Title: Running Free
Author: Blaze Faula
Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Hermione Granger
My Third Entry: The Malfoy Solution
August 19, 1997
My apologies once again for not writing for a while, but remembering that dream only caused me to have it again. I am over it now though.
Let me see the last thing I wrote was . . . oh yes. Malfoy and I had been caught in the library and could never come back after dark thanks to McGonagall vowing to check every night. I was secretly grateful to McGonagall for stopping the midnight study party. I was suffering with only four hours of sleep per night. I was also secretly ungrateful to McGonagall. Now that we couldn't meet in the library Malfoy wouldn't come within twelve feet of me. I couldn't finish the assignment on my own. It doesn't really work to curse yourself and then uncurse yourself.
It was a cloudy day while Hermione sat out by the lake with another text book in her hand. In front of her, about four feet away, was a doll. Hermione pointed her wand to it and muttered: "Stupefy." The doll fell over.
This isn't going to work. I can't practice these curses. She looked around to see if someone could help her. Everyone else was busy working with their partner. She sighed and cradled her head in her hands. "Malfoy you are such a stupid prat."
"Now, now . . . " Hermione gasped and looked up. "If you talk like that I may leave." Draco Malfoy was leaning against the tree behind her. "Didn't work very well on the doll, did it?"
"I wouldn't have to use a doll if you would help me."
"Why do you think I'm here, Granger?"
"To make my life Hell."
"Well, yes, but right now I'm here to work."
"Fine." Hermione said and pointed her wand between Malfoy's eyes. "Don't move."
Malfoy's eyes widened in shock and then squinted in rage. "Don't you dare, Mudblood."
"Oh, but Malfoy how can we practice if I can't curse you," she said in a sweet voice, and then in a not so sweet voice added, "And another thing, Malfoy, the Mudblood deal is stopping right now. If you call me a Mudblood one more time, I will hex you with something so foul you will run away crying."
"I'll go straight to my father."
"And tell him that you got cursed by a disgusting Mudblood? I wonder what he would say to that."
His eyes faltered and Hermione saw something she never saw in them before, fear. He was afraid of his father. How could anyone be afraid of their own father? He nodded and Hermione lowered her wand.
"I'll cast first, Granger. Which would you prefer?"
Hermione's eyes raised. Malfoy was actually asking for her preference like he cared. "Leg-locker."
"Oh good! I love this one on Gryffindors. Locomotor Mortis!" Hermione's legs flew together and she fell forward on her hands. "You look even more pathetic than Longbottom."
"Undo it, Malfoy."
With a swish of his wand and a mumble of words Hermione's legs separated. "My turn Malfoy. Locomotor Mortis!" Malfoy's legs imitated Hermione's, but he feel backwards into a puddle of mud. Hermione burst out in laughter and forgot about the counter-curse.
"Granger! Undo the spell!"
Finite . . . ha ha . . . Incantantum." Malfoy stood up, cleaned the mud from his robes and turned to walk away.
"Wait! Malfoy, we haven't finished." He spun around and grabbed Hermione's wrist bringing her face close to his own.
"I am finished with you. Stay away from me!"
"Let go of me, Malfoy." He released and turned to leave again. "I can't believe that you are being such a baby. It was just a puddle. It's not a big deal."
"Sod off, Granger!"
"NO! I am not letting you leave! Locomotor Mortis!" Draco fell forward with a cry of rage and Hermione sat down next to him.
"We are not practicing anymore, Granger. I can take it off now."
"Not if I have your wand." Hermione said and held up the wand he dropped when he fell.
"Give it back to me!"
"No! You are going to listen to me! I don't care about your pride or your ego or whatever malfunctions you have. We are working on this project together so-"
Not anymore we-" At that moment Hermione decided it would be a good idea to try the silencing charm.
"If you can't be quiet I will make you. We are working on this project together so we are going to make a deal. I know, dealing with a Mudblood isn't something you do, but you better make an exception. There will be no name calling, no hissy fits, like the one you just tried to pull, and there will be no cursing without permission. Well, after I release you I mean. If you understand and agree nod your head." Hermione waited for what seemed like hours until Malfoy nodded. She handed him his wand and reversed the spells. "Now come on. We have work to do."
On the morning of September 18th Hermione was in the Great Hall with Harry and Ron. It was a Saturday. Hermione was insisting that they should study. Ron and Harry's replies were evil looks.
I was such a bookworm then. Now I don't read so many books. I don't see the need anymore. I used to read because I wanted to prepare myself for the things that lay ahead. I wanted to be ready for anything. I must have read five hundred books before the start of my sixth year. Not one of those books saved me from the fate I was destined for.
By this point Malfoy and I had to come an agreement. He was never again to disrespect me the way he did and I was to act civil towards him. We had both learned all of the curses, except of course for the Minuos curse. We were both afraid to cast that spell without knowing the counter-curse. I had been avoiding Malfoy from the previous day because I still couldn't get the Imperius curse to work on him. Either he was really good at fighting it or I wasn't good at casting it. At first I was afraid because I knew what the Ministry would do if they discovered I was casting one of the Unforgivables. I needed a day off from everything that had to do with Defense Against the Dark Arts class, but I didn't get what I wished for.
