul and replaced it with Molly's. (Kane nods) And you also put HBK's soul into our sisters' body? (Kane nods again. Taker looks calm, but suddenly lets out an earth shattering yell.) RRRRRAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! THEN GO BACK UP THERE AND FIX IT!!! (Grabs Kane's shirt) And you'd better hurry, or I'm burning that pile of 'special' magazines in your bedroom!
Kane: (cowers in fear, then jumps back to leave. But his shirt, still in Taker's iron grip, tearing it to shreds- that's why he goes shirtless now... *DA's take a moment to drool*) Ok! (scurries out just as Rico enters)
Rico: Hey there, bro. You seen Satan around anywhere?
Kane: Yeah, but stay away from Taker, he's in one of his bitchy moods.
Rico: Gotcha!
~*`*~*`*~
(Dudley's locker room)
Spike: Come on, General Dots! Lets go for a walk!
D-Von: Where's his leash?
Bubba: I left it in the hall, let me get it. (walks into the hall and picks up a pink ribbon off a chair as the DA's walk by.)
DA Phoenix: Hey, Bubba, what's up?
Bubba: Just getting ready to take our new doggie for a walk!
DA Phoenix: Awwww, can I see it?
Bubba: Sure, come on in.
(They all enter. Spike is busy brushing General Dots' hair while D-Von is trying to put little booties on his feet. Dots is mooing continuously)
DA Cerrita: Ugh, I hate dogs.
DA Phoenix: I think he's adorable! (begins petting him. He looks at her and starts whimpering.) Odd, he's missing a patch of fur.
DA Cerrita: Weird. That's the same spot Sean O'Haire was missing hair, too.
DA Phoenix: OH MY GOD!!! YOU TURNED O'HAIRE INTO A DOG???
Spike: Who?
DA Cerrita: Funny spider guy, Smackdown.
D-Von: Oh, yeah! (points to Dots) That's him?
DA Phoenix: Yes! (Dots begins barking excitedly, jumps up and starts pawing at her) Here you go!
(Phoenix points at him and he morphs back into a human. He's kneeling in front of her, his hands on her puppies)
DA Phoenix: (stares at him for a minute, then pets his head.) Good boy! But I didn't know you were this excited. (pushes him off.)
DA Cerrita: What the frig is he doing in WWE pull-ups? (Dudley's look nervous and edge away)
O'Haire: (looks down) AHHHHH! (covers himself and runs into the bathroom)
Spike: No doggie. (sniffle)
~*`*~*`*~
(Cafeteria. Kane runs in, Lucifer in his wheelchair closely behind with the Britannica book on his lap. HBK is looking over the tofu selection.)
Kane: I'm so glad I found you! (gives Shawn's body a hug)
Shawn [Molly's soul]: Ewwww, get away from me, freak!
Lucifer: (wheels up) Damn it! He's not a goddamn freak!
Kane: Yeah!
Shawn [Molly's soul]: So what do you want from me?
Kane: I've got to switch you and HBK back to normal, and I can't find him.
Shawn [Molly's soul]: Well you better find him soon, brother. Hell knows what he's doing with my pure and wholesome body! Can't you just switch us right now?
Kane: No, you both need to be near each other, or it won't work! Have you seen him?
Shawn [Molly's soul]: No, he tried to molest me and I left.
Lucifer: Damn! That causes all kinds of trouble for us, girl, can't you get anything right?
Shawn [Molly's soul]: I'm being bitched out by my little brother's pet teddy bear?
Lucifer: Look who's talking, bitch! And I ain't nobody's pet! (tries to flip her off, but his paws don't allow it, so it looks more like he's shaking his fist at her.)
Shawn [Molly's soul]: And what the Hell is that suppose to mean? (Lucifer glares)
Kane: Please, you two stop fighting! I need to fix this quick!
Shawn [Molly's soul]: Well, I don't know where he went, but maybe someone else knows.
Kane: 'K! I'll go look! (races off)
~*`*~*`*~
(Ivory is walking down the hallway, talking with Nancy Drew, who's on her shoulder wearing a white dress and gold wings)
Nancy: God, Brock is this, like, big jerk and I so hate him!
Ivory: Have you told him to leave you alone?
Nancy: Yeah, but he doesn't listen. He just starts foaming at the mouth and mumbling something about teddy bear picnics and porn. What should I do?
Ivory: Well, if you really love Lucifer, then just go with him, screw Brock!
Nancy: I'm trying to avoid that.
Ivory: Wha- no, I mean, so what if Brock doesn't like it? Taker brought you to life so you can make your own choices. Brock's a jackass anyway.
Nancy: Yeah, you're right.
(Kane sees them and runs up, out of breath)
Kane: Ivory, have you seen Sha- Molly?
Ivory: Yeah, I have.
Kane: Where is she? It's urgent!
Ivory: Kane, what's going on? You've ignored me all day. Even when I asked if you wanted flaming dumpster sex, you didn't answer!
Kane: You asked for flaming dumpster sex? I don't remember that!
Ivory: See, that's what I mean! I'm not talking to you until you make up for ignoring me!
Kane: But... but... what do I have to do for that? Tellmetellmetellme pleasepleaseplease!
Ivory: I'm not telling you where Molly is until you doing something cute and sweet!
