Title: Old Haunts; Book 1, chapter 4
Author: Auna
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Some are mine, some aren't. You know the difference.
Summary: They're back! ;D ;)
Credits Due: Thank you to scrubschick, ScaperRed, and shipsister, who have all managed to sit quietly on this thing for over two months while I wrote all the parts leading up to it. They are awesome beta's who helped me through some difficult characterization issues. If some characters are still a little off, I apologize, and blame me, not them. They tried. As usual, thank you to Sanchez for being a wonderful creative consultant.
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Footsteps sounded behind them and Laighn's young voice broke through their shocked silence. "What the hezmana is going on?" he asked angrily. "I thought we were headed for a command carrier, not a frelling Leviathan!"
"We're taking a short detour, Laighn. Don't worry, you'll like these people," Tean assured without turning around to look at the boy. The swelling had disappeared, but the rash still plagued his usually pink skin in angry purple splotches, and Tean tried not to look at him unless it was absolutely necessary. Childish, but he always felt like scratching after seeing him.
"You know them?" Laighn asked with incredulity.
"You could say that," he responded wryly.
"I'm not getting off. I'm staying on Shadow," he declared defiantly.
"No," Sethya spoke for the first time. His voice was quiet, deadly calm. "You won't. You will get off and meet these people and you will be nice. The last thing I need is for them to think I'm harboring someone."
Laighn's face twisted in anger, but he must have recognized the absolute determination in Sethya's expression. He banged a fist against a wall and stormed away, throwing an angry "Tell me we dock" over his shoulder as he left.
Tean and Sethya's eyes met. "That's a bit of an overreaction on his part. You'd think he had your death-wish, wanting to get to carrier so badly."
"Forget him for a second. What do we tell Crichton?"
"That you love her," Tean retorted and was smacked on the side of his head for his trouble.
"Her father, you frellnick. We have to leave again, almost immediately, to rendezvous with Gweer. They are going to expect us to stay."
"Why not tell them the truth?"
"Can you honestly picture Crichton and D'Argo, or even Aeryn for that matter, staying behind if we tell them that Scorpius might have a retrieval squad after them?"
"So what would be wrong with that? We could use the help. Lo'La has some serious firepower."
"Except John's not as young as he used to be. And he has two kids now. And the report might not even deal with them at all. We could be doing this for nothing."
"They've got to be told eventually."
"After the infiltration… if it turns out the Scarran hybrid is looking for them."
"Fine, we'll wait. But since I'm the one who has to make our excuses for leaving, what is your bright idea."
"That's what I asked you. Think of something. You're supposed to be the genius."
"Remember that." He was surprised when he didn't get hit upside the head again. Sethya must be really nervous. "Don't worry."
"I'm not worried."
"I can tell. And your vein isn't popping out of the side of your neck either."
Sethya merely shot him a warning look and stormed away. Tean sighed and turned back to the view of Moya getting nearer and nearer. It just figured that they would finally find her again when they couldn't stay.
He waited until he felt the tug of Moya's docking web take control, then left their small command to join Sethya at the exit ramp. This was a moment he wouldn't miss for all the money of High Command.
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He was twitchy. His whole body felt like it was suffering from a nervous tick, and he would bet his left eye looked like it was having a seizure. This was frelling ridiculous. He was an adult, a commando, a ruthless mercenary, and here he was getting twitchy… over a woman.
What would he see when the door finally opened? It already seemed like an arn since they'd heard Crichton's voice over the transmitter. Tean stood beside him at the opening, surprisingly quiet for the moment.
He felt the ship's speed slow, and then the familiar sensation of a quick drop as it landed. They were in Moya's docking bay. The door slowly descended and he could see the ceiling, the walls, and then finally the whole area, with a welcoming committee.
Almost everyone was there. To the right, D'Argo stood tall, arms crossed, Qualta Blade slung over his shoulders. Chiana stood next to him, knees slightly bent, head slightly tilted to one side, a seductive smile gracing her dark gray lips.
Crichton was to the left, an indiscernible look on his face. Sethya couldn't tell if they were welcome or not. The older man's grey hair was its usual mess and he stood firm with his feet planted slightly apart, arms crossed over his chest.
Aeryn was beside him; her black and grey hair pulled loosely back at the nape of her neck. Her stance was much more relaxed, more accepting, despite the pulse rifle slung over her shoulders, hanging down her back by a strap. Her thumbs were hooked into pockets at her hips and a small smile graced her lips. Dignity was the first word that came to mind.
Pregnant was the second word. It wasn't blatantly obvious, but a small stomach was beginning to show, despite the T-shirt she must have stolen from her husband, and Sethya was pretty sure that the ex-commando wouldn't tolerate any foolishness like a big stomach, unless it involved something as drastic as procreation.
Aeric stood between the two couples, holding a flat metal object with wheels under one arm. His smile nearly covered his entire face and he was shifting from one foot to the other, impatiently. At least one person was glad to see them. Well, glad to see Tean, anyway.
