POV Willow
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I know I am hurting her. This person who was suppose to be my best friend and I have betrayed her in the worse way. But why not, I thought she always had everything but that was in the beginning when I just needed someone to cling to and Spike, Of all people was the one that I held on to. Yeah at first I hated Buffy it seemed to me she always got everything, that her life had been better then most but I was bitter then, hurt, and pretty irrational. I loved her. She was my best friend but my desire for spike. The desire to feel his cold skin against mine to have his lips that tasted of tequila and blood and cigarette smoke gently touch every part of me over powered the affection I had for my friend. Everyone knew I could tell by their overwhelming desire to avoid contact with me. Even Zander the man who said he loved me even when I wanted to end the pain the suffering and end the world was shooting me dirty disgusted looks. I can't blame him I am pretty disgusted with me self. I know spike doesn't love me. He tells me every time we do what it is we do sometimes afterward I feel dirty and used. I feel low like I can't live with myself and sometimes I don't want to but no matter hoe much pain I caused I always go back for more. I know how Buffy must have felt in those months after she came back because no matter how wrong I know it is I keep going back. I drove my friend to drugs I can sense it inside of her. I was once the addicted so I know what the sign are. She has become a shell of the girl I knew and loved and I made her that way. I also can sense that she knows. I can tell by the heartbroken glance that she toss my way and it seems she doesn't look me in the face it's like she can't look me in the face. I guess I'll never learn that there are always consequences to my actions and killing my friend may be the worse of all.
I know I am hurting her. This person who was suppose to be my best friend and I have betrayed her in the worse way. But why not, I thought she always had everything but that was in the beginning when I just needed someone to cling to and Spike, Of all people was the one that I held on to. Yeah at first I hated Buffy it seemed to me she always got everything, that her life had been better then most but I was bitter then, hurt, and pretty irrational. I loved her. She was my best friend but my desire for spike. The desire to feel his cold skin against mine to have his lips that tasted of tequila and blood and cigarette smoke gently touch every part of me over powered the affection I had for my friend. Everyone knew I could tell by their overwhelming desire to avoid contact with me. Even Zander the man who said he loved me even when I wanted to end the pain the suffering and end the world was shooting me dirty disgusted looks. I can't blame him I am pretty disgusted with me self. I know spike doesn't love me. He tells me every time we do what it is we do sometimes afterward I feel dirty and used. I feel low like I can't live with myself and sometimes I don't want to but no matter hoe much pain I caused I always go back for more. I know how Buffy must have felt in those months after she came back because no matter how wrong I know it is I keep going back. I drove my friend to drugs I can sense it inside of her. I was once the addicted so I know what the sign are. She has become a shell of the girl I knew and loved and I made her that way. I also can sense that she knows. I can tell by the heartbroken glance that she toss my way and it seems she doesn't look me in the face it's like she can't look me in the face. I guess I'll never learn that there are always consequences to my actions and killing my friend may be the worse of all.