"Harry, have you studied for the Vampire test we have Monday? I haven't even worked on the homework yet." Ron said while moving his Rook to slaughter Harry's pawn.
"Ugh . . . no! I forgot about it. I'll do it tomorrow." Hermione made a disapproving noise in the back of her throat causing Harry to roll his eyes.
"Hermione why don't you put down that book for a second and play Wizard Chess with us."
"I have had enough Wizard Chess to last a life time, but thank you for the offer."
"Please, do something besides read a book. How about we go down to the Quidditch pitch and watch Slytherin practice." Harry suggested.
"Why? You know we are going to win." Ron asked moved his bishop.
"It's always good to watch the other teams. It gives us a better picture of what we are up against for training."
"Fine."
On the Quidditch pitch the Slytherins were practicing for the upcoming Ravenclaw match. Harry Ron and Hermione were seated in the stands. Hermione continued to read. Harry and Ron figured it was because she wasn't interested in watching the practice, but reality it was because she didn't want to watch Malfoy. Working on these curses together only put Malfoy in her thoughts constantly. The last thing that Hermione wanted was to be thinking about how he played Quidditch.
"Hey, look!"
Hermione lowered her book to see what Ron was pointing at. Malfoy had been hit by a bludger and was falling to the ground below.
At the time I had to fight myself so that I wouldn't go running out onto the field. I wasn't in love with Malfoy or anything, but I assumed we had become friends. I hadn't heard Mudblood come from his lips for almost a week. It shocked me and maybe that's why I was confused. I didn't expect him to really hold out on that bargain.
If he was my friend the friendly thing to do would be to run out onto that field and see if he was okay. I knew he wasn't my friend. We would never be friends, Malfoy and I. I could never be friends with someone who I knew hated me so much and everyone like me. Muggle borns in general are vermin in his eyes.
I found myself, at first, hating him and thinking he was vermin for thinking that way of me. After a while I realized that maybe I could help him. We all might be wrong. He might be someone who is kind and nice, but his father twisted his mind and changed Draco Malfoy into someone he wasn't. After that thought crossed my mind I knew I was insane.
"He is such an idiot. I can't believe he didn't see that bludger coming!"
Malfoy was lying on the ground, not moving. You have to help him, Hermione. Hermione, go see if he's al right. Hermione!
"Hermione . . . are you feeling okay?" Harry and Ron were both giving her confused looks.
"I'm fine. Is Malfoy going to be okay?" Hermione asked as she put down her book and watched Malfoy being carried of the field. "He doesn't look to good, does he?"
"I'm sorry, Hermione, but it actually sounds like you care."
"I don't care. I was just asking. Since when am I not allowed to ask you a question, Ronald Weasley."
Harry leaned over. "Uh oh, mate. She's using your full name."
"Well, I don't need you two questioning everything I do. I can ask you a question if I want."
"We don't have a problem with that, Hermione. It just startled us that's all. You don't usually ask us questions about Malfoy's well-being."
"I don't care about Malfoy's well-being! It was only a question. I would ask the same one if I saw Snape fall from a broom like that and watch him be carried off."
"I wouldn't . . . "
"Well, Ron you don't always have an interest in the well-being of others, do you?"
"Yes, I do!"
"I'm going back up to the common room to study!"
Hermione's pace was fast as she entered Hogwarts. On the way back to Gryffindor Tower she fought the urge to swing by the hospital wing. Why do I care that Malfoy is hurt? He deserves it for everything he's done. It was his fault that he wasn't paying attention any ways.
"Password?"
"Quidditch Cup!" Hermione said in an angry voice and climbed through the portrait hole.
"Hermione!"
"WHAT?" Hermione snapped. "Oh . . . I'm sorry, Dean. I meant what do you want?"
"Neville and I were wondering if you could help us with Transfiguration. I still can't turn my bird into a hat." Dean shrugged his shoulders in defeat and Neville sat at the table next to them looking very confused. How could Hermione say no?
"Of course I'll help you. Let me go and get my book and notes."
"Okay, so the correct words are: inflecto comepopis. You try." After twenty minutes of practice Dean and Neville still hadn't been able to completely transfigure their birds. Dean's changed colors and took the shape of a hat, but Neville's only lost it's feathers. Hermione dropped her head and tried again. Neville you have to move your wrist like this.
"Hermione, we have to talk to you."
"Go away, Ron. I'm busy helping people. You know, looking out for their well-being." Neville and Dean gave each other curious looks.
"Hermione, I'm just trying to apologize for what I said earlier."
"And you should apologize and I accept it. No Dean. Like this." Hermione moved her hand over Dean's to show him the proper movement of his wrist and several things happened at once. Ron's face and ears were turning red, Harry's eyes opened wider than imaginable, Dean froze and looked into Hermione's, and Hermione froze to stare back into Dean's eyes. Dean had beautiful blue eyes.
Ron cleared his throat loudly and Hermione removed her hand. "Well, I think you two have the gist of it. I'm feeling pretty tired now so I'm going to go to bed. Good night."
Hermione ran up to her dorm before anyone could say anything and slammed the door behind her. She leaned against the door for support and felt her legs give way.