Brennik wasn't there. Neither was the old woman, Noranti, but he wasn't concerned about her at this moment. He scanned the room to make sure she wasn't hiding in the back, as she had been the very first time they'd entered Moya, but found nothing. She wasn't there.
Technically, she was old enough to go out on her own. Maybe she wasn't even living on Moya anymore. Maybe she'd gotten tired of waiting for him, and set off on her own. The thought sent cold chills through his veins. No, Crichton wouldn't let her do something so stupid, surely.
All of this was observed in about three microts before Tean pushed past him and bounded down the ramp jovially to be engulfed in a hug by Chiana and patted on the back by Aeric and D'Argo. With Aeryn right behind him, Crichton moved forward and held out his hand, the indiscernible look still on his face.
Sethya was confused for a microt, until he remembered a time he saw D'Argo and Crichton shake hands in greeting. Grateful for the least amount of courtesy, he grabbed the outstretched hand.
"I have a new crewmember with me. He is hiding on Shadow right now. Laighn, we've docked," he called over his shoulder, and a few microts later, dragging footsteps could be heard pounding on the metal floor.
Laighn stood in the doorway, eyes rolled upward, arms crossed, his body slack with petulant attitude. Sethya only had a microt to wonder what the boy's problem was, and get angry over the show of disrespect, when a loud shriek blasted his ears.
Chiana rushed past him on the ramp, nearly pushing him over the side in her haste. Her speed didn't slow and she ran into Laighn at full force, laughing and crying as she flung her arms around his neck. "You're back! You're back!" she kept repeating.
Laighn wrapped his arms loosely around her waist, eyes closed, reluctantly smiling despite himself. "Mother…" he tried but was interrupted by D'Argo, who had now joined them on the ramp and began thumping him on the back.
"Shedya, you came back! I knew you would!" he exclaimed and waited until Chiana let loose a microt before taking his turn to hug the boy.
"Father…" Laighn tried again but was cut off by D'Argo and Chiana dragging him down the ramp, to the amazed crowd waiting below.
"John, Aeryn, Aeric, this is my son, Shedya." D'Argo declared to his speechless crewmates. He turned to Sethya and Tean, who were now standing to the side, just as bewildered as everyone else in the room. "Thank you for bringing him back. Tonight, we will feast! Our proctical sons have returned!"
"Prodigal, D. It's 'our prodigal sons'…" John corrected.
"Whatever, they're back."
"We're leaving," Laighn stated flatly.
"No you're not, you just got here," Chiana argued. "You can't just show up and then leave again." Her arm was still around Laighn's waist; as if she needed the contact to prove to herself he was really there.
"We've been looking for you for a little over a monen, but have just received a commission that must begin in the next twenty eight arns, or several people may lose their lives. Your son is part of that commission," Tean spoke to the crowd.
"So you're leaving again," Crichton stated, pointedly staring at Sethya. He was making a statement and Sethya understood the unspoken implication.
"We want to come back, if you'll let us. If it weren't for the nature of the commission, I would drop it and stay. But I can't," Sethya said directly to the older man.
D'Argo and Chiana were pulling Laighn from the room, arguing with him as they left. Sethya figured it was just his luck to end up with a son of the Moya crew. Now he felt even more responsible for the boy, knowing who his parents were. A lot of things were beginning to make sense about the kid now, though.
"How long are you staying?" Aeryn asked.
"We have five arns until we absolutely have to leave," Tean answered.
"Good, so you have time for a visit. I'm going to go get started on that feast D'Argo was talking about; it looks like Chiana is preoccupied. Aeric, why don't you come help me?"
"Aw Mom, I wanted to show Tean my skateboard."
"You'll have plenty of time for that later."
"But…"
"Do what your mother says," Crichton commanded. "She needs the help."
"So why can't YOU help her? You…"
"Because I told you to do it. Now get moving. We'll talk about this later, when I'm done with Sethya."
Grumbling, Aeric turned and followed his mother from the room. Tean had already disappeared, and Sethya took a mental note to call him a coward sometime before they reached the command carrier.
The older man watched his son leave, then turned to Sethya and searched his face intently, quietly for several microts. "At the risk of sounding like a million fathers before me, what are your intentions with my daughter?"
"When I come back from this assignment, I hope to stay here for a while, if you'll let me. When it's time to leave, I want to take her with me."
There was a moment of silence as John studied him further, arms crossed, his back leaning against a nearby crate. What was he thinking? What did he see when he looked at the ex-commando?
He must have finally come to a decision, because when he spoke, he had a slight smile on his face, and his words were slightly humorous. "I've been instructed to tell you to go frell a Vork, and that she's no longer here."
"But what are you really going to tell me?" Sethya was taking a shot here, hoping that John could understand his desperate need to see Brennik one more time, hoping the older man could feel a touch of mercy and forgiveness.