Kane: But what am I gonna do? (starts to panic and looks around, thinking. Suddenly he stops and smiles. He gets down on one knee)
Ivory & Nancy: What the? (confused)
Kane: Ivory, will you marry me?
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!
Ivory: (in shock) Of course! (they start making out. Nancy gets scared and jumps down.)
Nancy: Um, what about Kane looking for Molly?
Ivory: Oh, yeah! She's in her locker room with Gail.
Kane: Ok, see you later My Flaming Heart! (kisses her before leaving. Ivory and Nancy walk off. Hiding in the shadows a little ways away, glaring at where they were standing, is a short blond figure with large puppies.)
Terri: No, I want Kane! (stalks out after Ivory)
~*`*~*`*~
(Molly and Gail's locker room. Gail is talking about Eric's bedroom performance, and Molly is staring transfixed at her chest.)
Gail: I mean, it was so teeny, it's a wonder it stands up at all.
Molly [Shawn's soul]: Uh, huh. (drool)
Gail: Molly, are you Ok? (Molly jumps on top of Gail and kisses her) AHHHH!!! GET OFF ME YOU LESBIAN PERV!!!! (pushes her off and runs away)
Molly [Shawn's soul]: Damn!
(Suddenly, Kane enters)
Kane: Shawn! Thank God I found you!
God: No problem, dude!
Kane: (looks up) Shut up!
God: Girls, he's making fun of me!
DA's: So?
Molly [Shawn's soul]: I outta kick your ass, you big red RETARD!!! Look at what you've done! I'll never be a Sexy Boy again!
Kane: Oh, shut up and follow me! (grabs Molly by the waist and carries her out of the room kicking and screaming. Rosey sees this and strikes a superhero pose)
Rosey: Halt there, citizen! How dare you lay your hands on an innocent bystander like Pure and Wholesome Molly!
(Kane turns around and glares at Rosey, who bursts into flames. Kane leaves with Molly while Hurricane flies in to put the flames out. Krool Kevin, dressed in a cheesy neon orange knockoff of Hurricane's uniform, runs after Kane. Suddenly, the Christ Family appears. Edge [Jesus] stands in the front with his arms stretched out. Spanky [Jerry] and Stacy [Janet] stand behind him in the same stance, each singing Heavenly music, while Rob Zombie's 'Never Gonna Stop' plays in the background.)
(Krool Kevin hits an invisible force field and falls on his ass.)
Kevin: Damn it!
~*`*~*`*~
(Back in the cafeteria. Lucifer and Shawn are on an insult spree.)
Lucifer: Pure and wholesome my ASS!! Don't think I didn't see that little stunt you pulled with the Blood Lords last week! Not to mention the time you spent with Ric and Randy! (Super Chrises walk in at that very moment, hearing Lucifer's comments. Benoit looks confused and Jericho is smirking. They grab some Spin-a-Roni and leave quickly.)
Shawn [Molly's soul]: WHAT!!! You'll never prove that!
Lucifer: Oh, yeah? (holds up several pictures)
Shawn [Molly's soul]: (Gasp) you wouldn't...
Lucifer: Oh yes I would!
(Kane enters with Molly)
Kane: STOP IT!!! You're giving me a headache!
Lucifer: And we know what happens when you get headaches. I still haven't forgiven you for blowing up my Jacuzzi. (pouts)
Kane: Here! (Stands Molly and Shawn together. Shawn looks ready to kill Molly, who grabs his shoulders and plants a big one on his lips. They start making out. Kane gives them the People's eyebrow and whispers) Whatever. (pulls out his little Britannica Book of Witches, Warlocks, and Fire) Um, how does this go again? Uhhhhh... Bibbity, Bobbity, Boo!
(A fog surrounds Shawn and Molly, and goes away, leaving Shawn and Molly still making out)
Kane: Um, Molly? (no answer) Molly? (still no answer) MOLLY!!!
Molly: What???
Kane: I thought you hated him.
Molly: Well, I changed my mind!
Shawn: Hey, we're switched back. (drops to his knees) I'M A SEXY BOY AGAIN!!!
~*`*~*`*~
(Hell. Rico and Undertaker are arguing)
Rico: Please, Taker! Please let me borrow the blood lords!
Taker: No way!
Rico: I'll give you a back rub-
Taker: Hell no!
Rico: But I wanna borrow them for my tea party with Barney and the Teletubbies!
Taker: The only reason you have those... those... things are because they're to evil for us to use in Hell...
Hunter: Guys, we gotta get out of here!
Randy: Yeah, all this heat is making my acne act up.
Ric: Really? I was just starting to enjoy Hell.
Hunter: I've been looking around, and I saw a cave nearby that Kane's been using to sneak out at night.
Randy: Cool, lets get going! The sooner I get back in Ric's bed, the better.
Hunter: (thinking) He didn't say that, tell me he didn't just say that...
Ric: I don't think this is a good idea-
Randy: Let's go! (they make a dash for the cave, still dressed up as women, and race out. Taker sees them leave)
Taker: (shrugs) Oh, well. They'll be back.
Hunter: I see light!
(they rush through the door into the hallway, pausing to catch they're breaths. Ric looks around in awe)
Ric: Guy's, look! (Jeff and Lita walk by, they stop and stare in confusion) I told you! If we ever left Hell, we'd be in FLAIRY LAND!!!
.
~*`*~*`*~
.
To be continued (grin)