What is happening to me? First, Ron starts getting all close with me. Then, I actually seem to care about whether or not a git like Malfoy is hurt. And now, I felt something weird happening between Dean and I. What was that? It couldn't be affection. Yes, he is my friend, but I don't like him in that way. Do I? No, Dean and I could never be more than friends. I can't see myself with Dean. I don't mean that Dean isn't attractive, he is. And what is going on with Ron? He looked really upset that Dean and I touched. I really hope that Ron doesn't like me. I don't want things to get weird between us, but what if I do. What if things start moving forward, very forward, and I like it? Where does Malfoy fit into the picture? Is there a picture for him to fit into? What is the picture? I don't like Malfoy. Malfoy and I are not friends. If we're not friends then why has he been so civil to me lately? Was it just because of the assignment? Will he go back to being a lousy git when the assignment is over? Why am I even considering the fact that Malfoy might become a part of my life? Malfoy can't become a part of my life because he can't change. He can't become a part of my life because he hates me and I'll always be a Mudblood to him. If I really believed all of this crap then why am I even debating this in my mind? I wonder if he's okay. Oh my god! I did it again. I need to stop thinking about Draco Malfoy. He means nothing to me! I need a pensieve! I need sleep. I need a lobotomy!
Hermione willed herself to stand, change her clothes, and get into bed. All night she tossed and turned until it was only a few more hours until dawn. The world had turned and was turning still, but Hermione was at a stand still. Why couldn't she figure Malfoy out? What was it that she couldn't see? What was it that she wouldn't see? Hermione needed to find out.
The trip up to the boys' dorm was treacherous. Every step Hermione took was a careful one. She didn't want to make any noise, but to do that she had to keep from tripping and that wasn't proving an easy task for her. Clothes and junk were scattered all over the floor of the room. Thankfully the snoring kept her, accidentally loud, footsteps from being heard.
Hermione slipped her hand into Harry's trunk and pulled out the invisibility cloak and wrapped it around herself. Being invisible, to Hermione, was a wonderful feeling. It was power and mischief and fun all at the same time. Hermione was the goody goody girl of Gryffindor and she liked knowing that, for just a little while, she could do almost whatever she wanted without getting caught.
Under the cloak of invisibility she walked down the dark corridors towards the hospital wing. Hermione needed to know if Malfoy was okay. He haunted her in her sleep. He haunted her thoughts, and, to her, this was a closure. She would know and then could go back to sleep.
The door opened soundlessly to the almost vacant wing. The only patient was Draco lying in the farthest bed from the door. Great, Hermione thought, it had to be the farthest, right? I can't get a break.
Draco looked so peaceful lying there. Hermione found herself thinking about the first day in Defense Against the Dark Arts and it made her smile.
That was the moment that oh so insane thought came back into my mind. It was possible that Draco Malfoy wasn't as mean or evil as he pretended to be. No one so evil could look so angelic in his sleep. Yes, I thought he was angelic. I would never have admitted it to myself then, but I know now. After everything that he and I went through together he still had an angelic face, a beautiful face.
Hermione turned to leave when she tripped over something on the floor. The room was too dark to see what the object was, but she knew it was something metal.
"Who's there?" Crap! He's awake! How am I supposed to get out of here now? I could just leave, I do have an invisibility cloak on. If I leave, though, he'll know something is wrong.
Hermione slipped off the cloak and hid it by her feet where Malfoy wouldn't look. "It's just me. I wanted to see how you were?"
"Granger?" Malfoy blinked. "Why?"
"I just wanted to make sure that you weren't hurt too bad."
Malfoy watched her with doubting eyes. "What could have happened to me that Madam Pomfrey couldn't have fixed?"
"Um . . . "
"Do you know what I think, Granger? I think that you were worried about me."
"I wasn't worried. I just wan . . ."
" . . . wanted to make sure I was okay. Yes, I heard that part. There is something else though. You're not JUST some Gryffindor who is checking up on a Slytherin. There are deeper motives at work here, Granger."
"I was hoping you weren't hurt because I didn't want to hear any of your bull whining about not being able to work on our project."
His eyes didn't look very beautiful anymore. They turned cold and hard. "Listen here, Mudblood. I don't hurt that easily. Malfoy's can stand more than a little fall from a broom. Just because you want me . . ."
"Malfoy, you are disgusting! I don't want you or anything to do with you . . . once our project is finished. . . . You just obliterated our deal. You called me a mudblood."
"So what? That's what you are isn't it?"
"No! I am better than that, Malfoy. I am better than a Mudblood! I am a good person who cares about other people." Tears began to fall from Hermione's eyes, but she only wiped them away harshly. "I cared about you, even if it was just for a moment. It's not a horrible thing that someone cares about someone else. You have to have caring in this life, Malfoy. You have to have compassion, and mercy, and kindness, and love. If you don't then you're a dead person, Malfoy. You're dead without feelings. I thought that was what made this world worth living, goodness."
"Wake up, Granger! Those things are only illusions. None of that crap is real. There is no goodness. There is no compassion. There is no love! It's all fairy tales and bull shit you're spoon fed from an infant. It's all a lie."