"I'm the one who had to pick up the pieces. I'm the one who had to pull her off the floor when she collapsed and listen to her sobs as she soaked my shirt with her tears. You hurt her, man. You tore my daughter's heart out, and now you're asking for my help."
"Have you ever done something so stupid that you'll regret it for the rest of your life? Have you ever hurt someone you love in an attempt to do the right thing?" He looked Crichton in the eyes and saw a deep pain there. Regret. Neither looked away and the silence grew heavy.
"Training bay two," John finally said softly. Sethya didn't wait to hear if the man was finished. He was out the door in less than a microt.
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Laighn leaned against the familiar wall, his arms folded defiantly as he stared at the ceiling, the walls, the furniture… anything to avoid looking at his mother, a nervous ball of energy in front of him, ranting in her anger and disappointment.
"You, you just got back, Shedya. You can't go out again. Give it a few solar days, relax, get rid of this rash that you've gotten."
"I can't mother. The timeline is critical." He wasn't sure if it was or not, he hadn't been included in much of the details of the plan. But the attitude of his crewmen had implied a tricky situation.
"He can't," D'Argo agreed from across the room. "He cannot abandon an ally in battle." The Luxan stood still, arms folded across his massive chest, Laighn's anchor of calm in the storm of his mother. His father was usually calm, somehow having mostly conquered his Luxan hyper rage.
Laighn had asked one time how he'd accomplished the difficult feat, but his father merely smiled sadly and said it was a tale for much, much later. He had the impression the time would never be right.
"Exactly!" he declared, grateful that somebody was on his side. "I owe them. We made a deal; they help break Rygel out of the Jivihsten Mines, and I help them on this last commission. You see… I have to do this, mother. It's a matter of honor."
"You're not IN battle yet!" Chiana cried. "Honor, honor! I'm tired of hearing about frelling honor! Honor won't keep you alive," she cried, throwing her arms in the air in exasperation. "I don't like this. You belong here, with your family. John is back, Aeryn is alive! You should know them…"
"Mother, you were younger than me when you left to go on your own," he started, only to be interrupted by his Father.
"Chiana," D'Argo spoke calmly, soothing her with his deep voice. "We have already had this argument with him six monens ago. I want him to stay too, but he's not going to. Are you."
Laighn's chest constricted at the look of painful determination on his father's face. He hated doing this to him, but there was no other way he'd be free. He HAD to go on his own. How else could he ever prove himself?
"Do you want to spend the few arns we have fighting him?"
"I promised Mia I would keep you safe." The statement was spoken quietly, with anguish. Chiana sat on a stool, defeated.
Laighn, feeling lower than the bacteria the dentics ate, went to her and gently placed his arms around her shoulders. He was hugging two women at this moment. He hated it when Chiana played the Mia card. He knew all about his heritage, and he had the added "luxury" of having two mothers and two fathers, thanks to Chiana's shared memories with Mia.
"Let me tell you about my adventure so far," he whispered. "I think you'd be proud."
"Did you kick eema?" she asked on a sniffle.
"Oh yeah, I kicked lots of eema."
D'Argo slapped his shoulder and pulled up two more stools. It seemed he was determined that, for a few arns at least, they would have a peaceful visit.
"I have a present too," Laighn said, pulling a dented gold plate from the back of his waistband with a sly smile.
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It was strange how much Tean felt at home. He'd been on Shadow for two cycles, and only on Moya for a few monens. But coming back had felt like finding a piece of himself again. He couldn't figure out why; he didn't have any strong connections here, like Sethya did. He liked the crew well enough. Who couldn't like the eclectic mixture of personalities and the way they blended together? But he wasn't part of them. Still, the monens he'd spent here had haunted him, urging him to return.
All this he contemplated as he strolled through Moya's corridors to what had been his temporary quarters during their last stay. He couldn't figure out what compulsion was leading him there, but he wanted to lie on the bed, taste the atmosphere, smell the air. He didn't have much time now, but once this reconnaissance trip was over, he planned on reclaiming his space. They would have plenty of time when they returned for him to recover from his injuries and Sethya's recent slave driving attitude.
His mind was so captured by his inner conundrum that he missed the shadow, ahead in the hall, slide across his path and lurk behind one of Moya's ribs. He didn't hear the soft intake of breath as he neared the small figure, and he didn't feel the cloud of white powder hit his face. The smell and the suffocating sting in his lungs were what finally alerted him that something was wrong.
Dizziness overtook all his senses and he felt himself stumbling sideways until his backside landed roughly against one of Moya's walls. Frell! The old witch must have ambushed him in the hallway. They'd been warned about her. What had she poisoned him with?
He felt surreal, as if he were in two places at once. He knew reality was on board Moya, in the hall with the three-eyed old hag standing next to him, whispering unintelligible nonsense in his ear. He knew it, but that seemed like it was the dream, and reality was what was staring him in the face.
