Buffy POV
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He doesn't touch me anymore. I want him to so bad. I want him to take me in
his arms to hold me, kiss me to tell me it will be okay that he'll make it
all better yeah that's what I want. He thinks I don't know what he's thinks
that I can't read him like a book but I can. He's afraid to do those things
though I know he wants to. He was to make me listen to him to make me stop
doing drugs. He wants me to make him stop wanting Willow. He's afraid to do
it though because he thinks I'll tell him that I know what he does when I
am not around. He's afraid that he won't be strong enough to handle it. I
maybe I would.
Willow doesn't came near me anymore and if she happens to be stuck in the same room with me she puts on her sickly sweet smiles and pretends to be the same girl I loved like my sister all those years ago. I wan to wrap my fingers around her long thin neck and choke her until her eyes roll back in her head until her skin turns blue. I want to hear her beg for mercy for forgiveness for everything and anything to help her but there will be not help for her. I burn to hurt them both every time I smell their sent intertwined. And as soon as I smell it I want to escape to get lost in my high in a world where people don't hurt or bleed to cry where there is no heart break or loss and I can have all of that with on press of a need. Every now and then I think I am strong enough to stop and I do for days sometimes even weeks. It damn hard but I do it. And then I smell them again and it drives me right back to it. And some days I think I should leave him to go away be because I am infinitely less strong when he's never it is as though all my strength. My self worth my resolve they all fly out of the window when he's in any proximity to me. I just can't bring myself to do it. I don't think I could ever be strong enough to live without him. Some day I may leave and never come back but right now my love won't let me leave. Love it burns you right to the bone and them turns the bone to ash and every time he's near me. I begin to burn. I burn for him for all the things we use to be for all the things we could be again. I begged for this normal life for the chance to be that girl I always wanted to be and know I am that girl and I am too weak to face it. It's funny how what you thought you wanted can turn into your worse nightmare without warning. I rather fight for my life then fight for love atleast when I fight for m y life it's win or lose there's no gray matter no middle ground. When you fight for love there's no winning you lose either way if I stay I am a fool if I go I am weak there's no winning this. The sad part is I'd give my soul for him I'd die I'd burn I'd bleed I'd kill and can't even get him to give me his attention. I don't like to admit that to anyone, not even my self because if I so much as think about it I feel as though my world is crumbling down on my shoes. And the one person who is suppose to carry me from the rubble is creating it
So what do you do when the way that's suppose to help you stop crying is the one who made you cry to start with? How do you deal with that how do you fix it?
Willow doesn't came near me anymore and if she happens to be stuck in the same room with me she puts on her sickly sweet smiles and pretends to be the same girl I loved like my sister all those years ago. I wan to wrap my fingers around her long thin neck and choke her until her eyes roll back in her head until her skin turns blue. I want to hear her beg for mercy for forgiveness for everything and anything to help her but there will be not help for her. I burn to hurt them both every time I smell their sent intertwined. And as soon as I smell it I want to escape to get lost in my high in a world where people don't hurt or bleed to cry where there is no heart break or loss and I can have all of that with on press of a need. Every now and then I think I am strong enough to stop and I do for days sometimes even weeks. It damn hard but I do it. And then I smell them again and it drives me right back to it. And some days I think I should leave him to go away be because I am infinitely less strong when he's never it is as though all my strength. My self worth my resolve they all fly out of the window when he's in any proximity to me. I just can't bring myself to do it. I don't think I could ever be strong enough to live without him. Some day I may leave and never come back but right now my love won't let me leave. Love it burns you right to the bone and them turns the bone to ash and every time he's near me. I begin to burn. I burn for him for all the things we use to be for all the things we could be again. I begged for this normal life for the chance to be that girl I always wanted to be and know I am that girl and I am too weak to face it. It's funny how what you thought you wanted can turn into your worse nightmare without warning. I rather fight for my life then fight for love atleast when I fight for m y life it's win or lose there's no gray matter no middle ground. When you fight for love there's no winning you lose either way if I stay I am a fool if I go I am weak there's no winning this. The sad part is I'd give my soul for him I'd die I'd burn I'd bleed I'd kill and can't even get him to give me his attention. I don't like to admit that to anyone, not even my self because if I so much as think about it I feel as though my world is crumbling down on my shoes. And the one person who is suppose to carry me from the rubble is creating it
So what do you do when the way that's suppose to help you stop crying is the one who made you cry to start with? How do you deal with that how do you fix it?