"That's not true, Malfoy! That's not true at all! That is just something your father told you! It's a lie. There is compassion and love, but I would never expect you to know because you could never be loved. No one could love some THING like you! No one!"
"Shut your mouth you filthy Mudblood."
"No! Someone has to finally tell you the truth through all of your father's lies."
"Be quiet! My father has never lied to me! I believe him! He's right. I have seen to much evil and corruption and power to believe that petty things like love can over come them. It's all bull shit!"
Hermione nodded in defeat, for now. "I hope you live forever alone, Malfoy! I hope that you never know what it's like to be loved because I would pity the poor soul to ever love a Malfoy. I have to believe in happiness." He said nothing in return as Hermione left the now cold hospital wing.
That was not how I wanted that conversation to go. Did I really go there to confess some deep dark secret I was keeping? No. I just needed to know he wasn't hurt, but that was the night I learned nothing could hurt a Malfoy, but something could hurt Draco . . .
Hermione cried her way back to bed. Tears that fell for a reason she didn't understand. What was that whole speech about? Since when do I have to justify myself or anything that I do to a Malfoy?
The snow fell all around Hermione, creating a layer of thick snow. It was winter at Hogwarts and there were children playing in the snow, building snowmen and making snow angels. Everyone was smiling and laughing and having fun, but Hermione's face was a long one. The lake was frozen and there were ice skaters gliding across the reflective surface. Hermione walked towards them and looked out onto the ice, but something caught her attention.
Hermione's reflection wasn't there. She was a blank person. Hermione was a nobody, a nonexistent being.
A sob from behind her caused her turn around. Harry and Ron were standing there, their heads bowed, crying. In between them was a single black rose. The only living plant on Hogwarts ground. A single black rose between her and her best friends. She bent down to pick the flower, but when her hand got near it shriveled up and died.
Hermione looked up to see Harry and Ron again, but they were gone. Albus Dumbledore and Draco Malfoy, with the same sad faces as Harry and Ron, standing before a grave replaced her schoolmates. Hermione stepped about to read the name on the grave. The letters were covered with snow. Hermione bowed down to wipe away the snow, but Draco's hand stopped her. "Stay away, Hermione!"
"Malfoy? Stay away from whom?"
"Listen to your heart, Miss Granger. It cannot fail you." Dumbledore looked up with a twinkle in his eyes.
"Stay away, Mudblood! Stay away! Keep away!"
It was time to prepare for classes when the dream ended and Hermione woke up. I don't understand. What am I supposed to stay away from? What is he trying to tell me?
The entire day of classes was mindless banter between Gryffindors and Slytherins, torture from Snape, and a non wonderful day of Dark Arts. The whole time Hermione was nervous. She doubted that Malfoy was going to show up for their practice session after classes out by the lake. She sat beneath the tree for what must have been forty-five minutes before she got up to leave, but a smooth voice stopped her.
"Leaving already, Granger?"
"Not Mudblood?"
"Not now."
"Why different?"
"It just is. Are we practicing or not?"
"Fine." Hermione turned toward him and dropped her bag. "I'll cast first. Imperio!"
"Nothing's happening." Draco said and placed his hands in his robes in a very relaxed manner.
"Imperio."
"I guess you're not made for the dark arts, Granger. My turn. Imperio!"
The little voice inside Hermione's head began to get louder by the second. Jump! it said. Jump now! Jump! JUMP! JUMP!! No, she fought back. I don't want to jump. I don't want to. No! She was getting weaker by the moment. JUMP! JUMP NOW!! She couldn't hold out any longer and she did jump.
"You're weak, Granger. You wouldn't last a second if an experienced wizard cursed you. You'd crack like an egg."
"IMPERIO!" Draco shook his head. "Why doesn't it work?"
"You don't hate me enough. You have to want to curse me, Granger. You can't just flop your wrist say a few words and expect me to fall under your spell. You have to want it bad enough."
Hermione closed her eyes and imagined all of the terrible things he had done to her, the teeth, the names, the hatred. Everything she could think of she used. "IMPERIO!" JUMP MALFOY! JUMP! JUMP NOW! JUMP I SAY! JUMP!! Draco struggled for as long as he could. He held on, but broke quicker than Hermione. He jumped with resistance and stumbled, landing right on top of Hermione.
Hermione didn't know what to do. Draco Malfoy, her enemy, was lying on top of her. She could feel the heat radiating off of her. His body filled her with warmth in the chilled air. His silver eyes were so close to hers. She could see every line of his face. Every beautiful mark was taken into account.
Hermione's breathing was getting shallow. Why wasn't he getting off? Do I want him to get off? No, I don't. I want to stay like this. Their face were drifting closer together. This can't be right. This is Draco Malfoy, the boy who has hated you forever. Push him off, she screamed to herself, but she couldn't.
His blonde hair was starting to fall, framing his pale face. Closer still, their faces were. Their lips, a breath apart. Reality hit and she pushed him hard. Malfoy rolled off her and was standing in a flash. I can't do this. We were about to kiss. How could I do that? Keep your head, Hermione. Remember who this person is!
Malfoy smoothed his hair back down and adjusted his robes. "Good job," he muttered and then left her there to her thoughts.