"See the truth," the old woman whispered, her third eye wide open and glowing deep red. He put his fists to his eyes, trying desperately to clear his vision and to stop the stinging. It was useless.
He was in a room. It was small and cramped and dirty, roughened mortar covering the cold floors and walls. There was one door, heavy and secured by massive locks. There was no window to the outside, no blankets or carpets; there was nothing that would provide any amount of warmth or comfort.
And he was not alone in his misery. In one corner of the room huddled the small, lithe figure of Laighn. His head propped against Sethya's leg. They both looked on the edge of death. Laighn was not his usual pink color, rather a shade that made him look fully Nebari. His hair was matted and grubby, his clothes voluminous with his weight loss. He shuddered slightly, and Sethya reached out and patted his shoulder.
Sethya looked just as bad. His face was shiny and pale brown from the accumulation of dirt from the floors and walls. His hair was just as matted as Laighn's and he coughed violently. The boy's head, which was propped against Sethya's leg, shook with each wrenching hack.
"No!" Tean shouted; his arms outstretched in both realities, reaching for his brother and the boy.
"See the truth," Noranti whispered, sending small warm puffs of air over his ear. "See what will happen if you follow your course."
Laighn began gasping for air, his breathing labored. "Guard!" Sethya shouted roughly, his throat dry and scratchy. The volume barely reached Tean's ears; there was no way any person on the other side of the door heard.
"Guard!" Tean echoed his brother, his voice barely more audible than Sethya's. It must have been sufficient, though. A red and black clad Sebacean soldier entered the cell and stood just inside the entrance, arms clasped behind his back.
"What is the problem now?"
"The boy needs medical attention," Sethya rasped.
"His health is not my concern," the guard responded disdainfully.
"Your boss isn't done with us yet," Tean answered in a voice as raw as his brother's. "What do you think will happen if you let one of us die? Who will be at fault? How understanding do you think he will be?"
Inconvenienced, the guard waved behind him and two faceless soldiers appeared, pulse rifles held ready. "Get the boy to med bay two. Tell them to do what it takes to keep him alive, nothing else."
The grunts saluted crisply and hung their rifles over their shoulders with straps before stepping over to Laighn. Roughly, one grabbed the boy by the shoulders, the other grabbed his knees and together they lifted.
"NO!" Laighn shouted with all the reserved strength within him. "Not again! Let me go!" He struggled and the soldier supporting his shoulders lost his grip. Laighn crashed to the floor, the crack of his head hitting the ground echoing throughout the small room.
He was now unconscious. Without further incident, the guard picked him up once more and the two carried him from the room.
Was Laighn dead? Where were they? How did they get there? Tean's mind was jumping from one question to the next, his dizziness overwhelming as he slid against Moya's wall to the floor, huddled with his head between his knees, covered by his arms. Gently he rocked back and forth, soothing away the panic the old witch had instilled.
He was alone now, no trace of Noranti in the hall to witness his grief, his terror at what she was insinuating would happen. It wasn't true, it couldn't be. He was hallucinating, a by-product of that old woman's insanity and drugs.
He'd get up and finish his journey to his old quarters as soon as the chill left.
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Sethya stood silently in the doorway, one shoulder leaning against the frame, watching her hit the exercise bag ferociously. She'd changed the last several monens. She was thinner, leaner, but stronger. Her black hair was pulled back and bounced behind her with every jab and kick. Sweat glistened across her working muscles, a few drops trickling down the side of her face. She wore workout pants and a long lost tunic he'd given up ever recovering.
She was beautiful, and he was astounded and annoyed at his violent reaction to seeing her again. He wanted to pull her into his arms, touch her, feel her to make sure she was really here and he wasn't having another lousy dream. He knew it couldn't be a dream, though. He'd done that a thousand times, and in all of them she ran into his arms, grateful he'd returned. He should have known better.
He was being ignored.
He knew she'd be angry, and had anticipated this reaction, even if it was disappointing. It was one thing to dream a happy reunion. He was a realist. Stepping into the room, he stood behind the bag she was attacking, holding it still for her, and he thought her punches became just a little more rough.
"You've gotten better," he observed blandly. He was lousy at small talk, but he had to get her to acknowledge him. Even if she started yelling, it would be her voice washing over him.
She didn't say anything, didn't look at him, merely stopped punching the bag and relocated to the sparring mat. She stood at one end, staring at the air in front of her, waiting.
Seth watched her for a microt, realizing she was challenging him. Sighing, he kicked off his boots, stripped his jacket and removed any potentially damaging hardware he was wearing. After placing everything on a neat pile, he joined her on the mat. He was willing to let her hit him a few times, if this was what she needed to work out her anger.
She assumed a defensive position, signaling her readiness for the fight. He simply stood before her, leaving himself wide open to any attack she might choose to make. "Defend yourself!" she ordered with a hard voice.
"No," was his simple response.