Author: Blaze Faula
Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Hermione Granger
My Third Entry: The Malfoy Solution
August 19, 1997
My apologies once again for not writing for a while, but remembering that dream only caused me to have it again. I am over it now though.
Let me see the last thing I wrote was . . . oh yes. Malfoy and I had been caught in the library and could never come back after dark thanks to McGonagall vowing to check every night. I was secretly grateful to McGonagall for stopping the midnight study party. I was suffering with only four hours of sleep per night. I was also secretly ungrateful to McGonagall. Now that we couldn't meet in the library Malfoy wouldn't come within twelve feet of me. I couldn't finish the assignment on my own. It doesn't really work to curse yourself and then uncurse yourself.
It was a cloudy day while Hermione sat out by the lake with another text book in her hand. In front of her, about four feet away, was a doll. Hermione pointed her wand to it and muttered: "Stupefy." The doll fell over.
This isn't going to work. I can't practice these curses. She looked around to see if someone could help her. Everyone else was busy working with their partner. She sighed and cradled her head in her hands. "Malfoy you are such a stupid prat."
"Now, now . . . " Hermione gasped and looked up. "If you talk like that I may leave." Draco Malfoy was leaning against the tree behind her. "Didn't work very well on the doll, did it?"
"I wouldn't have to use a doll if you would help me."
"Why do you think I'm here, Granger?"
"To make my life Hell."
"Well, yes, but right now I'm here to work."
"Fine." Hermione said and pointed her wand between Malfoy's eyes. "Don't move."
Malfoy's eyes widened in shock and then squinted in rage. "Don't you dare, Mudblood."
"Oh, but Malfoy how can we practice if I can't curse you," she said in a sweet voice, and then in a not so sweet voice added, "And another thing, Malfoy, the Mudblood deal is stopping right now. If you call me a Mudblood one more time, I will hex you with something so foul you will run away crying."
"I'll go straight to my father."
"And tell him that you got cursed by a disgusting Mudblood? I wonder what he would say to that."
His eyes faltered and Hermione saw something she never saw in them before, fear. He was afraid of his father. How could anyone be afraid of their own father? He nodded and Hermione lowered her wand.
"I'll cast first, Granger. Which would you prefer?"
Hermione's eyes raised. Malfoy was actually asking for her preference like he cared. "Leg-locker."
"Oh good! I love this one on Gryffindors. Locomotor Mortis!" Hermione's legs flew together and she fell forward on her hands. "You look even more pathetic than Longbottom."
"Undo it, Malfoy."
With a swish of his wand and a mumble of words Hermione's legs separated. "My turn Malfoy. Locomotor Mortis!" Malfoy's legs imitated Hermione's, but he feel backwards into a puddle of mud. Hermione burst out in laughter and forgot about the counter-curse.
"Granger! Undo the spell!"
Finite . . . ha ha . . . Incantantum." Malfoy stood up, cleaned the mud from his robes and turned to walk away.
"Wait! Malfoy, we haven't finished." He spun around and grabbed Hermione's wrist bringing her face close to his own.
"I am finished with you. Stay away from me!"
"Let go of me, Malfoy." He released and turned to leave again. "I can't believe that you are being such a baby. It was just a puddle. It's not a big deal."
"Sod off, Granger!"
"NO! I am not letting you leave! Locomotor Mortis!" Draco fell forward with a cry of rage and Hermione sat down next to him.
"We are not practicing anymore, Granger. I can take it off now."
"Not if I have your wand." Hermione said and held up the wand he dropped when he fell.
"Give it back to me!"
"No! You are going to listen to me! I don't care about your pride or your ego or whatever malfunctions you have. We are working on this project together so-"
Not anymore we-" At that moment Hermione decided it would be a good idea to try the silencing charm.
"If you can't be quiet I will make you. We are working on this project together so we are going to make a deal. I know, dealing with a Mudblood isn't something you do, but you better make an exception. There will be no name calling, no hissy fits, like the one you just tried to pull, and there will be no cursing without permission. Well, after I release you I mean. If you understand and agree nod your head." Hermione waited for what seemed like hours until Malfoy nodded. She handed him his wand and reversed the spells. "Now come on. We have work to do."
On the morning of September 18th Hermione was in the Great Hall with Harry and Ron. It was a Saturday. Hermione was insisting that they should study. Ron and Harry's replies were evil looks.
I was such a bookworm then. Now I don't read so many books. I don't see the need anymore. I used to read because I wanted to prepare myself for the things that lay ahead. I wanted to be ready for anything. I must have read five hundred books before the start of my sixth year. Not one of those books saved me from the fate I was destined for.
By this point Malfoy and I had to come an agreement. He was never again to disrespect me the way he did and I was to act civil towards him. We had both learned all of the curses, except of course for the Minuos curse. We were both afraid to cast that spell without knowing the counter-curse. I had been avoiding Malfoy from the previous day because I still couldn't get the Imperius curse to work on him. Either he was really good at fighting it or I wasn't good at casting it. At first I was afraid because I knew what the Ministry would do if they discovered I was casting one of the Unforgivables. I needed a day off from everything that had to do with Defense Against the Dark Arts class, but I didn't get what I wished for.
"Harry, have you studied for the Vampire test we have Monday? I haven't even worked on the homework yet." Ron said while moving his Rook to slaughter Harry's pawn.
"Ugh . . . no! I forgot about it. I'll do it tomorrow." Hermione made a disapproving noise in the back of her throat causing Harry to roll his eyes.
"Hermione why don't you put down that book for a second and play Wizard Chess with us."
"I have had enough Wizard Chess to last a life time, but thank you for the offer."
"Please, do something besides read a book. How about we go down to the Quidditch pitch and watch Slytherin practice." Harry suggested.
"Why? You know we are going to win." Ron asked moved his bishop.
"It's always good to watch the other teams. It gives us a better picture of what we are up against for training."
"Fine."
On the Quidditch pitch the Slytherins were practicing for the upcoming Ravenclaw match. Harry Ron and Hermione were seated in the stands. Hermione continued to read. Harry and Ron figured it was because she wasn't interested in watching the practice, but reality it was because she didn't want to watch Malfoy. Working on these curses together only put Malfoy in her thoughts constantly. The last thing that Hermione wanted was to be thinking about how he played Quidditch.
"Hey, look!"
Hermione lowered her book to see what Ron was pointing at. Malfoy had been hit by a bludger and was falling to the ground below.
At the time I had to fight myself so that I wouldn't go running out onto the field. I wasn't in love with Malfoy or anything, but I assumed we had become friends. I hadn't heard Mudblood come from his lips for almost a week. It shocked me and maybe that's why I was confused. I didn't expect him to really hold out on that bargain.
If he was my friend the friendly thing to do would be to run out onto that field and see if he was okay. I knew he wasn't my friend. We would never be friends, Malfoy and I. I could never be friends with someone who I knew hated me so much and everyone like me. Muggle borns in general are vermin in his eyes.
I found myself, at first, hating him and thinking he was vermin for thinking that way of me. After a while I realized that maybe I could help him. We all might be wrong. He might be someone who is kind and nice, but his father twisted his mind and changed Draco Malfoy into someone he wasn't. After that thought crossed my mind I knew I was insane.
"He is such an idiot. I can't believe he didn't see that bludger coming!"
Malfoy was lying on the ground, not moving. You have to help him, Hermione. Hermione, go see if he's al right. Hermione!
"Hermione . . . are you feeling okay?" Harry and Ron were both giving her confused looks.
"I'm fine. Is Malfoy going to be okay?" Hermione asked as she put down her book and watched Malfoy being carried of the field. "He doesn't look to good, does he?"
"I'm sorry, Hermione, but it actually sounds like you care."
"I don't care. I was just asking. Since when am I not allowed to ask you a question, Ronald Weasley."
Harry leaned over. "Uh oh, mate. She's using your full name."
"Well, I don't need you two questioning everything I do. I can ask you a question if I want."
"We don't have a problem with that, Hermione. It just startled us that's all. You don't usually ask us questions about Malfoy's well-being."
"I don't care about Malfoy's well-being! It was only a question. I would ask the same one if I saw Snape fall from a broom like that and watch him be carried off."
"I wouldn't . . . "
"Well, Ron you don't always have an interest in the well-being of others, do you?"
"Yes, I do!"
"I'm going back up to the common room to study!"
Hermione's pace was fast as she entered Hogwarts. On the way back to Gryffindor Tower she fought the urge to swing by the hospital wing. Why do I care that Malfoy is hurt? He deserves it for everything he's done. It was his fault that he wasn't paying attention any ways.
"Password?"
"Quidditch Cup!" Hermione said in an angry voice and climbed through the portrait hole.
"Hermione!"
"WHAT?" Hermione snapped. "Oh . . . I'm sorry, Dean. I meant what do you want?"
"Neville and I were wondering if you could help us with Transfiguration. I still can't turn my bird into a hat." Dean shrugged his shoulders in defeat and Neville sat at the table next to them looking very confused. How could Hermione say no?
"Of course I'll help you. Let me go and get my book and notes."
"Okay, so the correct words are: inflecto comepopis. You try." After twenty minutes of practice Dean and Neville still hadn't been able to completely transfigure their birds. Dean's changed colors and took the shape of a hat, but Neville's only lost it's feathers. Hermione dropped her head and tried again. Neville you have to move your wrist like this.
"Hermione, we have to talk to you."
"Go away, Ron. I'm busy helping people. You know, looking out for their well-being." Neville and Dean gave each other curious looks.
"Hermione, I'm just trying to apologize for what I said earlier."
"And you should apologize and I accept it. No Dean. Like this." Hermione moved her hand over Dean's to show him the proper movement of his wrist and several things happened at once. Ron's face and ears were turning red, Harry's eyes opened wider than imaginable, Dean froze and looked into Hermione's, and Hermione froze to stare back into Dean's eyes. Dean had beautiful blue eyes.
Ron cleared his throat loudly and Hermione removed her hand. "Well, I think you two have the gist of it. I'm feeling pretty tired now so I'm going to go to bed. Good night."
Hermione ran up to her dorm before anyone could say anything and slammed the door behind her. She leaned against the door for support and felt her legs give way.