Angry and frustrated, she stomped to him, shoving his chest with all her strength. He stumbled backward, but maintained his balance. "Defend yourself!" she ordered again.
"Or what, you'll push me? Oh no. Not that. It's the dreaded shove." Before he could finish his sarcastic comment, she'd twisted in front of him, grabbing his arm and lowering herself to one knee, using the momentum of his weight to carry him over her left shoulder. She had very effectively flipped him.
She stomped her foot childishly, fists at her sides, fire blazing in her eyes. "You left me!" she yelled at him. "You gave me hope, you made me think you actually cared, and then you left!"
"I do care," he said from the floor beside her feet.
"LIAR!" she yelled, which was the wrong thing to say.
Sethya's hand snapped out, grabbing her ankle and yanking, pulling her to the floor. She tried to scramble away, but Seth was too quick and too strong for her, and quickly had her pinned beneath him on the floor, her wrists held above her head by one of his hands.
She was trapped, and he made sure she looked him in the eye before stating very slowly, "Listen Princess, I have never lied to you… about anything. I may have omitted on occasion, but never lied. I know what I feel. That is why I left. For once I was trying to…" he stopped, resignation written across his features. He breathed out heavily, dropping his head before rolling off her.
He crawled to Moya's nearby wall and leaned back, his knees bent with his elbows resting on them, his head held in his hands. "I was trying to protect you from me."
"You will never physically hurt me," she said with certainty. He noted her clarification and winced. She crawled next to him and mimicked his position. Unlike him, he could tell she drew strength from the contact with Moya.
"Everyone I have ever loved has died because of my actions."
"Tean," she reminded him.
He chose to ignore her. He'd finally gotten the nerve to talk, and he wasn't going to let himself get diverted. If he stopped now, he might never get the chance again. "You know I was conscripted when I was ten." He glanced at her out of the corner of his eyes and saw her nod. "The morning the recruiters came, I panicked. I didn't want to go, so I took Tean and hid us by a nearby stream in our secret place. I thought if they couldn't find me, they'd go away and we could stay home.
"They thought my parents were lying when they said they didn't know where we were, so they shot them and then came looking for us." He heard her sharp intake of breath, but continued on, trying to cover the pain of the memory with bald facts. "My spot wasn't as secret as I'd thought. It only took them 300 microts to find us. Three arns later we were on a command carrier, assigned to our regiments."
He felt her fingers brush his arm, and he grasped her hand between his, pulling it to his stomach and holding it there. It was a small comfort, and he would take anything she would give him right now. The next part of his story only got worse, and reliving it… telling it, admitting his guilt and failure was torture. Staring straight ahead, he swallowed and continued.
"Skip ahead 13 cycles. I am now assigned to the best Maurader crew in the fleet, led by the greatest captain to ever make rank. He taught me how to be a soldier, be the best. I was trained to fight and to kill without remorse, and I became very, very good at my job. You've seen how good. Degjorba was a genius, a deity when it came to leading and inspiring his team. He continually took us into impossible situations and led us back out again. We never lost a member.
"He only had one weakness. He had a fetish for very young, unwilling cadets. In fact, the more they fought, the greater time he had. No one knew this, though, because the cadets were always too scared or intimidated to say anything. Until one night a beautiful, blonde, fourteen-cycle-old came to me beaten, crying."
He had to stop for a moment. He was no longer sitting on the floor of Moya, but in his quarters, holding a young woman in his arms as she sobbed, broken in spirit. "She wouldn't tell me who, I think she knew then what I would have done. So I convinced her to file a report. I promised her I would use every connection I had, that I would take care of everything.
"The report mysteriously disappeared and two solar days later, the cadet managed to crash her prowler on a routine training mission. Evidently, she landed incorrectly. It didn't matter that she'd already been flying them for six monens and had been assisting the younger ones. It had been her own negligence.
"Surprisingly, the report surfaced. But since Eihyeth wasn't present to substantiate her claim, and since she'd obviously been such a poor cadet, the allegations were false and all charges dismissed." He waited for a reaction from Brennik but she was silent and still. He was unwilling to look at her, to see in her eyes what she was thinking, so he continued with his story.
"So Tean and I took matters into our own hands. He retrieved a copy of the report. That night, Degjorba died. I waited until he had picked his latest cadet, waited until the screams could be heard from the hallway and moved in." He paused his monologue, wishing he could end there, but he knew the entire story needed to be told now. There was no way he ever wanted to repeat this again.
"I pulled him off the girl and held the pistol to his left temple. Then I looked into his eyes and listened to him offer me a turn at her, listened to him beg me not to pull the trigger, listened to him tell me I was a son to him. That was when I squeezed my finger and watched the blast rip through his skull. I almost didn't do it. I almost walked out of there and let him finish for the night. If he hadn't called me his son, he might have survived.
"He had reminded me of my real father and mother. Eihyeth had been an exact replica of our mother. She smiled just like her and laughed in the same way. They were both so beautiful. She had the same love of life Tean does." His voice broke on a sob and he stopped. He couldn't continue yet.