What is happening to me? First, Ron starts getting all close with me. Then, I actually seem to care about whether or not a git like Malfoy is hurt. And now, I felt something weird happening between Dean and I. What was that? It couldn't be affection. Yes, he is my friend, but I don't like him in that way. Do I? No, Dean and I could never be more than friends. I can't see myself with Dean. I don't mean that Dean isn't attractive, he is. And what is going on with Ron? He looked really upset that Dean and I touched. I really hope that Ron doesn't like me. I don't want things to get weird between us, but what if I do. What if things start moving forward, very forward, and I like it? Where does Malfoy fit into the picture? Is there a picture for him to fit into? What is the picture? I don't like Malfoy. Malfoy and I are not friends. If we're not friends then why has he been so civil to me lately? Was it just because of the assignment? Will he go back to being a lousy git when the assignment is over? Why am I even considering the fact that Malfoy might become a part of my life? Malfoy can't become a part of my life because he can't change. He can't become a part of my life because he hates me and I'll always be a Mudblood to him. If I really believed all of this crap then why am I even debating this in my mind? I wonder if he's okay. Oh my god! I did it again. I need to stop thinking about Draco Malfoy. He means nothing to me! I need a pensieve! I need sleep. I need a lobotomy!
Hermione willed herself to stand, change her clothes, and get into bed. All night she tossed and turned until it was only a few more hours until dawn. The world had turned and was turning still, but Hermione was at a stand still. Why couldn't she figure Malfoy out? What was it that she couldn't see? What was it that she wouldn't see? Hermione needed to find out.
The trip up to the boys' dorm was treacherous. Every step Hermione took was a careful one. She didn't want to make any noise, but to do that she had to keep from tripping and that wasn't proving an easy task for her. Clothes and junk were scattered all over the floor of the room. Thankfully the snoring kept her, accidentally loud, footsteps from being heard.
Hermione slipped her hand into Harry's trunk and pulled out the invisibility cloak and wrapped it around herself. Being invisible, to Hermione, was a wonderful feeling. It was power and mischief and fun all at the same time. Hermione was the goody goody girl of Gryffindor and she liked knowing that, for just a little while, she could do almost whatever she wanted without getting caught.
Under the cloak of invisibility she walked down the dark corridors towards the hospital wing. Hermione needed to know if Malfoy was okay. He haunted her in her sleep. He haunted her thoughts, and, to her, this was a closure. She would know and then could go back to sleep.
The door opened soundlessly to the almost vacant wing. The only patient was Draco lying in the farthest bed from the door. Great, Hermione thought, it had to be the farthest, right? I can't get a break.
Draco looked so peaceful lying there. Hermione found herself thinking about the first day in Defense Against the Dark Arts and it made her smile.
That was the moment that oh so insane thought came back into my mind. It was possible that Draco Malfoy wasn't as mean or evil as he pretended to be. No one so evil could look so angelic in his sleep. Yes, I thought he was angelic. I would never have admitted it to myself then, but I know now. After everything that he and I went through together he still had an angelic face, a beautiful face.
Hermione turned to leave when she tripped over something on the floor. The room was too dark to see what the object was, but she knew it was something metal.
"Who's there?" Crap! He's awake! How am I supposed to get out of here now? I could just leave, I do have an invisibility cloak on. If I leave, though, he'll know something is wrong.
Hermione slipped off the cloak and hid it by her feet where Malfoy wouldn't look. "It's just me. I wanted to see how you were?"
"Granger?" Malfoy blinked. "Why?"
"I just wanted to make sure that you weren't hurt too bad."
Malfoy watched her with doubting eyes. "What could have happened to me that Madam Pomfrey couldn't have fixed?"
"Um . . . "
"Do you know what I think, Granger? I think that you were worried about me."
"I wasn't worried. I just wan . . ."
" . . . wanted to make sure I was okay. Yes, I heard that part. There is something else though. You're not JUST some Gryffindor who is checking up on a Slytherin. There are deeper motives at work here, Granger."
"I was hoping you weren't hurt because I didn't want to hear any of your bull whining about not being able to work on our project."
His eyes didn't look very beautiful anymore. They turned cold and hard. "Listen here, Mudblood. I don't hurt that easily. Malfoy's can stand more than a little fall from a broom. Just because you want me . . ."
"Malfoy, you are disgusting! I don't want you or anything to do with you . . . once our project is finished. . . . You just obliterated our deal. You called me a mudblood."
"So what? That's what you are isn't it?"
"No! I am better than that, Malfoy. I am better than a Mudblood! I am a good person who cares about other people." Tears began to fall from Hermione's eyes, but she only wiped them away harshly. "I cared about you, even if it was just for a moment. It's not a horrible thing that someone cares about someone else. You have to have caring in this life, Malfoy. You have to have compassion, and mercy, and kindness, and love. If you don't then you're a dead person, Malfoy. You're dead without feelings. I thought that was what made this world worth living, goodness."
"Wake up, Granger! Those things are only illusions. None of that crap is real. There is no goodness. There is no compassion. There is no love! It's all fairy tales and bull shit you're spoon fed from an infant. It's all a lie."
"That's not true, Malfoy! That's not true at all! That is just something your father told you! It's a lie. There is compassion and love, but I would never expect you to know because you could never be loved. No one could love some THING like you! No one!"
"Shut your mouth you filthy Mudblood."
"No! Someone has to finally tell you the truth through all of your father's lies."
"Be quiet! My father has never lied to me! I believe him! He's right. I have seen to much evil and corruption and power to believe that petty things like love can over come them. It's all bull shit!"
Hermione nodded in defeat, for now. "I hope you live forever alone, Malfoy! I hope that you never know what it's like to be loved because I would pity the poor soul to ever love a Malfoy. I have to believe in happiness." He said nothing in return as Hermione left the now cold hospital wing.
That was not how I wanted that conversation to go. Did I really go there to confess some deep dark secret I was keeping? No. I just needed to know he wasn't hurt, but that was the night I learned nothing could hurt a Malfoy, but something could hurt Draco . . .
Hermione cried her way back to bed. Tears that fell for a reason she didn't understand. What was that whole speech about? Since when do I have to justify myself or anything that I do to a Malfoy?
The snow fell all around Hermione, creating a layer of thick snow. It was winter at Hogwarts and there were children playing in the snow, building snowmen and making snow angels. Everyone was smiling and laughing and having fun, but Hermione's face was a long one. The lake was frozen and there were ice skaters gliding across the reflective surface. Hermione walked towards them and looked out onto the ice, but something caught her attention.
Hermione's reflection wasn't there. She was a blank person. Hermione was a nobody, a nonexistent being.
A sob from behind her caused her turn around. Harry and Ron were standing there, their heads bowed, crying. In between them was a single black rose. The only living plant on Hogwarts ground. A single black rose between her and her best friends. She bent down to pick the flower, but when her hand got near it shriveled up and died.
Hermione looked up to see Harry and Ron again, but they were gone. Albus Dumbledore and Draco Malfoy, with the same sad faces as Harry and Ron, standing before a grave replaced her schoolmates. Hermione stepped about to read the name on the grave. The letters were covered with snow. Hermione bowed down to wipe away the snow, but Draco's hand stopped her. "Stay away, Hermione!"
"Malfoy? Stay away from whom?"
"Listen to your heart, Miss Granger. It cannot fail you." Dumbledore looked up with a twinkle in his eyes.
"Stay away, Mudblood! Stay away! Keep away!"
It was time to prepare for classes when the dream ended and Hermione woke up. I don't understand. What am I supposed to stay away from? What is he trying to tell me?
The entire day of classes was mindless banter between Gryffindors and Slytherins, torture from Snape, and a non wonderful day of Dark Arts. The whole time Hermione was nervous. She doubted that Malfoy was going to show up for their practice session after classes out by the lake. She sat beneath the tree for what must have been forty-five minutes before she got up to leave, but a smooth voice stopped her.
"Leaving already, Granger?"
"Not Mudblood?"
"Not now."
"Why different?"
"It just is. Are we practicing or not?"
"Fine." Hermione turned toward him and dropped her bag. "I'll cast first. Imperio!"
"Nothing's happening." Draco said and placed his hands in his robes in a very relaxed manner.
"Imperio."
"I guess you're not made for the dark arts, Granger. My turn. Imperio!"
The little voice inside Hermione's head began to get louder by the second. Jump! it said. Jump now! Jump! JUMP! JUMP!! No, she fought back. I don't want to jump. I don't want to. No! She was getting weaker by the moment. JUMP! JUMP NOW!! She couldn't hold out any longer and she did jump.
"You're weak, Granger. You wouldn't last a second if an experienced wizard cursed you. You'd crack like an egg."
"IMPERIO!" Draco shook his head. "Why doesn't it work?"
"You don't hate me enough. You have to want to curse me, Granger. You can't just flop your wrist say a few words and expect me to fall under your spell. You have to want it bad enough."
Hermione closed her eyes and imagined all of the terrible things he had done to her, the teeth, the names, the hatred. Everything she could think of she used. "IMPERIO!" JUMP MALFOY! JUMP! JUMP NOW! JUMP I SAY! JUMP!! Draco struggled for as long as he could. He held on, but broke quicker than Hermione. He jumped with resistance and stumbled, landing right on top of Hermione.
Hermione didn't know what to do. Draco Malfoy, her enemy, was lying on top of her. She could feel the heat radiating off of her. His body filled her with warmth in the chilled air. His silver eyes were so close to hers. She could see every line of his face. Every beautiful mark was taken into account.
Hermione's breathing was getting shallow. Why wasn't he getting off? Do I want him to get off? No, I don't. I want to stay like this. Their face were drifting closer together. This can't be right. This is Draco Malfoy, the boy who has hated you forever. Push him off, she screamed to herself, but she couldn't.
His blonde hair was starting to fall, framing his pale face. Closer still, their faces were. Their lips, a breath apart. Reality hit and she pushed him hard. Malfoy rolled off her and was standing in a flash. I can't do this. We were about to kiss. How could I do that? Keep your head, Hermione. Remember who this person is!
Malfoy smoothed his hair back down and adjusted his robes. "Good job," he muttered and then left her there to her thoughts.