Brennik sat with him, quietly letting him pull himself together. Finally, she spoke. "So, you killed your mentor to avenge your sister." She'd spoken softly, soothingly.
"I killed my captain out of revenge. Don't romanticize it Brennik. It was murder."
"So now you want to die." Sethya couldn't tell what she was thinking or feeling by the tonelessness of her voice.
"Murder is murder Brennik. It doesn't matter how you dress it. I didn't kill him to gain justice for all those children; I didn't do it to save Jhanel. I killed him because he hurt my baby sister. It was revenge. According to the law, I deserve to be executed. The universe would be a much safer place without me in it."
"If you believe that, why did you escape?" she challenged.
"Because that idiot brother of mine broke me out, and it was either go with him or watch him hang for trying to save me."
"So you go around with a death wish because you think it'll somehow redeem you? What happened to 'without remorse'?"
"You've never killed anything by your own volition, Brennik. When I was working under orders, it was just that- under orders. At that moment, I was the one who decided his life wasn't worth living anymore. After you have made the same decision, then you can tell me how to feel."
The training bay was oppressively silent. He heard her breathing; in, out, in hitch, out. Frell. She was crying. He didn't know how to handle this. Then he realized tears were streaming down his own face. "I'm sorry," he whispered.
"No, you're right. I can never understand how you feel. I've never been there."
"I hope you never are. That's why I left. If I stay with you, someday you will die because of me. If you go with me, you will have to decide whose lives are worth living and whose aren't." He let go of her hand, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her close to him. Her head rested on his chest, and he tried to control his labored breathing. "You are… innocent, pure, and I love that about you. I don't want to be responsible for tearing that away."
Her arms circled his waist and she pulled herself closer to him. He felt her chest hitch again in her efforts to hide her tears. "So why did you come back?"
"Because I'm a selfish bastard who can't do the right thing." He leaned over and softly kissed the top of her head. He had her in his arms, and for the first time in cycles his soul felt at rest. He closed his eyes and wished he could stay there forever. But he couldn't. He had a meeting with Gweer in 27 arns.
"Tell me you're staying this time."
"I can't, Princess."
She ripped herself from his side, storming towards the door, but he was only a step behind her. "Brennik, wait." She ignored him, so he grabbed her arm, ducking barely in time to miss the fist aimed at his eye. Her momentum threw her into him, and he stood with his arms around her hips, lifting her over his left shoulder.
"Put me down, you frelling drannit!" she hollered, kicking and beating his back with her fists.
He carried her to one of Moya's walls and set her down, trapping her between his body and the ship. He laced his fingers in her hair before placing one hand on either side of her face, forcing her to look at him. Her eyes were wide and filled with pain. Tears pooled at the edges and he was sure that it was only by sheer willpower that the moisture didn't escape and trail down her face.
He spoke slowly, clearly, so there would be absolutely no mistake of his intent. "I am coming back." He searched her eyes, trying to judge if she believed him or not. "I can't function without you, Princess. I forget how to breath, and I am selfish enough to be unwilling to live without you. I will be back."
"Don't go."
He sighed, the pain in her voice ripping out his heart. This was beginning to sound like their last fateful conversation. "If I could stay, I would. If I could take you, I would. But this is bigger than just me. It involves the confidences and lives of several people. I have to follow through with the plan exactly the way it was set up. Give me four solar days. That's all I need."
She cleared her throat and glanced down. "What happens if you come back?"
He ducked his face into her line of sight, making eye contact. "I don't know what we'll do when I come back. Whatever it is, we'll do it together."
"Do you mean it?"
"Yes, I mean it. I've never lied to you."
"Promise me."
"I promise on the memory of Eihyeth that I will return, and that I will never leave you again." Her tears finally spilled over and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her against his chest tightly. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry that I hurt you."
She pulled back slightly, looking him in the eyes as she sniffled. "Keep your promise and I might forgive you."
He couldn't believe what he was seeing. Her mouth was curved into a watery half smile. She was teasing him. Unable to hold back, he leaned forward and gently kissed the small, intriguing smile. His lips touched hers and rest of the universe disappeared. She was more intoxicating than any of the drinks he'd tried to forget with.
Pulling back, he searched her eyes, trying to tell her what words would not express. The tears were gone, and she was searching him with an intensity that made him feel incredibly strong while sapping all the strength from his limbs. Her arms encircled his neck, and she pulled his head slowly closer to hers. Her lips were parted and her gaze had shifted to his mouth.
Did she know what she was doing to him? He felt lightheaded, and ruefully admitted to himself that it was probably from the sudden loss of blood in his brain. Agonizingly slowly, she pulled him closer, trailing her lower lip through her teeth. Her eyes closed only a microt before her mouth met his. Then the world began to spin.
His left arm braced them with an iron grip around her waist, giving her no room to pull back and cinching her hips to his. The other snaked upward, allowing his hand to grab a fistful of her soft, damp hair. "I love you," he whispered. "You're mine."
"Promise?" she asked as he nuzzled her neck, her fingers raking his hair.
"Forever."
She grabbed his face with both hands and pulled him away from her neck, forcing him to meet her eyes. "I love you too. All of you."
How could she? How could she still love him after everything he'd told her, admitted the heinous things he'd done? He wanted to tell her she was wrong, that she didn't understand what she was saying, but he looked into her eyes and knew she wasn't lying. She wasn't saying what she thought he needed to hear. She loved him.
She had witnessed his dark side first hand, heard his failures, and loved him anyway. It was terrifying and liberating all once. She believed in him. Could he measure up? It didn't matter, though. He couldn't live without her if he wanted to.
His mouth clamped down on hers, and for an eternity the world was just the two of them living for each other, silently promising to always cherish each other. His knees lost their strength and slowly, they descended to the floor. "I want you," he whispered, his desperation embarrassingly obvious.
"My quarters are pretty close," she returned.
He was tempted. Her hips were wiggling against his, and her fingernails were raking his back as her tongue experimented with its newfound power. Damn, she was making this hard… in more ways than one. But he didn't want it to be like this, and for once in his life he was going to exert some self control.
Pulling away, he frantically gasped for breath, his forehead against hers, his hands trailing designs over her back. "Not like this. Not rushed. We'll have plenty of time when I get back." He felt her nod in agreement just before her lips found his again and all will power disintegrated. "How close did you say your quarters were?" he asked weakly when she stopped to nuzzle his neck, sending shockwaves throughout his body.
She pointed toward the door with a shaky hand. "Down the hall."
With monumental effort, he dragged himself to his feet, pulling her with him. He wasn't sure he could make it that far, his legs were pretty weak, but there was no way he was staying in the training bay where anyone could walk in on them.
He stopped to kiss her one more time, which was a mistake because he instantly wanted to sink to his knees again. But before his legs collapsed, Brennik jumped into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. All proper parts were perfectly aligned. A sudden insurgence of adrenaline kept him standing, and he headed for the door, hampered by her distracting teeth nibbling at his ear.
"Brennik," annoyingly floated from the somewhere other than him.
"Ignore it," she whispered.
"Brennik, if you can hear me, Dad is headed your way. Since the boys have to leave in a couple of arns, Mom set up a huge banquet for them."
"Frell," she swore.
"We can't," he said. "Daddy's on his way."
He felt her giggle against his neck. Her giggles turned to chuckles which turned to chortles. Her laughter was infectious, and even he was seeing the awful humor behind the situation, and long unused chuckles escaped from his own throat.
"I'm going to be sore for days after this, you realize that," which only caused her to laugh even harder. She'd fallen from his arms and was now doubled over beside him.
"So am I," she said wiping a tear away. "Wanna go take a cold shower together?"
He rolled his eyes, unable to wipe the smile from his face. He was frustrated and hurting, but he was happy. "Wouldn't that defeat the purpose?"
"Either way, the problem would be solved."
"Let's go, before I let you seduce me again."
"Me?!? You were doing all the seducing, pal. I couldn't put two coherent thoughts together during all that."
He pulled her into his arms once last time, caressing her cheek softly with the back of his knuckles. "Neither could I, Princess."
He saw her gulp before she turned away. "Let's go eat. For some weird reason, I worked up an appetite."
"Let me get my equipment first. Hold on." He went to his pile of clothing and strapped his holster on his hips, threw his jacket over his shoulder topped by his boots. The laces had been tied together and a boot hung on each side. "All right, let's go."
He kissed her one more time before lacing his fingers into hers, and together they headed for the Center Chamber, uncaring of who saw them.
---------------------------------------
The room had a festive atmosphere to it. Everyone was present, including Pilot who participated in the proceedings through the clamshell. Everyone was in high spirits, and everyone was determined to make this a happy occasion. Colorful, aromatic food covered the oval shaped table, almost overflowing and crowding out those for whom it was intended. Plates were full and laughter abounded in the room.
Sethya sat back in his chair, one arm resting on the back of Brennik's, as he listened to Aeric tell the group the story of what happened when he and John were pulled through a wormhole.
John was sitting next to Aeryn, across from Sethya and Brennik and he watched them covertly, envying them their easy closeness. He knew they'd been separated for many cycles, yet their love seemed to be stronger than ever. John absently reached out and softly caressed Aeryn's stomach, almost, it seemed, without realizing he was doing it as he listened to his son relate their tale. Her hand covered his and the connection was nearly palpable.
Sethya sighed. Would he and Brennik ever reach that point where the misunderstandings would be gone? He wanted the same closeness for them, the same closeness his own parents had. Her hand rested on his knee, and he absently started twirling her hair through his fingers. At least he had this much, which was far more than he'd ever hoped for.
"… and that's when a Peacekeeper soldier goes walking by!" Aeric was saying. John placed his elbows on the table and covered his eyes as the laughter flowed.
"You couldn't hold anything back, now could you?" he asked in feigned frustration.
"Hey, I was the one standing up there with my mivonks hanging out; I don't know what YOU'RE all embarrassed about."
More laughter erupted and Tean, enjoying the moment, shoved more food in his mouth. They didn't get rations like this very often on Shadow, and even if everyone else was only pretending to eat, he wasn't going to let his chance go to waste. Especially if that old witch's powder had been telling the truth-
Stop it he told himself. It had simply been a bad trip, caused by his own concerns and paranoia. Sethya and he were professionals, and Laighn had more than proven himself worthy of the assignment. In, out, and they would return home to Moya. Strange how that's how it felt now. He hadn't had a home since he was eight cycles old, and now he was sitting amongst those he was beginning to consider family.
That thought was a touch uncomfortable. It might cramp his style, and the next thing he knew, he'd be as soft hearted as Sethya. He shuddered. Surely never.
"…So I'm running down the hallway, pulse blasts firing behind me, I can't see dren behind me…"
"Watch your mouth," John and Aeryn said in unison, which only caused everyone to laugh again.
Laighn really liked this boy. He was brave, had the heart of a warrior, like his own father. He was sitting between Chiana and D'Argo, enjoying the tale, enjoying the food, and finding that he was wishing he didn't have to leave.
That wasn't good. He couldn't stay in his own comfort zone. How easy it would be to let his mother and father take care of everything. He also knew that he would never have any self respect if he were to let that happen.
But this was home and here was the legendary John Crichton that he'd heard countless tales of from his parents as he grew up. Here was Aeryn, the warrior and their two children whom he desperately wished he could get to know.
Maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing to return with his crewmen after this commission. If they made it through this alive, he would have more than earned his own way and proven himself. How many people could say they've infiltrated a command carrier and lived?
"…All of them were taken care of. Dad had managed to incapacitate every single one of them…" Aeric was saying, deep pride in his voice.
Yes, after they came back, he would stay a while. Even warriors needed a rest and a home.
-----------------------------------------
"Remember Pilot, four solar days, at these coordinates." He sat on Pilot's console, nearing the end of a brief visit to say good bye. He didn't know what compelled him to come here in the first place, but it seemed he'd been doing a lot of things out of character lately.
"Yes, Tean. Moya has the coordinates. We will be there."
"Thank her for me."
"She sends her regards and her wishes for your safe return, and asks you to take care of Shedya. She… and I, ask you to bring him back safely."
"I'll do my best. We all want to come home."
"I will come and help," D'Argo was saying. Now that the time to depart had arrived, he was reluctant to let go. "Lo'La will triple your firepower. You can use all the help you can get."
"No father. I don't know much about the situation, but I do know that the plans were intricate and have to be followed exactly. It's not just the three of us," he reassured him. "There are others involved, and someone as infamous as you showing up will blow all their plans to hezmana."
"I don't like this."
"I know," he said quietly. "But trust me enough to let me do it." There was a long moment of quiet as D'Argo, hand on his son's shoulder, searched Laighn's eyes.
"I do trust you, son. I just want to protect you."
"You do," Laighn said lightly, more lightly than he felt. "Every time I use the whip you made me."
"You always did want to be a Luxan," he responded on a chuckle.
"Who else can say they're half Nebari, half Sebacean, half Luxan. I'm undefeatable!"
"Remember that!" Chiana ordered, hugging him tightly before kissing him on the cheek. "We're all proud of you. But… but come back."
"Four solar days mother. That's what they said," he assured before kissing her cheek and turning to Shadow. He didn't look back as he walked up the ramp. He was too afraid he'd run back to her arms and not leave.
This was it. This was the moment he never wanted to relive. He was leaving all over again. She had come with him to the maintenance bay to see him off. It reminded him of the last time they'd stood here, and he was half afraid she'd be snatched from him again. This time, his arms were around her, though, giving no room for Tean or invisible rays to grab her.
"We always seem to be saying good-bye," she said, her words muffled by his chest.
"This isn't good-bye, it's see you later."
"Four solar days."
"Yes."
"You promised."
"Yes Princess, I promise."
Tean and Laighn were already on board, waiting for him. The area was empty, everyone already having left. They were alone. Silently, he thanked John and Aeryn for their tact and then pushed all thoughts of them aside as his head leaned forward. He pulled her head back and touched her lips softly with his own.
The kiss was slow, sweet… tender. "Four solar days," he whispered against her lips.
"I'll be waiting," she whispered back.
He turned and ran up the ramp, tearing himself away for last time. "Four solar days," he promised himself, "and this frelling nightmare will be over."
The click of Shadow's door closing was final, and with the feel of her lifting off, he desperately tried to focus on the mission before him.